Would You Disrupt A Relationship?

[aribell]

Or have you in the past?

I don't mean marriages. But anything before marriage is included, including engagements. So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship?

Would it make a difference if you had a past already?

Would it depend on the strength of the feelings?

Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return?

If you would, where would you draw the line?

Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it?


ETA: This is just about expressing the feelings, not having a physical relationship.

 

[brownelovely]

Nope...

Sometimes people THINK they have these strong feelings and urges about someone when really sometimes it's the "emotion" of not being able to be with that person. Folks usually, not all the time, usually desire to be with someone that they can't have or they want what the SO in the relationship is getting i.e. treatment, love, etc.

I would consider it a desperate move I guess. You get back what you dish out.

 

[dlewis]

So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship? NO

Would it make a difference if you had a past already? NO

Would it depend on the strength of the feelings? NO

Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return? NO

Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? YES

How'd you feel about it? I later married that man but I was very turn off by it for a long time.

 

[*5+5]

No to all the above, it would be pretty selfish if I did. It ain't always about 'me', in those situations you just have to sit on those feelings before you go breaking hearts or creating a mess IMO.

 

[Ramya]

No. I would never do any of the above.

 

[aribell]

Interesting. Started the thread because I know people who fall all over the spectrum on this one. Do any of the "sure, anything goes..." people want to share their P.O.V?

(BTW, this has no bearing on any situation that I am in)

 

[aribell]

So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship? NO

Would it make a difference if you had a past already? NO

Would it depend on the strength of the feelings? NO

Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return? NO

Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? YES

How'd you feel about it? I later married that man but I was very turn off by it for a long time.

Did you end that other relationship to be with your DH? Did you feel like he was being disrespectful to tell you how you felt while you were with someone else?

 

[dlewis]

Did you end that other relationship to be with your DH? Did you feel like he was being disrespectful to tell you how you felt while you were with someone else?

No I didn't end that relationship because of DH.

I didn't feel like he was being disrespectful because he wasn't trying anything and we were good friends. He was just kinda letting me know how much he cared for me and that if given the oppornutity that he would love to be the one marrying me.

 

[caltron]

Never a good idea!

 

[imstush]

I did it when I was younger. He was someone from my past. And like someone said it was more the emotion or the idea of, because 6 months later I realized why I left the first time.

Another story...I also have a friend who left his live in gf of 5 years for someone from his past. Guess what that relationship didn't even last two months. Fast forward two years later, the girl came back into his life again..he left his current relationship again. This time the girl who is 34 is dying to get married, so he's miserable because he feels trapped.

Karma is a *itch. You reap what you sow.

 

[aribell]

Or have you in the past? I have.

Would it make a difference if you had a past already? It did in the above situation...I felt like there were unresolved issues.

Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return? Probably the only situation in which I would do something like that...don't think I'd do it again

If you would, where would you draw the line? I wouldn't express feelings for anyone in order to get them into a relationship with me. It would have to be for other reasons.

Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it? Nope. Had someone express feelings for me while they were in a relationship...just made me suspicious.

In general, I think people do stuff like that for bad reasons, but I don't think I could say that it's always out of selfishness. In the above situation, it turned out for the better in our friendship, though there may have been other ways of accomplishing that. They just weren't apparent at the time.

 

[BrickbyBrick]

I watched a man I thought I loved end up with someone else. And I did nothing about it. He was a good man.

If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change anything. I had my shot. the end.

 

[ryanshope]

I would say no; especially if we had a past--we most likely ended for a valid reason.

Now if a person is in a committed relationship I am not a homewrecker; but I also believe that people stay where there want to stay and leave when they are ready to go--if a person has feelings for someone else then it is time to seperate.

But I don't believe in leaving someone for another person; that is just bad Karma right there

 

[DarkHair]

So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship?
No, I would not tell them. That would be chasing.

Would it make a difference if you had a past already?
No

Would it depend on the strength of the feelings?
No

Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return?
Think about it, but I'd be playing myself. Been there, done that.

If you would, where would you draw the line?
At his reaction

Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it?
My DH had a girlfriend when he met me. He kept asking me to be his girl, I kept saying no. He broke up with her to date me. Then it still took me a while to say yes.

 

[blasianbeauty]

I did it when I was younger. He was someone from my past. And like someone said it was more the emotion or the idea of, because 6 months later I realized why I left the first time.

Another story...I also have a friend who left his live in gf of 5 years for someone from his past. Guess what that relationship didn't even last two months. Fast forward two years later, the girl came back into his life again..he left his current relationship again. This time the girl who is 34 is dying to get married, so he's miserable because he feels trapped.

Karma is a *itch. You reap what you sow.

Wow...yeah he deserves everything that comes back to him. I'm sure his GF was devastated.

 

[sky_blu]

I've wanted to, still do. And as much as I don't care for his current I just can't bring myself to do it. He has expressed how it feels about me but I just blow it off because he's in a relationship. I keep saying I'm going to do it but everytime I talk to him I can't.

 

[godzooki]

I've not read the replies but here's mine. More of a tale actually, albeit chopped up for timesake.

