Why I Don't Like Dating... (Vent)

TinyBlu

TinyBlu

Well-Known Member
I have come to realize that some people just aren't cut out for dating...like me.

To be clear, I am not the type of woman who meets a man and starts picking out baby names within ten minutes, but I am relationship oriented.
Maybe I have had just a few too many bad dates, butI hate the whole pretentious, weed out the BS, game of it all. Seriously.... why does it have to be a game at all?

So after officially getting over a December 2009 break up, I have decided that I am ready to "really" get back out there. I have also realized that I may have been a little rigid in the past and have been trying to be more open in my choices.

OK... I had a brief encounter with a man who I normally wouldn't have given a second look (another race, short, younger) and realized I was better off single, and at the beginning of this year, quite out of the blue, someone I had known a while (considerably younger) asked me out, and we had the most amazing first date.

So after our first date, I got the usual "Had a good time" texts and we had a couple of good phone conversations. Then I went on vacation (alone), and we communicated over text the entire week I was gone. Things seemed to be going fine. The day I flew home, he sent me a text checking to see if I got home safely, then NOTHING!!!!!!!!

Never being a stalker chick, I decided he was probably busy and would catch up with me in a few days. After 4 days and still nothing, I sent him a "How was your week" text and he gave me the "been busy" response. Since then, nothing.

It was my hope to see him when I returned from vacation (I even bought him a corny souvenir!!!). So what happened this time? Is there a hole that men just drop into that I don't know about?

This is reminiscent of the guy who dumped me in 2009 and the guy before him. They all just stop calling!!!! What am I doing wrong? How can a man go from a great first date and regular contact (that HE inititates) to just disappearing? Why do I keep attracting Houdini's??

I am not desparate or needy.... quite the contrary. I am a successful, attractive, independent woman. I am not walking around with a chip on my shoulder like "I don't need no man". I am more of the school of thought that having a good man in my life would be a good thing, but feel like I may have to resolve myself to a life alone if this keeps happening.

Sorry to vent... it just doesn't feel good to be at home... alone.... again...
 
I feel you on this. I am so lonely it's not even funny. I have a few guys interested..but I don't even care. I'd rather be alone than keep letting myself get played. Let them bammas keep dropping into the abyss. Actually they are doing you a favor. You should never have to pursue a man....trust me I learned the hard way.
 
Girl, I could have written a manual about this above. Guy's are like that, it sucks and move on. It is not you. I had to stop trying to figure out why guys do that because it was driving me crazy. My attitude just became, it is their loss and move on.

ETA: My attitude changed after I had a 20 minute date, after this guy begged to take me out for 2 full weeks. I guess he wasn't in to me "h e l l' if I know.
 
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Guys can be so weird, sometimes. This happened to me last spring and his eventual response was that he wanted to feel needed/desired. This guy is model good looking, tall, successful, in good shape, caring (but often cranky), and athletic... But b/c he was used to girls throwing themselves all over him and he thought I wasn't into him. I wasn't. Not really. But I still thought it was strange when he disappeared; I didn't think I was so obvious as I was taking the expected steps.

Are you REALLY into him or are you more interested in a relationship?
 
I so feel you. I had 2 back to back Houdinis around July/August last year. Had me wondering what the hell I was doing wrong. But after awhile, I started to see that I hadn't done anything. For whatever reason, they just weren't that into me, although both proclaimed the opposite. I was a little hurt and my self-confidence did take a hit for a minute. Unfortunately, it just comes with the territory of dating, I guess.

So, you're not alone. I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted you to know that. :look:
 
Well I'm the most beautiful woman in the world... and I'm also the busiest. I just don't have time to be anyone's doormat anymore.

Tinyblu, the same thing happened to me. I went overseas and never heard from this one guy. Monkey see, monkey do... I ain't gonna call you either! No games in 2011, loser!
 
ebonylocs said:
Well, she was "fun" enough for him to send her "I had a good time" texts after the date, call her a couple of times before she went on vacation, and keep in touch with her the whole week while she was on vacation.
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maybe, or he was being nice. personally if a guys interested he pursues. If he sees shes not he pulls back

a lot of times women just lay there and expect the guy to do everything because they fear coming off as clingy but If they dont feel your interested they move on. No one likes wasting time
 
Kimgirl50 said:
maybe, or he was being nice. personally if a guys interested he pursues. If he sees shes not he pulls back

a lot of times women just lay there and expect the guy to do everything because they fear coming off as clingy but If they dont feel your interested they move on. No one likes wasting time
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I see what you're saying, but that would have been a lot of effort just to be nice. I would think if a guy didn't have fun, he would have maybe texted once then faded into the ether.

Now, if you're asking if she showed him her interest, that's a different thing.
 
I know it must be frustrating, but I doubt that you did anything wrong. Especially at those early stages, you never know what they're looking for, who else they're seeing, what all is going on in their life, etc. It could be any reason. I don't think it's something you should invest too much energy in trying to figure out.

