"You don't look like you have a relaxer..." (vent)

[Crystalicequeen123]

"You don't look like you have a relaxer..." <----This was the comment made to me by one of my best friends yesterday.

We were talking, and for some reason the subject got on hair. My sister had gone to get her hair done, and I was telling my BFF that I needed to wash my hair again (I already washed it on Sunday) because it just wasn't doing right, and I usually air-dry my hair, but my hair was just not as straight as I wanted it. And SHE said: "Oh, well that's okay. You have nice hair. Your hair is already straight basically". And I said, "Oh, well that's only because I have a relaxer in my hair...otherwise my hair would be a LOT curlier than yours (she doesn't have a relaxer in her type 3a/b hair)."

She looked at me incredulously and said: "You have a relaxer in your HAIR!?!?" And I said..."yeah!! Didn't you know that?" And she told me that she always just thought that my hair was natural and that I just got my hair pressed every so often. She ended up saying that she thought my SISTER was the one who had the relaxer in her hair, and that I was the one who had natural (but pressed) hair.

I was thinking... "DAAAANNNG!" If my own best friend for YEARS thinks that I don't have a relaxer in my hair, then I supppose a LOT of other people must think that I am natural with slightly pressed hair!

Now granted, my younger sister (she just got a hair cut) is the one who usually has her now neck-length hair down everyday, and she wraps her hair up everynight, and gets her hair done at the salon every two weeks. In between salon visits, she NEVER washes her own hair. I don't even think she KNOWS how to wash her own hair. Whereas me...I shampoo my hair every week, and co wash my hair every week. So, I guess that adds up to me hydrating my hair twice every week. I usually air-dry my hair, and pull it back in a protective bun or hair clip. I usually go to the salon every 2-3 weeks.

Now, I have definitely seen results from my weekly washes, and I think my hair is a lot thicker and healthier now that I have stopped using as much heat. But gosh darnit...(lol) I don't spend $75.00+ on a relaxer every 12-14 weeks so that it can look like I DON'T have a relaxer in my hair the majority of the time! I like the protective styles and all, and air-drying definitely cuts down in heat and manipulation, BUT....I wanna look cute too sometimes! I don't want people thinking that I just press my hair every once in a while, when in reality I get a relaxer in my hair. Sheesh...I spend GOOD money on a relaxer (affirm mild)!

Have any of you all felt like just giving up on the whole washing every week/air-drying method and felt like going back to the salon every week/2 weeks and having your hair washed then?

 

[Amarech]

Have any of you all felt like just giving up on the whole washing every week/air-drying method and felt like going back to the salon every week/2 weeks and having your hair washed then?

I can't even begin to try to identify with this statement. I have always washed my own hair; I can count on both hands the number of times I have been to a salon in my entire lifetime....

but it was out of necessity....always been broke, too broke (until now )

 

[caligirl]

I would take it as a compliment. Natural hair tends to look thicker and healthier than a relaxer, even when pressed. Maybe she meant that she thought your hair was naturally straight?

 

[dlewis]

I think your hair looks really nice, Ya know sometimes people (friends) have jealosy issues. Don't take what people say to heart. You know you have a goal in mine and perming to often and using heat on a regular basis, it not going to help you accomplish that goal.

I don't care what people say about my hair, if they like it, that's great, if they don't, well it's their problem, not mine.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Your hair looks relaxed. Your friends standard of relaxed may be the bone straight look. I don't know who can live up to that standard without going bald.

Keep doing what you're doing and keep your hair healthy.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks for the input ladies.

I guess I should clarify. I'm not mad @ my friend...I'm more upset at myself. What I mean to say is that I'm SURPRISED that after all these years she thought my hair was natural. Or, maybe since I've been doing my hair care regimen she probably thought I transitioned.

But the reason why I'm upset is because this just solidified what OTHER people must think about my hair. Lately I've been getting comments from my mom (she means well but...sometimes she doesn't know what to say) and from co-workers and friends (guy friends mostly ) that are giving me the impression that my hair must not look "right" when I wash it and go/air-dry it. Maybe I'm doing something wrong??

Anytime I get my hair done (at the salon--rollerset/fresh relaxer), everyone is like :"wow, your hair looks so nice!" Even one of the guy friends that I work with jokes with me and says: "omg, you actually got your hair done! *snicker* *snicker* But when I do my own hair (air-dry or whatever) nobody says a word. I hate rollersetting, so I dont' do it often. Plus, my hair is so fine that I think even rollersetting on a regular basis breaks my hair a little. So, I usually just air-dry my hair.

