YOU Gotta Work on YOURSELF First!!!

[CoCoEspresso]

I have recently had an epiphany.

All the complaining and boohooing about another failed romance doesn't get me anywhere because I end up in the same place a few months later.

I had to do some soul-searching and realize that I am the common denominator. Yeah, Tyrone did such and such, but where was MY place in the demise? What did I do wrong? Even if he screwed me over big time, did I allow him to? Did I see the warning signs ahead of time so that I can get of dodge?

Rather than hold on to old hurts, we as women need to mature and take responsibility for our own actions. The only person you can control is yourself, and the only variable you can control is how you react to every situation. Even though we may think that we are over past hurts, we slowly and surely accumulate baggage that weighs us down and hinders us from the receiving of greater things to come. Until we properly come to terms with our issues, we can never "get over" them.

ACKNOWLEDGE, ACCEPT, FORGIVE, TRANSCEND.

While I know that it is easier said than done to hold a mirror up and be brutally honest with yourself, it is necessary.

"It's time to stop being polite, and start getting real."

 

[Pheonixx]

Cosign...

If anything you should be aware of your faults.
I know when I was going through thangs I'd tell a man in a heart beat what he's dealing with.

1. I don't believe in wasting anyone's time.
2. There's nothing worse than self-deception or inflated self-importance.

I may have issues but i OWN my issues.erplexed
Seems like ppl would want to be honest with themselves.
How else will you learn from your mistakes---and grow from them...?

 

[CoCoEspresso]

The threads are getting more and more...

I rarely see anyone taking ownership over the role that they have to play.

In relationships and other aspects of life, I believe ownership is the first key to success.

Life is about choices, and while we can't really do too much about the cards that we are dealt, we ultimately choose how we meander through life inspite of them all.

However, I think that that is a kind honesty that most people aren't really going to want to handle.

Ignorance is bliss.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

CoCo, PREACH!!!! you ain't said nothing that was near a lie... Thats why I am falling back and just letting that man find me now.... not being the aggressor, which I had to come to terms with....

 

[CoCoEspresso]

CoCo, PREACH!!!! you ain't said nothing that was near a lie... Thats why I am falling back and just letting that man find me now.... not being the aggressor, which I had to come to terms with....

Thanks mama!!

Yes, you will find the man that you want.

I reposted this in OT because everyone wants to view this thread, but no one wants to reply.

I guess because honesty is uncomfortable. It's totally necessary though, for true growth.

 

[tyrablu]

I have thought about this constantly since my relationship ended. I understand that it was a majority my fault and (although its hard) I'm taking ownership of my actions and trying not to repeat them.

I'm taking time off from relationships to work on me because I don't wanna be that girl again.

 

[Ms.Nigeria]

so true

 

[dreysonsmommy2011]

You are so right...I actually realized this today before seeing your post. I wanted so much to blame my soon to be ex for our relationship problems, but I knew I had a part in too. I set myself up for dissappointment by tolerating things that I know I wouldn't normally tolerate. I should have left a long time ago, but instead I stayed knowing all of what I knew about him. I allowed myself to go through this frustration, but NEVER AGAIN!!!!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Reading CALLING IN THE ONE has been bringing me to this realization. I'm doing so much more on my own with such pleasure doing it...living my life like it's going to be golden-right now it's liquid gold being smelted and molded!!

 

[CoCoEspresso]

Reading CALLING IN THE ONE has been bringing me to this realization.

Yes!! That's the book that inspired this thread. I went back and found Calling in the One and read every single page of it. I'm slipping a little bit with the lessons, but I going to try to get back on track tonight!

 

[MysteryMe]

The threads are getting more and more...

I rarely see anyone taking ownership over the role that they have to play.

In relationships and other aspects of life, I believe ownership is the first key to success.

Life is about choices, and while we can't really do too much about the cards that we are dealt, we ultimately choose how we meander through life inspite of them all.

However, I think that that is a kind honesty that most people aren't really going to want to handle.

Ignorance is bliss.

Excellent comments!

 

[CoCoEspresso]

Excellent comments!

Thank you. I'm trying to be honest with myself right now, and it sucks. erplexed

Everything can't be happy go lucky all the time. Sometimes you just have to confront the not so pleasant emotions and move on.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I totally agree with the sentiment of this thread.

OP, I think you'll really enjoy CITO. Good luck!

 

[SpiritJunkie]

i agree 100%. i broke up with my ex and we've been a part for 3-4 months and during tht time i worked on my self. CITO and life coach. i learned so much. I really needed that time alone.

as someone said you have to be real honest about the part you play in a relationship that relates to its demise or arguments/disagreements. I know my faults and i am now admitting them to myself and to him.

Calling in the One is mos def a start on working on yourself and to becoming a better person.

I'm a work in progress.