Why Don't Men Just LISTEN!! Uggh! Dating Sucks!!

[Hairsnob]

This is a guy I met recently that I spoke about in another thread where I was learning to date more than one man.

We spoke a few times and I lost interest for whatever reasons. Partly because he doesn't let me get a word in and I'm drained listening to him yap. There's another reason but that's another thread (handsome in the club while wearing a hat but not so much in daylight) LOL.

Anyway, I started unintentionally blowing him off. I say unintentionally because I said I wanted to learn to date more than one guy and maybe develop a friendship if it doesn't go further.

So here's the text convo. You tell me if you can tell how he doesn't listen. Uggh!!

HIM: Hello, I called back but u never answer
ME: My service sucks!! (I really did have phone signal problems and I told him that already)
HIM: I want to see u crazy lady
ME: LOL Just say when and we'll make plans. I'm too slow-pokey to be spontaneous
HIM: Right now
ME: Surely you jest
HIM: So that's no?
ME: ^^^^Read four texts up. Not good at last minute stuff.
HIM: OK Hairsnob u let me know ur availability

I never responded because I was frustrated and not really interested in making a date at that point. But my point is, you can see how men will only do what you LET them do. I never liked men asking me for first dates thru texts and I like when they make real plans with me and not just last minute meet ups. Before this he was just making general plans like ok, we need to see each other but never said a solid plan. Now after this he's saying actual things like let's do dinner or lunch.

I can't stress it enough, men LOVE a challenge and will get away with what you let them. This guy is basically history with me though but it still proves that point.

 

[crlsweetie912]

This is a guy I met recently that I spoke about in another thread where I was learning to date more than one man.

We spoke a few times and I lost interest for whatever reasons. Partly because he doesn't let me get a word in and I'm drained listening to him yap. There's another reason but that's another thread (handsome in the club while wearing a hat but not so much in daylight) LOL.

Anyway, I started unintentionally blowing him off. I say unintentionally because I said I wanted to learn to date more than one guy and maybe develop a friendship if it doesn't go further.

So here's the text convo. You tell me if you can tell how he doesn't listen. Uggh!!

HIM: Hello, I called back but u never answer
ME: My service sucks!! (I really did have phone signal problems and I told him that already)
HIM: I want to see u crazy lady
ME: LOL Just say when and we'll make plans. I'm too slow-pokey to be spontaneous
HIM: Right now
ME: Surely you jest
HIM: So that's no?
ME: ^^^^Read four texts up. Not good at last minute stuff.
HIM: OK Hairsnob u let me know ur availability

I never responded because I was frustrated and not really interested in making a date at that point. But my point is, you can see how men will only do what you LET them do. I never liked men asking me for first dates thru texts and I like when they make real plans with me and not just last minute meet ups. Before this he was just making general plans like ok, we need to see each other but never said a solid plan. Now after this he's saying actual things like let's do dinner or lunch.

I can't stress it enough, men LOVE a challenge and will get away with what you let them. This guy is basically history with me though but it still proves that point.

Since my latest foray into the dating world one thing sticks out.....People these days don't even know what DATING means....outside of the house planned events, CONVERSATION, not texting for a month what the heck.........Not let's chill, let's get together...WTF!

Put some thought into it, make it fun. Not let's chill, catch a movie and call you and want you to be available immediately. Nah son.....

But you did the right thing. We seem similar....

 

[Hairsnob]

Since my latest foray into the dating world one thing sticks out.....People these days don't even know what DATING means....outside of the house planned events, CONVERSATION, not texting for a month what the heck.........Not let's chill, let's get together...WTF!

Put some thought into it, make it fun. Not let's chill, catch a movie and call you and want you to be available immediately. Nah son.....

But you did the right thing. We seem similar....

Right girlie!! No apartment dates going up in here that early on. Cheap arses!! LOL

I can't believe one guy had a nerve to invite me over to see his art work in his apartment and we had never gone out. He got offended because I told him I didn't want to come to his apartment not knowing him. He started yelling aobut how he works around people's children and never got accused of anything. I mean really yelling too!! I was like....erplexed where did that outburst come from?? LOL He was either crazy or short-tempered so thank God I found that out early.

It's tough out here for us!!

