You weren't meant to have long hair (long)

[Cooyah]

ok so I know we have alot of these threads all the time but it happened to me last night and I was hurt to say the least.

so i moved to this US this week for school and mummy flew up yesterday to help me move into my place and she sees all of my supplements (Multivit, B5 vit, Biotin, MSM and a few others) and asks what they are for, so I tell her i'm not only trying to get healthy but grow my hair out as well and I thought that was the end of it. So we're sitting at the table and she tells me I need a relaxer because my hair nappy, so i explain to her that i'm stretching my relaxer until April to give it time to thrive and she point blank tells me that my hair looks ugly and I was not meant to have long hair so I need to find a hair stylist and just get them to cut it and just maintain that style. She goes on to say that she was reading in Essence (or Ebony or Jet can't remember) Magazine that black women weren't meant to grow hair like white women and we just need to maintain our hair in short styles, wash our faces and sleep on satin pillowcases. I just looked at her and shook my head.

she's my mum, i love her but now i HAVE to prove her wrong, ya know wot I mean? She has below shoulder length hair and loves to flaunt how healthy her hair is and blah blah blah but the tells me I just don't have it in me to grow hair, I was pissed, still am sort of but I realise that I was in the same place before finding Robin's hair site or LHCF, i showed her the site when I found it and she thinks that EVERYONE'S hair is weave on here to try and sell people something. I'm done with my rant and you ladies are the only one's who will understand. thanks for letting me vent.

cia

 

[HoneyDew]

I know that made you feel bad, but girl just do your thang!!

I don't even talk to people about my hair growth goals because I don't want to hear crap like that.

But, then when your hair starts to flourish before their eyes, and they make comments and start looking like this you will feel good.

My hair is not even close to being long, but I have made so much noticable progress as far as the health of my hair that my family has taken notice and even want to get in on my secrets.

Just keep your head up and keep up the good work!!!

 

[kreeme]

Girl I cannot believe your mom said that! Goodness. That must have irritated you. See, that's why we can't tell everybody about our journey. People always wanna hold you back and make you feel stupid about what you are trying to accomplish. I only tell my mom bits and pieces about what I am doing. She would pass out if she knew I washed my hair every other day. Matter fact, she would really look at me like I was crazy if she saw all of the hair products I have up in that house. She would think I robbed the BSS. Anyway, back to your problem...ignore the comments. All you gotta do now is stay focused and show her better than you can tell her. That's what I do whenever I get the negative comments from my girlfriend that I let in on my secret. I always say, "okay girl, you'll see in a few months" and that always shuts her up.

 

[Dark&Lovley]

Girl don't let anyone deter you of your quest for long hair & You know we here we understand you and we got your back! Right Ladies

 

[Phoenix]

Cooyah, that's messed up. I agree with HoneyDew, I don't even tell people my hair goals anymore. I've gotten one too many rude responses. I say, just let the results speak for themselves. Actually, it's sad that black women are so misinformed about our hair.

 

[bluediamond0829]

not trying to talk against ur mom but by some of those comments she made that would make me think that she doesnt want u to have hair longer than hers....or that she is envious of people with longer hair than hers...by her calling everyones hair a weave....man just imagine if she wouldve seen some of the ladies on LHCF that have BSL and longer hair...you just keep doing ur thing and dont get discouraged...you have to prove people wrong on any and everything you do...im sorry that that had to come from ur mom..because if anything i wouldve been more hurt than mad by what she said...and would expect it more so from a stranger or someone who didnt knw me..

another idea is maybe u should put ur vitamins away...i knw i had that issue with these two guys that i was dealing with and would talk to off and on with because i was taking the HF37 and plus some other vitamins when they happen to see those vitamins because to some people thats not what they call "normal" to be taking alot of vitamins for health wise(hair, nails, skin)

 

[kreeme]

bludiamond...you got a point there. Making the comments about weave and all. I had to show my girlfriend the pictures from last weekends meeting. She had her mouth open when she saw all the ladies with REAL long hair and not weave. She had to throw something negative in there of course. She was like, "well they probably had good hair to begin with!" I'm like, girl you are just so determined to not believe, huh? This is coming from a girl who HAD nice long thick hair and decided she was going to slap a perm in her hair a week after she got it colored because she couldn't wait and it all fell out, she cried for a week straight. Now she sports a short Halle Berry cut...talking about she likes it that way. This is the same girl who was in the salon on a weekly basis getting her hair done. So the way I see it, she's envious of all the girls with long hair.

