Yesterday I Saw A 5 Year Old With Relaxer Burns And Baldness

Seriously, alot of you guys don't speak on the reality of the difficulty of styling true 4b/z hair that has no curl definition or coil to speak of, but is just dense, gets matted easily, and looks uncombed although it has been combed, picked and brushed.
*****************************************************************
It is difficult, not impossible. And not so much so that it would warrant a 5 year old needing such a harsh chemical to be able to style the hair. What ever happened to the good ole days when you braided a childs hair for the week, washed it on the weekends, and then braided it up again for the week? Ok, it got a little fuzzy by week's end, but certainly not crazy or unkempt. Why is it that we must run to the white, smoothy crack so soon as there is a little bit of resistance in passing a comb through 4z hair?

A 5 year old with scab burns seems to be symptommatic of a larger problem, particularly in our culture-- the relunctance to put any time and effort into preserving our hair in its natural state.
 
rosalindb said:
I saw the poor little girl yesterday, she was wearing a hat and was walking in front with her parents. A friend of the mother came up to them and the mother took off her daughter’s hat to show her hair to her friend. I literally just stopped dead in my tracks. The girl had bald patches all over her head.

The mother went into a shop with her daughter and I followed her in and asked her if the damage had been caused by relaxers and she said yes. She then took off the daughter’s hat so I had a chance to have a close look and I just wanted to cry. She has lost about 40 to 50% of her hair. When she touched her daughter’s head, the child jerked away in pain. The mother confirmed she was 5 years old. I asked the mother if she thought it would grow back and she said she thought it would and did not seem concerned at all and was just laughing as she was telling me. I just had to walk away because of her attitude.

I’m not sure if it will grow back as her scalp was burned so badly that it was red raw and covered in large scabs. It looks like someone had poured acid on her head. Everyone knows the risks of relaxers and I see women all the time with thinning hair/and or bald spots but all the time I see alot of African children obviously under the age of two with their hair broken off from relaxers and was curious to know how the parents would feel if the child was burned during the process so to see the mother so uncaring left me feeling so sad.

I am of Barbadian parentage and it is really rare to see West Indian parents relaxing young girls hair as they normally wait until their daughters are about 13/14 years old at least. I do not have any children but if I did I would not relax their hair, that would be a decision they made once they turned 18 as I would be devastated if this happened to them so I am stunned that the mother did not seem at all bothered.

Edited to add: She said that she took her daughter to the hairdressers to have her hair relaxed so it was done by a supposed professional
Click to expand...


I am in shock. You have to be joking. You just HAVE to be.
Sadly I did not see a punchline...so this must be real.

I am not relaxed, nor do I shake my head at relaxers, but I know one thing, it would not be on my child's head.

I have had a relaxer before, as long as it's getting, I have debated texturizing. Still not sure if I will...or if I'll stay natural. However I decided if I have children they will make up their own minds. They cannot do that until 18. The reason? Of course they're going to ask for a relaxer. Everyone else is doing it. Will they be able to assess for themselves if they really want one, or if they want one because their friend Sara has one. Then years later they have to bc because they don't remember what their natural hair looks like. NOt to mention situations like this one where a 5 year old has chemical BURNS!!!!!

I am also saddened that the mom would let it get this far. That child had to scream or something. So there's no way that even if I were foolish enough to put relaxer on a little head, that I would keep it on there if she was screaming away. It almost seems that this lady does not car about her child's well being.:nono:

I can only wish them well because I can't do anything about this situation.
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I am in shock. You have to be joking. You just HAVE to be.
Sadly I did not see a punchline...so this must be real.

I am not relaxed, nor do I shake my head at relaxers, but I know one thing, it would not be on my child's head.

I have had a relaxer before, as long as it's getting, I have debated texturizing. Still not sure if I will...or if I'll stay natural. However I decided if I have children they will make up their own minds. They cannot do that until 18. The reason? Of course they're going to ask for a relaxer. Everyone else is doing it. Will they be able to assess for themselves if they really want one, or if they want one because their friend Sara has one. Then years later they have to bc because they don't remember what their natural hair looks like. NOt to mention situations like this one where a 5 year old has chemical BURNS!!!!!

I am also saddened that the mom would let it get this far. That child had to scream or something. So there's no way that even if I were foolish enough to put relaxer on a little head, that I would keep it on there if she was screaming away. It almost seems that this lady does not car about her child's well being.:nono:

I can only wish them well because I can't do anything about this situation.
Click to expand...