 

[Bublin]

I had this same situation about 2 months ago. I didn't meet him online. The guy just wasn't listening when I said I needed notice. He seemed to completely ignore me so I cut him off.
Since then he has been sending me begging text messages, poems, links to Apps to get my attention.
He sent me a long pleading message this morning I decided to respond - since I'm trying this multiple dating thing out too.
I outright told him why I stopped communicating, including the fact that I thought he was also trying to play mind games.
He sent back a text saying he was just so eager to see me again and he apologised for coming off like that. That it's not often you meet a genuinely nice, attractive woman blah blah. He also added that he doesn't play mind games because he was brought up my his mother and two sisters and he wouldn't do that. He wants to meet for lunch.

Poor man has been begging for 2 months straight.

I told him I may call him later this evening.

Like you OP, he's not that attractive me anyhow but he does have his life together and has alot going for him. We shall see.

 

[Hairsnob]

I had this same situation about 2 months ago. I didn't meet him online. The guy just wasn't listening when I said I needed notice. He seemed to completely ignore me so I cut him off.
Since then he has been sending me begging text messages, poems, links to Apps to get my attention.
He sent me a long pleading message this morning I decided to respond - since I'm trying this multiple dating thing out too.
I outright told him why I stopped communicating, including the fact that I thought he was also trying to play mind games.
He sent back a text saying he was just so eager to see me again and he apologised for coming off like that. That it's not often you meet a genuinely nice, attractive woman blah blah. He also added that he doesn't play mind games because he was brought up my his mother and two sisters and he wouldn't do that. He wants to meet for lunch.

Poor man has been begging for 2 months straight.

I told him I may call him later this evening.

Like you OP, he's not that attractive me anyhow but he does have his life together and has alot going for him. We shall see.

I'm glad to know I have others learning the multiple dating because I will definitely need the support to get through this LOL.

And I'm laughing because I notice the same trend of us being a challenge and how they respond when you do that. You saying you "may" call him later that evening probably had him checking his phone every 5 seconds LOL. You're good if you kept it going for two months. It's only been a couple of weeks for me and I don't know how long I will last but I'm going to try my best at this thing. Keep me updated!!

 

[beloved1bx]

I met one guy who doesn't own a car and i guess has to depend on family for rides at times. I guess he doesn't easily have access to public transportation either b/c we have never hung out. (or maybe he's just a bus snob, idk). Homeboy tried to tell me i should take a cab to his house so we can hang, and he would pay for half. I shut that down real quick. He pops up sporadically saying hi/we should chill. If he can't come up with any other plans then we never will.

 

[Hairsnob]

I met one guy who doesn't own a car and i guess has to depend on family for rides at times. I guess he doesn't easily have access to public transportation either b/c we have never hung out. (or maybe he's just a bus snob, idk). Homeboy tried to tell me i should take a cab to his house so we can hang, and he would pay for half. I shut that down real quick. He pops up sporadically saying hi/we should chill. If he can't come up with any other plans then we never will.

Unbelievable!! He said he'd pay HALF???!! I guess you know your date would have been a dutch date LOL. Oh wait, you said a cab to his house so it would have been a couch date. Uggh!! But you're right, if you stick to your guns and he really wants to see you he'll find a way to take you out.

 

[CoutureMe06]

Right girlie!! No apartment dates going up in here that early on. Cheap arses!! LOL

I can't believe one guy had a nerve to invite me over to see his art work in his apartment and we had never gone out. He got offended because I told him I didn't want to come to his apartment not knowing him. He started yelling aobut how he works around people's children and never got accused of anything. I mean really yelling too!! I was like....erplexed where did that outburst come from?? LOL He was either crazy or short-tempered so thank God I found that out early.

It's tough out here for us!!

Omg. The same happened to me. It would have been the second date and he wanted me to go to his apartment to listen to his music. He literally flipped on me. Like I have a doorman I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that blah blah. Which would have been understandable had I said yes I will go to your place. We originally had plans to get a drink and he flipped it around to ask me to go to his place. Nope nope!

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[Hairsnob]

Omg. The same happened to me. It would have been the second date and he wanted me to go to his apartment to listen to his music. He literally flipped on me. Like I have a doorman I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that blah blah. Which would have been understandable had I said yes I will go to your place. We originally had plans to get a drink and he flipped it around to ask me to go to his place. Nope nope!