(btw, imo, it's also not worthwhile to try and figure out if you weren't enough this or too much that. you are who you are and whoever you end up with will be someone who vibes with who you are and can at least address or deal with the things he has issues with you about. so if someone just decides to move on, it's probably best to just let them do so)
 
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I think this has happened almost every woman...

I wouldn't put too much stock in it....Like other posters have said...you never can tell and he is doing you a favor.

I'd rather a guy back out after 1 date versus 10 or 15 when I'm truly interested.

I knew a guy who was fresh out of a break up and stated dating a lady, that he liked, but as soon as his ex called and said she wanted to get back togther, he left the other lady high and dry.

He admitted that the new lady was cool, pretty, and fun..but he wanted his ex back. So he just stopped calling, expecting her to "get the picture". He never told the woman, he was fresh out of a break up...or that he was going back to his ex, he just never called again.

Meanwhile, this woman was sitting somewhere trying to figure out what happened.

I think men don't like "drama" or confrontation...so they sneak away...in hopes of it blowing over.
 
I just asked my brother and he said the guy probably found someone else. It's definitely happened to me (and so many of us) in the past where a guy suddenly stopped communicating, I would find out much later that it was either they became busy with other things and just decided I wasn't going to make it into his schedule or that he met someone else.

I'm sorry it happened to you because it's annoying when you are invested in someone emotionally and they have moved on...and it's even more annoying when they don't tell you straight up what is going on. Come on, we are all adults!
 
This has happened to me.. I think this guy is probably seeing someone else or is more interested in someone else. The only thing we can do is keep our options open by seeing several people til things start to get serious with one of them, then cut the others off. That's what men do..
 
EtherealEnigma said:
Guys can be so weird, sometimes. This happened to me last spring and his eventual response was that he wanted to feel needed/desired. This guy is model good looking, tall, successful, in good shape, caring (but often cranky), and athletic... But b/c he was used to girls throwing themselves all over him and he thought I wasn't into him. I wasn't. Not really. But I still thought it was strange when he disappeared; I didn't think I was so obvious as I was taking the expected steps.

Are you REALLY into him or are you more interested in a relationship?
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More of the latter. I got a little ahead of myslef and realized how silly I was being after I posted. Guess I just needed to vent.

It just felt good to sit and talk to someone of the opposite sex during that first date without him looking down my blouse every ten minutes, and I got geeked up. It's been a while for me, and it felt really good to feel wanted and not so good to feel unwanted quite so quickly.

Besides, he's pretty young. When I took the "emotion" out of the situation I realized that he's really being his age, and he is entitled to change his mine. I'll just keep it moving...
 
TinyBlu said:
:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:Fun is an understatement!! I skydive, scuba dive, ride motorcycles, hike, run triathlons, dance... the list goes on, and I LOVE to laugh and just trip out and be silly. Fun is my middle name!!!:drunk::drunk:
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you do sound like a blast wow! his lost:perplexed, im convinced

will you marry me?:grin:
 
Kimgirl50 said:
maybe, or he was being nice. personally if a guys interested he pursues. If he sees shes not he pulls back

a lot of times women just lay there and expect the guy to do everything because they fear coming off as clingy but If they dont feel your interested they move on. No one likes wasting time
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Hmmm... I really don't have the "clingy" fear. I grew out of that in my 20's. As a woman in her 30's with a full time job, school, and (as I stated in an earlier post), a more-than-active life outside of work and school, I don't have time to beg for someone's attention. Most men will realize quickly that in my busy life, if they are getting attention it's because I'm making time to give them attention.

I showed him interest by texting him during my vacation, answering his phone calls, and spending 9 hours with him on our first date. It wasn't a question of interest at all. He simply changed his mind for whatever reason...

However, I DO agree with your last statement.... No one likes wasting time. Chasing someone around is wasting time. He's in his mid-20's. I really shouldn't expect much more. He's just acting his age. No biggie
 
TinyBlu said:
Hmmm... I really don't have the "clingy" fear. I grew out of that in my 20's. As a woman in her 30's with a full time job, school, and (as I stated in an earlier post), a more-than-active life outside of work and school, I don't have time to beg for someone's attention. Most men will realize quickly that in my busy life, if they are getting attention it's because I'm making time to give them attention.

I showed him interest by texting him during my vacation, answering his phone calls, and spending 9 hours with him on our first date. It wasn't a question of interest at all. He simply changed his mind for whatever reason...

However, I DO agree with your last statement.... No one likes wasting time. Chasing someone around is wasting time. He's in his mid-20's. I really shouldn't expect much more. He's just acting his age. No biggie
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okie dokie. #shrugs
 
nicola.kirwan said:
I know it must be frustrating, but I doubt that you did anything wrong. Especially at those early stages, you never know what they're looking for, who else they're seeing, what all is going on in their life, etc. It could be any reason. I don't think it's something you should invest too much energy in trying to figure out.

