Would You Tell?

Would you tell the wife?

  • Total voters
    63
After reading the surviving infidelity site posted here on another thread.....

Nine months ....... I WILL TELL. Sing like a canary bird.

Whether the wife decides to stay or not, is not my issue. Marriages survive infidelity all the time. I also don’t expect gratitude for basically blowing up her marital perception.

It may also provide answers to why his behavior/actions towards her may have been off the last couple of months.

My personal observation/experience and belief is that unnecessary secrecy is what has allowed various forms of wickedness and evil to have such a strong foothold in our world.
 
I voted yes, but y’all make some good points. Wifey could be crazy. And who knows what lies he’ll tell his wife about you (“she forced herself on me” “she’s stalking me” etc.)

The potential drama wouldn’t be worth it. I would say something if I were approached, though.
 
I went out on one date with a man who told me he was married during our first and only date. At no time before our first meeting did he tell me this. I didn’t even think to ask because his profile was written like a single bachelor looking to settle down when in reality he had settled down with a whole family in another state. I was so upset and in disbelief after just one partial date. I can’t even imagine what it would even feel like to be lied to for 9 whole months.

I feel conflicted because in one hand I would want to tell but on the other I don’t owe the wife anything where I should risk my life and reputation just to make her aware of something she might not want to hear. I definitely wouldn’t tell her in person. Maybe I’d write an anonymous letter about how hurt and betrayed I felt and how she should beware of his activities because who knows how many other women he has and what he is exposing her to that could harm her health. I wouldn’t want to spend more energy on something so negative though.
 
I don’t have to tell her verbally or f2f.

I would just send a text/email/typed letter depending on the contact info. Lots of apps or google voice to hide your number/email.

Explain the situation, send some proof (text msgs, email, photo). Inform her I ended the rlsp once I found out. I’m letting her know in case she didn’t and this will be the first and only communication with her.

Simple. I’ve done my job and my conscience is clear.

Majority of the crazy stories about angry wives usually involve other woman who actually wants the married man and rubs the situation the the married woman’s face to get her to leave or kick the DH out.
 
I was Team Tell a Wife, but now I'm having second thoughts. Women do tend to go after the other woman instead of their spouses, and that would be a headache the other woman (as long as she was unknowing) wouldn't deserve. If I was the wife's friend, I would definitely let her know. I wouldn't have a clear conscience otherwise.
 
My answer was no even before I read the thread. People tend to shoot the messenger. And after years of watching true crime shows people LITERALLY shoot the messenger sometimes. You have no idea what kind of people you are dealing with. Dude lied so he cannot be trusted and his wife is a complete stranger.
 
You know what also, a man who hides a whole wife for 9 months it is one of two things, or maybe a mix. You either ignored/made excuses for red flags or he is a MASTER manipulator.

And many cheaters are huge manipulators. He will be 3 steps ahead of you. He will paint you as some crazy woman who is making up stories OR if you have proof of your rendezvous and communications he will paint you as this sultry, siren temptress who relentlessly pursued him. He fell from grace and then will say it is only when JESUS gave him the courage to be a man of honor and end the relationship is when you went crazy and decided to ruin their marriage. They will stay married and he’ll have you out here looking like boo boo the fool and his wife will be posting you everywhere calling you a homewrecker.

You’re probably not his first ever or even only side chick during those 9 months. Dude has probably perfected this game for years.
 
And when people say, “If I were the wife I would want to know.” They assume the wives are sane, normal, productive and rational people just like they are.

And some people honestly don’t want to know. It’s odd to me but they exist. Especially if they have a nice home, money and kids already. They prefer to keep their bubble than be saddled with the truth.
 
Farida said:
You know what also, a man who hides a whole wife for 9 months it is one of two things, or maybe a mix. You either ignored/made excuses for red flags or he is a MASTER manipulator.

