Your opinions on dude

[phynestone]

Okay, so I've met an awesome guy in one of my classes. He's highly intelligent, has a great personality and is so nice. He makes everyone feel like they are special whenever he engages you in conversation. We've been corresponding a little bit and I really like him. I don't know if he's just trying to be nice or if he's actually interested and is trying to play it cool. But I've noticed that he pays attention to everything I say and do. I don't want to mess things up and I've been praying about it. I know it may sound weird to some of you, but I am just amazed by this guy. And even when I happen to overhear the conversations he has with others, it shocks me with the amount of stuff we have in common.

I'm trying to play it cool and not be aggressive, overly analytical or super sensitive about things like I have in the past and things didn't work out with the guy for whatever reason.

What say you? So far we've exchanged numbers and I've suggested we should hang out sometime, but that's it. We're both grad students.


He asked me for my number.

I've suggested we hang out sometime, but I haven't brought it up since. And now he likes to give me hugs every time he sees me, after alluding to some attraction to me. Long story.

I've had a habit of pursuing guys, so I'm trying not to do that now. Giving them all their space now. Over the Thanksgiving holiday after he asked for my number, I called him. He didn't answer, so a few days later (4 days actually) and I decided to text him. Nothing serious, just saying hi and wishing him a good holiday. He texts back the next day and I didn't respond. When I saw him a week later, I kept my distance b/c I was afraid I came off as a little thirsty, but he approached me and wanted to know why I didn't respond. I told him I was busy studying for finals.
I'm going to add to this story just a bit. We talked later that same day and he told me he just wanted to get me alone and give me a nice long hug.

I got up after that and he texts me the next day, apologizing for saying that. I waited a few hours later and decided to call him. (I told him the day before that I prefer phone calls to text messages. Texting makes men lazy, but it's okay once you've been "official" for a while) Anyway, he picks up, even though he was at work and chats with me for a bit. I told him that even though his comment was out of line, I appreciated the apology and that I was over it. He tells me that I told him that he can be honest with me and then his voice changed (he sounded down) and said that's why he doesn't joke around with people very often because his comments are misconstrued. He needed to go and I told him he could call me later that day and he said he would. He didn't. And he didn't call me the next day. It is now Sunday and I still haven't heard from him, so I won't sweat it. I would like to date other guys, but I really don't get approached very often. Looks and stares definitely, but nothing else. I don't think I'm ugly. I don't dress inappropriately, I spend time in quality venues - museums, nice lounges, stores, etc. - but I guess it's just not my time. Oh well.

 

[hopeful]

I think he may be full of it. Asking for your number but never asking you out is odd. And all the hugging is weird IMO. Not calling you back wasn't nice. I would lose his number, treat him like everyone else in class, and see what happens. The ball is in his court. It's up to him to call you and ask you out if he's interested. If he doesn't call and ask you out then he's not interested and/or he's just a flirt.

 

[Poohbear]

Sounds like a playa to me.

 

[cheetarah1980]

He just sounds like a natural flirt. No need to call or text him anymore. If he reaches out to you, then fine. But even though you don't think you're doing a lot you still did too much. No worries. Men are like buses.

 

[MD_Lady]

IMO, he sounds like a nice guy who might be a little on the awkward side. There are plenty of reasons (positive, negative, and neutral) why he might not have taken you up on your offer to hang out. That aside, it's on him now to call you back. If he does and you all have a nice conversation (and possibly make plans to get together), great. If he doesn't, I think your decision not to sweat it is a good move.

 

[TayMac]

He sounds like a dude with weak game. I've also found that certain guys will say suggestive things to see if you are the type that is receptive to that.


Don't totally write him off but don't get your hopes up either.

 

[RossBoss]

I've had a habit of pursuing guys, so I'm trying not to do that now. Giving them all their space now. Over the Thanksgiving holiday after he asked for my number, I called him. He didn't answer, so a few days later (4 days actually) and I decided to text him. Nothing serious, just saying hi and wishing him a good holiday. He texts back the next day and I didn't respond. When I saw him a week later, I kept my distance b/c I was afraid I came off as a little thirsty, but he approached me and wanted to know why I didn't respond. I told him I was busy studying for finals.
I'm going to add to this story just a bit. We talked later that same day and he told me he just wanted to get me alone and give me a nice long hug.

I got up after that and he texts me the next day, apologizing for saying that. I waited a few hours later and decided to call him. (I told him the day before that I prefer phone calls to text messages. Texting makes men lazy, but it's okay once you've been "official" for a while) Anyway, he picks up, even though he was at work and chats with me for a bit. I told him that even though his comment was out of line, I appreciated the apology and that I was over it. He tells me that I told him that he can be honest with me and then his voice changed (he sounded down) and said that's why he doesn't joke around with people very often because his comments are misconstrued. He needed to go and I told him he could call me later that day and he said he would.