 

[Suri]

hey cooyah don't worry bout that. you have plenty to get you ready for your hair growth goals. just remember everything you learn here including hair love even when it's not where you want it to be. we are definitely here to support your hair goals. don't worry about ur mother, she doesn't know about this troop we have here . keep doing what you are doing, you'll surprise um all!!!!!

 

[Miss*Tress]

Sometimes friends and family aren't all that supportive especially when we have what they think is "frivolous" goal. Don't feel discouraged and remember that LHCF is here. I don't talk about my hair anywhere besides the board and at the salon.

Keep the faith, mi sistren.

 

[SparklingFlame]

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am really sorry to hear about that. I know it hurts when the people you love don't understand what you are doing, especially if its a goal you are trying to reach. I agree with Honeydew. Just keep it all between folks like us or others you may know who will support you and not call you a fool for wanting long hair. Black people are a trip to say the least. What is it about us that makes us believe that we can't grow long hair???

Anyways, keep doing what you are doing and when people say stupid things to hurt you, you can always come back here to re-feul and keep yourself moving towards your goals. BTW, what part of the lowcountry did you move to?

 

[Blackbird77]

ok so I know we have alot of these threads all the time but it happened to me last night and I was hurt to say the least.

so i moved to this US this week for school and mummy flew up yesterday to help me move into my place and she sees all of my supplements (Multivit, B5 vit, Biotin, MSM and a few others) and asks what they are for, so I tell her i'm not only trying to get healthy but grow my hair out as well and I thought that was the end of it. So we're sitting at the table and she tells me I need a relaxer because my hair nappy, so i explain to her that i'm stretching my relaxer until April to give it time to thrive and she point blank tells me that my hair looks ugly and I was not meant to have long hair so I need to find a hair stylist and just get them to cut it and just maintain that style. She goes on to say that she was reading in Essence (or Ebony or Jet can't remember) Magazine that black women weren't meant to grow hair like white women and we just need to maintain our hair in short styles, wash our faces and sleep on satin pillowcases. I just looked at her and shook my head.

she's my mum, i love her but now i HAVE to prove her wrong, ya know wot I mean? She has below shoulder length hair and loves to flaunt how healthy her hair is and blah blah blah but the tells me I just don't have it in me to grow hair, I was pissed, still am sort of but I realise that I was in the same place before finding Robin's hair site or LHCF, i showed her the site when I found it and she thinks that EVERYONE'S hair is weave on here to try and sell people something. I'm done with my rant and you ladies are the only one's who will understand. thanks for letting me vent.

cia

Just keep doing what you're doing to maintain your tresses. My mom is like that, too. Always got something to say about my hair. Many women on this board are going thru the same thing. Let your mom talk now and wow her later.

 

[Cooyah]

thanks so much ladies, i knew you would understand where i was coming from, i was and am still so hurt, she's had long hair all my life and never made the effort to take care of mine so now that I am finding new ways to do it myself, she feels threatened I suppose, idk, thanks again for all your kind words and support

naturallady, i'm in the savannah/hilton head area, stuck in between actually but it's really beautiful down here lots of green, i went to beaufort yesterday WOW, if only the water was as nice, we need to have a SC LHCF meeting

 

[belleza]

Do not get me started on the dynamics between women, long hair vs short hair. I do know that people say things to others to discourage them, and to bolster their own self confidence. I'm not trying to say anything about your moms, but sometimes people say things like that because THEY couldn't handle your hair being long. THEY couldn't deal with you're being even more beautiful and fabulous, than you already are. Don't listen to that, keep in touch with the sistas on this board, we've got your back!