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Girl, I had to check to see what city you're in to make sure we weren't talking about the same guy LOL. I would have told him to bring the CD with him and we can listen to his music on the way there LOL.

 

[mscurly]

This is a good thread for me right now. I just got out of a 4 year relationship I want something serious but the situation has to be right. I'm not trying to waste more time with some no good ninja.

I'm trying out this multiple dating thing just to see what is out there. I currently have a few guys in rotation. But honestly nobody is ready for what I want right now which is why I'm not anxious to commit

Guy #1- Always busy with his career. He's a politician so he always has something going on. Days can go by and I don't hear from him

Guy #2- Cool kinda ugly though. Lately he texts more than he calls. I don't like that crap. He wants to take things slow too cause he just got out of a relationship. So thats fine with me

Guy # 3- Super cute, nice body, very thoughtful so far, He'll text me in the morning just to say hello beautiful. Problem is he doesn't have his-self fully together. He's 2 years younger than me works as a male nurse but really wants to be a cop or a fire fighter. I'm like boo boo you need to pick a career path and stick with it

Heck a need to add about 2 more guys to the bunch. At this stage of my life I want to get married and have children but I'm not compromising. I'm just seeing what is really out there.


But the house dates/ couch dates no bueno. Ninja you will be taking me out, picking me up, opening my car door, and paying for the full date. I dont play that crap

 

[Hairsnob]

This is a good thread for me right now. I just got out of a 4 year relationship I want something serious but the situation has to be right. I'm not trying to waste more time with some no good ninja.

I'm trying out this multiple dating thing just to see what is out there. I currently have a few guys in rotation. But honestly nobody is ready for what I want right now which is why I'm not anxious to commit

Guy #1- Always busy with his career. He's a politician so he always has something going on. Days can go by and I don't hear from him

Guy #2- Cool kinda ugly though. Lately he texts more than he calls. I don't like that crap. He wants to take things slow too cause he just got out of a relationship. So thats fine with me

Guy # 3- Super cute, nice body, very thoughtful so far, He'll text me in the morning just to say hello beautiful. Problem is he doesn't have his-self fully together. He's 2 years younger than me works as a male nurse but really wants to be a cop or a fire fighter. I'm like boo boo you need to pick a career path and stick with it

Heck a need to add about 2 more guys to the bunch. At this stage of my life I want to get married and have children but I'm not compromising. I'm just seeing what is really out there.


But the house dates/ couch dates no bueno. Ninja you will be taking me out, picking me up, opening my car door, and paying for the full date. I dont play that crap

That's great because you are already on top of the game because you have three. I'm trying to be where you are. I'm sorry but you made me laugh when you said dude was kinda ugly LOL.

I don't have too much to add for your guy #1 but guy #2 sounds like he's dating just like you are and it's nothing wrong with that. You could end up being really good friends with him at the very least. And guy #3 doesn't sound too bad either but it would depend on if he had an actual plan of getting to where he wants to be and if he would stick to it. The bad thing is, you'll never know until it's too late if he'll stick to it.

But it sounds like you're really doing a good job of having your "pair and a spare". Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[dannie]

Girl, its like they are ****** deaf! My convo ystdy with guy who is one second away from meeting Mr. Number:

LAST NIGHT
him: so are you free later in the week?
me: yeah, lets do thur then
him: ok, what do you wanna do? (why the hell do I have to plan something?)
me: idk ill hit you up with some ideas wednesday

TODAY:

me: ok so is sushi cool?
him: yep yep...so is that the weekend plan?
me: ummm...
me: didnt we agree to meet thur?
him: oh..kool. uhh well you were like "I dunno about then ill let you know" or something like that. I was just like "o....k"

ME Looking at my phone like

Like...wtf? Pay attention fool!! I am just waiting for him to do something stupid tomorrow so I can stay home and watch Housewives of Miami.

 

[Bublin]

I'm glad to know I have others learning the multiple dating because I will definitely need the support to get through this LOL.

And I'm laughing because I notice the same trend of us being a challenge and how they respond when you do that. You saying you "may" call him later that evening probably had him checking his phone every 5 seconds LOL. You're good if you kept it going for two months. It's only been a couple of weeks for me and I don't know how long I will last but I'm going to try my best at this thing. Keep me updated!!

It's 9.30pm now in the UK and I am NOT going to call him. I can't be bothered with the long talking right now . I'll text him in the morning and suggest a lunch date during work time.

