Yesterday I Saw A 5 Year Old With Relaxer Burns And Baldness

[rosalindb]

I read that..and my heart ached beyond what I could believe I was reading..How could people be so crude? I can't understand why on earth you would torture a child of that age with something that can harm them..I agree about the age for giving a child a relaxer to be 13/14 seeing I was also raised in a W.I. home and I know first hand when my mom made them relax and perm my hair at a young age it was BAD!!

I am slightly disgusted that the mother laughed..how can you laugh/joke, when your child is in emotional and physical discomfort?

How old were you when your mother relaxed your hair? My dad took me to get my hair relaxed when I was 12 when I visited him for the weekend and my mum hit the roof. She was devastated when she had to cut it all off a few weeks later and it was breaking like crazy.

 

[SmartyPants]

There is no law against relaxing children's hair so what would they do. In the UK, my friends and I hardly ever see African girls with their natural hair and on the rare occasion I do I'm actually shocked. I've seen girls that look about 18 months old with their hair relaxed.

How the heck can they relax an 18 month old child's hair? Can an 18 month old even sit still long enough for that?

 

[rosalindb]

that's so sad... I'm surprised that the mother would not be making the professional pay for doing that to her little girl... and what kind of professional does that? And some ppl say we're crazy & hair-obsessed, that it's just hair... this... is why we need this site.

I asked her twice if she was going to sue the hairdresser and she just shrugged and smiled. To her it is just hair.

 

[rosalindb]

Well here in America the chemical burns would have been cause enough to call CPS. Relaxing isn't against the law, but those burns would have been considered abuse...just like if someone had gotten burned that seriously any other way.

Yes you have a good point

I asked her twice if she was going to sue the hairdressers and she just shrugged and carried on smiling. Although I personally think that there is always a risk of something like this happening to anyone and does not necessary mean the hairdresser was negligent. I wish I had asked the mother for more information

I remember a few years ago when I used to go to the hairdressers to get single braids, I would sometimes see a lady there who had been coming to that salon for weaves as many years ago she lost the entire front half of her hair. The back of head was still completely full and looked fine but from behind her ears to her forehead, it was literally as smooth as Kojak’s and the hairdresser had to glue the tracks to her scalp. There are no guarantees so I do not understand why someone would take the risk with a child.

I personally wanted to take a picture of the child's head with my mobile but did not know how to ask as her hair is so damaged. I do not know the woman at all so therefore have no idea as to where she lives or what school the child goes to for instance.

I appreciate your advice. How would you have handled the situation just in case if I'm ever in that position again. Also I value others opinion as to how they would deal with this matter - all advice greatly received

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

Why is this being directed at africans!?!
I find that very rude, and also very wrong!

 

[rosalindb]

I'm probably going to regret saying this but why is this being directed at africans?!
I find that very rude, and also wrong.

That was definitely not my intention and I did not intend to cause offence at all. I can only speak from my personal experience and as I mentioned we rarely see this in the West Indian community in the UK. I have not been to Barbados for a few years and e-mailed my Aunt last night to see if the views have changed and if this is happening over there now. I will update as soon as I get a response from her.

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

I don't see it in the african community...the main style i ever see in children is braid extensions...
And in africa , the majority of people there are natural, wearing braid extensions, canerow, thread...i actually don't remember seeing anyone relaxed.

 

[rosalindb]

I don't see it in the african community...the main style i ever see in children is braid extensions...
And in africa , the majority of people there are natural, wearing braid extensions, canerow, thread...i actually don't remember seeing anyone relaxed.

WOW - My friends and I see it all the time throughout the London area. We see so many little girls aged 2 to 3 years old with severe hair damage and breakage from relaxers. This is the first time I have seen relaxer burns like this on anyone so the fact that is a child really saddened me

 

[discodumpling]

Nappy hair is not rocket science. It's just common sense to braid (or secure in someway) highly textured hair IMO...that is if you want it to thrive. If not you are free to over manipulate, over style, etc ...We need to get back to braiding sessions. Weekly, monthly, bi weekly...whatever just a bunch of mothers getting together to care for, & learn about their princess' hair hmmmmmm

 

[Xerxes]

I wholeheartedly agree but at the same time this is an excuse. I have never met a woman who relaxed who didn't suffer from itching, burning, and/or sores at one time or another. Why are these things acceptable risks for young children's hair and scalp?

