Why keep the Last Name?

P

pearcey

Well-Known Member
Please chime in...

The following is regarding two individuals without joint anything, no assets together, and no children, joint property. Just two people who married and decided to go their own ways:

I never under stood that if you are no longer with your mate, why would you want to keep their last name.

It doesn't matter if it was the most civil parting, the point is, you have parted ways.

And if you were the one who initiated the proceedings, why in the world would you want alimony or any type of benefit from someone you no longer want to be with?

This was always something i was very curious about.

if you no longer want to be a part of a person's life, what makes their finances, possession, or name fair game? [sorry for the rhyme...]

Separation or Divorce is a parting of ways due to whatever. Benefits of any type should not be a part of the deal.
 
Depending on how long you've been married, some people don't change it for business reasons. They've made a name for themselves under that name, and simply don't feel like going through the "I go by _______ now". Then people start asking questions...and some people---myself included---don't feel like explaining WHY they changed their name/thus discussing divorce at all. I know some people who don't even mention their private lives.
 
when i read the latest tameka raymond thread in entertainment, i just had to finally ask my virtual fellow hair enthusiasts on the forum. you ladies never disappoint.

thanks, again
 
one of the posts said jokingly that maybe now she can change her last name...

and then i thought, esp. in that case why keep the name...
 
I'm not divorced yet but when it's finalized I will keep his last name, at least for a while. It would be too hard for me to get IDs and security clearances transferred back to my maiden name.
 
Once you legally change your name, it's yours and you can do whatever you want with it. It can be cumbersome to go through the process of changing your name again, especially if you were married for a long time.

When you get married there is no more "mine" and "yours". It's ours and when things are split it's not always about what you came into the marriage with.
 
We had a son.....I wanted to sign everything the same for the two of us. Some ladies do not want the man's name any more. I would have been glad to change my name back to my maiden name. He asked me why did I keep the name. It is my name.
 
pearcey said:
And if you were the one who initiated the proceedings, why in the world would you want alimony or any type of benefit from someone you no longer want to be with?

if you no longer want to be a part of a person's life, what makes their finances, possession, or name fair game? [sorry for the rhyme...]

Separation or Divorce is a parting of ways due to whatever. Benefits of any type should not be a part of the deal.
Click to expand...

Here's a scenario:

I have a coworker that delayed grad school and worked a full time and part time job to help put her husband through law school. He didn't work while he was in school. The original plan was for him to get established, and then once he was employed, his earnings would be used to help pay for her graduate degree. Once he got his degree, passed the bar and started earning big dollars, he started cheating, and she initiated a divorce.

So in your mind, she should've just said,"Oh well, guess that didn't work out for me" and walked away, even though she helped him establish himself professionally and made significantly less than he did?
 
LaChaBla said:
Here's a scenario:

I have a coworker that delayed grad school and worked a full time and part time job to help put her husband through law school. He didn't work while he was in school. The original plan was for him to get established, and then once he was employed, his earnings would be used to help pay for her graduate degree. Once he got his degree, passed the bar and started earning big dollars, he started cheating, and she initiated a divorce.

So in your mind, she should've just said,"Oh well, guess that didn't work out for me" and walked away, even though she helped him establish himself professionally and made significantly less than he did?
Click to expand...

How will keeping her married name benefit her after the divorce?
 
Pretty Brown Eyes said:
How will keeping her married name benefit her after the divorce?
Click to expand...
It won't.

OP asked about keeping the married name and benefits like alimony, possessions, finances, etc. I quoted the part of her initial post that I was responding to, which was basically

pearcey said:
if you no longer want to be a part of a person's life, what makes their finances, possession, or name fair game? [sorry for the rhyme...]

Separation or Divorce is a parting of ways due to whatever. Benefits of any type should not be a part of the deal.
Click to expand...
 
It's much easier to keep it. When I got married it was a headache getting everything changed over. My first house is still in my maiden name and the mess I have to go through to change it has made me procrastinate. If I were to ever get divorced I am keeping the name, it's just too much of a hassle to change drivers license, passports, titles, bills, credit cards, etc....

As far as alimony, why in the world would you not want it if you are eligible to receive it? I never turn down extra money
 
I kept the last name for ministry reasons. Must pastors around here know me as Minister Ex name and not my maiden name, also at work I'm still Ms. Ex. After three years I am slowly using my maiden name for business and social purposes.
 
Not changing my last name, never even gave it a thought. Its my name its been my names for years and so there it is. When or if I get remarried, well, I will change my name then, but for now its remains.
 
Last edited:
I'm not changing my last name because I've been married for 21 yrs and because of my kids. That's one battle he didn't even try to suggest. But, my name has always been hyphenated so I've always been both my maiden and married name.
 
godzooki said:
I'm not changing my last name because I've been married for 21 yrs and because of my kids. That's one battle he didn't even try to suggest. But, my name has always been hyphenated so I've always been both my maiden and married name.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage.
 
*** that. I'm changing mine back as soon as the divorce is final. I will have to change the name on my business and all that, but I dont care. Most people close to me knew me before so it's a little easier in my case.
 
I'm not going to change mine unless I get married again. It's a pain going through all of that. Besides I've been married for and will have been married over 10 years before our divorce is final. As for amicable divorcing me and my stbx have been together for almost 12 years, married for almost 10. We had nothing when we got married, we now have a home, we have things I bought (and he benefited from due to my creditworthiness) and he enjoys.

You better believe I'm getting a stake in our things. Besides our state is a community property state so they're going to split everything anyways.
 
My maiden name is just so official and his is not. Even he agreed, LOL! Even if I had kids I'd go back to LV.
 
Some days I want to keep it for convenience (don't feel like changing everything) and because we have a child. Other days I want to somehow erase the last 12 years by going back to my maiden name.

Unless I'm crazy enough to get married again, I'm keeping this name more than likely.
 
My former boss said she kept her husband's last name, because his name carries a lot clout and keeps doors open. He and his family are multi-millionaires. It was intimated she got and kept her job because of charitable donations made by her ex.
 
pearcey said:
if you no longer want to be a part of a person's life, what makes their finances, possession, or name fair game? [sorry for the rhyme...]
Click to expand...

I want half or as much as the law will allow. Once they fork over the cash and/or possessions then it is mine, not theirs. Don't you expect your paycheck after you've earned it?
 
I never really took on my husband's last name. I tried, but it never really felt like it I became a part of it, or it became of me. I have to get new ID next week, and it will have my maiden name on it.

We will be married 2 years in February :rolleyes:
 
It was a very easy decision for me. I was married for 26 years; together for 31 and we have two adult sons. I reverted to my maiden name as quickly as possible. In fact, when I receive mail in my married name, I see red. I agree with you @Daughter. I was married to a compulsive-lying narcissist and didn't truly realize the depth of his crazy until he was no longer in close proximity to me. I'm so happy to have my maiden name and my sons understand it.
 
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