Would You Disrupt A Relationship?
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Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Or have you in the past?-Yes I've done it in the past before.
So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship?-When I did it in the past it wasn't simply because I had "strong feelings" for the guy. When I chose to confess to my guy friend how I felt even though he had a gf (she wasn't his fiancee or his wife at the time) it was because there had been 3 years of misunderstandings, heartbreak, bad communication, and drama between us, and I just wanted to CLEAR the AIR and finally get my feelings for him off of my chest. In fact, I didn't approach my guy friend with the intent to "confess" to him. He dragged it out of me because he had already heard through the grapevine that I liked him. So....when he asked me point blank, I felt that it was just better to tell him the truth instead of lie about it. Plus, he had started treating me badly because he thought I was treating him a certain way on purpose, and so in a way I kind of had to basically "confess" to him the reason for my actions. So in my case (which was a very *special case*...I most likely wouldn't do something like this again) it was more like he dug it out of me, but I had orginally approached him trying to make peace or get all the cards on the table as opposed to wishing and hoping for "one last shot" with him.
I had no intention of breaking him and his gf apart, but in order to move on I really needed to clear the air so that I wouldn't hold any resentment in my heart, and when I confessed to him how I felt (regardless of what his feelings were for me) it was only so that I could clear the misconceptionss he had about me, and to finally just see where he stood on the matter. It helped me to move on.
Would it make a difference if you had a past already?-Well, like I said, I wouldn't do this again, but when I did do it in the past that one time I guess I did it because there had been some type of "past" between us for years.
Would it depend on the strength of the feelings?-When I did it, it wasn't really the strength of my feelings that urged me to do it (because honestly I was really going to just let him date, propose, and marry that girl while keeping silent) but more so the fact that I felt like I needed to CLEAR the air and clear my name. Like I said, HE was the one who had heard that I liked him and HE asked ME and kind of dragged the confession out of me.
I didn't approach him to confess, it was more like he already kind of knew and wanted to hear my say it I guess.
Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return?-When I did it I had no intention of breaking them up, and I didn't expect anything in return. I just wanted peace. That's honestly all I wanted.
If you would, where would you draw the line?-As I mentioned above, I wouldn't do something like this again. I mean, it wasn't like I was the one urging the "Confession", but it was more so that I was trying to clear everything up and finish any business. I felt like there was a lot of unfinished business between us and it didn't feel right. But again, that was a very SPECIAL case. I wouldn't do this again. I'd just let things happen like they're supposed to happen. lol
Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it?-No this has never happened to me, but I have had guys all of a sudden show more interest in me after I've started dating someone. I'm always a little suspicious of those types of occurences because if you didn't like me before, why all of a sudden do you like me? 
So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship?-When I did it in the past it wasn't simply because I had "strong feelings" for the guy. When I chose to confess to my guy friend how I felt even though he had a gf (she wasn't his fiancee or his wife at the time) it was because there had been 3 years of misunderstandings, heartbreak, bad communication, and drama between us, and I just wanted to CLEAR the AIR and finally get my feelings for him off of my chest. In fact, I didn't approach my guy friend with the intent to "confess" to him. He dragged it out of me because he had already heard through the grapevine that I liked him. So....when he asked me point blank, I felt that it was just better to tell him the truth instead of lie about it. Plus, he had started treating me badly because he thought I was treating him a certain way on purpose, and so in a way I kind of had to basically "confess" to him the reason for my actions. So in my case (which was a very *special case*...I most likely wouldn't do something like this again) it was more like he dug it out of me, but I had orginally approached him trying to make peace or get all the cards on the table as opposed to wishing and hoping for "one last shot" with him.
I had no intention of breaking him and his gf apart, but in order to move on I really needed to clear the air so that I wouldn't hold any resentment in my heart, and when I confessed to him how I felt (regardless of what his feelings were for me) it was only so that I could clear the misconceptionss he had about me, and to finally just see where he stood on the matter. It helped me to move on.
Would it make a difference if you had a past already?-Well, like I said, I wouldn't do this again, but when I did do it in the past that one time I guess I did it because there had been some type of "past" between us for years.
Would it depend on the strength of the feelings?-When I did it, it wasn't really the strength of my feelings that urged me to do it (because honestly I was really going to just let him date, propose, and marry that girl while keeping silent) but more so the fact that I felt like I needed to CLEAR the air and clear my name. Like I said, HE was the one who had heard that I liked him and HE asked ME and kind of dragged the confession out of me.
I didn't approach him to confess, it was more like he already kind of knew and wanted to hear my say it I guess. Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return?-When I did it I had no intention of breaking them up, and I didn't expect anything in return. I just wanted peace. That's honestly all I wanted.