Well, I can be honest and say that a relaxer has never burned my scalp before nor caused any itchiness or sores, ever.

The only problem I have ever had with a relaxer was a stylist who accidentally put the relaxer on my ends and caused breakage, but I never felt anything and just cut my hair off.

So after about 20 years of getting relaxers all over this country, I can say that a relaxer is as good as the person applying it. Relaxers are not inherently evil or dangerous, but a relaxer in the hands of an incompetent person is dangerous.

 

[rosalindb]

Yeah, back in the day, they coped with rags over their head or used hot combs. I hate to say it, but for all of the effort it takes to style 4z hair, the end result warrants this time almost wasted. So like I said before, 4z hair is just more difficult to work with (harder to manage but not unmanageable) and therefore requires much more time than most people are willing to put into styling it.

Let's get real for a second. BW just want their daughters' hair to look cute. They want their DD's hair to look styled, combed and "done". However, due to the vast array of textures within our community, too many BW find themselves stupefied by how difficult it is to comb and style their DD's hair in a timely or efficient fashion. And since most BW are still wearing relaxers themselves, they resort to using the same process for their DDs.

The reason why so many young BW today are horrified by relaxers given to youth is because of their own bad experiences. But our real problem in the community is a lack of adequate hair care knowledge. That's why we should be saddened by anyone's relaxer burn or bald spot regardless of age, too many of us are suffering because we'll risk doing self-relaxers improperly to save money or go to cheap stylists that shouldn't be trusted.

Our ancestors would have used braids and cornrows and these also look cute. Our hair does not have to be straightened to look cute and does not have to be hidden under rags. There are many other options which are less damaging for our hair. My hair was very rarely hot-combed as a child and my mother used to do many different cornrow styles on my hair.

 

[taz007]

First, would I ever relax my child's hair at 5 years? No. 10 years? No. That is just my choice.

I have a niece that is a few years younger than me and she had a daughter very young. She put a relaxer in her daughter's hair at 3 years old (yes 3!). My entire family was upset but we supported her.

After her daughters hair promptly fell out, my niece realized the error of her ways and grew out her daughter's natural hair. The daughter is now 15 with beautiful natural hair.

I write this because:

When you know better, you do better.

As far as the lady's laugh. I was not there but what if it was a "nervous laugh" due to the fact that a complete stranger is asking her questions about her perceived lack of parental judgment.

Before I had children, I was so judgmental and would always say "I will NEVER do this or that". Now that I am a parent, I see that parenting is VERY hard and no one is perfect. I give the parent the benefit of the doubt and do not always assume that they are a bad parent 'cause I have made PLENTY of mistakes!

If I see a problem, instead of talking bad about the parent, I try to help. If that doesn't work, I pray for wisdom on my part (and theirs) to determine if there should be any additional action.

 

[Xerxes]

Nappy hair is not rocket science. It's just common sense to braid (or secure in someway) highly textured hair IMO...that is if you want it to thrive. If not you are free to over manipulate, over style, etc ...We need to get back to braiding sessions. Weekly, monthly, bi weekly...whatever just a bunch of mothers getting together to care for, & learn about their princess' hair hmmmmmm

After dealing with natural 4b/z hair for almost 4 years on my own head, I can say wholeheartedly that my nappy hair is more difficult to learn than rocket science. There are no laws that my hair follows, it just does it's own thing. You could give it the same treatment each day for a week, and it will look different after each styling session.

But the elephant in the room that none of you'll wants to admit is that people with Afro-textured hair simply do not like the way it looks in its natural state (in general). That's why most of the naturals on this site have their hair straightened with heat to mimic the straight styles of the relaxed girls. And in my humble opinion, heat is just as dangerous to hair as a relaxer when in the hands of an unskilled or uneducated person.

Most moms first try to braid their daughter's hair, but when it takes too long and still looks unpolished, not neat, and or gets fuzzy in only a day's time, these moms get frustrated. My mom could not plait my hair and have it last longer than a school day and it took over an hour each morning to make her *****-looking plaits, with me screaming and running the whole time.

I just can't stomach the idea of lambasting hardworking moms who are trying the best they know how. Perhaps, moms will start having braiding parties, but until we as a group start to appreciate the look of natural hair, few moms will be pleased with the outcome of their natural styling efforts and continue to resort to heat styling or relaxing their daughter's hair.