And many cheaters are huge manipulators. He will be 3 steps ahead of you. He will paint you as some crazy woman who is making up stories OR if you have proof of your rendezvous and communications he will paint you as this sultry, siren temptress who relentlessly pursued him. He fell from grace and then will say it is only when JESUS gave him the courage to be a man of honor and end the relationship is when you went crazy and decided to ruin their marriage. They will stay married and he’ll have you out here looking like boo boo the fool and his wife will be posting you everywhere calling you a homewrecker.

You’re probably not his first ever or even only side chick during those 9 months. Dude has probably perfected this game for years.
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Gurllll... this! Exactly!
 
The reason why I'm team tell the wife is because I've been through it before... kinda. A guy I used to date tried to holla after he got married. I didn't want him and was quite insulted by his actions so I went all the way in.
 
caribeandiva said:
Gurllll... this! Exactly!
Click to expand...
See my thread in this forum titled “fake medical.” I considered warning the wife but was like nah...dis fool out here being crazy in plain sight. And sure enough one of my friends found the same guy on a dating app. 2019 and you think nobody will recognize you? After I told my friend he was married his wife’s fb page disappeared. I would love to hear what secret service, special ops BS he told his wife to get her to do that.
 
Farida said:
See my thread in this forum titled “fake medical.” I considered warning the wife but was like nah...dis fool out here being crazy in plain sight. And sure enough one of my friends found the same guy on a dating app. 2019 and you think nobody will recognize you? After I told my friend he was married his wife’s fb page disappeared. I would love to hear what secret service, special ops BS he told his wife to get her to do that.
Click to expand...
I remember that thread. That was ratchet on so many levels
 
Farida said:
See my thread in this forum titled “fake medical” I considered warning the wife but was like nah...dis fool out here being crazy in plain sight. And sure enough one of my friends found the same guy on a dating app. 2019 and you think nobody will recognize you? After I told my friend he was married his wife’s fb page disappeared. I would love to hear what secret service, special ops BS he told his wife to get her to do that.
Click to expand...

caribeandiva said:
I remember that thread. That was ratchet on so many levels
Click to expand...

I recommend that thread as one of the best of 2019.
 
Farida said:
And when people say, “If I were the wife I would want to know.” They assume the wives are sane, normal, productive and rational people just like they are.

And some people honestly don’t want to know. It’s odd to me but they exist. Especially if they have a nice home, money and kids already. They prefer to keep their bubble than be saddled with the truth.
Click to expand...

You are right I keep forgetting that there are so many gullible women out here.

you all are scaring me into not telling.
 
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Farida said:
You know what also, a man who hides a whole wife for 9 months it is one of two things, or maybe a mix. You either ignored/made excuses for red flags or he is a MASTER manipulator.

And many cheaters are huge manipulators. He will be 3 steps ahead of you. He will paint you as some crazy woman who is making up stories OR if you have proof of your rendezvous and communications he will paint you as this sultry, siren temptress who relentlessly pursued him. He fell from grace and then will say it is only when JESUS gave him the courage to be a man of honor and end the relationship is when you went crazy and decided to ruin their marriage. They will stay married and he’ll have you out here looking like boo boo the fool and his wife will be posting you everywhere calling you a homewrecker.

You’re probably not his first ever or even only side chick during those 9 months. Dude has probably perfected this game for years.
Click to expand...


:lachen:
This whole statement is funny to me but you are absolutely right. Women are gullible and believe men like this all the time. He is staying and cheating on his wife for a reason.
 
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The unsuspecting mistress is damn if she do and damn if she don't. Social Media has made people petty and vindictive for clout. If said mistress did the right thing and told the wife, she better hope the wife is sane and not a "pick me". The pick me's are the ones that hates you for telling the truth and goes out of their way to ruin you, first on social media and then in your every day real life. They become so obsessive in their jealousy and pain that they become capable of anything. The sane ones (which are far and between) will deal with their husbands however they see fit. However, if the husband is crazy- mistress gotta move. Even if the mistress breaks up with the man and the man has no intention of leaving his wife, he will be furious because the mistress betrayed him by not keeping his secret.