It didn't keep anything going, I simply didn't reply to his texts for 2 months until this morning....and that's only because last week i decided to go don the multiple dating route. But I actually want to date guys I fancy but they are VERY thin on the ground .

 

[Bublin]

Guy #2 also text me this morning saying he has Man Flu. He was looking for sympathy and wasn't happy when I text back telling him to take some Lemsip and get to go to bed early.
He said a kiss would make him feel better. Dude is crazy. What, one date night and he thinks I'm gonna kiss him? In the end I told him there is a hug waiting for him on Saturday.

Being cool drives them crazy!!!!

 

[Bublin]

Girl, its like they are ****** deaf! My convo ystdy with guy who is one second away from meeting Mr. Number:

LAST NIGHT
him: so are you free later in the week?
me: yeah, lets do thur then
him: ok, what do you wanna do? (why the hell do I have to plan something?)
me: idk ill hit you up with some ideas wednesday

TODAY:

me: ok so is sushi cool?
him: yep yep...so is that the weekend plan?
me: ummm...
me: didnt we agree to meet thur?
him: oh..kool. uhh well you were like "I dunno about then ill let you know" or something like that. I was just like "o....k"

ME Looking at my phone like

Like...wtf? Pay attention fool!! I am just waiting for him to do something stupid tomorrow so I can stay home and watch Housewives of Miami.

THIS. Why do they always act like they can't remember what day the date is and what you had planned. It's such a turn off. The next guy that pulls that off I'm going to say, 'well when you remember what we planned, call me'.

 

[Angelicus]

I'm so sick of stuff like this...

Sent from my LHCF App.

 

[Hairsnob]

Girl, its like they are ****** deaf! My convo ystdy with guy who is one second away from meeting Mr. Number:

LAST NIGHT
him: so are you free later in the week?
me: yeah, lets do thur then
him: ok, what do you wanna do? (why the hell do I have to plan something?)
me: idk ill hit you up with some ideas wednesday

TODAY:

me: ok so is sushi cool?
him: yep yep...so is that the weekend plan?
me: ummm...
me: didnt we agree to meet thur?
him: oh..kool. uhh well you were like "I dunno about then ill let you know" or something like that. I was just like "o....k"

ME Looking at my phone like

Like...wtf? Pay attention fool!! I am just waiting for him to do something stupid tomorrow so I can stay home and watch Housewives of Miami.

These stories are too funny! I have to believe that they just hear what they want to hear. He probably all along wanted to do the weekend and instead of speaking up just agreed. I had to re-read your text thinking maybe I missed something but nope, he had no clue LOL

It's 9.30pm now in the UK and I am NOT going to call him. I can't be bothered with the long talking right now . I'll text him in the morning and suggest a lunch date during work time.

It didn't keep anything going, I simply didn't reply to his texts for 2 months until this morning....and that's only because last week i decided to go don the multiple dating route. But I actually want to date guys I fancy but they are VERY thin on the ground .

Oh, I thought you strung him along for two months LOL. I agree, I'd rather date 3 potentials, not 3 losers that I feel are wasting my time. I feel like if I date 3 losers and decide on one then he's guaranteed to be a loser LOL. Seriously, they're not really losers but they just don't feel like they're the right fit so I'll date till I find the right one.

Guy #2 also text me this morning saying he has Man Flu. He was looking for sympathy and wasn't happy when I text back telling him to take some Lemsip and get to go to bed early.
He said a kiss would make him feel better. Dude is crazy. What, one date night and he thinks I'm gonna kiss him? In the end I told him there is a hug waiting for him on Saturday.

Being cool drives them crazy!!!!

Gee whiz! This guy probably wanted you to be knocking at his door with some chicken noodle soup. I would have cringed if he asked for a kiss if I wasn't feeling him. Even if I was feeling him I wouldn't kiss him with man flu LOL.

 

[beloved1bx]

Unbelievable!! He said he'd pay HALF???!! I guess you know your date would have been a dutch date LOL. Oh wait, you said a cab to his house so it would have been a couch date. Uggh!! But you're right, if you stick to your guns and he really wants to see you he'll find a way to take you out.

