Why do women pull away?

Fine 4s

Fine 4s

Well-Known Member
We've talked about why a man might pull away which is basically that he's not that into you- Is it the same for women?

I know two male friends who say they're interested in a woman who one minute she's all about the relationship than the next she's scared and runs away.

One is interested in a woman in a different state who doesn't communicate as often as he'd like but yet has told him she loves him and claims that shell be his wife one day - he too wants to marry her based on their history but right now they're learning each other again. They dated years ago but reconnected recently. He's so confused-

Why would you or did you run away? To me, neither one of these girls is interested in their guy.
 
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lack of interest
fear of (not ready for) commitment
found someone else more interesting

for the girl in the other state, she may just be busy w/ her own life? depends on how much communication he wants vs what he is getting (people can be so irrational when they like/love someone) & she may have a different preference for the amount of communication (they should probably talk about that though :lol:)

and in the very rare instance, something huge is going on in their life and they are dealing with it in their own way (depression, death, etc).
 
Insecurity or fear.

She could be playing Jedi mind tricks so she doesn't seem like she's overly interested or clingy. Especially because he's long distance and can't really read him as she could if they were seeing each other. Seems stupid and juvenile but it's possible.
 
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I have always pulled away in relationships when guys get to needy or expect for me to be at their disposal. I like my freedom so as soon as they get serious I run for the hills. I can really like them but I really like my freedom more. I know its wrong but they usually realize that is just how I am and give me my space.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
If I pull away it's either a) I'm not into the guy or b) I am into him but I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt.:perplexed:look:
Click to expand...

Hail to the bolded. That's me straight up and down. If I can feel an ounce or shred of the possibility of getting hurt, it's time to dip softly!
 
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ScorpioBeauty09 said:
If I pull away it's either a) I'm not into the guy or b) I am into him but I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt.:perplexed:look:
Click to expand...

Yes if I think I am going to get hurt I will pull back

Sent from my HTC EVO 3D
 
for me i would say something like fear that something better is out there. not wanting to tie down to one thing, basically.
 
For me, it's when he has shown me characteristics of his personality that aren't attractive (physical aggression, irresponsibility, lack of respect for women/others, etc), or if he has told me something about himself that is a dealbreaker (not family oriented, wants more children, can't hold down a job, etc.)
 
The thing is, they've talked about being married, said the L word and everything.
Now it's been a week and half and she hasn't returned any of his calls or emails asking if he's done anything wrong or what's going on. IDK...it's weird.
 
I told him I'd ask you all your thoughts.

...she still hasn't contacted him since early last week.

He sent her a long email yesterday and she did read it but has not responded as of now. The only think he can think of is that he 'liked' a girls' picture on FB who was in a bikini (actually a couple of pics of her). It's a girl he worked with, he's not attracted to her in that way, she's just a friend and recently re-connected on FB. Would you completely dead it with someone because they liked another girl's pic? Does it make a difference if their in a bikini or not?

IDK, he's convinced that it's something he did because what could possibly be going on in her life that she can't even call him going on 2 weeks. As I mentioned before, both of them acknowledged that they're going to marry each other. I think he moved way to quickly in even saying that but he claims he loves her and he believes she loves him.

When a man is ready to marry...he makes silly mistakes just like us ladies.

loolalooh
LivingDoll
meesch
kismettt
Rae81
Brighteyes35
CaliRocks
ScorpioBeauty09
Ms.Lyons
 
Fine 4s said:
I told him I'd ask you all your thoughts.

...she still hasn't contacted him since early last week.

He sent her a long email yesterday and she did read it but has not responded as of now. The only think he can think of is that he 'liked' a girls' picture on FB who was in a bikini (actually a couple of pics of her). It's a girl he worked with, he's not attracted to her in that way, she's just a friend and recently re-connected on FB. Would you completely dead it with someone because they liked another girl's pic? Does it make a difference if their in a bikini or not?

IDK, he's convinced that it's something he did because what could possibly be going on in her life that she can't even call him going on 2 weeks. As I mentioned before, both of them acknowledged that they're going to marry each other. I think he moved way to quickly in even saying that but he claims he loves her and he believes she loves him.

When a man is ready to marry...he makes silly mistakes just like us ladies.

@loolalooh
@LivingDoll
@meesch
@kismettt
@Rae81
@Brighteyes35
@CaliRocks
@ScorpioBeauty09
@Ms.Lyons
Click to expand...


To be honest it would make me a little jealous and a little suspicious of him but it wouldn't be a deal breaker. Sounds like to me she has something else going on in her life........maybe someone else she likes more??? I think it's time he cut his losses and moves on.
 
I wish I could tell him that but for whatever reason he believes they have a deep connection and that she really wants HIM.
My thoughts are it's pretty insensitive to keep someone who told you they loved you and want to marry you in limbo like this...over a like? SMH
And he's a good dude ladies, he doesn't want to lose her and is soooo not about any other woman BUT her.
 