 

[rosalindb]

First, would I ever relax my child's hair at 5 years? No. 10 years? No. That is just my choice.

I have a niece that is a few years younger than me and she had a daughter very young. She put a relaxer in her daughter's hair at 3 years old (yes 3!). My entire family was upset but we supported her.

After her daughters hair promptly fell out, my niece realized the error of her ways and grew out her daughter's natural hair. The daughter is now 15 with beautiful natural hair.

I write this because:

When you know better, you do better.

As far as the lady's laugh. I was not there but what if it was a "nervous laugh" due to the fact that a complete stranger is asking her questions about her perceived lack of parental judgment.

Before I had children, I was so judgmental and would always say "I will NEVER do this or that". Now that I am a parent, I see that parenting is VERY hard and no one is perfect. I give the parent the benefit of the doubt and do not always assume that they are a bad parent 'cause I have made PLENTY of mistakes!

If I see a problem, instead of talking bad about the parent, I try to help. If that doesn't work, I pray for wisdom on my part (and theirs) to determine if there should be any additional action.

She honestly did not seem that bothered. Her whole attitude was it is just hair, she was just smiling and shrugging it off. I always try to give advice where possible but not everyone is interested in hearing it. I was non-plussed by her attitude and did not think that she would welcome any advice from me.

A girl who works in one of the offices near me suffered lots of breakage due a bad relaxer. I recommended AO conditioners and actually bought some of mine in for her to try and recommended other products for her to try and her hair has completely turnaround. I truly think that knowledge is there to be shared but not everyone is interested.

 

[MsEllie]

I've been reading this site since yesterday. I think perming is OK once they are able to make up their OWN mind that this is what to do. I'll give my age away a little bit here. My DD bless her heart is 32 years old and has never had a perm. She asked when she was about 8 years old... so old mom takes her to the shop (just to watch) not once but 3 times. I wanted to her to see the effects before, during and after. She saw the nappy heads go in, the pain they endured and the straight hair when they came out. She saw the damage to some of her young girlfriends. She opted never to do this to her hair . At the young age of 8 she determined this was one step toward physical abuse and wanted no part. We'd cornrow, braid, braid, french braid, ponytail puffs or whatever to her hair..she did great growing up and she's do great as an adult with her natural hair... not like her mom where my mom got mine permed when I was a child and it broke off a lot. I think if we educate them they'll be able to make the right decisions growing up to fit their own life styles. I've always been confused about my own hair care... I took better care of my DD than myself lol - To summarize - I believe it child abuse what happened to this little girl and the mom should be made to pay somehow...its insane to perm little babies hair.

 

[discodumpling]

To each his own. I still say it is not rocket science. Like anything in life it takes time, patience & you have to want it and stand firm in your beliefs.

I LOVE nappy hair in all it's varied textures. I like to see it do whatever it does. As a child my hair was NEVER pressed EVER. Braids, & cornrows were done weekly or biweekly...if my hair was ever out it was Sunday & I was going to church....
Even now...my hair is rarely str8.

Nappy hair does not lend itself to daily combing & manipulation.

It is up to women like me to redfine & rediscover what is acceptable when it comes to our & our children's hair. So what it get's fuzzy...that's what it does; that's what it's SUPPOSED to do.

BTW in the Americas our hair was hidden under rags for a variety of reasons ranging from masters jealousy to it was hot, to "why am I even thinking about hair...when I got this field of cotton/or cane to pick?"

 

[Xerxes]

Our ancestors would have used braids and cornrows and these also look cute. Our hair does not have to be straightened to look cute and does not have to be hidden under rags. There are many other options which are less damaging for our hair. My hair was very rarely hot-combed as a child and my mother used to do many different cornrow styles on my hair.

Our ancestors were slaves and they coped with rags over their head, hot combs if they had access to them and braids as well as whatever else they could find.

But it's funny how nearly 400 years later we are still hiding our hair under doorags, lacefronts, weaves, phonyponies, braid extensions, etc.

And I wish straight did not equal cute to so many of us, but the truth is, when a girl with natural hair wants to look special or cute for an occasion, she invariably finds a way to straighten her hair. In our society, straight, European-looking hair is on the top of our to be desired list as well as our hair texture chart. We simply have a long way to go before nappy braided hair without extensions or long lengths is considered attractive.

