Why It Didn't Work

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Hey ladies,

I was just wondering if we could have a thread where we shared why our past relationships didn't work. Why did you leave? What couldn't you deal/live with? Were you incompatible? Why do you think it didn't lead to marriage (if that's what you both wanted). What are some of the warning signs that showed that you two wouldn't work well together? Was it you? Was it him? What type of things start to rear its ugly head after the "honey moon phase" is over?

I know some of the things to look out for and to run for the hills are abusive (verbal and physical) signs, maybe mental issues that you personally can't deal with, lying, cheating. Those are big things but I often wonder what people mean when they say "it just didn't work out".

I know sometimes it's the man who just doesn't want to commit but other than him blatantly saying he doesn't want to get married or dragging his feet for years and years, how would you know?

Of course you don't need to answer ALL the questions..the general question is why didn't it work?

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I'll start. I ended my 5 year relationship because I felt we had different ideas on what a relationship and marriage should be. He believed a couple should basically spend ALL their time together, didn't see a need for friends or personal relationships with other people, didn't see the need to be social with other people outside of business purposes, didn't think we should be having fun without one another (or did not want to). I was tired of waiting on him to finish school. He's older than me and still a freshman in community college without a good paying job whereas I am working on my second degree. He wasn't interested in developing a personal relationship with God without me (i.e. didn't want to go to church without me (we were in a LD relationship), didn't really believe in the POWER of prayer, didn't see the necessity in reading the bible). He also had issues with my career and hours..that's all I can think of for now.

Alot of people felt like I should've just dealt with it all because he wanted to marry me....but I didn't feel I could personally be happy with him unless major changes were made. And frankly, I was tired of arguing over the SAME thing over and over.

 

[ivyness]

I drafted a long response blaming myself given I ended the relationship and he was the almost perfect man. I wasn't ready to get married because of forces external to us. A death of a loved one. I couldn't rise out of my grief long enough to fight for us. And I understand his anger at how much I have changed.

BUT if he was the right man, wouldn't I have been able to get over those issues and focus on us, a wedding and family? Instead I focus on how he has also changed.

If he did think I was the one, wouldn't he have fought a bit harder for us? Spoken up when his bff disrespected me even though we were separated at the time? I can't get over that. A husband is meant to protect and all his protection over the last year could not make up for that one minute.

The simple answer is, we could have gotten over deaths, fights, anger. That was between he and i. But I couldn't get over him sitting there watching his best friend disrespect me. I read something on this forum today that made me realize that while I had been on a pedestal before and was treated as such, he had at some point made me his doormat. Thus his silence when BFF was being an *******. I don't have time for that. So I cut off ALL TIES today.

God. It feels good to articulate that.