woman who stroked my hair

[felicia]

magic hair fingers you say? can u hook me up with a routine? i want my hair to look like yours

 

[Yellowflowers]

So I'm standing in BSS today and this woman comes up to me and starts stroking my hair. She asks me what I use, looks down and sees the silicon mix in my hand and gasps, " You shoudn't use that in your hair. Someone told me that's it's no good!"
I say to her " Well, I like it. I've used it and it's restoring my hair to it's natural resiliency. I've had no adverse side effects.
She's like " Well it's not good. It doesn't do anything for the hair. It doesn't condition it at all."
So I fling my hair over my shoulder (it's all bouncy and stuff) and said, " Well I'm the one who's hair you're stroking, maybe you should listen to me instead" (my sis said that was kinda mean and rude)
Mind you, her hair is short and broken up and severely damaged. Was I too rude in saying what I said?

No! No! No! You were not rude in the least. You have to be careful these days about strangers approaching you. You don't know what was really on her mind. What made her feel so free to approach you and touch your hair, start a conversation about it and then contradict you when you answered her question.

It sounds like she might have been a hater. Haters always try to assert themselves somehow in order to put you down or to get one up on you, while at the same time try to find out what you are using. You were right to give her the brush off.

Now where can I get some of that Silicon Mix?

 

[TKD Vixen]

Love it! You weren't out of line at all. I know I'm echoing most on this thread, but she touched your hair without asking for permission, then went on to give unsolicited advice (contrary to the obvious, at that). You handled it well.

 

[Brownshugaz]

I'm sorry you get called rude for telling that woman the truth but its okay for her to put her grubby ass fangas in your head?? Oh wow what is the world coming to when people can just start feeling your head up and you're the one in the wrong. She's lucky u even spoke to her instead of slapping her hand away like you prob shoulda done

 

[1Specialk]

So I'm standing in BSS today and this woman comes up to me and starts stroking my hair. She asks me what I use, looks down and sees the silicon mix in my hand and gasps, " You shoudn't use that in your hair. Someone told me that's it's no good!"
I say to her " Well, I like it. I've used it and it's restoring my hair to it's natural resiliency. I've had no adverse side effects.
She's like " Well it's not good. It doesn't do anything for the hair. It doesn't condition it at all."
So I fling my hair over my shoulder (it's all bouncy and stuff) and said, " Well I'm the one who's hair you're stroking, maybe you should listen to me instead" (my sis said that was kinda mean and rude)
Mind you, her hair is short and broken up and severely damaged. Was I too rude in saying what I said?

Yes. She was only trying to be helpful and didn't want your beautiful hair damaged. Maybe you should have asked her what she heard, then explain to her how it has helped your hair. And then recommend this board and possible products that could help her hair.

 

[mermaid]

You weren't rude. She was rude and crossed the line putting her fingers in your hair; at that point you had every right to push her for touching you.
How is some stupid b***h gonna admire your hair and then tell you what is making your hair admirable is not working?
And, let me tell you about strangers putting their hands in your hair; I knew a girl who was sitting with a guy at a club and she had long silvery blonde hair. He touched her hair real soft and told her it was sooo pretty, she said thanks, and tucked it back behind her ears (passively saying, "don't touch my hair") and a little while latter, the hair slides free and she thinks he is reaching to "pet" her again and he had a knife and cut 6 inches off that section and ran out the door.
I know this is a lot different setting than a BSS, but you never know, ya know?
They never caught the guy, police came and filed a report (oh yay, now we feel safe), but this dude was walking around with a knife sharp enough to slice through a handful of hair in one quick swipe.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Not rude at all. She had NO business touching your hair first of all and she had no place insisting that cilicone was bad for YOUR hair. Instead what she could have said was, "wow, I was told that cilicone was bad for the hair, but obviously it is doing good things for yours...maybe it simply didnt work for the person who told me" IF she had to say anything...

 

[Nanyanika]

Yes. She was only trying to be helpful and didn't want your beautiful hair damaged. Maybe you should have asked her what she heard, then explain to her how it has helped your hair. And then recommend this board and possible products that could help her hair.

ITA Especially from a christrian approach. I would scold her in a diplomatic manner regarding touching my hair without asking.

 

[brooklyngal73]

How was sweetcashew being rude??!

