WWYD: Funeral Edition

[LiftedUp]

So a parent of your ex dies. You are not on speaking terms but you know he's going through a very tough time. You didn't end on bad terms. Would you go to the funeral?

You do not know if he's seeing someone else and how awkward it'll be

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

How close were you to the parent? Could you send a condolence card instead?

 

[LiftedUp]

I'm a very nonchalant person so she liked me but I was very nonchalant about our relationship. He was a mamas boy so that irked me. She was a very nice person though.

I want to pay my final respects because that's what I do... I just don't know how appropriate it is. It would be easier if it was just an ex-friend. I would go in a heartbeat because I know that they would appreciate as many familiar faces as possible even though we're no longer friends...

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

It doesn't sound necessary to go, IMHO. At most, I'd attend the wake.

 

[ladylibra_30]

Send a floral arrangement.

 

[LiftedUp]

Yes a floral arrangement! Thanks!

I prefer to go to the funeral than the wake. The wake would be more awkward I think. But the floral arrangement I can do and have it delivered.

 

[ladysaraii]

I agree with the floral arrangement. Esp if all you aren't on speaking terms.

 

[LiftedUp]

Thanks again ladies. I ordered a small arrangement and wrote up those little cards they put on it. I initially went to buy a regular sized card but I thought it was too much. I'm having it delivered.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

You've already bought florals but I'll give my $.02 anyway.

If you wanted to pay respects to her then I think it would have been fine to go to the wake. Sign the book, say a prayer over the body (if you wanted), say a quick hey to him (if he was even there) or to his family members then you have option to bounce if there was any awkwardness.

Unless you know the funeral would be a larger service your presence may have been more "awkward" if it was attended by close friends/family or current girlfriend you may not know about.

Either way since you ended on friendly terms (& know he's having a hard time) I'd still call to give your sympathy. (A drama filled ex you last saw in court would warrant a different response).

 

[hopeful]

Thanks again ladies. I ordered a small arrangement and wrote up those little cards they put on it. I initially went to buy a regular sized card but I thought it was too much. I'm having it delivered.

Sounds good to me. I would go to a funeral rather than the wake. So much going on at a funeral that it is easier to fly under the radar but I wouldn't go to anything honestly. I'd just send the arrangement with the notecard like you did. That's enough. Paying respect without any potential drama.

 

[LiftedUp]

@bklynbornNbred as @hopeful pointed out, at the funeral I go unnoticed.

At the wake I would have to mingle, there would be food, chatting etc. I would draw way too much attention to myself.

I want to pay my respects to her and as this is a very trying time for their family and I want them to know that they have that support.

Also we don't talk just because we don't talk, there is no animosity or anything of the sort.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

The floral arrangement seems like a happy medium I originally said the wake cause you can pay your respects and hightail it out of there without alarm. Fifteen minutes and it's over.

 

[Bklynqueen]

Flowers were the right way to go OP. My ex's mom unexpectedly passed away a few months ago and I sent flowers as well as attended the service. Me and the ex don't get along either but that's my daughter's grandmother so I was definately going to pay my respects. Very nice that you're showing compassion for your ex.

 

[ms-gg]

Yeah the funeral would be better than attending the wake. A wake is waaay more intimate than a funeral. At a wake you would have to mingle with the family and friends because that is what you do there....