 

[SparklingFlame]

naturallady, i'm in the savannah/hilton head area, stuck in between actually but it's really beautiful down here lots of green, i went to beaufort yesterday WOW, if only the water was as nice, we need to have a SC LHCF meeting

We should have a SC meeting! I live in Charleston. What school are you going to?

 

[madamdot]

That's is really sad. Mom's are suppose to be encouraging.
But maybe its hard for her to see. Sometimes our mental limitations sets physical limits. I remember for years my hair was at the same length and I never thought it would be longer. Then one year - I wasnt paying too much attention and I realized that my hair was the longest ever. Since I achieved that it has never been difficult to get it to that point.

So maybe your mom needs to see before she believes.

BTW, BELLEZA - your hair is awesome. You made so much progress in the last year is unbelievable. It's official. You are my new idol :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

You should share some comparison pics because I am sure others will feel inspired as well.

 

[Amina]

Keep on growing. I hate that when I hear black folks say we can't grow our hair long and if it is long it gotta be weave. Prove her wrong!!!!!

 

[Cooyah]

We should have a SC meeting! I live in Charleston. What school are you going to?

i'm at USCBeaufort, at the new river campus, it's really nice brand new and high tech...

OMG BELLEZA, your hair is scrumptious, congrats on all your hard work, go girl go girl go girl

madamdot, thanks for your kind words, i think black women have been way to conditioned to accept their hair in the state it's currently in without questioning why, my mummy is no different and i think she may feel a bit threatened if it comes to light that i am right and she's wrong about my hair, so i am just going to prove her wrong

 

[Honey]

Cooyah, I don’t think that your mother meant to hurt your feelings or that she’s jealous and wants her hair to be longer than yours. The fact is that most black people, and that includes many of us on this board, have been conditioned to believe that black hair – kinky, nappy textured hair will not grow. Before coming to this board, how many of us have been virtually mesmerized when/if we saw a black woman with long hair (waist length) - especially if she didn’t appear to have to so-called good hair?

So don’t be upset with your mom. I am sure that in her own way she is probably trying to spare you the frustration that comes from wanting something that she believes in unattainable. Just continue to do what you’re doing and eventually she’ll see that you know what you’re talking about.

~Honey

 

[Jbirds1]

Just keep doing what you're doing!! We're all in this together!!

 

[Keen]

ok so I know we have alot of these threads all the time but it happened to me last night and I was hurt to say the least.

so i moved to this US this week for school and mummy flew up yesterday to help me move into my place and she sees all of my supplements (Multivit, B5 vit, Biotin, MSM and a few others) and asks what they are for, so I tell her i'm not only trying to get healthy but grow my hair out as well and I thought that was the end of it. So we're sitting at the table and she tells me I need a relaxer because my hair nappy, so i explain to her that i'm stretching my relaxer until April to give it time to thrive and she point blank tells me that my hair looks ugly and I was not meant to have long hair so I need to find a hair stylist and just get them to cut it and just maintain that style. She goes on to say that she was reading in Essence (or Ebony or Jet can't remember) Magazine that black women weren't meant to grow hair like white women and we just need to maintain our hair in short styles, wash our faces and sleep on satin pillowcases. I just looked at her and shook my head.

she's my mum, i love her but now i HAVE to prove her wrong, ya know wot I mean? She has below shoulder length hair and loves to flaunt how healthy her hair is and blah blah blah but the tells me I just don't have it in me to grow hair, I was pissed, still am sort of but I realise that I was in the same place before finding Robin's hair site or LHCF, i showed her the site when I found it and she thinks that EVERYONE'S hair is weave on here to try and sell people something. I'm done with my rant and you ladies are the only one's who will understand. thanks for letting me vent.

cia

Girl just do your thing. I use to think the same thing your mother said. Now, I have put my own self to shame.