So, when my friend made that comment that just made me think that people must think that because I don't wear my hair straight everyday like most black women who relax their hair, I MUST be natural (or transitioning) and just press my hair every now and then. If only they knew that what they thought were "presses" were actually roller sets! Even my own mom sometimes looks at my air-dried hair and says: "You know sweetie, if you want to slowly become natural there are other ways to do it." UGGHHGH! LOL*

Omg...I have NEVER had so many people make comments on my hair (positive AND negative) until I started taking care of it with my hair regimen. It almost makes me want to throw my hands up and just become a "non-conspicuous" girl who relaxes her hair every 6-8 weeks again! Almost...

I hope this makes more sense.

 

[Porsche19]

Yeah, it does look relaxed to me too.

Maybe your friend... doesn't know what she's talking about.

Very nice rollerset in your album btw

 

[lkg4healthyhair]

Thanks for the input ladies.

I guess I should clarify. I'm not mad @ my friend...I'm more upset at myself. What I mean to say is that I'm SURPRISED that after all these years she thought my hair was natural. Or, maybe since I've been doing my hair care regimen she probably thought I transitioned.

But the reason why I'm upset is because this just solidified what OTHER people must think about my hair. Lately I've been getting comments from my mom (she means well but...sometimes she doesn't know what to say) and from co-workers and friends (guy friends mostly ) that are giving me the impression that my hair must not look "right" when I wash it and go/air-dry it. Maybe I'm doing something wrong??

Anytime I get my hair done (at the salon--rollerset/fresh relaxer), everyone is like :"wow, your hair looks so nice!" Even one of the guy friends that I work with jokes with me and says: "omg, you actually got your hair done! *snicker* *snicker* But when I do my own hair (air-dry or whatever) nobody says a word. I hate rollersetting, so I dont' do it often. Plus, my hair is so fine that I think even rollersetting on a regular basis breaks my hair a little. So, I usually just air-dry my hair.

So, when my friend made that comment that just made me think that people must think that because I don't wear my hair straight everyday like most black women who relax their hair, I MUST be natural (or transitioning) and just press my hair every now and then. If only they knew that what they thought were "presses" were actually roller sets! Even my own mom sometimes looks at my air-dried hair and says: "You know sweetie, if you want to slowly become natural there are other ways to do it." UGGHHGH! LOL*

Omg...I have NEVER had so many people make comments on my hair (positive AND negative) until I started taking care of it with my hair regimen. It almost makes me want to throw my hands up and just become a "non-conspicuous" girl who relaxes her hair every 6-8 weeks again! Almost...

I hope this makes more sense.

After you airdry then what do you do?
I could never get my hair to look "great" if I tried to do it myself but of course like most people it looks nice after the salon.

Try not to get too upset. How do you think your hair looks after being airdried?

 

[CurliDiva]

"You don't look like you have a relaxer..." <----This was the comment made to me by one of my best friends yesterday.

We were talking, and for some reason the subject got on hair. My sister had gone to get her hair done, and I was telling my BFF that I needed to wash my hair again (I already washed it on Sunday) because it just wasn't doing right, and I usually air-dry my hair, but my hair was just not as straight as I wanted it. And SHE said: "Oh, well that's okay. You have nice hair. Your hair is already straight basically". And I said, "Oh, well that's only because I have a relaxer in my hair...otherwise my hair would be a LOT curlier than yours (she doesn't have a relaxer in her type 3a/b hair)."

She looked at me incredulously and said: "You have a relaxer in your HAIR!?!?" And I said..."yeah!! Didn't you know that?" And she told me that she always just thought that my hair was natural and that I just got my hair pressed every so often. She ended up saying that she thought my SISTER was the one who had the relaxer in her hair, and that I was the one who had natural (but pressed) hair.

I was thinking... "DAAAANNNG!" If my own best friend for YEARS thinks that I don't have a relaxer in my hair, then I supppose a LOT of other people must think that I am natural with slightly pressed hair!

Now granted, my younger sister (she just got a hair cut) is the one who usually has her now neck-length hair down everyday, and she wraps her hair up everynight, and gets her hair done at the salon every two weeks. In between salon visits, she NEVER washes her own hair. I don't even think she KNOWS how to wash her own hair. Whereas me...I shampoo my hair every week, and co wash my hair every week. So, I guess that adds up to me hydrating my hair twice every week. I usually air-dry my hair, and pull it back in a protective bun or hair clip. I usually go to the salon every 2-3 weeks.

