asummertyme
Well-Known Member
I have no idea what i will do in the future..I have all the tools to deal with natural and relaxed hair...so....
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Would you EVER put RELAXERS on your daughter's hair???
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msa
New Member
Exactly. I don't see how I could teach my daughter to love herself but then go slap a caustic chemical on her head to make her hair more "manageable".
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
no relaxers texlaxed or anything else. i will care for my daughter's natural hair and will teach her the proper way to do it herself when she gets older. i wish my mother learned how to better take care of my hair instead of frying it and tearing it up with chemicals. my soft-fine textured hair didn't need all of that harshness.
CollegeGrad
New Member
I'd wait til she gets old enough to decide. Maybe around 13/14 when girls start to want to wear their hair loose. Hopefully it could all be achieved by flat-iron, but if she wants it all year round then I guess she'd get a relaxer. I'd teach her how to take care of it.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
When we found out it was a girl that was like the 3rd thing out of his mouth.....
She aint getting no #$#@$#@$@# perms
Send your DH over to talk to some sense into mine
Yep! If she has hair like I did- super thick. I would prefer not to, though...but who can say? I have a son now and once you start parenting, you sometimes have to make choices that you didn't think you would.
I'm much less worried about my child's hair than I worried about things like safety, security, education.....
I'm much less worried about my child's hair than I worried about things like safety, security, education.....
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
I'll have to play that one by ear.
If my future daughter has the same knot problems that I had when natural then I wouldn't be adverse to a relaxer.
If my future daughter has the same knot problems that I had when natural then I wouldn't be adverse to a relaxer.
spacetygrss
Well-Known Member
Nope. No relaxers for me and none for my daughter(s) either. If she wants to do that as an adult then she can have a hoot doing it on her own.
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Well-Known Member
Never....say....never
drjo91
New Member
awww i am glad for your daughter. This is the first time i hear someone of that age saying that they didn't like relaxes lol and wanting to transition. YAY FOR HER!!
gymfreak336
New Member
Sure. If we get to a point where she wants to have one and we have tried all of the alternative methods with limited success, I would.
KEWLKAT103
Well-Known Member
Nope, I sure won't.
I try my best to use all natural hygiene/beauty products and eat unprocessed, healthy food. Why in the world would I slap a gob full of chemicals right onto my childs head?
Not going to happen.
I try my best to use all natural hygiene/beauty products and eat unprocessed, healthy food. Why in the world would I slap a gob full of chemicals right onto my childs head?
Not going to happen.
DaDragonPrincess
Well-Known Member
If I ever have a child, no I want. Because I wish my mom would have not started relxaers in my hair, she did when I was little, I didn't have no say so , but I would have love to be natural.
Miamori
New Member
Well this is all ((very)) hypothetical, so of course I can't say for sure.
I would allow her to choose for herself when I felt that, judging by her decision making skills and behavior, she was capable of making a mature decision. If she ends up being anything like me... that would be past middle school, at least.
I would not, however, completely say no for all her life. I would probably prefer for her to stay natural, but I feel like, as a parent, and based on my own life experiences and watching the hardships and mistakes of families around mine, it would not be a good thing for me to revoke her free will and right to live her own life as her own person to that extent, regardless of whether or not I brought her into the world. That would have been my decision and my doing, not hers.
I feel like I would (and could) instill in her certain ideals, principles, and beliefs, but at some point, every child has to live - make decisions, even ones I don't like, and make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them).
I have my own free will, and along with everything else my mother taught me, she also made me realize that just as God has given her free will, he has done the same for me, and when it comes down to it, it is my right to exercise it, even if she doesn't like what I do. We both agree that it would not be her right to take that away from her child, even if she would want to.
Now, she doesn't let me go around and do what I want willy nilly, but depending on what the issue is, and how old I am, and how mature she feels I am at that point, she slowly relinquishes control and concedes that the decision is now mine to make.
I appreciate this, and it has allowed me to grow, and well... make my own decisions as I get older, which I believe is an important part of development and living in general. I appreciate it, and it has worked well for me (and helped me, even when I make choices I later regret) and has also helped me understand my mother's intentions for my life better.
So I would do the same for my daughter.
(... Though my mother and I both believe I will have sons anyway.
)
I would allow her to choose for herself when I felt that, judging by her decision making skills and behavior, she was capable of making a mature decision. If she ends up being anything like me... that would be past middle school, at least.
I would not, however, completely say no for all her life. I would probably prefer for her to stay natural, but I feel like, as a parent, and based on my own life experiences and watching the hardships and mistakes of families around mine, it would not be a good thing for me to revoke her free will and right to live her own life as her own person to that extent, regardless of whether or not I brought her into the world. That would have been my decision and my doing, not hers.
I feel like I would (and could) instill in her certain ideals, principles, and beliefs, but at some point, every child has to live - make decisions, even ones I don't like, and make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them).
I have my own free will, and along with everything else my mother taught me, she also made me realize that just as God has given her free will, he has done the same for me, and when it comes down to it, it is my right to exercise it, even if she doesn't like what I do. We both agree that it would not be her right to take that away from her child, even if she would want to.
Now, she doesn't let me go around and do what I want willy nilly, but depending on what the issue is, and how old I am, and how mature she feels I am at that point, she slowly relinquishes control and concedes that the decision is now mine to make.
I appreciate this, and it has allowed me to grow, and well... make my own decisions as I get older, which I believe is an important part of development and living in general. I appreciate it, and it has worked well for me (and helped me, even when I make choices I later regret) and has also helped me understand my mother's intentions for my life better.
So I would do the same for my daughter.
(... Though my mother and I both believe I will have sons anyway.