Haha yup. Homie said half! Who knows what that would've meant for my cab ride back. I told him i didn't know him and wasn't comfortable going to his house. And that cabbies probs wouldn't know where they are going and i don't know the area. These aren't yellow cabs. These are reg folks who put a walkie-talkie in their car. Last time i took a cab around here, driver was listening to R Kelly's 12 play and licking his lips...anywhoo, homie popped up 2 weeks ago (it's cuffing season) talking about he's trying to figure out why we haven't clicked yet. Negro please. We you get it together maybe we can 'click'. And it won't be on your couch.

 

[Hairsnob]

Haha yup. Homie said half! Who knows what that would've meant for my cab ride back. I told him i didn't know him and wasn't comfortable going to his house. And that cabbies probs wouldn't know where they are going and i don't know the area. These aren't yellow cabs. These are reg folks who put a walkie-talkie in their car. Last time i took a cab around here, driver was listening to R Kelly's 12 play and licking his lips...anywhoo, homie popped up 2 weeks ago (it's cuffing season) talking about he's trying to figure out why we haven't clicked yet. Negro please. We you get it together maybe we can 'click'. And it won't be on your couch.

LOL at your cabbie system. I'm telling you, your dude sounds like my artist guy for real!! I keep running into him talking about it's fate because we keep running into each other. I don't think so!!

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

If dude can't even remember your plans, he's half stepping. Either it's not important enough to remember or he's pretending that it isn't to get your feelings.

 

[mscurly]

That's great because you are already on top of the game because you have three. I'm trying to be where you are. I'm sorry but you made me laugh when you said dude was kinda ugly LOL.

I don't have too much to add for your guy #1 but guy #2 sounds like he's dating just like you are and it's nothing wrong with that. You could end up being really good friends with him at the very least. And guy #3 doesn't sound too bad either but it would depend on if he had an actual plan of getting to where he wants to be and if he would stick to it. The bad thing is, you'll never know until it's too late if he'll stick to it.

But it sounds like you're really doing a good job of having your "pair and a spare". Good luck and keep us posted.

He is on the ugly not so cute side. To top it off when I met him his friend sitting there talking about how he was the pretty boy out the group. I'm giving him the side eye like ..."what you talking bout Willis?"


Guy#1 is about to be Guy #0 which is crazy cause out of al the guys I'm talking to I like him the most. Go figure. I enjoy spending time with him and we have crazy chemistry but his damn career keeps him wayyy to busy.

Uhhhh the maddess that comes with dating.

I just want a guy that I'm feeling and that shows me the same affection and attention back. Truth be told I don't like being the multiple dater but I feel I have no choice.

 

[Hairsnob]

He is on the ugly not so cute side. To top it off when I met him his friend sitting there talking about how he was the pretty boy out the group. I'm giving him the side eye like ..."what you talking bout Willis?"


Guy#1 is about to be Guy #0 which is crazy cause out of al the guys I'm talking to I like him the most. Go figure. I enjoy spending time with him and we have crazy chemistry but his damn career keeps him wayyy to busy.

Uhhhh the maddess that comes with dating.

I just want a guy that I'm feeling and that shows me the same affection and attention back. Truth be told I don't like being the multiple dater but I feel I have no choice.

LOL his friends are his helpers for dates.

And as far as Guy#1 having the busy career, I can take that (I think) as long as he still makes time for me on at least one of his days off (plus, that's more time for me to have to myself and at least you know where he is all the time LOL). That is, if it's really his career taking up his time (me being overly cautious).

I think when the right one comes along it won't even be a question because you'll feel it.

My clueless dude must have given up because I didn't get a good morning text or call today or yesterday from him LOL. I've been using the excuse of my baking on the side taking up my time so he just might do the famous pre-weekend check-in but even if he doesn't, so what. But now it will really be awkward if I ever run into him at the club but who cares LOL. The main plus with him was his height. I'm tall and I need a guy at least 6'2 and this guy was 6'5 and they're very hard to come by but I really can't look at his big head and beady eyes that I didn't notice in the dim club lights LOL. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't have to be head-turning fine but I at least have to be able to look at you without squinting.

 

[mscurly]

Well situation with Guy#1 is complicated which is why I'm letting it go for now.

We dated a few years ago and ran into each other again back in June and decided to start dating again. We're not an official couple yet so he doesn't feel the need to talk everyday. Plus this political gig is new for him and I don't think he quite knows how to juggle his schedule cause when we dated 2 years ago he was much more attentive.