Now, I have definitely seen results from my weekly washes, and I think my hair is a lot thicker and healthier now that I have stopped using as much heat. But gosh darnit...(lol) I don't spend $75.00+ on a relaxer every 12-14 weeks so that it can look like I DON'T have a relaxer in my hair the majority of the time! I like the protective styles and all, and air-drying definitely cuts down in heat and manipulation, BUT....I wanna look cute too sometimes! I don't want people thinking that I just press my hair every once in a while, when in reality I get a relaxer in my hair. Sheesh...I spend GOOD money on a relaxer (affirm mild)!

Have any of you all felt like just giving up on the whole washing every week/air-drying method and felt like going back to the salon every week/2 weeks and having your hair washed then?

I'm confused...are you upset because your hair is not bone straight?

It sounds like you are getting great results by caring for your between salon visits- relaxer or no relaxer. Be PROUD!

 

[kizzylonghair]

Girl,
I totally understand what you are saying.

Since I have started this hair regimen my hair doesn’t always look long and flowing. Especially after about 6 weeks of growth so the other 6 weeks my hair is not the same.

Before all this hair care my hair was ALWAYS out and straight and shining, due to relaxing at 6 weeks and straightening everyday. I must admit myself esteem was a lot higher then. Even though it was breaking and never SEEMED to grow.
But know I can tell the difference and I am willing to sacrifice not looking totally glamorous everyday for my goal.
The way I see it, is that I will have the last laugh when my hair is bra-strap and healthy.
Keep doing what your doing!!
Kizzy

 

[senimoni]

I've pretty much accepted that some days, my hair will look like crap...but I'm cool with that b/c I know that I'm reaching for something right now, so If I have to sport my half straight, half textlaxed, wash n go, puffy bun, then so be it. Maybe you can try some different styles...use scarves or different clips to jazz up your hair.

 

[PretteePlease]

i feel what you are saying but i would take it as a compliment like the other poster said natural hair tends to look thicker

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Girl,
I totally understand what you are saying.

Since I have started this hair regimen my hair doesn’t always look long and flowing. Especially after about 6 weeks of growth so the other 6 weeks my hair is not the same.

Before all this hair care my hair was ALWAYS out and straight and shining, due to relaxing at 6 weeks and straightening everyday. I must admit myself esteem was a lot higher then. Even though it was breaking and never SEEMED to grow.
But know I can tell the difference and I am willing to sacrifice not looking totally glamorous everyday for my goal.
The way I see it, is that I will have the last laugh when my hair is bra-strap and healthy.
Keep doing what your doing!!
Kizzy

YES! This is what I mean! Kizzy, you said it all in a nut-shell. I think you understand what I mean.

Back when I had poor hair-care habits, my hair was STILL always looking nice. Even though I was curling my hair with the iron every morning my hair was always straight, shiny, and sometimes worn down, or up...it didn't matter because I always looked "put together". I rarely ever had "bad hair days". I barely even knew what a "bad hair day" meant! Now days, it seems like just about every day POST 6-7 weeks of my relaxer is a "bad hair day" until I go to the salon. But I've even stopped going as often to the salon due to the distance, financial issues, and due to constant rollersets.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit discouraged today. Don't get me wrong, I would gladly sacrifice my "good hair days" for healthy hair care ANY day of the week. But when I see some girls/young women my age at work, or on campus, or even in church, and they look "salon fresh" just about everyday, I'm just like: "Ohhhh....must be nice!"

 

[mohair]

I totally feel you. I battle with myself every week to keep from getting a Blow out. Cuz Zeny (MY deminican hair stylist) hooks my hair up. It looks and feels wonderful. And I get sooo many compliments. Its really hard for me to not have that flowing thing going on everyday. I have been pretty frustrated myself. Even considered just giving up this whole healthy hair quest. I really miss looking "Done". I guess I am just not that good at styling my hair. I don't know. What I do know is that Zeny is calling me and I am having a hard time fighting the call.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I totally feel you. I battle with myself every week to keep from getting a Blow out. Cuz Zeny (MY deminican hair stylist) hooks my hair up. It looks and feels wonderful. And I get sooo many compliments. Its really hard for me to not have that flowing thing going on everyday. I have been pretty frustrated myself. Even considered just giving up this whole healthy hair quest. I really miss looking "Done". I guess I am just not that good at styling my hair. I don't know. What I do know is that Zeny is calling me and I am having a hard time fighting the call.

Yeah, I kinda miss my hair looking "done" 24/7 too.

