would you lie about someone's hair growth?

[puffball]

My sister has a daughter who is 7. I swear her hair hasn't gained any length since she was two. Her hair is about an inch long. I try to tell my sis how to take care of her hair, but she always does her own thing. My mom always puts her two cents in and tells her to grease her scalp. Mind you, my mom has no clue about hair..and my hair was very short as a child. Anyways, my sister is always saying my niece's hair is growing. I feel she is delusional. Finally I had enough and told her the truth. She said something that our hair doesn't really grow..(meaning our family). I pointed out that my hair grew..and said everyone is different. I felt bad telling her the truth..but I got tired of lying. I was hoping she realize that what she is doing isn't working. My niece has gotten picked on at school bc of her hair. I just wish it would grow. I don't know what to do to help

 

[empressri]

You already have your answer. Your sister wants to do what she wants to do, no matter what anyone tells her.

So chill biscuit, and eat another mango cause it's clear that she doesn't want anyone else's advice.

Oh, and if she mentions the hair thing, I'd shut my mouth.

That's how I started doing folks until they realized their way wasn't working....after which they asked for my help.

 

[puffball]

You already have your answer. Your sister wants to do what she wants to do, no matter what anyone tells her.

So chill biscuit, and eat another mango cause it's clear that she doesn't want anyone else's advice.

Oh, and if she mentions the hair thing, I'd shut my mouth.

That's how I started doing folks until they realized their way wasn't working....after which they asked for my help.

I guess I feel the need to help bc my little niece is the one suffering.i dont want her to be picked on like I was. Maybe it isn't my battle to fight.

 

[empressri]

I'm telling you, you can try all you want, all you will end up with is a headache and your last nerve being worked by your sister.

People will NOT do anything unless they are ready to. Now short of niece staying the night at your house or something, you can do her hair then. (Which is what I did in this same situation.)

Otherwise your words will go in one ear and out the other. I know, I've been there which is why I don't discuss hair unless someone is WILLING, keyword willing to actively listen.

 

[jprayze]

Maybe purchase her a little starter kit of products that would be good for your niece's hair. Or volunteer to do it sometimes. My niece stays over my house for a week during the summer and some weekends, so I definitely have my hands in it then.

 

[puffball]

Maybe purchase her a little starter kit of products that would be good for your niece's hair. Or volunteer to do it sometimes. My niece stays over my house for a week during the summer and some weekends, so I definitely have my hands in it then.

She started using the products I recommended..but she is still doing jacked up things. I saw her combing her hair with no moisturizure and using a fine tooth comb starting at the root. I almost had a heart attack!

 

[DrC]

You can't fix anyone's situation if they are not willing to take a step of fixing it themselves. *shrug*

 

[toinette]

My sister has a daughter who is 7. I swear her hair hasn't gained any length since she was two. Her hair is about an inch long. I try to tell my sis how to take care of her hair, but she always does her own thing. My mom always puts her two cents in and tells her to grease her scalp. Mind you, my mom has no clue about hair..and my hair was very short as a child. Anyways, my sister is always saying my niece's hair is growing. I feel she is delusional. Finally I had enough and told her the truth. She said something that our hair doesn't really grow..(meaning our family). I pointed out that my hair grew..and said everyone is different. I felt bad telling her the truth..but I got tired of lying. I was hoping she realize that what she is doing isn't working. My niece has gotten picked on at school bc of her hair. I just wish it would grow. I don't know what to do to help

I'm sure her hair grows. i dont know anyone whose hair doesnt grow. But your sisters bad hair practices are making it so she isnt retaining the hair thats growing. If this was just about your sister, i would say to keep it moving but if your niece is getting bullied, this is gonna affect her self-esteem and I think you should speak up

 

[CurlsBazillion]

I have tried to tell my sister about little things like try moisturizing my neices hair with a leave in and then putting some oil on it and my sister who is an avid grease user turned her nose up and said "grease makes her hair soft and I do not feel like washing all that oil out of her hair." She shut it down without even thinking about it. But a month later I wore my hair out and I know she tried not to come to me for the info and went to my mom but my mom told her I know more about hair and later that day my sister told me "Ok I wanna know what you and mommy do to yall hair." I told her a bit of the basics and a few weeks later she is still doing her daughter's hair the same but considering cutting her MBL dreads. I said allllll of this to show you that no matter what approach you take or even if your sister comes around for help she still may not take the advice.

 

[diadall]

I have met two women recently with mbl hair who told me these grease their scalp and they never peotective style. I think there is something to it.

 

[dyh080]

You may have to wait until your niece is old enough to make her own decisions...maybe 5 or so years from now. In the meantime that gives you time to be a good hair role model. Hopefully she will see your beautiful long hair and be able to convince her mother to take your advice or do it on her own.

 

[Evolving78]

nobody in my circle truly listens to my hair advice, but will come to me asking me about some products. folks think i do too much. i hate when someone offers to do my dd's hair. they use grease, small combs, combs it dry and tries to comb her curls out. if something was to happen to me and somebody else had to take care of my dd's hair, her hair would be badly damaged. it's interesting how a mother knows good and well she is jacking her dd's hair up, but refuse to take advice. i can't stand folks stuck in their old jacked up ways when it comes to hair care. folks don't want to take the time to learn how to care for their hair. they will just slap a bad weave/wig on and call it a day.