If you would, where would you draw the line?-As I mentioned above, I wouldn't do something like this again. I mean, it wasn't like I was the one urging the "Confession", but it was more so that I was trying to clear everything up and finish any business. I felt like there was a lot of unfinished business between us and it didn't feel right. But again, that was a very SPECIAL case. I wouldn't do this again. I'd just let things happen like they're supposed to happen. lol
Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it?-No this has never happened to me, but I have had guys all of a sudden show more interest in me after I've started dating someone.
I'm always a little suspicious of those types of occurences because if you didn't like me before, why all of a sudden do you like me?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
I've not read the replies but here's mine. More of a tale actually, albeit chopped up for timesake.
When I first met my husband he was very much evolved in a relationship. I was crushed, jealous and in pain from watching them together because for me, it had been love at first sight. I died inside when I saw them walking hand in hand. I met her and instantly knew she disliked me. Still I am not the type nor will I ever be to be the other woman or try to break a couple up so I can squeeze in. My thoughts were, if it was meant to be then it will be. We were friends. Good friends. We hung out every day. His girlfriend was very aloof and stuck up and had more interest in her clique and he began to realize she was only with him because he was one of the half a hand full of White guys at the school (she was Korean). She never wanted to do the things he enjoyed but always wanted to make sure they were seen at school together. When he and his girlfriend started having problems he would tell me about it. We worked together (at Burger King, lol...This WAS high school...) As much as it was a bitter pill I gave him pep talks and ideas on how to make it work between them but I hated her because she treated him like crap. Eventually they broke up. Yeah, I was ecstatic. He was so hurt by the whole experience that during one of our talks he told me that he was done with relationships for a long while and wished all girls could be like me. I was like "Yeah...I'm done with relationships too!
" We continued being just good friends for a couple more months. I never pressed. Never asked for more and we had a ball together. so much so that we were together almost every day and he would come to my house and get me every single weekend to spend the day with him and his friends. Then one day, while over another friends house a friend of his who, at the time he considered his best friend, pulled me aside and read me the riot act for taking up his buddy's thoughts. This "friend" told me he thought I should not come around any more because he could see that John (hubby) was really in to me and he did not like where it was leading after his bad relationship, not to mention my being black would cause problems in his household. I was shocked and hurt. So hurt I was ready to leave right then but didn't want to cause a scene so I just sat in a corner wanting to die. John noticed how down I was and forced me to tell him what happened and went livid. He immediately went to his friend and told him off big time, threatened to stop being friends with him and made him apologize. A few weeks after that on Valentines Day I was at home feeling all boo-hoo'ish because I was alone and suddenly there was John grinning at me saying he had something he wanted to show me. Took me to a makeout/lookout and we talked for hours and watched the sunset. Next thing I knew we were kissing and confessing our feelings...Rest is history.
I really thought I was going to end up being one of those girls who has the best friend they're secretly in love with-gotta be in the wedding, types but some how, things worked out. And I didn't have to disrupt anything.
WOW Godzooki.....I don't know how you did it!
I've been "in love" with a guy friend before and watched him date all kinds of women while still giving me some "attention", and I just couldn't do it.
It was AGONIZING. Unrequited love (even if it's not really unrequited) can be so painful! I would always wonder whether or not he really liked me by spending all of this time with me instead of his gf. I wouldn't like that at all.
I would feel like the girl on the "backburner". It always made me sad to see him later on spend time with his girl after hanging out with me. I always felt like second best. 
So more power to you! I don't think I could go through this again. Either that, or he would have to be a guy friend that I wasn't really all that into. I definitely couldn't do the "advice" thing. But seems like you did right! He eventually saw what was in front of his face allllll along.
Some women have been able to do this, but man....I couldn't I guess. 
LilMissRed
Well-Known Member
nah... I've never come into anyones relationship and never would.. if it was meant to be................ and yeah KARMA??? oooooooweeeee I dont play with her LOL
If I wasn't attached and the person that I was interested in was just dating someone, then yes. If they are engaged or married, no.
Although, I spoke to an old boyfriend about a year ago. He is married and so am I. I told him that I felt more deeply for him back then than he knew. Not that I was looking to leave my relationship or looking for him to leave his...I was just talking about the past. He got upset and told me that he wished that I would've been more clear about my feelings because then maybe he wouldn't have married his wife.
After that, I stopped talking to him. It just seemed like his saying that was crossing a line. Maybe I was to blame too. Perhaps I should've kept my mouth shut. But nothing happened though.
Although, I spoke to an old boyfriend about a year ago. He is married and so am I. I told him that I felt more deeply for him back then than he knew. Not that I was looking to leave my relationship or looking for him to leave his...I was just talking about the past. He got upset and told me that he wished that I would've been more clear about my feelings because then maybe he wouldn't have married his wife.