This complete idiot stranger is feelin' on her head and asks her what she uses. She's given an answer (nicely), and after all of that, she's telling SC that the product isn't good--while her own hair is a hot mess?

As someone else mentioned, this woman was definitely a hater of the worst proportions...

ETA: I betcha this chick would've dismissed SC's advice and recommendations of products/hair boards...

Yes. She was only trying to be helpful and didn't want your beautiful hair damaged. Maybe you should have asked her what she heard, then explain to her how it has helped your hair. And then recommend this board and possible products that could help her hair.

 

[Suri]

It bothers me that she kept pressing the issue. I mean it's your business what you buy. I think you were actually polite. I wonder what her response would have been to say..."what are you using to keep your hair so dry, do you think I should try some of what you use...tell me what you use...because I want dry, lifeless, mangled hair like yours"
Now that was rude.

 

[Healthb4Length]

I just noticed that it may be a regional thing too, I noticed that most of us NYers/Tri-state area girls and Mermaid think that she wasn't being rude. IDK maybe living in a largely metro area can change your views but I agree with Mermaid, there are a lot of freaks out there especially in the tri-state area...you have to be ever so careful.

@ Mermaid that's crazy! Slashing off 6 inches of hair like that ! I remember one time some random dude licked my hair ...ewww gross, maybe that's why I'm aprehensive about letting people touch my hair, I would have responded the same way, sorry that's just how I feel. She had no right touching your hair, you are not a CHIA PET!

How was sweetcashew being rude??!

This complete idiot stranger is feelin' on her head and asks her what she uses. She's given an answer (nicely), and after all of that, she's telling SC that the product isn't good--while her own hair is a hot mess?

As someone else mentioned, this woman was definitely a hater of the worst proportions...

ETA: I betcha this chick would've dismissed SC's advice and recommendations of products/hair boards...

 

[Suri]

Not rude at all. She had NO business touching your hair first of all and she had no place insisting that cilicone was bad for YOUR hair. Instead what she could have said was, "wow, I was told that cilicone was bad for the hair, but obviously it is doing good things for yours...maybe it simply didnt work for the person who told me" IF she had to say anything...

ITA. There is a certain way you conduct yourself when you deal with strangers, to touch your hair first indicated to me that she is doesn't know her boundaries.

 

[1Specialk]

How was sweetcashew being rude??!

This complete idiot stranger is feelin' on her head and asks her what she uses. She's given an answer (nicely), and after all of that, she's telling SC that the product isn't good--while her own hair is a hot mess?

As someone else mentioned, this woman was definitely a hater of the worst proportions...

ETA: I betcha this chick would've dismissed SC's advice and recommendations of products/hair boards...

Why does this woman have to be an idiot? There are alot of misinformed women about haircare and including some of us at one point. I'm not say that this woman had a right to stroke her hair, I'm guessing she was in AWE of Sweetchashew's hair. And Sweetcashew would have every right to inform her that she doesn't like for strangers to touch her. As you said this woman's hair is a "hot mess", so she needs all the help she can get. And if she dismissed SC's advice that's fine too, her right, but then again she might have listened and learned. Not everyone that makes a misinformed comment about our hair is a HATER, they're just misinformed.

Also on the silicon mix, there are some ingredients in there that are considered harmful to hair/scalp in the long run. It never did anything special for my hair.

 

[HairPhoenix]

I just noticed that it may be a regional thing too, I noticed that most of us NYers/Tri-state area girls and Mermaid think that she wasn't being rude. IDK maybe living in a largely metro area can change your views but I agree with Mermaid, there are a lot of freaks out there especially in the tri-state area...you have to be ever so careful.

@ Mermaid that's crazy! Slashing off 6 inches of hair like that ! I remember one time some random dude licked my hair ...ewww gross, maybe that's why I'm aprehensive about letting people touch my hair, I would have responded the same way, sorry that's just how I feel. She had no right touching your hair, you are not a CHIA PET!

A regional thing? Possibly...

I agree that it's not right when someone touches any part of you without permission. And people ARE CRAZY no matter where you live!! There are people who need to understand and respect other people's boundaries. What that woman did was no different than if a man had walked up to SC and grabbed her behind!!! Now THAT is rude no matter where you live. But in some places a woman will keep quiet and say nothing to a man about that. If you don't say something to those kind of people they will think what they are doing is okay. I bet that woman will think twice before she puts her hands in someone else's hair without asking again.