This probably did it for him. He was trying to flirt with you when he spoke about getting you alone for a nice hug, you got offended, so he basically thinks you are a prude. Some women would be turned on by it, some wouldn't, you are in the latter so I guess he feels you are not into him.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Give the dude a bit of space.A bit of the cold shoulder..I would say this but Im a bit different do you..let him know you like him or that you want to get to know him..and if he doesn't take you up from there deuces to him

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

drop da bama. game know game chile...even though his is a little weak, you're not really interested in him like that..he's intriguing to you and that is what you are turned on by because you said he makes you feel special. at the end of the day every girl wants a guy that makes her feel "special".

well shuga, pump ya breaks cuz mista special got some shyt wif him. he knows ur interested in you, so he wants to play this game and put you on an emotional rollercoaster ride and have you sweatin him and it's working cuz you're writing about it in this thread.

rule numba one. you're young. NEVER pursue a man, in this manner. it's unbecoming and after a while, these men will have you like a puppet on a string doing silly stuff. he's really not interested in you, but for him, he wants to see just how long he can carry you. a man will only do what you allow.

flip da scrip and do unto him as he has done unto you. it's real simple. when he calls you, wait a few days before returning his call. when you speak to him, keep it brief and make sure u end da convo. say something like (interrupt him) and say, oh, I'd love to keep talking to you, but I have to go now. i'll talk to you later. or, you can do da real playa move. when he calls you, wait a few days later and TEXT him back n say..."you called...wassup"?

in da long run, you'll lose interest. trust me on this one. he got too much game with him and if you keep going like you are, he'll hurt you. he's not worth it.

 

[MissJ]

Girl, you gave him your phone number, and he still has not asked you out. That should tell you where you lie in his priorities. He sounds like a player to me. Don't get caught up by his charm.

 

[MissJ]

This probably did it for him. He was trying to flirt with you when he spoke about getting you alone for a nice hug, you got offended, so he basically thinks you are a prude. Some women would be turned on by it, some wouldn't, you are in the latter so I guess he feels you are not into him.

He doesn't need to touch her. He wants a hug and everything else, too, and he's not even that into her. Don't fall for it, OP. There was a guy at my law school who was just like this. He said he owed me a hug for being his witness at trial , was a huge flirt, and when he did finally get me alone, he hugged me and tried other things, too. He's testing the waters with you and probably a bunch of other girls at the same time.

If he wanted to flirt with her and show her that he liked her, he could have called her up and asked her out on a proper date. Don't lower your standards for what you perceive him to be. You do not know this guy yet, and what he really is could be a total turn-off.

 

[MissJ]

Give the dude a bit of space.A bit of the cold shoulder..I would say this but Im a bit different do you..let him know you like him or that you want to get to know him..and if he doesn't take you up from there deuces to him

She already let him know she likes him by giving him her number and suggesting they get together.

phynestone, I remember you posting about a guy who played you about 2 years ago. Don't let this guy get the best of you, too. He doesn't seem to be up to any good.

 

[ThickHair]

Give the dude a bit of space.A bit of the cold shoulder..I would say this but Im a bit different do you..let him know you like him or that you want to get to know him..and if he doesn't take you up from there deuces to him

Girl, you gave him your phone number, and he still has not asked you out. That should tell you where you lie in his priorities. He sounds like a player to me. Don't get caught up by his charm.

ITA

Also, stop all the texting. You texted him a few times and he didn't respond and then he texted you and you tell him to stop texting and calling because texting is lazy. Excuse me Miss, you started all of the texting mess and then flipped the script.

Texting is not good for budding relationships. Also, do not have conversations via text.

 

[ambergirl]

Hmmm....I think that's a wrap. Odd behavior on both of your parts. He's either a playa or confused.

 

[ppp422]

He makes everyone feel like they are special whenever he engages you in conversation.

For this reason I would say don't pursue this. He makes "everyone feel special" so then you are not his number one priority. And from his not calling you back but mad you didn't text back games, it seems like he is already doing too much. I think you gave it an honest shot without looking desperate. You were open, but he just isn't up to par.

 

[MzLady78]

For this reason I would say don't pursue this. He makes "everyone feel special" so then you are not his number one priority. And from his not calling you back but mad you didn't text back games, it seems like he is already doing too much. I think you gave it an honest shot without looking desperate. You were open, but he just isn't up to par.

Exactly. I don't want someone who makes *everyone* feel special, I want someone who makes *me* feel special.

 

[gabulldawg]

He's just not that into you. Hate to be blunt, but if he wanted to be with you he would have asked you out by now. Like others have said, he sounds like a flirt/playa who probably enjoys getting women hot and bothered. erplexed

 

[carcajada]

IMO, Guys who are bug huggers are over sexed/sexual. I've seen guys like this and they are turned out to be sex crazed freaks.

 

[Moonpie8]

He sounds gay to me and .. he is just torn and doesnt know if he wants to be gay or straight

 

[phynestone]

Perhaps I should have updated this thread. I'm totally over the situation now. Thanks for the input.

Moonpie - I just laughed at your post. I know you were serious, but it was so funny to me!

He could be gay. That is a possibility.

 

[Theo]

Perhaps I should have updated this thread. I'm totally over the situation now. Thanks for the input.

Moonpie - I just laughed at your post. I know you were serious, but it was so funny to me!

He could be gay. That is a possibility.

That's good. I've been in situations like that before, and I think you handled it well.

He's probably going to come moseying back around you sometime in the near future. I think guys like that just like to feel like they're keeping a finger in as many pies as possible.