I agree w/ this. I have no children of my own, but I have two stepdaughters. The oldest one is 12. She has 4z hair like my husband, who always keeps his hair cut b/c he doesn't know how to deal with it. He wants to give her a relaxer. I'm against it. All she needs is more moisturizing products.

I feel so bad for the little girl in the original post. The mom should be thrown in jail for child abuse & neglect.
 
Why why why why why!!!!!!! This makes me so mad arghhhhhhh. If I have a daughter she will never have a perm living under my roof, sorry nope!
 
I know the OP asked in this case, but you also should not be so quick to assume that when a child's hair breaks off a relaxer did it. My mom did not allow me to get a relaxer until I was 13. But at 9 my hair started breaking off and I had a bald spots on both sides of my head that went from my temples to behind my ears!!!! My mom took me to a dermatologist and everything to try to figure out what was going on.

From some of the comments here, a few of you would have looked at my head and called CPS and gotten the government involved in our lives--for something that was neither abusive nor preventable!
 
SmartyPants said:
I know the OP asked in this case, but you also should not be so quick to assume that when a child's hair breaks off a relaxer did it. My mom did not allow me to get a relaxer until I was 13. But at 9 my hair started breaking off and I had a bald spots on both sides of my head that went from my temples to behind my ears!!!! My mom took me to a dermatologist and everything to try to figure out what was going on.

From some of the comments here, a few of you would have looked at my head and called CPS and gotten the government involved in our lives--for something that was neither abusive nor preventable!
Click to expand...


Yea but when you see visible burns that is a different story
 
That is soooo sad. It makes me mad to see this happen, it happened to my little sister when she was about 4 years her aunt relaxed her hair and burned her hairline so bad the headstart she attended sent her home from school.
 
Xerxes said:
Seriously, alot of you guys don't speak on the reality of the difficulty of styling true 4b/z hair that has no curl definition or coil to speak of, but is just dense, gets matted easily, and looks uncombed although it has been combed, picked and brushed.
Click to expand...
I personally do not believe that our hair is unmanagable, people coped before relaxers were invented. My cousin has extremely coarse 4z hair and her mother keeps her hair cornrowed which is common practise by those in the West Indies/of West Indian parentage.
 
Last edited:
Well, this thread made me look at little girls' heads while I was out. Just spotted an approx 6 years old with hip length straight-straight weave hair. It wasn't the best weave job and I wondering if she's permitted to play while it's attached.

It wasn't as bad as the one shown on mediatakeout of a kindergarten with blonde weave at a "prom".....but it just wasn't "natural."
 
omg..!!!!!What idiot would relax a 5 yr old's hair. My daughter was 16 when she got her hair relaxed for the first time and has been doing great with it. Poor baby!!
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I am in shock. You have to be joking. You just HAVE to be.
Sadly I did not see a punchline...so this must be real.

I am not relaxed, nor do I shake my head at relaxers, but I know one thing, it would not be on my child's head.

I have had a relaxer before, as long as it's getting, I have debated texturizing. Still not sure if I will...or if I'll stay natural. However I decided if I have children they will make up their own minds. They cannot do that until 18. The reason? Of course they're going to ask for a relaxer. Everyone else is doing it. Will they be able to assess for themselves if they really want one, or if they want one because their friend Sara has one. Then years later they have to bc because they don't remember what their natural hair looks like. NOt to mention situations like this one where a 5 year old has chemical BURNS!!!!!

I am also saddened that the mom would let it get this far. That child had to scream or something. So there's no way that even if I were foolish enough to put relaxer on a little head, that I would keep it on there if she was screaming away. It almost seems that this lady does not car about her child's well being.:nono:

I can only wish them well because I can't do anything about this situation.
Click to expand...
Sadly no joke. There were loads of scabs but one of them was huge - it was circular, roughly 2 inches in diameter and was very thick and raised. That must have been a really bad burn and that child must have been screaming blue murder.
 
OP, That is so sad. My heart breaks for that little girl. Relaxing hair at such an age is child abuse. The mother should have her child taken away and given to someone that will love and care for her.

At first I wasn't going to post in this thread, but I need to break my silence. My SO's daughter is only 5 years old and is relaxed, bone straight. My SO recently gained custody of his kids for a short period of time. Her hair is so short-- broken off in the front, broken off everywhere.

Can you believe that she came up to me and said, "When they put it [the relaxer] on, it burned and I cried." I hugged my little girl and told her that I will never put relaxer in her hair. It's child abuse! She is currently in loose cornrows, which are moisturized. I taught her dad how to wash and moisturize her hair.

