Would you move to another country with a man you are not married to?

Candy1978

Candy1978

New Member
Ok it;s a really long story, and I'll spare you all with the boring details, but my man is from Puerto Rico, he is currently there..ok I have to go into the stroy to explain why he's there. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and have lived together for about 13 months. We have a good relationship with relatively no drama. Anyways this summer he lost his job, and so he decided to go to school to study something in the medical field so he could be out in a few months and get a job. have a career. The programs here were filled, and new weren't having new classes until now Dec/Jan, so he decided that he would go back to Puerto Rico to study since he owns a home there, knows the system a little better or what not. Anyways to make a long story short, he gets to PR the program he wanted to study isn't available, but now that he's there with his family, he doesn't really want to come back and he wants me to move there with him, he hasn't said anything solid about marriage, and I honestly don't want to go there without knowing that our relationship is really moving forward. I dont' mind living in Puerto Rico as I have been there many times, and speak Spanish and all that, but Puerto Rican lifestyle on the island is different, and it's not like the US. I'm almost 80% sure I won't go with out getting married first..I told him this and he said that he loves me, but he didn't want to get married feeling pressured....would you move to another country with someone you are not married to?
 
Why would he tell you he doesn't feel like being pressured into marriage, but he's basically pressuring you into moving?
 
To answer the question at hand: No I would not move to Puerto Rico without a definite commitment. That's a huge step to take even within a marriage.
 
Tiffalicious said:
Why would he tell you he doesn't feel like being pressured into marriage, but he's basically pressuring you into moving?
Click to expand...

You know I never really looked atit like that, but you are right. It's almost like he's saying well I'm not going to get married right now, but if you want to be with me then you need to move down here.
 
Candy1978 said:
You know I never really looked atit like that, but you are right. It's almost like he's saying well I'm not going to get married right now, but if you want to be with me then you need to move down here.
Click to expand...

I know you love him but he's being very selfish. I don't know how many people I know (family included) that have been with the same person for 10+ years but the man just refuses to get married. Yet they want all the benefits of marriage.

What does your family have to say about it? Do you really think you'll be happy there?
 
Tiffalicious said:
I know you love him but he's being very selfish. I don't know how many people I know (family included) that have been with the same person for 10+ years but the man just refuses to get married. Yet they want all the benefits of marriage.

What does your family have to say about it? Do you really think you'll be happy there?
Click to expand...


My family will miss me, but supports the fact of me going there only if I'm married. My mother told me listen you're my daughter so of course I will miss you, but it's different making a move like that with a man that is your family, your husband......I do think I will be happy there...I have been to PR many times and I love it...I would miss my family. He is being selfish, and I need to focus on this fact....I know I will make the right choice, but it's nice to get other's sound opinions.
 
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In the end all I can tell you is do what makes you happy. The thing that strikes me as odd is that he's so willing to let you go if you don't go. If he really wanted you there I figure he would marry you in a heartbeat. It's just my opinion though.
 
In a way I did move to another country with/for a man but I was moving back anyway but to a different state. He was already in another state and because I always wanted to live where he was going I decided to do it. I don't regret it. In your situation and the circumstances no I wouldn't.
 
Under the circumstances you described I wouldn't do it.
Do you also have a young daughter (in your siggy) that you're taking with you? Or is she staying in the States? What does she think about moving? Are there good schools for her there?
HTH
 
Why didn't he discuss this with you first? (staying in PR, that is)

ETA: Have you two ever talked seriously about marriage?
 
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No. Especially since this seems all rushed. He went there and found out they didn't have the program; he could've researched that before he went. He doesn't want to get married. You have a daughter. It's not like moving to another city, or even another state.
 
I don't think I would require someone to marry me just to relocate with them to another country. I would make the decision to relocate with him based on how are relationship is now.
Based on your information though, I would recommend not going.
 
FlowerHair said:
Under the circumstances you described I wouldn't do it.
Do you also have a young daughter (in your siggy) that you're taking with you? Or is she staying in the States? What does she think about moving? Are there good schools for her there?
HTH
Click to expand...

Yes I would be taking her with me, she thinks it's kind of cool, especially when I told her that the everyhing we have here in the states, they have in Puerto Rico. She is currently homeschooled, so I would just continue doing that, but I honestly don't think I"m moving under those circumstances anyways.
 
Tarae said:
No. Especially since this seems all rushed. He went there and found out they didn't have the program; he could've researched that before he went. He doesn't want to get married. You have a daughter. It's not like moving to another city, or even another state.
Click to expand...


I told him the same thing before he left...I said why don't you just call the schools, and see what's up before hand, but he swore up and down that he knew the system over there, and that it would be better to do everything in person....but you can't tell men anything when they have their minds made up
 
foxxymami said:
Why didn't he discuss this with you first? (staying in PR, that is)

ETA: Have you two ever talked seriously about marriage?
Click to expand...

We had discussed relocating to PR in the future, but everything happened so suddenly with this situation, I told him that I was really pissed, because if he had really cared then he would have put our relationship first. I think he felt that I would just follow him with no quams or concerns.
 
Don't do it. He's not ready to commit so you're not ready to move. He's already shown you where you stand in his life. Don't compromise yourself and deep down inside, I think you already know the right answer. Life is short....eat cake and tell him to kick rocks. If he's serious...then seriously make a committment and show you that he really wants you to live there.
 
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Nope.

Especially since you have a daughter.

My thing is, if you are going to move for a man, he better be your husband or it better be a place you want to go and would be fine with staying at if things didn't work out. Basically, my approach is don't move for a man unless he is your husband.

Don't do it.
 
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