When I first met my husband he was very much evolved in a relationship. I was crushed, jealous and in pain from watching them together because for me, it had been love at first sight. I died inside when I saw them walking hand in hand. I met her and instantly knew she disliked me. Still I am not the type nor will I ever be to be the other woman or try to break a couple up so I can squeeze in. My thoughts were, if it was meant to be then it will be. We were friends. Good friends. We hung out every day. His girlfriend was very aloof and stuck up and had more interest in her clique and he began to realize she was only with him because he was one of the half a hand full of White guys at the school (she was Korean). She never wanted to do the things he enjoyed but always wanted to make sure they were seen at school together. When he and his girlfriend started having problems he would tell me about it. We worked together (at Burger King, lol...This WAS high school...) As much as it was a bitter pill I gave him pep talks and ideas on how to make it work between them but I hated her because she treated him like crap. Eventually they broke up. Yeah, I was ecstatic. He was so hurt by the whole experience that during one of our talks he told me that he was done with relationships for a long while and wished all girls could be like me. I was like "Yeah...I'm done with relationships too!" We continued being just good friends for a couple more months. I never pressed. Never asked for more and we had a ball together. so much so that we were together almost every day and he would come to my house and get me every single weekend to spend the day with him and his friends. Then one day, while over another friends house a friend of his who, at the time he considered his best friend, pulled me aside and read me the riot act for taking up his buddy's thoughts. This "friend" told me he thought I should not come around any more because he could see that John (hubby) was really in to me and he did not like where it was leading after his bad relationship, not to mention my being black would cause problems in his household. I was shocked and hurt. So hurt I was ready to leave right then but didn't want to cause a scene so I just sat in a corner wanting to die. John noticed how down I was and forced me to tell him what happened and went livid. He immediately went to his friend and told him off big time, threatened to stop being friends with him and made him apologize. A few weeks after that on Valentines Day I was at home feeling all boo-hoo'ish because I was alone and suddenly there was John grinning at me saying he had something he wanted to show me. Took me to a makeout/lookout and we talked for hours and watched the sunset. Next thing I knew we were kissing and confessing our feelings...Rest is history.

I really thought I was going to end up being one of those girls who has the best friend they're secretly in love with-gotta be in the wedding, types but some how, things worked out. And I didn't have to disrupt anything.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Nope. I'm not a fan of doing things to others that I wouldn't want done to me, and for all those that claim they have no issue with telling somebody up until the wedding day, I hope you're cool with someone telling your FH the same if that time ever comes.

 

[aribell]

I wouldn't do that, and I wouldn't want someone to put my FH in that position. But if they did, I think I would be much more concerned with what my FH's (or SO's) respose would be than how wrong the other girl was. I would surely hope that it would't even be a question for him given his feelings for and committment to me.

It seems like another person coming in and disrupting a relationship can only happen if the person isn't resolute in their feelings for their current SO, and this "disrupter" just uncovered that fact. Otherwise, they'd just say "um...okay, no thanks" and keep it moving.

 

[rainbowknots]

^^ ITA^^ If your SO acts on these feelings that were expressed to them by someone else, then then your SO wasn't really committed to you in the first place

 

[mxdchiq86]

no, i wouldn't. if he felt the same way about you.. he'd be running to you to express his feelings.. instead, he's in a relationship with someone else. that speaks for itself.

 

[Vinyl]

So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship? I did this with my ex; he'd started dating a new girl shortly after we'd broken up.

Would it make a difference if you had a past already? Yes, if ex and I didn't have a past I wouldn't have bothered.

Would it depend on the strength of the feelings? Not sure on this one... I think on this one I was just too young to see the situation logically. It felt like I -had- to be with him. I think that if my feelings for him/the situation were in the right place, the better decision would have been to leave well enough alone, and not disrupt his happiness.

Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return? No, why put yourself out there like that if you didn't want anything in return?

If you would, where would you draw the line? I wouldn't do it again, sooo yeah.

Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it? Yes. My ex did the same thing to me when we broke up again a year later. I really didn't like it; it put me in an uncomfortable position where I'd have to hurt one person. Ended up choosing the new guy and hurting the ex.

 

[acooks143]

Yes and he end up leaving the girl for me but we end up breaking up 1yr later because as crazy as it seems I STILL could not trust him....I always thought he would do the same to me one day!

 

[Farida]

So, if you had strong feelings for someone would you tell them even if they were in a relationship?

Would it make a difference if you had a past already?

Would it depend on the strength of the feelings?

Would you do it even if you didn't expect anything in return?

If you would, where would you draw the line?

Has someone expressed feelings for you while you were in a relationship? How'd you feel about it?


NO to all of it. What's the point? If it's to entice the person to think about being with you, I think that's dirty. And I would always be suspicious of a man who got with me in that way. If he did it once.....?

I don't believe in soul mates or "the one", so if he is unhappy in his relationship he should've left without my nudge. If he was happy but left her for me anyway, that's immature IMO. In relationships there will always be times when you feel that the grass is greener on the other side. If we had a past and he was with her just because he couldn't have me? That's terrible to do to a person. I don't know, either way I would just be turned off.

 

[Theo]

Easy to say no to all above questions unless you've experienced it yourself. Its a bad idea though, and you should just try to remove yourself the the situation and all temptation.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I chose that relationships are sacred for a few reasons. Personally, I've always been the "girlfriend," not the other woman, if there has ever been another woman (you never know with these n...!) so from my bias perspective, I'm already in those shoes and I wouldn't want a woman pursuing my man. Secondly, I can never be someone on the side. I demand too much.

 

[Lovestyr]

yes, i would,, if the person and i had a past....and i felt that we had a chance,...i would at least express mt feelings....i don;t expect them to leave their significant other.....i h=just would like him to know how i feel.erplexed

 

[aribell]

...deleted...

 

[Latomian]

I think about how I would feel if someone did that to someone I was serious about. So, no. I couldn't ever do that.

 

[heyfranz]

I've never done it and never felt like doing it, but i think if my feelings were strong enough i just might as long as they are just BF/GF.