Would you check his email?

[gone_fishing]

I have a close guy friend and he thinks his wife is cheating on him. He can't prove it because he doesn't have access to her emails, etc. But he says she'll quickly minimize windows and delete things when he walks in the computer room unexpectedly.

Well I'm not a genius but I am a bit of a computer techie and he asked me recently if there's anyway you can track what someone types on the computer. He asked me this before he told me WHY he wanted to know.

I told him that amplus.net has a pretty precise keylogger (it does print screens, logs every words, logs chat conversations, etc.).

Now he wants me to install it on his computer.

My dilemma is his wife is not a friend of mine, but I do know her and too well to feel comfortable with this.

My instincts say don't get involved and I probably won't.

But do you guys think it's ever okay to check someone's emails-chat logs- etc. without their knowledge?

 

[bimbabe]

I would say do it if you really suspect but need concrete evidence.

I have had two male friends who suspected their SOs of cheating and they recorded their MSN convos and hotmail emails and sure enough both of the women were cheating. So I guess sometimes you need to do those things to get proof. Neither of them ever left their girlfriends though erplexed.

If she were to discover he was tracking her he could tell her that you gave him the software and you could be dropped as a friend.

So maybe you should not get directly involved just point him in the direction of getting the software/programme. If I was really close to him I would at least do that so that he could decide whether she was making a fool of him. Then again she could just be on LHCF and not want him to know about us

Do what our gut tells you to do.

HTH

 

[Dee-Licious]

If you go looking for something, you'll find something.

 

[Keen]

If you go looking for something, you'll find something.

But if something is there, wouldn't you want to find it?

 

[mizztasha49]

If you go looking for something, you'll find something.

I really dont understand that saying........and now someone can explain it to me. Ok so if I go looking and you are cheating...yes I will find out...but does that mean if I dont go looking it doesnt happen or do I just not know about it.

This was my ex's explanation and as soon as he said that I knew it was over.

 

[Jaegermany]

I think this is a slippery slope and it can get out of hand. Then its checking his voicemail and then its text messages etc.

I just think you will find what you are looking for if you go searching. But if you feel you need to do these things then there is a bigger problem that needs to be addressed than should you or shouldnt you check his messages IMO.....

 

[gone_fishing]

GOOD QUESTION!

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!

If my man is cheating I want to know.

I'm not one of those old school women who turn an eye at their cheating mean.

If he's cheating he's out the door.

Now, I don't know about digging into his personal things to locate something...

I guess I'm confused.

I'll send him the link so he can dowload the program but he's gotta figure out how to install it himself! I hope he doesn't find anything though.

Would be funny if she was just on LHCF LOL

 

[Arcadian]

Honestly, I would't be getting involved in that because that could have some very bad implications for your friendship.

If its not his computer, but their computer, you REALLY don't want to get involved (and this will be especially true if its HER computer). Listen to your instincts, they're not lying to you. Last thing you want to do is get involved in that. If they end up getting divorced (and your friend was found to be wrong) you could feel the backlash from it.

So should he decide he wants a keylogger installed, let HIM do it, not you.

There are somethings that friends should stay out of, and this is one of them.


-A

 

[Dee-Licious]

I really dont understand that saying........and now someone can explain it to me. Ok so if I go looking and you are cheating...yes I will find out...but does that mean if I dont go looking it doesnt happen or do I just not know about it.

This was my ex's explanation and as soon as he said that I knew it was over.

If he is cheating you'll find out.

If he is not cheating, he'll find out you don't trust him, which might give him cause to suspect you. Sometimes people feel you don't trust them because you did something yourself. Make sure if you do go snooping you have all of your ducks in order.


What I stated earlier in the thread is what I ALWAYS tell my snooping friends. But to tell the truth i'm SOOooo NOSY that I seek even when I don't have cause to, but I do it in a way that cannot be detected

Hope I explained that well, I'm getting ready for class. Let me know if it needs to be clarified further.

 

[Dee-Licious]

But if something is there, wouldn't you want to find it?

Yeah, I want to find out everything, even ish that has nothing to do with me


But sometimes we could find things and not know what we found and jump to the wrong conclusion. Now pure, concrete evidence is totally different.

 

[Dee-Licious]

its text messages etc.

See, now that's me. And it's not even my SO... I just have a habit of with about 2 of my friends when I have their phone I read old texts. It's not me trying to find anthing, just my nosiness gets me sometimes.

Because I know I do it, i keep my text messages locked on my phone because they are actually a lot like me erplexed

 

[dlewis]

Honestly, I would't be getting involved in that because that could have some very bad implications for your friendship.

If its not his computer, but their computer, you REALLY don't want to get involved (and this will be especially true if its HER computer). Listen to your instincts, they're not lying to you. Last thing you want to do is get involved in that. If they end up getting divorced (and your friend was found to be wrong) you could feel the backlash from it.