You're fortunate that you have a nice dominican salon/stylist who can hook your hair up.
I tried a couple dominican salons in my area and had different stylists each time, but I just couldn't continue to go there. It wasn't THAT much cheaper from "regular" salons in the area, and everytime I would go there my hair would feel thinner and thinner. Plus, the language barrier was kind of frustrating. I just wanted to go somewhere where I KNEW I would be understood and there wouldn't be any misunderstandings due to language differences. Oh well....maybe I can try to find another salon closer (and cheaper!) in my area.

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

The thing is, for our hair to look done, we have to sacrifice health a lot of the time. I would rather have hair that looked like Don Kings, but was healthy than to have un-healthy hair and look like Beyonce.

 

[sprungonhairboards]

The thing is, for our hair to look done, we have to sacrifice health a lot of the time. I would rather have hair that looked like Don Kings, but was healthy than to have un-healthy hair and look like Beyonce.

I wouldn't

But there has to be a happy medium isn't there? Somewhere?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I wouldn't

But there has to be a happy medium isn't there? Somewhere?

Hahah! Thank you! I wasn't going to say anything. Shoot...I'd rather look like Beyonce than Don King anyday! lol*

But I think I know what uncutandgettinglonger was saying. I'd rather have short healthy hair than long thin, UNhealthy hair. But, the thing is...my hair just looks UNkept sometimes. I need to do something else with this hair!

 

[SqrpioQutie]

when my hair was longer and i didn't want to use a lot of heat to dry it, i would just wash it in the evening, wrap it with some setting spray (the blue stuff), tie it down really good and go to sleep.. by morning it would be dry (and if there was dampness i could blowdry is on low) and i'd have sleek hair that's doing the whole wrap thing... do you think that could be an option to make it look more "done"??

 

[Mystic]

If someone told me that they didn't know I had a relaxer in, it would be a compliment to me. This would mean that they consider my hair healthy, full and alive (I am not saying relaxed hair is not). I relax my hair but I could never relax it bone straight because it will look stringy, weak and thin. I realize that when I wash the relaxer out quickly, my hair looks healthier and full of life. If you want to have a bone straight relaxed look, air-drying might not give you the kind of result you need. You might need to either blow dry and curl or wet set with some hair lotion and go under the dryer. I would take a pressed look any day over a relaxed look..., but then, that's me.

 

[kizzylonghair]

YES! This is what I mean! Kizzy, you said it all in a nut-shell. I think you understand what I mean.

Back when I had poor hair-care habits, my hair was STILL always looking nice. Even though I was curling my hair with the iron every morning my hair was always straight, shiny, and sometimes worn down, or up...it didn't matter because I always looked "put together". I rarely ever had "bad hair days". I barely even knew what a "bad hair day" meant! Now days, it seems like just about every day POST 6-7 weeks of my relaxer is a "bad hair day" until I go to the salon. But I've even stopped going as often to the salon due to the distance, financial issues, and due to constant rollersets.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit discouraged today. Don't get me wrong, I would gladly sacrifice my "good hair days" for healthy hair care ANY day of the week. But when I see some girls/young women my age at work, or on campus, or even in church, and they look "salon fresh" just about everyday, I'm just like: "Ohhhh....must be nice!"

We are defenelty on the same wave length, I am 9 weeks post-relaxer and my hair looks a hot mess, but I have 2 weeks B 4 I relax.
Its starting to get me down a little, but I cant wait to see everyone face when they see the length. it will be the longest its ever been
So these bad days will be worth it

Kizzt

 

[Southernbella.]

YES! This is what I mean! Kizzy, you said it all in a nut-shell. I think you understand what I mean.

Back when I had poor hair-care habits, my hair was STILL always looking nice. Even though I was curling my hair with the iron every morning my hair was always straight, shiny, and sometimes worn down, or up...it didn't matter because I always looked "put together". I rarely ever had "bad hair days". I barely even knew what a "bad hair day" meant! Now days, it seems like just about every day POST 6-7 weeks of my relaxer is a "bad hair day" until I go to the salon. But I've even stopped going as often to the salon due to the distance, financial issues, and due to constant rollersets.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit discouraged today. Don't get me wrong, I would gladly sacrifice my "good hair days" for healthy hair care ANY day of the week. But when I see some girls/young women my age at work, or on campus, or even in church, and they look "salon fresh" just about everyday, I'm just like: "Ohhhh....must be nice!"

Same here. I'm not using as much heat now, and I don't have that sleek, silky look anymore. But, my hair is SUPER thick and healthier. It's just frustrating because my hair never really looks "done" anymore.