I already know that when we send her back to her mother, she will relax the little girl's hair again. That's what makes me cry. I am about to cry now. :cry3:
 
rosalindb said:
I personally do not believe that our hair is unmanagable, people coped before relaxers were invented. My cousin has extremely coarse 4z hair and her mother keeps her hair cornrowed which is common practise by those in the West Indies/of West Indian parentage.
Click to expand...


Yeah, back in the day, they coped with rags over their head or used hot combs. I hate to say it, but for all of the effort it takes to style 4z hair, the end result warrants this time almost wasted. So like I said before, 4z hair is just more difficult to work with (harder to manage but not unmanageable) and therefore requires much more time than most people are willing to put into styling it.

Let's get real for a second. BW just want their daughters' hair to look cute. They want their DD's hair to look styled, combed and "done". However, due to the vast array of textures within our community, too many BW find themselves stupefied by how difficult it is to comb and style their DD's hair in a timely or efficient fashion. And since most BW are still wearing relaxers themselves, they resort to using the same process for their DDs.

The reason why so many young BW today are horrified by relaxers given to youth is because of their own bad experiences. But our real problem in the community is a lack of adequate hair care knowledge. That's why we should be saddened by anyone's relaxer burn or bald spot regardless of age, too many of us are suffering because we'll risk doing self-relaxers improperly to save money or go to cheap stylists that shouldn't be trusted.
 
Thats so sad, I dont see why mothers relax there young childrens hair, if your too lazy to deal with your childs hair, then maybe you should not have any, I think a person should have a choice to relax, not have it forced on them becuase the mother is too lazy to comb kinky hair.:nono:
 
Angelicus said:
OP, That is so sad. My heart breaks for that little girl. Relaxing hair at such an age is child abuse. The mother should have her child taken away and given to someone that will love and care for her.

At first I wasn't going to post in this thread, but I need to break my silence. My SO's daughter is only 5 years old and is relaxed, bone straight. My SO recently gained custody of his kids for a short period of time. Her hair is so short-- broken off in the front, broken off everywhere.

Can you believe that she came up to me and said, "When they put it [the relaxer] on, it burned and I cried." I hugged my little girl and told her that I will never put relaxer in her hair. It's child abuse! She is currently in loose cornrows, which are moisturized. I taught her dad how to wash and moisturize her hair.

I already know that when we send her back to her mother, she will relax the little girl's hair again. That's what makes me cry. I am about to cry now. :cry3:
Click to expand...

Aw, don't cry. Now, I truly believe that this girl's mother is doing the best she knows how, which sadly is inadequate when it comes to applying relaxers.

This mom needs to be taught what to do when it comes to styling her daughter's hair. If the girl's scalp is burning, then the mom is neglecting to base her scalp. Also, if the hair is breaking off, she most likely is applying the relaxer on already relaxed hair and that should be stopped.

Seriously, if she's burning up her daughter's scalp, I bet her head looks a mess too and she could use your help for both herself and her kid.

She needs a link to this site or at least a friendly convo with you where you let her know that you empathize with her, but have some suggestions on how to transition her daughter's damaged hair and style it naturally. Then as you guys grow out her relaxer, you can start to coach her on how to deal with the girl's natural texture. Somehow, I think that once you eventually see the girl's real texture of hair, you will understand why the mom gave up and used a relaxer. She just needs more support, time and education just like all of us on this board. :)
 
that makes me so mad, because that mother is probably walking around with her hair looking just great. all i got when i was 5 was shampoo, condition, blow dry, grease, and 3 braids, and i was happy.
 
I do not have a child, but is it that hard to maybe put a child's hair in big twists or braids for two weeks at a time and just moisturize it every day? Is it? Why do so many of these mothers rely on relaxers for little girls?

And if they must relax, how hard is it to make sure it is done properly. It is not supposed to burn the scalp. That is not healthy. Damn, if a dog could talk, it could probably tell you burning is not a good thing.

I hate moronic parents.
 
Xerxes said:
Yeah, back in the day, they coped with rags over their head or used hot combs. I hate to say it, but for all of the effort it takes to style 4z hair, the end result warrants this time almost wasted. So like I said before, 4z hair is just more difficult to work with (harder to manage but not unmanageable) and therefore requires much more time than most people are willing to put into styling it.

Let's get real for a second. BW just want their daughters' hair to look cute. They want their DD's hair to look styled, combed and "done". However, due to the vast array of textures within our community, too many BW find themselves stupefied by how difficult it is to comb and style their DD's hair in a timely or efficient fashion. And since most BW are still wearing relaxers themselves, they resort to using the same process for their DDs.