So should he decide he wants a keylogger installed, let HIM do it, not you.

There are somethings that friends should stay out of, and this is one of them.


-A

I agree....

 

[foxxymami]

If you start checking his personal things (even for the reason of snooping just because you're nosy), even if he is COMPLETELY against invading privacy....sooner or later he will start doing the same thing to you.


**Speaking from experience

 

[dlewis]

I don't cheak behind DH but if he became secretive or different I prob would. We leave everything in the open. If I wanted to check his wallet, I could. He doesn't get on the internet without my assistance so that a non issue.

 

[natural_one]

In my situation I installed a keylogger to find out about my ex-husband and I found all kinds of stuff. I "had" to do it because the not-knowing either way was driving me crazy. Especially with me seeing things that were going on and then him explaining them away, It d@mn near drove me into the ground.

 

[Arcadian]

Oh man, I didn't exactly answer the question..

Ok, let me just say that in our home network, I'm God, I know everything. I have access to every application on his computer. I know where all the traffic goes and comes from, he can't hide nothing because I see everything. does he know this? YES! (and he just dosen't care)

I don't peep his email just because I have that type of access.... its just not right for me to invade his privacy.

It would be like him going into my inbox. There's things in my inbox I don't want him privey to, and its not because i'm cheating or even potentially doing so.

Same thing with his phone. He's got 400 entries in his electronic roladex. he does not lock his phone. heck he leaves it all over the house

IMO, sneaking to find info breaks that trust bond between two people. If you want to find trouble, oftimes you may find what you THINK is trouble and its really not. I refuse to sneak to try to find info about my mate when all I should have to do is be straight and ask.

If I can't trust my mate, I will not be with him. If I think my mate is lying to me, I will be open enough to say, "I think you're lying" which to me means I have no business being with that person if I can't trust them.

Generally, if a person is sneaking to find info on a mate, they'll continue to do it. That to me dosen't breed trust between two people at all.


-A

 

[klb120475]

GOOD QUESTION!

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!

If my man is cheating I want to know.

I'm not one of those old school women who turn an eye at their cheating mean.

If he's cheating he's out the door.

Now, I don't know about digging into his personal things to locate something...

I guess I'm confused.

I'll send him the link so he can dowload the program but he's gotta figure out how to install it himself! I hope he doesn't find anything though.

Would be funny if she was just on LHCF LOL

 

[Twisties]

I would check if I suddenly had a reason to do it. If there is a change in behavior and things are not adding up and if my GUT is saying something is wrong, I will check.

In general, I trust and would not go snooping just for the heck of it.

I also don't believe in living in "pretend world" when it is "something" off, but no evidence...so that would make me find out why I am feeling off.

Some people are are just naturally curious, insecure, of hurt from past issues and constant snooping is how they try to control their environment to not get hurt again.

I just believe in paying attention to that "sinking gut feeling"....it is usually something there when that comes into play.

 

[seraphinelle]

I always say that saying.

When you go looking for something, you'll find it.

The reason is, you already have that feeling that something is not right, but no real evidence.

You check for the evidence, you find it.

How do you now bring that up?

Because you still invaded HIS privacy. ESPECIALLY if it's HIS computer.

And at the same time, you could find something that could be taken the wrong way.

An old friend of mine did that, found everything she suspected, but she's still with him, like a bloody idiot.

 

[Everything Zen]

Not a good thing. You go looking for trouble and you will find it. Happens all the time. I've seen it with at least two of my girlfriends.

 

[spelmanlocks]

Yep I would if I suspected something. I have to look out for my heart first and foremost and if my bf were cheating on me I would definitely want to know so that I could move on with my life. If I did find something I'm sure I'd be so peeved that I'd have no problem bringing it up.

I had a friend that found out her man was cheating on her through email after he left his browser open on his computer one night. She would have never known if she hadn't checked that email either I believe because he was perfectly content having both women and dated both for over a year. He even brought both girls around his friends and mama and noone was letting either girl know.

 

[MissScarlett]

If he is cheating you'll find out.

If he is not cheating, he'll find out you don't trust him, which might give him cause to suspect you. Sometimes people feel you don't trust them because you did something yourself. Make sure if you do go snooping you have all of your ducks in order.


What I stated earlier in the thread is what I ALWAYS tell my snooping friends. But to tell the truth i'm SOOooo NOSY that I seek even when I don't have cause to, but I do it in a way that cannot be detected

Hope I explained that well, I'm getting ready for class. Let me know if it needs to be clarified further.

This is me, look for it and you'll probalby find it. Because if you're looking for it, you knew it anyway, you just wanted confirmation. So if that's the case, then you didn't need to look in the first place.