After that, I stopped talking to him. It just seemed like his saying that was crossing a line. Maybe I was to blame too. Perhaps I should've kept my mouth shut. But nothing happened though.
dancinstallion
Well-Known Member
I don't think he was crossing the line. he was just telling the truth which is how he felt. There is nothing wrong with that. And he feels that if you would have told the truth back then, then maybe you two would have been together. He could be at a point in his life where he is regretting decisions or his relationship may not be going well, He could have settled because he didn't have you. who knows. or he could just be thinking of the what ifs. Maybe he loved you and didn't show it because you didn't. Idk.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
Woah...old thread. Interesting reading it again. Many months later, I think more generally that "closure" is overrated and that one can generally take hold of one's emotions if one chooses to exercise the discipline that requires--without saying anything to the object of affection.
That's something. I suppose that's the difficult part, isn't it? Someone might be with someone who they care about, but would jump if they knew someone else was a possibility. They're not going to break up first to see if the other person is interested, but they can't know unless they ask or the other person says something. Honestly, this is one of the reasons that I think serious pre-engagement committment unnecessarily binds people a lot of times, but that's another thread...
As for the married guy, yeah, that sounds like a real line crossed. Once it's done, seems like such negative energy put into a marriage to speak of wishing/thinking you should have chosen otherwise. But that's what really happens in life I suppose.
That's something. I suppose that's the difficult part, isn't it? Someone might be with someone who they care about, but would jump if they knew someone else was a possibility. They're not going to break up first to see if the other person is interested, but they can't know unless they ask or the other person says something. Honestly, this is one of the reasons that I think serious pre-engagement committment unnecessarily binds people a lot of times, but that's another thread...
As for the married guy, yeah, that sounds like a real line crossed. Once it's done, seems like such negative energy put into a marriage to speak of wishing/thinking you should have chosen otherwise. But that's what really happens in life I suppose.
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Well, actually way more was said by him...VERY innaproprite. A line was definitely crossed.
He and I met before he was engaged. At the time he was dating the same person that he eventually married.
Eventhough he was in a relationship, I didn't care. By the time I found out, as it wasn't made known to me in the beginning, it was too late for me. I'd already really liked him a lot, and I've always been super picky so I wasn't letting him go. However, I drew the line at any sexual activity besides kissing. I figured that if he really wanted me (in that way) he would've left his girlfriend. He pressured me a lot but he never left her.
He has never been totally happy with her. He told me back then, that he knew he was going to marry her because they'd been together for a number of years and she and their families expected it. He was too afraid not to go along with the plan.
So, that's why I never said "hey, I love you" or "I wish you were only with me". Although, I did do LOT'S of things to show that I loved him and I expected him to open his eyes and eventually leave her. For instance, I changed my entire daily life to revolve around his. Unfortunatley, for him he was too wrapped up in himself to even notice. Although, I don't know how he couldn't realize it...I made major changes. After 2 years, I had to go my seperate way.
Anyway, he went into his marriage because he felt pressure. That's his problem. I'm not going to ruin my marriage (which is basically, what he litterally had the nerve to expect from me) because he isn't happy with his life.
He and I met before he was engaged. At the time he was dating the same person that he eventually married.
Eventhough he was in a relationship, I didn't care. By the time I found out, as it wasn't made known to me in the beginning, it was too late for me. I'd already really liked him a lot, and I've always been super picky so I wasn't letting him go. However, I drew the line at any sexual activity besides kissing. I figured that if he really wanted me (in that way) he would've left his girlfriend. He pressured me a lot but he never left her.
He has never been totally happy with her. He told me back then, that he knew he was going to marry her because they'd been together for a number of years and she and their families expected it. He was too afraid not to go along with the plan.
So, that's why I never said "hey, I love you" or "I wish you were only with me". Although, I did do LOT'S of things to show that I loved him and I expected him to open his eyes and eventually leave her. For instance, I changed my entire daily life to revolve around his. Unfortunatley, for him he was too wrapped up in himself to even notice. Although, I don't know how he couldn't realize it...I made major changes. After 2 years, I had to go my seperate way.
Anyway, he went into his marriage because he felt pressure. That's his problem. I'm not going to ruin my marriage (which is basically, what he litterally had the nerve to expect from me) because he isn't happy with his life.
Spiffy
New Member
^^^Yep men do this all the time!
Would I disrupt a relationship for someone from the past, no. When I'm done, I'm done.
I know someone who disrupted her ex's marriage and her mom helped her.
They've been married for almost 10 years now and from my knowledge are pretty happy. Couldn't be me though!
Would I disrupt a relationship for someone from the past, no. When I'm done, I'm done.
I know someone who disrupted her ex's marriage and her mom helped her.