 

[taz007]

To each his own. I still say it is not rocket science. Like anything in life it takes time, patience & you have to want it and stand firm in your beliefs.

I LOVE nappy hair in all it's varied textures. I like to see it do whatever it does. As a child my hair was NEVER pressed EVER. Braids, & cornrows were done weekly or biweekly...if my hair was ever out it was Sunday & I was going to church....
Even now...my hair is rarely str8.

Nappy hair does not lend itself to daily combing & manipulation.

It is up to women like me to redfine & rediscover what is acceptable when it comes to our & our children's hair. So what it get's fuzzy...that's what it does; that's what it's SUPPOSED to do.

BTW in the Americas our hair was hidden under rags for a variety of reasons ranging from masters jealousy to it was hot, to "why am I even thinking about hair...when I got this field of cotton/or cane to pick?"

ITA ......

 

[MD_Lady]

That's sad and sick. There isn't a doggone thing funny about chemical burns.

 

[joib]

It makes me sick!

I saw a 12 year old girl with burns all on her hair line. It looked like someone had poured acid across her face. It was horrible. I asked her what happened to her hair and she said 'My mommy told me I needed a super and wouldn't rinse it when I said it burned. I just covered my mouth. I was so disgusted. never mind that her hair was already damaged. It just makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, atleast she coulda "based" her scalp!

OK, now that is child abuse.

 

[taz007]

I've been reading this site since yesterday. I think perming is OK once they are able to make up their OWN mind that this is what to do. I'll give my age away a little bit here. My DD bless her heart is 32 years old and has never had a perm. She asked when she was about 8 years old... so old mom takes her to the shop (just to watch) not once but 3 times. I wanted to her to see the effects before, during and after. She saw the nappy heads go in, the pain they endured and the straight hair when they came out. She saw the damage to some of her young girlfriends. She opted never to do this to her hair . At the young age of 8 she determined this was one step toward physical abuse and wanted no part. We'd cornrow, braid, braid, french braid, ponytail puffs or whatever to her hair..she did great growing up and she's do great as an adult with her natural hair... not like her mom where my mom got mine permed when I was a child and it broke off a lot. I think if we educate them they'll be able to make the right decisions growing up to fit their own life styles. I've always been confused about my own hair care... I took better care of my DD than myself lol - To summarize - I believe it child abuse what happened to this little girl and the mom should be made to pay somehow...its insane to perm little babies hair.

Wow! She is "paying" by looking at her daughter's hair everyday. THAT would break my heart more than any protection agency could.

My niece made a mistake. Believe me, although child protection services nor the police was ever called, she paid. Trust.

PARENTS MAKE MISTAKES ... and then we learn. I know that I do not raise my children PERFECTLY. If all of us parents had to "pay" every time we make (made) mistakes ... .

 

[Shandell]

But the elephant in the room that none of you'll wants to admit is that people with Afro-textured hair simply do not like the way it looks in its natural state (in general). That's why most of the naturals on this site have their hair straightened with heat to mimic the straight styles of the relaxed girls. And in my humble opinion, heat is just as dangerous to hair as a relaxer when in the hands of an unskilled or uneducated person

I will admit that I completely disagree with your theory about black hair or "afro textured" hair not being liked...the fact remains that the mother did not research or take the time to invest in the safety of her child prior to having the relaxer applied.

Knowledge is power; she could have easily accessed the Internet at home or the library and Google the danger of relaxers...is that too much to ask...I don't think so.

As a mother of two little girls I would never relax their hair despite the texture...that is a weak cop out. 4xyz does not equate to the need for a relaxer, after all no one needs a relaxer it is an option not a mandatory part of a healthy hair care regimen.

As far as naturals choosing to straigthen their hair... that is totally irrevelant and can not even begin to compare to the dangers associated with relaxers.

 

[GulfCoastChica]

That is absolutely horrible. But I would say that I would feel bad criticizing the mother without knowing the full details. Just like many of us were ignorant about our hair before finding forums like LHCF, many mothers are ignorant about hair too. My mother took me to get a curl (yes...I said curl) when I was maybe about 6 because she thought it would make it easier to take care of my very kinky, very thick hair. My mother was an AWESOME mother and still is...so I know if she knew better at the time she would have held off of any chemical treatments for me or my sister. I would venture to say that this may be the same case for this uninformed mother. Just sad the little girl has to suffer.