The reason why so many young BW today are horrified by relaxers given to youth is because of their own bad experiences. But our real problem in the community is a lack of adequate hair care knowledge. That's why we should be saddened by anyone's relaxer burn or bald spot regardless of age, too many of us are suffering because we'll risk doing self-relaxers improperly to save money or go to cheap stylists that shouldn't be trusted.
Click to expand...

I wholeheartedly agree but at the same time this is an excuse. I have never met a woman who relaxed who didn't suffer from itching, burning, and/or sores at one time or another. Why are these things acceptable risks for young children's hair and scalp?
 
I would had call this into CPS thats neglect. She lucky social worker doctor, teacher etc , did not see her child head and file a report. I am really sad for this child chemical burns hurt. Thanks for sharing
 
Reading this makes me so sad. Last week, I attended an awards ceremony at my daughter's primary school. The school is for K-2nd graders. I saw a few precious babies with relaxed heads. My heart really ached for the one that had pony tails & the broken hair around the hair line could not fit into the pony so the shorter hair was just sticking out. I mean these are 5, 6, & 7 yr old girls who should be in ponies, twists & plaits, not walking around with broken & stick straight hair.
 
I was really really really really trying to stay out of this thread after I posted because I knew there was going to be some straight ignorance up in here. But alas, I'm not that strong.

Relaxing a child's head at age 5 is wrong and it's abuse. I don't care if they never burn or feel so much as a tingle. I don't care if they have hair to the floor. I don't care if their hair is so hard that it slices up your fingers. If you are too lazy, impatient, clueless, or frustrated to wash, condition, and put your child's hair in a few braids for the week (or find someone else to do it) then you do not need to have children.

And if straight hair is so important to you that you will put caustic chemicals on your baby's head then you have issues.
 
I hope the mother gets turned in for child abuse. Those burns HURT! I've only had the displeasure of having one...and it was not even large. It was so painful I could hardly touch it. I wonder how the poor girl sleeps at night...

I agree relaxers should be only for adults, or at least a teenager...I was 14 when I got my first relaxer and no one bothered to tell me itching my scalp made it burn. For all we know, this little girl was itching her scalp prior to the relaxer and that's what made it burn her scalp so badly. No child should be expected to remember all the nuances of getting a relaxer. Even if your hair is 4z, our "forefathers" found a way to manage 4z hair for generations without using a relaxer, and I don't think it's much to expect a mother to do that for her child. My mother rarely straightened my hair (and I have slaveship hair); she just detangled really well and TOOK HER TIME.
 
Last edited:
I read that..and my heart ached beyond what I could believe I was reading..How could people be so crude? I can't understand why on earth you would torture a child of that age with something that can harm them..I agree about the age for giving a child a relaxer to be 13/14 seeing I was also raised in a W.I. home and I know first hand when my mom made them relax and perm my hair at a young age it was BAD!!

I am slightly disgusted that the mother laughed..how can you laugh/joke, when your child is in emotional and physical discomfort?
 
balancegoals2009 said:
I would had call this into CPS thats neglect. She lucky social worker doctor, teacher etc , did not see her child head and file a report. I am really sad for this child chemical burns hurt. Thanks for sharing
Click to expand...
There is no law against relaxing children's hair so what would they do. In the UK, my friends and I hardly ever see African girls with their natural hair and on the rare occasion I do I'm actually shocked. I've seen girls that look about 18 months old with their hair relaxed.
 
rosalindb said:
There is no law against relaxing children's hair so what would they do. In the UK, my friends and I hardly ever see African girls with their natural hair and on the rare occasion I do I'm actually shocked. I've seen girls that look about 18 months old with their hair relaxed.
Click to expand...


Well here in America the chemical burns would have been cause enough to call CPS. Relaxing isn't against the law, but those burns would have been considered abuse...just like if someone had gotten burned that seriously any other way.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

N
so I went to the salon yesterday and a mom
Replies
21
Views
3K
CherryCherryBoomBoom
CherryCherryBoomBoom
Pinkicey
Bad Relaxer Yesterday
Replies
21
Views
4K
PinkSunshine77
PinkSunshine77
M
I saw Bev in person yesterday...
Replies
12
Views
2K
HollyGolightly
HollyGolightly
Denim And Leather
Optimum Relaxer= Baldness?
Replies
3
Views
1K
Denim And Leather
Denim And Leather
bermudabeauty
As black women age...do they get bald?
2
Replies
31
Views
5K
Arcadian
Arcadian
Back
Top