 

[basketballbabe03]

If your friend suspects something, why doesn't he just ask her?? but anyway,
I usually respect people's privacy, but if I suspected something, I would do it just for more evidence of cheating. I wouldn't snoop just for the heck of it though. That's plain wrong. My bf would be pretty stupid to have evidence of cheating on a computer because i'm a computer programmer and I know of PLENTY ways to gather the infomation I want.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

maybe she's lookin at porn and doesnt want him to see cuz she's embarassed, heheheheheheeee...

 

[MizAvalon]

maybe she's lookin at porn and doesnt want him to see cuz she's embarassed, heheheheheheeee...

That was my first thought!

Ok seriously, would I check his e-mail? YES. But only if I felt like something was "off" to begin with. I wouldn't do random checks for no reason. But if I felt like something was up, then I'm checking.

When it comes to my sexual health, all bets are OFF.

 

[bimbabe]

That was my first thought!

Ok seriously, would I check his e-mail? YES. But only if I felt like something was "off" to begin with. I wouldn't do random checks for no reason. But if I felt like something was up, then I'm checking.

When it comes to my sexual health, all bets are OFF.

You got that right!!! People be cheating AND not using protection.

 

[Impresaria]

Oh man, I didn't exactly answer the question..

Ok, let me just say that in our home network, I'm God, I know everything. I have access to every application on his computer. I know where all the traffic goes and comes from, he can't hide nothing because I see everything. does he know this? YES! (and he just dosen't care)

I don't peep his email just because I have that type of access.... its just not right for me to invade his privacy.

It would be like him going into my inbox. There's things in my inbox I don't want him privey to, and its not because i'm cheating or even potentially doing so.

Same thing with his phone. He's got 400 entries in his electronic roladex. he does not lock his phone. heck he leaves it all over the house

IMO, sneaking to find info breaks that trust bond between two people. If you want to find trouble, oftimes you may find what you THINK is trouble and its really not. I refuse to sneak to try to find info about my mate when all I should have to do is be straight and ask.

If I can't trust my mate, I will not be with him. If I think my mate is lying to me, I will be open enough to say, "I think you're lying" which to me means I have no business being with that person if I can't trust them.

Generally, if a person is sneaking to find info on a mate, they'll continue to do it. That to me dosen't breed trust between two people at all.


-A

I believe that is true, to an extent...a very small extent. I am married and I believe that a marriage is a partnership based on many levels. One of those partnerships is a "business-like" one, so to speak. Let me explain. I depend on my husband to do what he says, when he says, and respect our union. These are agreements that are implied, so to speak, and they are generally the basis of marriage vows. As a husband, he has an incumbent duty to protect our family, our finances, our future (so do I, but right now we are talking about "husband"). A marriage can be considered the "ultimate" of partnerships, in so much that some aspects of your life literally depends on your spouses compliance and cooperation (I know this sounds static, but it's the truth, LOL).

Now, if I have a suspicion that my partner is cheating, do you think if I ask (ASKED) him that he's going to tell me? Well, he won't (and did not). I have a VESTED interest to use whatever device necessary to separate fact from fiction. With children, bills, assets, liabilities and my time and livelihood invested I NEED TO KNOW. I don't need to guess and start wondering if maybe something is wrong with my ability to trust. Maybe what is really wrong is HIS ability to be TRUSTED. If you know your spouse like I know mine I knew before I looked he was cheating. But you know what, cold-hard evidence trumps a gut feeling any day of the week.

When you confront a cheater and say "I feel like you are cheating on me", you can come off as emotional and accusatory. Guess what, I'mma skip that scenario and come with the goods--You ARE a cheater, BRO, and this is how I know." You are right, you can be straight and ask, but will your mate be straight and tell? It's just not likely.

 

[cutebajangirl]

I always say that saying.

When you go looking for something, you'll find it.

The reason is, you already have that feeling that something is not right, but no real evidence.

You check for the evidence, you find it.

How do you now bring that up?

Because you still invaded HIS privacy. ESPECIALLY if it's HIS computer.

And at the same time, you could find something that could be taken the wrong way.


An old friend of mine did that, found everything she suspected, but she's still with him, like a bloody idiot.

I guess I am the only one that wouldnt have a problem with that. I wouldnt have any problems with letting him know how I found out.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

Once you get to 'this point', it's already over, pretty much. I would not get involved. People need to not bring others into our marriage.

 

[life_is_great]

Ok. Where do I start. Here I come again with another "been there done that" story. I would, most definitely. I did it and found out my husband at the time was cheating, not just with 1 woman, not even 2 women, but there were at least 3 women. Had he not left his email up that dreaded day, I would have never known. After that I had spyware installed, oh the things I found out. But to each his own. I guess if you have a really great husband or wife and you have no reason to think they are cheating, then I say naw, don't do it. But if you have a piece of a spouse like I had, then heck yeah.