 

[Healthb4Length]

A regional thing? Possibly...

I agree that it's not right when someone touches any part of you without permission. And people ARE CRAZY no matter where you live!! There are people who need to understand and respect other people's boundaries. What that woman did was no different than if a man had walked up to SC and grabbed her behind!!! Now THAT is rude no matter where you live. But in some places a woman will keep quiet and say nothing to a man about that. If you don't say something to those kind of people they will think what they are doing is okay. I bet that woman will think twice before she puts her hands in someone else's hair without asking again.

ITA! But when I say regional I mean there are certain forms of behaviors that are accepted in some regions that are not accepted in others. Having traveled throughout most of the East Coast and Mid-Western States I know that their are certain things one can and cannot do. In NYC/NJ for instance one cannot be up in people space...that's just a big no-no ...Especially in NYC! And for this woman to come up and touch her hair was completely wrong. Now I may be biased for saying this but I know that down south people are more friendly/caring...not saying that NYers & NJersyians aren't but...we are just more reserved round these parts that's why I mentioned region. That's just common knowledge, at least to me anyways that you don't touch people's hair.

 

[Samaria]

She is a grown woman( I assume) she knew what she was doing. Now she may have wanted to warn her about her beautiful hair but instead of telling her she could have went at it another way as of ASKING her has she ever experienced any problems with silicone and such. Thats just my take.

 

[brooklyngal73]

Exactly...

A regional thing? Possibly...

I agree that it's not right when someone touches any part of you without permission. And people ARE CRAZY no matter where you live!! There are people who need to understand and respect other people's boundaries. What that woman did was no different than if a man had walked up to SC and grabbed her behind!!! Now THAT is rude no matter where you live. But in some places a woman will keep quiet and say nothing to a man about that. If you don't say something to those kind of people they will think what they are doing is okay. I bet that woman will think twice before she puts her hands in someone else's hair without asking again.

 

[Jewell]

I think it was a tad snobbish...but I probably would have said something along the same lines because people in public get on my nerves-in general, but especially when they think they know everything, and it is OBVIOUS they don't.

 

[Hair Peace]

ITA! But when I say regional I mean there are certain forms of behaviors that are accepted in some regions that are not accepted in others. Having traveled throughout most of the East Coast and Mid-Western States I know that their are certain things one can and cannot do. In NYC/NJ for instance one cannot be up in people space...that's just a big no-no ...Especially in NYC! And for this woman to come up and touch her hair was completely wrong. Now I may be biased for saying this but I know that down south people are more friendly/caring...not saying that NYers & NJersyians aren't but...we are just more reserved round these parts that's why I mentioned region. That's just common knowledge, at least to me anyways that you don't touch people's hair.

Cosign!

I'm from the NYC and still have ceratin "NYC tendencies" even though I'm in the Midwest now. I don't think it was rude at all. She had no business touching your hair and then arguing with you about what works for you!

 

[Candy_C]

she was feisty but u know, truthful.

i'm sick of people i KNOW pulling my hair, thinking its funny. fully fist grabbing. and i feel helpless cos they dont understand why i dont like it . they say "its real isn't it? whats the big deal not likes its gonna come out" -

so yes she stroked it, but imagine she could've pulled it too, she had the power b4 u cud see her, i dont blame u for being pissed

 

[DragonPearl]

It bothers me that she kept pressing the issue. I mean it's your business what you buy. I think you were actually polite. I wonder what her response would have been to say..."what are you using to keep your hair so dry, do you think I should try some of what you use...tell me what you use...because I want dry, lifeless, mangled hair like yours"
Now that was rude.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Cosign!

I'm from the NYC and still have ceratin "NYC tendencies" even though I'm in the Midwest now. I don't think it was rude at all. She had no business touching your hair and then arguing with you about what works for you!

Exactly! Brooklyn over here, lol.... No but seriously, north, south, east, west, she shoulda kept her hands to herself...People do all kinds of mess with there hands...dont touch me, ilk...

 

[LovelyZ]

A regional thing? Possibly...

There are people who need to understand and respect other people's boundaries. What that woman did was no different than if a man had walked up to SC and grabbed her behind!!! Now THAT is rude no matter where you live. But in some places a woman will keep quiet and say nothing to a man about that. If you don't say something to those kind of people they will think what they are doing is okay.