)fluffylocks
New Member
I wouldnt--becuase most of the young styles dont involve hair being straightened and I would want them to get a chance to know and love their hair before going into the relaxer cycle, but if they wanted it when they got older (14/high school), just as long as its not beacuse they think relaxed hair is better, and of course I would have tought them how to take care of their hair natural and now relaxed....then f course. Not the end of the world IMO, if they dont like it we can transition. Everybody has different things they want to try and hairs not something thats permenant.
Likeyouneverseenme
New Member
Absolutely not!
I would never put anything in her hair that I wouldn't use on my own.
I would never put anything in her hair that I wouldn't use on my own.
My mother did my relaxers growing up (along with my two younger sisters). We all had very thick hair and it got tough at times for her. She wasn't a licensed beautician by any standard, but she educated herself on the process and she caused no harm to our heads. I think this instance is less of saying no to relaxers and more of saying no to *poor application*. If you don't know what you're doing you don't know what you're doing period. It's not the relaxers fault. It's your fault. I'm natural now, but I was relaxed for 15 years and my hair was healthy then, and there are many women on this board with relaxed healthy hair and with daughters with healthy relaxed hair.
As much as I would want my daughter to be natural, I'd like for her to come to that decision on her own. Not because I tried to indoctrinate her with my views, but because she realized the beauty in her natural texture through her own process. I appreciate being natural even moreso now then I would have had I not been relaxed for most of my life.
In both cases -relaxed or natural- it's lame to assume that there is some absolute standard for the level of hair health that can be achieved. Natural hair will not always be healthy and relaxed hair will not always be unhealthy.
I will focus more on healthy hair care, good techniques, regimens, and products with my daughters (when I have them
) than on the battle to keep them from relaxing simply out of a misguided fear of chemicals. For many, this fear of relaxers is due to bad hair outcomes that are rooted in improper techniques, poor haircare, and ill-informed regimens moreso than the message of pride and self-acceptance of natural texture.
As much as I would want my daughter to be natural, I'd like for her to come to that decision on her own. Not because I tried to indoctrinate her with my views, but because she realized the beauty in her natural texture through her own process. I appreciate being natural even moreso now then I would have had I not been relaxed for most of my life.
In both cases -relaxed or natural- it's lame to assume that there is some absolute standard for the level of hair health that can be achieved. Natural hair will not always be healthy and relaxed hair will not always be unhealthy.
I will focus more on healthy hair care, good techniques, regimens, and products with my daughters (when I have them
) than on the battle to keep them from relaxing simply out of a misguided fear of chemicals. For many, this fear of relaxers is due to bad hair outcomes that are rooted in improper techniques, poor haircare, and ill-informed regimens moreso than the message of pride and self-acceptance of natural texture.
I'd like to think I wouldn't, but it's hard to know until you're in that situation. Ideally I would keep it natural and perhaps allow her to make a decision about it as she gets older. At this point I feel like if I can take care of my natural hair I can take care of almost anyone's. But who knows, perhaps I'll be too pressed for time. Yet Que manages with her own head and 3 daughters! Yeah, hard to say, but I'd have a strong preference for keeping it natural.
I don't know about the sun and sunblock analogy. I get the point that sun without proper protection is also damaging, but the sun is a natural part of the world. in fact until the addition of vitamin D to foods it probably would be impossible to live without it. Not quite the same as applying a recently introduced (in the scale of human history) burning-type chemical for cosmetic purposes.
I don't know about the sun and sunblock analogy. I get the point that sun without proper protection is also damaging, but the sun is a natural part of the world. in fact until the addition of vitamin D to foods it probably would be impossible to live without it. Not quite the same as applying a recently introduced (in the scale of human history) burning-type chemical for cosmetic purposes.
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titan
New Member
I was twelve when my mother took me to the hair salon the get my first relaxer, I'll never forgive her for that. I believe that when I have a daughter , I will try to teach her how to manage her hair without chemicals, if she prefers to get relaxer, when she is older,I will tell her the benifits and the negatives of getting her hair chemically altered. Relaxers are a big commitment.
PuddingPop
Well-Known Member
I probably will but I wont do it before she reaches middle school. My daughter has very thick 4b hair and she is only 5 now so she wears cornrows, multiple ponytails, beads etc.
I honestly cant imagine doing any of these styles on her hair past the age of 10. I would never send her to middle school with those styles. She and I will make the decision around that time.
I honestly cant imagine doing any of these styles on her hair past the age of 10. I would never send her to middle school with those styles. She and I will make the decision around that time.
KEWLKAT103
Well-Known Member
ITA
The sun is not the same thing as a relaxer
I think she provided that as an analogy- an example. She could have chosen from a large number of things, but that's the specific example she chose. I don't think she was trying to say that it's the "same thing" as a relaxer.
I won't put a relaxer in my daughters' heads...once they are out the house and out my pocket it will be their choice what they do to their hair.
I don't knock anyone who chooses to do so - there isn't a one-size-fit-all when it comes to the CHOICE of relaxing/not relaxing YOUR daughter's hair.
I don't knock anyone who chooses to do so - there isn't a one-size-fit-all when it comes to the CHOICE of relaxing/not relaxing YOUR daughter's hair.
naturalgurl
New Member
I can only make boys...so it seems. Anyway, if I had a daughter, she would be natural until she were mature enough to make that decision for herself. As for dealing with a lot of 4b hair( I say 4b because this seems to be the type of hair most are saying would be too much to handle, not because that's my hair type), there are several hair styles that look really nice. I for one have learned and would practice to never comb her hair while dry. Thick hair combs out nicely when wet and I would spray her down and plait her up...just my two cents.
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