 

[Isis]

so i moved to this US this week for school and mummy flew up yesterday to help me move into my place and she sees all of my supplements (Multivit, B5 vit, Biotin, MSM and a few others) and asks what they are for, so I tell her i'm not only trying to get healthy but grow my hair out as well and I thought that was the end of it.

When someone sees my supplements and asks about them, I only tell them I'm into maintaining a healthy body and lifestyle. They usually don't pursue the conversation after that, unless they're really interesting in health.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Cooyah, I'm sorry your mom said those things to you.
But now it's your chance to prove her wrong! You know it, and all of us on LHCF know it...WE CAN GROW LONG HAIR!!!!

And it does sound like she's a bit jealous...no offense to your mom, but in my experience, there's always that one black woman with long hair that can't stand for anyone else's head to look good. It's just sad.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Maybe your mom thinks that way because she really believes that black women can't have long hair. The best way to prove her wrong is to grow your hair long. I know plenty of people w/ this mentality. Don't take it personal.Hope all goes well.

 

[CinnaMocha]

Everybody just has to be a critic...don't let that get you down. Now is the time to truly stick to your guns and prove her wrong. That silly myth that black women can't grown hair is slowly being proven wrong....once the word gets out there's no telling how many of us are gonna break the mold of "short" hair.

Keep up what you are doing, before you know it your mom will have to eat those words....

 

[macherieamour]

Aww, Im sorry to hear this. Just let it be motivation to keep taking those vitamins, learning about hair and growing a beautiful healthy head of hair

 

[Faith]

{{{Cooyah}}}
Don't sweat it. Just do your thing. My mom kept telling me I couldn't get it to my waist either. She used to say "well maybe to your brastrap because your grandmother and even I had it down to there" (My grandmother's was a bit longer than brastrap). So I tell her "well we'll see...cause if I can get it to that length then I can get it longer than that". She didn't believe and I stopped talking to her about it. Well lo and behold 3 weeks ago when I texturized I went and showed her and she was like "wow, come closer let me see". LOL!
Mom: "that is all yours?".
Me: "yep, told you I could do it".
Mom: "yeah, your grandmother had long hair too" .
Me: <whatever> LOL!

JUST DO YOUR THING...she doesn't live with you so once she's gone it's all good...lol

 

[Faith]

Cooyah, that's messed up. I agree with HoneyDew, I don't even tell people my hair goals anymore. I've gotten one too many rude responses. I say, just let the results speak for themselves. Actually, it's sad that black women are so misinformed about our hair.

My mom is bad...she listens to some advice but has a lot of OLD school ideas.
1x/week is washing too much. She couldn't believe it when I used to wash 2x/week..I swear she thought I would go bald. "I'm not white..." <little did I know >
Sees nothing wrong with pressing 1x/week (no thanks)
She laughed so hard when she saw my baggy on my head.
I'm not even going to bother putting my MNT where she can see it...lol

 

[HoneyDew]

My mom is bad...she listens to some advice but has a lot of OLD school ideas.
1x/week is washing too much.

My mom is the same way. I was having a problem with my scalp being very tight and dry right at the top. She said that it was because I shampoo my hair too often and because I don't grease my scalp.

The frequent shampoos actually killed the dry scalp problem, but I never even mentioned it to her again - pointless.

 

[belleza]

See Cooyah and Madamdot, that's what I'm talking about. Your kind words felt so nice. Ya'll almost made me cry. I needed to hear that. Black women get torn down everyday. It is so refreshing to hear words of peace and encouragement. Ya'll just made my day!

 

[bettytoo]

Hi cooyah my says the same thing stuff of thing .My mum says i'm popping to many vitmains i just ignore her . I'm grown and can do what i want. Just do your thing and prove her wrong when you get to your hair goal. She's be eating her works. love bettytoo