 

[rosalindb]

Our ancestors were slaves and they coped with rags over their head, hot combs if they had access to them and braids as well as whatever else they could find.

But it's funny how nearly 400 years later we are still hiding our hair under doorags, lacefronts, weaves, phonyponies, braid extensions, etc.

And I wish straight did not equal cute to so many of us, but the truth is, when a girl with natural hair wants to look special or cute for an occasion, she invariably finds a way to straighten her hair. In our society, straight, European-looking hair is on the top of our to be desired list as well as our hair texture chart. We simply have a long way to go before nappy braided hair without extensions or long lengths is considered attractive.

Our ancestry does not start from slavery but our hair issues have started from this.

I must say that I really appreciate your honesty and I think that you have posted what many people think but for their own personal reasons they have not chosen to post which is their perrogative.

 

[peony]

Last week I took my sons, ages 5 and 3, to play with one of their friends, a little girl aged 5. Her mother put a relaxer in her hair a couple of months ago. The entire nape of her head and the edges are broken off, about 2 inches from the hairline. She is wearing two dry loose ponytails. This girl also goes swimming every week without having her hair conditioned. To make a long story short, I convinced the mother to let me buy some hair products and cornrow the girls hair over the summer. Hopefully I can help her get it back together.

 

[Ivypearl08]

Xerxes...you are absolutely right! I ask myself that same question every time I go out somewhere special. I'm stretching my relaxer and starting to really see my poofy new growth and ofcourse my first instinct is to flatiron it even though it would not be the best thing to do with it. But yet I still reach for some type of straightener...getting off of relaxers and straighteners is a mutha' in and of itself...so much of it is mental...and to be quite honest...my boyfriend is like whatever...I like when you are who you are...go figure!

and oh yeah...I'm feeling for that little girl...but I'm sure the mother is just doing what she knows how to do...as Maya Angelou says..."when you know better"..."you do better"...

 

[Nice Lady]

First, my thing is that child doesn't need a relaxer. Why don't some mothers want to do basic childcare in terms of combing it and cleaning it at least 2x a week? Or how about just putting in braids--they prevent you from having to work hard? it is so basic.

Also, if you don't know how to do hair, then don't do the relaxer your self. My mom wasn't into doing my hair and I remember that she would pay someone. When she didn't my hair looked busted, she would get one of her friends to do it for free. Now, looking back, I am happy she paid someone but I still am heated about those busted school days.

My mom didn't allow me to get a relaxer until 12 years old and I couldn't relax except for every 3 months. My hair was longer than and stronger and healthier.

 

[clever]

Last week I took my sons, ages 5 and 3, to play with one of their friends, a little girl aged 5. Her mother put a relaxer in her hair a couple of months ago. The entire nape of her head and the edges are broken off, about 2 inches from the hairline. She is wearing two dry loose ponytails. This girl also goes swimming every week without having her hair conditioned. To make a long story short, I convinced the mother to let me buy some hair products and cornrow the girls hair over the summer. Hopefully I can help her get it back together.

Thats sweet!

 

[balancegoals2009]

There is no law against relaxing children's hair so what would they do. In the UK, my friends and I hardly ever see African girls with their natural hair and on the rare occasion I do I'm actually shocked. I've seen girls that look about 18 months old with their hair relaxed.

I sorry to say this would have been an open case in CPS , this is abuse .

 

[rosalindb]

I sorry to say this would have been an open case in CPS , this is abuse .

Thank you for your feedback. I spoke to several of my friends yesterday to advise them of the comments and that many of you considered this to be abuse and that I should have reported it. All but one of them laughed at the thought of reporting it and they said that they would never do that. They share the opinion that people know the risks and it is unfortunate what happened but that it does not make it abuse.

One of my friends also does not believe that she took her to the hairdressers but that she did it herself but she still would not consider reporting to the authorities.

One person said that she would have asked the mother how she was planning to treat the burns and if she had taken her daughter to a doctor or sought some kind of medical advice. If she was not satisfied with her response then she would have called the authorities which I also thought was a good approach

To be honest, I hesitated about posting this topic in this forum but I am really glad that I did so. If I’m ever in that situation again, I would persevere and try to get more information from the mother. I would then ask her how she planned to treat the child and then decide what to do.

Thank you all for your feedback