 

[ItsMeFre]

I understand what everyone is saying and agree, but I am close enough to my sister that I would let her know how I feel, especially if I saw her using bad practices. If she doesn't listen, then I would leave it alone until she asks. I would make sure to always say positive things to my niece to help lift her self-esteem.

 

[SoopremeBeing]

You say her hair is about an inch long...how is she wearing her hair to school?

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

No mother wants to hear that they aren't doing the best job when it comes to their kids. Automatically they're gonna get angry, and defensive...they will have every excuse in the book on why they are doing it just fine, and you don't know Da Hell whatchoo tambout. And this is from personal experience, as well as from working in child welfare.

Best advice...start with your sister. Get her on the bandwagon, and sooner or later she'll start doing better for her daughter. Make it seem like its HER idea, or you're not going to get anywhere.

shortdub78...I'm convinced I can't die, just for my boys. I would have to resurrect myself like Jesus....because no one else in my family has a bloody clue, and I refuse to look down from Heaven, and see my boys lookin a Hot Damn Mess.

 

[puffball]

You say her hair is about an inch long...how is she wearing her hair to school?

In teeny tiny cornrows that look more like knots..

 

[candy626]

My mother had a friend who was totally lost with how to handle her daughters' 4b thick, coarse hair. I think people tried to give advice on it here and there but she was pretty stuck in that state of "oh there hair is just unmanageable." So she continued to use heavy grease, comb and brush it extremely rough. Eventually though, through some coaxing, she started taking her daughters to a stylist on a regular basis. Probably the best thing she could have done since she was not really equipped or interested in healthy hair care.

Perhaps you can make the same suggestion to your sister that she let somebody else take of it. Maybe even see if you can recruit your mom, to reiterate the same thing.

Some times you need to hear things from more then one person. But don't give up on her. Keep saying things here and there for your neice's sake but don't become too emotionally invested in it so you don't end up super frustrated with your sister.

 

[lamaria211]

Im so sorry for what your dealing with its extra hard when its not your child. If I were you (this is also what I do with my neice, who is biracial and hair does not grow past apl) I would ask to have her every weekend so that I can wash and DC her hair I also have purchased her many products and will continue to teach her how to use them.

 

[CurlsOnFire23]

You better tell her something before she ends up permanently destroying this girls hair.

 

[empressri]

I have met two women recently with mbl hair who told me these grease their scalp and they never peotective style. I think there is something to it.

I had hair that length in high school and did the same thing. Grease my scalp, NEVER did protective styling...

But I didn't go overboard with heat and coloring and stuff. I think sometimes if we wash and condition our hair, it can and will grow and retain its length.

The only time I've gotten damage was from an overzealous stylist that wanted to rush through my hair.

 

[PJaye]

If your sister has her mind firmly set on certain methods and products, try suggesting healthier alternatives that perform a similar function.

For instance, when a neighbor refused to stop worshipping at the Dax altar, I gave her a jar of Nature’s Blessing Hair Pomade (ingredients: nettle, rosemary, sage, peppermint, thyme, alfalfa, pure virgin olive oil, pure coconut oil, sage oil, rosemary oil, bergamot oil, chlorophyll (from nettle and spinach), pure mineral jelly, natural fragrance). Since it looked like grease, smelled like grease and behaved like grease, she was ecstatic. It wasn’t until much later that she took note of the nice ingredient list.

Remember that, when it comes to healthy hair tips, most people are expecting to receive information about a quick fix or magic bullet product, not a detailed work list of dos and don’ts. Try a more simplified approach of addressing one hair faux pas at a time; that way, she won’t feel criticized and bombarded with information. Also, keep in mind that the presentation is half the battle. Instead of implying that your sister is mismanaging your niece’s hair via your advice, try presenting a specific product as a To-Die-For item, e.g., “Sis, wait until you hear about this new shampoo I am using. I was looking for something to do A, B and C, and it did all of that including D, E, and F. I just had to get you and niece a bottle to try for yourselves.” If you can, offer a few freebies because people love receiving free stuff

HTH!

 

[Patricia]

I'm telling you, you can try all you want, all you will end up with is a headache and your last nerve being worked by your sister.

People will NOT do anything unless they are ready to. Now short of niece staying the night at your house or something, you can do her hair then. (Which is what I did in this same situation.)

Otherwise your words will go in one ear and out the other. I know, I've been there which is why I don't discuss hair unless someone is WILLING, keyword willing to actively listen.

I agree Everyone is not willing to accept the truth. Just be supportive.

 

[Love Always]

I know what you're going through. I have a niece also but she has a lot of hair, the problem is that her hair gets washed sporadically. It often smells and its very dry .

I keep telling my sister she needs her hair washed once a week but doesn't do it. Everytime she spends the night on the weekends I make sure that she her hair washed and conditioned. It makes me angry that some mothers don't take care of their daughters hair .

 

[amwcah]

I don't know if this has already been mentioned because I didn't read the other post, but ask your sister if you could do her hair for 6 months. During that time, you can document her growth and retention. Make a believer out of your sister. Do it for your niece!