They've been married for almost 10 years now and from my knowledge are pretty happy. Couldn't be me though!
dancinstallion
Well-Known Member
I knew something was going on in his relationship for him to act like that. Some men act like that and nothing is wrong with their spouses. But in his case it was different. Yea I wouldn't expect you to leave you husband over him or even consider it. Being that he didn't leave his GF back then.
Actually, I wouldn't leave my husband regardless. I feel that life (well, at least in my case) worked out exactly as it should. There is no man anywhere that I would even consider disrupting my marriage or leaving my husband for.
UniquelyDivine
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't say I disrupted the relationship but I didn't stop him from talking to me because he had a GF, granted I was a teenager then and I had never been in a situation like that before, it may sound weird but I thought of him as mine from the first time I saw him. We were both intrigued by each other from the very first time we laid eyes on each other at fresman orientation(college), neither one of spoke to each other but he stayed on my mind and I on his, I carried a torch for him all through my freshman year and only saw him periodically but never spoke. I finally had to resort to stalker tactics to find out his name , I wrote him off after I saw him walking with a pink toe, after that day I focused on other men on campus. The first day of sophmore year I damn near knocked him over as he walked out of the student union holding the hand of some HUSSY!!!! He was giving me the hey boo look and she was gving some serious stink eye, I didn't pursue him but when he found out one of his friends had my number he stole the boys phone and took my number out, we started talking casually on facebook ad through texts but I knew he had a GF so I kept it friendly. His girl ended up finding out and started spreading rumors and lies about me, I'm a spiteful ***** so I let him pursue me after that and let my feelings be known, this will turn into a novel if I keep going so I'll keep a Looong story short and much drama later we've been together going on 5 years. *
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caribeandiva
Human being
My situation to the T!Or have you in the past?-Yes I've done it in the past before.
So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship?-When I did it in the past it wasn't simply because I had "strong feelings" for the guy. When I chose to confess to my guy friend how I felt even though he had a gf (she wasn't his fiancee or his wife at the time) it was because there had been 3 years of misunderstandings, heartbreak, bad communication, and drama between us, and I just wanted to CLEAR the AIR and finally get my feelings for him off of my chest. In fact, I didn't approach my guy friend with the intent to "confess" to him. He dragged it out of me because he had already heard through the grapevine that I liked him. So....when he asked me point blank, I felt that it was just better to tell him the truth instead of lie about it. Plus, he had started treating me badly because he thought I was treating him a certain way on purpose, and so in a way I kind of had to basically "confess" to him the reason for my actions. So in my case (which was a very *special case*...I most likely wouldn't do something like this again) it was more like he dug it out of me, but I had orginally approached him trying to make peace or get all the cards on the table as opposed to wishing and hoping for "one last shot" with him.
I had no intention of breaking him and his gf apart, but in order to move on I really needed to clear the air so that I wouldn't hold any resentment in my heart, and when I confessed to him how I felt (regardless of what his feelings were for me) it was only so that I could clear the misconceptionss he had about me, and to finally just see where he stood on the matter. It helped me to move on.
Would it make a difference if you had a past already?-Well, like I said, I wouldn't do this again, but when I did do it in the past that one time I guess I did it because there had been some type of "past" between us for years.
Would it depend on the strength of the feelings?-When I did it, it wasn't really the strength of my feelings that urged me to do it (because honestly I was really going to just let him date, propose, and marry that girl while keeping silent) but more so the fact that I felt like I needed to CLEAR the air and clear my name. Like I said, HE was the one who had heard that I liked him and HE asked ME and kind of dragged the confession out of me.
Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return?-When I did it I had no intention of breaking them up, and I didn't expect anything in return. I just wanted peace. That's honestly all I wanted.
If you would, where would you draw the line?-As I mentioned above, I wouldn't do something like this again. I mean, it wasn't like I was the one urging the "Confession", but it was more so that I was trying to clear everything up and finish any business. I felt like there was a lot of unfinished business between us and it didn't feel right. But again, that was a very SPECIAL case. I wouldn't do this again. I'd just let things happen like they're supposed to happen. lol
Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it?-No this has never happened to me, but I have had guys all of a sudden show more interest in me after I've started dating someone.
I would never disrupt a happy relationship but this was a very special case with a lot of misunderstandings that needed to be cleared up.
My-Foolish-Heart
Well-Known Member
My high school sweetheart who I haven't been with in years asked me how I felt about him while he was in a relationship. I told him that I didn't know (even though, I do know how I feel about him). I felt like it was inappropriate to discuss our relationship when he was with someone else. I've never really understood why I asked me that...
jem_mcmillan
Active Member
Nope. Karma is a *****. How can I expect a happy home if I am trying to mess up someones house?
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