There was a case a year ago in Brooklyn, when a young woman (about 22-23) found out the man she was seeing was married with children. She ended the relationship and didn't want anything to do with him. The wife knew but was being abused by said husband and was stuck. The husband didn't want to lose his mistress and wouldn't leave her alone. Former Mistress filed an order of protection. Cheating Husband went to his former mistress place of business, begged her to come back and when she wouldn't, he shot her dead. The only winner here is the abused wife because she was finally free of her husband. Sad and unjust for the poor young lady who was lied to and manipulated.
 
Bklynqueen said:
There was a case a year ago in Brooklyn, when a young woman (about 22-23) found out the man she was seeing was married with children. She ended the relationship and didn't want anything to do with him. The wife knew but was being abused by said husband and was stuck. The husband didn't want to lose his mistress and wouldn't leave her alone. Former Mistress filed an order of protection. Cheating Husband went to his former mistress place of business, begged her to come back and when she wouldn't, he shot her dead. The only winner here is the abused wife because she was finally free of her husband. Sad and unjust for the poor young lady who was lied to and manipulated.
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Omg that’s heartbreaking!
 
I didn't vote because my answer is "it depends". I probably wouldn't though.

This is one of those situations where the "right" thing to do may not be the best choice.

Also, notice how the people in this thread who have been in the situation, suffered the consequences of telling (myself included).

In theory you should speak up. In reality it rarely seems to go well.
 
Farida said:
And when people say, “If I were the wife I would want to know.” They assume the wives are sane, normal, productive and rational people just like they are.

And some people honestly don’t want to know. It’s odd to me but they exist. Especially if they have a nice home, money and kids already. They prefer to keep their bubble than be saddled with the truth.
Click to expand...

Very true! My stand on telling the wife has changed over the years.
One of my closest homegirl’s told me that if a hubby is cheating the wife most likely knows, and unless she specifically asks, she does not want anyone telling her. Her stand is it’s embarrassing to be told something like that and that people need to mind their own business. :look:This is coming from someone with a cheating husband- she knows and lives with it for now( she’s planning her exit) You could have knocked me over with a feather when she told me this:eek: I asked another friend, after she was divorced, how she would have felt if I had told her while she was married that her hubby was cheating. Her answer was very vague but it was clear to me that I would have been booboo the fool had I said something to her at the time. Found out another friend’s hubby was cheating.. I was all gung ho to go tell, then realized there was no way on earth she didn’t know, and again me telling her would have just been embarrassing for her since she’s not going anywhere( they are building a mini empire). So moral of my story is, unless wife looks you in the eyes and says “ I want to know” your best bet is to stay mum and go about your biz:)
 
rabs77 said:
Very true! My stand on telling the wife has changed over the years.
One of my closest homegirl’s told me that if a hubby is cheating the wife most likely knows, and unless she specifically asks, she does not want anyone telling her. Her stand is it’s embarrassing to be told something like that and that people need to mind their own business. :look:This is coming from someone with a cheating husband- she knows and lives with it for now( she’s planning her exit) You could have knocked me over with a feather when she told me this:eek: I asked another friend, after she was divorced, how she would have felt if I had told her while she was married that her hubby was cheating. Her answer was very vague but it was clear to me that I would have been booboo the fool had I said something to her at the time. Found out another friend’s hubby was cheating.. I was all gung ho to go tell, then realized there was no way on earth she didn’t know, and again me telling her would have just been embarrassing for her since she’s not going anywhere( they are building a mini empire). So moral of my story is, unless wife looks you in the eyes and says “ I want to know” your best bet is to stay mum and go about your biz:)
Click to expand...


It's sad that there are so many women out there getting cheated on. Is it worth it?
:(

I would want to know as the wife, but since there are so many women that wont tell if they know then the wife is on her own to find out. :sad:
No blues clues, nothing?
 
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