Worried About a Good Friend Who isn't Taking Care of Herself :-(
- Thread starter Hairsnob
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ScorpioLove
Well-Known Member
I have a friend who I feel similarly about as far as losing weight. When it comes to dieting the person doesn't want to hear it really.
Cant really help someone who doesn't want to change yet. It strains the friendship when you try too hard. Hopefully if she gets a new job that will help her get back to being fit. Ask her to run with you
Cant really help someone who doesn't want to change yet. It strains the friendship when you try too hard. Hopefully if she gets a new job that will help her get back to being fit. Ask her to run with you
janiebaby
Well-Known Member
It's a touchy subject. She sounds depressed. Showing concern may come off as patronizing her. You probably need to wait until she says something about it and instead of telling her what she needs to do, do it with her.
You can go grocery shopping together.
Walk around the mall for a workout instead of shopping.
Do a water challenge where you cut back on calorie drinks.
Do exercise videos together.
Tell her YOU would really need help with losing YOUR weight and would like her support to stay motivated.
You can go grocery shopping together.
Walk around the mall for a workout instead of shopping.
Do a water challenge where you cut back on calorie drinks.
Do exercise videos together.
Tell her YOU would really need help with losing YOUR weight and would like her support to stay motivated.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
I had a friend who was overweight except that she repeatedly complained to me about losing weight. One thing she told me that stood out was "it's not as easy as it seems." This was when I was trying to give her advice.
With that said, if I was in your current situation, I'd probably make it an activity for the both of us. Let it be, for example, that you think that both of you should become healthier as it is nearly the beginning of the second half of the year, that way you'd start 2015 with a bigger bang. Then ask how she suggests to go about it.
I wouldn't make it about her or about weight loss.
With that said, if I was in your current situation, I'd probably make it an activity for the both of us. Let it be, for example, that you think that both of you should become healthier as it is nearly the beginning of the second half of the year, that way you'd start 2015 with a bigger bang. Then ask how she suggests to go about it.
I wouldn't make it about her or about weight loss.
As a person who has\had weight issues, she has to want to do it herself. She has to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. If you harp on her about her weight she will start to avoid you. Love your friend, be her friend, but she knows that she is obese and doesn't need you to tell her.
ETA: I hate Captain Save a Fat Chick's.
Stay in your lane.
ETA: I hate Captain Save a Fat Chick's.
Stay in your lane.
julzinha
Well-Known Member
As a person who has\had weight issues, she has to want to do it herself. She has to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. If you harp on her about her weight she will start to avoid you. Love your friend, be her friend, but she knows that she is obese and doesn't need you to tell her.
ETA: I hate Captain Save a Fat Chick's.
That's what it took for me to lose weight. I even told my mother that when she tried talking to me about my weight. I said I'll lose the weight when I'm ready and 1 yr later, I lost 100 lbs.
Hairsnob
Deep Thinker
This is all helpful advice. Every single one of your posts sound familiar. It's hard to do some of the things like go walking or something because she'll just say she doesn't want to go. When we go to the mall now it's like she's ready to just grab something and go. She will only go to the mall with me now if she knows we are going to a restaurant afterwards.
I do think we can still go grocery shopping together. But even then, she will expect to go to a restaurant afterwards. I'm going to try bringing up healthier eating for myself more if she doesn't cut the convo short like she always does. Half the times I'm honestly not even bringing it up for her good, I"m just mentioning what I plan to do myself. She cuts me short thinking it's not interesting to her.
So to avoid being a Captain Save-a-fat-chick ( ThickHair ) LOL, it's like saying we won't be friends anymore because we don't do things in common anymore. I'm not worried about telling her she's fat, she says it herself and asks me if I agree. We're very honest with each other but it's hard watching someone become that way.
I do think we can still go grocery shopping together. But even then, she will expect to go to a restaurant afterwards. I'm going to try bringing up healthier eating for myself more if she doesn't cut the convo short like she always does. Half the times I'm honestly not even bringing it up for her good, I"m just mentioning what I plan to do myself. She cuts me short thinking it's not interesting to her.
So to avoid being a Captain Save-a-fat-chick ( ThickHair ) LOL, it's like saying we won't be friends anymore because we don't do things in common anymore. I'm not worried about telling her she's fat, she says it herself and asks me if I agree. We're very honest with each other but it's hard watching someone become that way.
Hairsnob Your only interactions are food related??? You don't go to the movies together? Church? Children activities? (if you have kids) Is she your only friend? I have a vareity for friends to do a variety of activities with.
Maybe she can be a phone or text friend. No need to change up your routine because she can't do certain things.
Hairsnob
Deep Thinker
ThickHair Both of our kids are grown. She's not my only friend but unfortunately, she was my only friend I was able to shop with. I have one phone only friend, one club/concert only friend and then her. We're very close where we can shop, do a concert or movie and talk on the phone. Lately it's just been the phone because she knows I'm not crazy about going to a restaurant after every outing. I honestly do miss having someone to shop with sometimes though.
Hairsnob
Deep Thinker
You're right. That's what I'm afraid of. If both of our lifestyles were the way they are now when we met then we probably would have never been friends.
I hope it goes in the right direction though. Thanks!
Hairsnob nothing wrong with doing things alone. You can't be miserable keeping her from being miserable. Why would you want to do that? Honestly it is her weight and her issue, still no reason not to love her. I can tell you care deeply for her, but at this point in time, she doesn't want "it".ThickHair Both of our kids are grown. She's not my only friend but unfortunately, she was my only friend I was able to shop with. I have one phone only friend, one club/concert only friend and then her. We're very close where we can shop, do a concert or movie and talk on the phone. Lately it's just been the phone because she knows I'm not crazy about going to a restaurant after every outing. I honestly do miss having someone to shop with sometimes though.
Hairsnob
Deep Thinker
ThickHair Very well said. I'm just going to remain phone friends for now and hope that she decides to make some changes. I don't mind going out to a restaurant with her occasionally but she will go out to a restaurant 3 times a week if she can.
Thank you so much for your advice. It really does help.
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