(btw, imo, it's also not worthwhile to try and figure out if you weren't enough this or too much that. you are who you are and whoever you end up with will be someone who vibes with who you are and can at least address or deal with the things he has issues with you about. so if someone just decides to move on, it's probably best to just let them do so)
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ITA. I was just a little shocked that my first attempt to get out there blew up in my face!! LOL!!!

I'm not tripping. There is a big ole sea out there full of othere options. Granted, it didn't feel good to get dropped, but better after date number 1 than date number 10 when I have some time and energy invested in it.

I just needed to get things off my chest when I posted:lol:
 
BrownSkin2 said:
This has happened to me.. I think this guy is probably seeing someone else or is more interested in someone else. The only thing we can do is keep our options open by seeing several people til things start to get serious with one of them, then cut the others off. That's what men do..
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He probably is... which is allowed. It was only one date. I was just tripping and being a little too sensitive I think.
 
Angelicus said:
Well I'm the most beautiful woman in the world... and I'm also the busiest. I just don't have time to be anyone's doormat anymore.

Tinyblu, the same thing happened to me. I went overseas and never heard from this one guy. Monkey see, monkey do... I ain't gonna call you either! No games in 2011, loser!
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:lol::lol::lol: Love it!!!!!
 
I feel you, and while this may be true for some. Men do not like to be the only ones calling, texting or emailing first all the time either. I see you were answering, but if he was the initiator all the time, then that does get tired.

I am not talking about chasing anyone because you don't have to and I know I would not. However, you can't fall back on I am busy because that is his excuse for not calling now and you are/were like:perplexed

You feel me? So, if you did call a time or two, then I would def say something is fishy, but if you didnt him and just wait for him to call, then his calls just stopped coming then...



TinyBlu said:
Hmmm... I really don't have the "clingy" fear. I grew out of that in my 20's. As a woman in her 30's with a full time job, school, and (as I stated in an earlier post), a more-than-active life outside of work and school, I don't have time to beg for someone's attention. Most men will realize quickly that in my busy life, if they are getting attention it's because I'm making time to give them attention.

I showed him interest by texting him during my vacation, answering his phone calls, and spending 9 hours with him on our first date. It wasn't a question of interest at all. He simply changed his mind for whatever reason...

However, I DO agree with your last statement.... No one likes wasting time. Chasing someone around is wasting time. He's in his mid-20's. I really shouldn't expect much more. He's just acting his age. No biggie
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Bmack said:
I feel you, and while this may be true for some. Men do not like to be the only ones calling, texting or emailing first all the time either. I see you were answering, but if he was the initiator all the time, then that does get tired.

I am not talking about chasing anyone because you don't have to and I know I would not. However, you can't fall back on I am busy because that is his excuse for not calling now and you are/were like:perplexed

You feel me? So, if you did call a time or two, then I would def say something is fishy, but if you didnt and the calls just stopped coming then...
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i said the same
 
This has happened to me a few times. It just happened to me last month. I was talking to this one guy, we had been seeing each other a few time, talking on the phone, texting every day for 3 whole months. Then one day: nothing. And another day, and another day, its been a few weeks now and I still haven't heard from him. Oh well.. his loss lol saying that makes me feel better about it lol
 
Kimgirl50 said:
i said the same
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Before the great "disappearance" I sent him a "How Ya Doing" text and that's when I got the "I've been busy" response. Well... aren't we all busy?

Sorry. I feel like if you think something is really important, you MAKE time for it. I certainly could have been getting sleep or doing my own thing during my vacation, and because I was interested, I sent texts back. I even had a cyber conversation with him when I was supposed to be studying for my exams. I made time.

Surely, in his mid twenties he doesn't have THAT much to do. He wasn't busy the week before. I just think he got occupied with other things or people. It was one date. No love lost. Keep it moving...

Besides, I deviated from my #1 personal mantra with this guy: Technology and "relationships" don't mix. It's way to easy to get mixed messages. I need someone that is going to man up and do it the old fashioned way... take a chance and call me on the phone.
 
UPDATE: He sent me a text this afternoon asking me if I was watching the football game... Seriously?!?!?!

I hope he's holding his breath waiting for a response to that one.

TLC said it best... ERASE, REPLACE, EMBRACE, NEW FACE!!!!!! See Ya. I'm going back to the deep end of the pool (men my age). This tadpole obviously can't get out of the kiddie pool without water wings....:nono:
 
NaturalDetroit said:
Didnt you say you were 16? Live a little longer :lachen:
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Yea it was obviously a joke lighten up. but honestly never happened to any of women I know and their well into thier twenty's and thirties and happy, I don't see your point :lachen: Maybe there amazing ;), maybe they make good choices, maybe they dont play childish games and know what they want, i admire them not single women teaching other single women to be single #shrugs
 
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