I was trying to imagine myself in a situation where someone benevolently approaches me and strokes my hair in admiration. I would definately feel that they crossed my personal space boundary, and I would want to say "thank you for the compliment but please refrain from touching the hair of someone you don't know" but I probably would just not say anything at all. I think a lot of the time the person really isn't trying to offend, they are just admiring.

 

[HairPhoenix]

ITA! But when I say regional I mean there are certain forms of behaviors that are accepted in some regions that are not accepted in others. Having traveled throughout most of the East Coast and Mid-Western States I know that their are certain things one can and cannot do. In NYC/NJ for instance one cannot be up in people space...that's just a big no-no ...Especially in NYC! And for this woman to come up and touch her hair was completely wrong. Now I may be biased for saying this but I know that down south people are more friendly/caring...not saying that NYers & NJersyians aren't but...we are just more reserved round these parts that's why I mentioned region. That's just common knowledge, at least to me anyways that you don't touch people's hair.

I feel you Alli. Hey, I've been around this country and now I'm in the dirty South again. I know what you mean.

 

[Lady_Lioness]

ITA! But when I say regional I mean there are certain forms of behaviors that are accepted in some regions that are not accepted in others. Having traveled throughout most of the East Coast and Mid-Western States I know that their are certain things one can and cannot do. In NYC/NJ for instance one cannot be up in people space...that's just a big no-no ...Especially in NYC! And for this woman to come up and touch her hair was completely wrong. Now I may be biased for saying this but I know that down south people are more friendly/caring...not saying that NYers & NJersyians aren't but...we are just more reserved round these parts that's why I mentioned region. That's just common knowledge, at least to me anyways that you don't touch people's hair.

Exactly I totally agree...people in new york are so wrapped up in their own lives...a simple piece of long hair wouldn't be an issue to them...What that female did was downright rude...this goes to show that she had a lack of home training...I don't think what you said was rude...maybe the flippin' of the hair was a tad bit too much...but that chick had it coming.

Edited to say: How long did it take for you to remove her hands out of your hair?

 

[HairPhoenix]

I was trying to imagine myself in a situation where someone benevolently approaches me and strokes my hair in admiration. I would definately feel that they crossed my personal space boundary, and I would want to say "thank you for the compliment but please refrain from touching the hair of someone you don't know" but I probably would just not say anything at all. I think a lot of the time the person really isn't trying to offend, they are just admiring.

Most of the time people do things to others with no intention of being offensive. They don't know they are being offensive unless you tell them. If a man, or woman, touches your behind out of admiration you wouldn't say anything? It's one thing if you are cool with them touching you. It's not okay if you don't like it.

 

[brownsugar9999]

[/b]


Laughing at the highlighted comment. So true! I feel when I get my hair "done" I have to have my pimp hand ready!

Geez up ....hoes down!
It's a cold m%$^Fing world.,.....We gotta supply our own heat....
Girl GET YO PIMP HAND STRONG!!!!!

 

[brownsugar9999]

she was feisty but u know, truthful.

i'm sick of people i KNOW pulling my hair, thinking its funny. fully fist grabbing. and i feel helpless cos they dont understand why i dont like it . they say "its real isn't it? whats the big deal not likes its gonna come out" -

so yes she stroked it, but imagine she could've pulled it too, she had the power b4 u cud see her, i dont blame u for being pissed

THAT'S WHAT I'M talking about...people you KNOW!!!! My MOTHER does it, and SHE'S SOOO rough when she does...it's like OK...CUT IT OUT!!! AND HER HAIR IS LONGER THAN MINE!!!!!!!!!

 

[OnPoint]

IMO she had that coming. She kept pushing the issue and stepped overboard. Apparantly it does work if your hair is healthy and has the ability to be tossed over your shoulder. Maybe she will think twice before she reaches out that touches someone else's hair.

My thoughts exactly!!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I don't understand how SC was being rude. The only good reason I can think of that a stranger should have their hands on my head is if my hair was on fire and they were trying to put it out. Other than that they don't deserve any type of courtesy.

IMHO, the woman stepped over a line with the touching and reached the habitual line stepper level with the lecture about SC's product choice. The hair flip shut the woman up and got her out of SC's business and personal space.

I say flip on, my sista, flip on.