He needs to make one last effort to contact her and see if she will explain her behavior. If that doesnt work move on she seems very selfish and immature.
 
Fine 4s said:
I told him I'd ask you all your thoughts.

...she still hasn't contacted him since early last week.

He sent her a long email yesterday and she did read it but has not responded as of now. The only think he can think of is that he 'liked' a girls' picture on FB who was in a bikini (actually a couple of pics of her). It's a girl he worked with, he's not attracted to her in that way, she's just a friend and recently re-connected on FB. Would you completely dead it with someone because they liked another girl's pic? Does it make a difference if their in a bikini or not?

IDK, he's convinced that it's something he did because what could possibly be going on in her life that she can't even call him going on 2 weeks. As I mentioned before, both of them acknowledged that they're going to marry each other. I think he moved way to quickly in even saying that but he claims he loves her and he believes she loves him.

When a man is ready to marry...he makes silly mistakes just like us ladies.

@loolalooh
@LivingDoll
@meesch
@kismettt
@Rae81
@Brighteyes35
@CaliRocks
@ScorpioBeauty09
@Ms.Lyons
Click to expand...

It would irk me a little but I'm jealous and possessive like that even if I "Liked" a guy's picture:perplexed (blame my Scorpio hypocrisy) but I wouldn't end it with him and I certainly wouldn't go without talking to him for 2 weeks especially if the guy's calling me, honestly trying to figure out what's wrong. She sounds petty and immature.:nono: I'd say give her one more chance then he should cut his losses and move on.

Regardless if it's Facebook or something else she needs to talk to him. It goes without saying communication is imperative in any relationship and if I was him I'd wonder if she is ready for a relationship or a marriage. If she acts this way over some petty Facebook crap, how would she act if they were dealing with a real problem?:nono::look:

ETA: This might be off topic, for another thread but you mentioned you think he moved way too fast in saying he loved her and it made me think of something. When men fall, they fall fast and hard. I truly believe men more often than not fall faster than women do. I've been in a situation one too many times when I'm getting to know a guy, trying to figure out if I like him enough to keep seeing him and he's already talking about meeting the parents and getting the families together and I'm like whaaaaaa! Maybe she's using this as a way to pull away because she's just not that into him. One thing I've also learned, when men like a woman everything she does is interpreted by him as "she likes me." Even if a woman isn't giving anything away and just getting to know him men don't see it like that. Maybe he got a little carried away and thinks she's into him more than she is.
 
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Fine 4s said:
I told him I'd ask you all your thoughts.

...she still hasn't contacted him since early last week.

He sent her a long email yesterday and she did read it but has not responded as of now. The only think he can think of is that he 'liked' a girls' picture on FB who was in a bikini (actually a couple of pics of her). It's a girl he worked with, he's not attracted to her in that way, she's just a friend and recently re-connected on FB. Would you completely dead it with someone because they liked another girl's pic? Does it make a difference if their in a bikini or not?

IDK, he's convinced that it's something he did because what could possibly be going on in her life that she can't even call him going on 2 weeks. As I mentioned before, both of them acknowledged that they're going to marry each other. I think he moved way to quickly in even saying that but he claims he loves her and he believes she loves him.

When a man is ready to marry...he makes silly mistakes just like us ladies.

loolalooh
LivingDoll
meesch
kismettt
Rae81
Brighteyes35
CaliRocks
ScorpioBeauty09
Ms.Lyons
Click to expand...

Fine 4s:

It's hard to say without knowing all the details, including about their history and what he wrote in his email. I do know what I would do under the following circumstances:

*If he had hurt me in the past (e.g., cheated, dumped me though I still wanted to be with him, etc.), I would dead it after he liked those bikini photos. That's not to say that I am right in doing so. It's just my way of protecting myself from getting hurt.

*If he was a great boyfriend who never did me wrong AND I was the one who dumped him in the past, I would not dead it right away. I would talk to him about it and see where it goes from there.

*If it's somewhere in the gray area, I would probably just ignore him for some time and let him chase me down before communicating with him again. Again, this is just me protecting my feelings.

This is all assuming she's into him.
 
Okay, I just re-read the part about her not calling him for 2 weeks. I wouldn't go that far. Something else might be up, whether someone passed in her family or she's not into him anymore or something.

I cosign about contacting her one final time. At the same time, I'm really curious as to what he wrote in the email. Maybe we can give feedback on that.
 
Their history: they worked together about 10 years ago, flirted, messed around but no sex. She then moved to another state and they lost touch.

They reconnected on FB about 3 months ago and picked up where they left off talking heavy this time. He let me read the emails between them and my initial feeling was that she was trying to prove to him that she had changed and that she was immature back then and that's why she had just disappeared in the past. My opinion is that if folks are real they don't have to sell it, it shows so it was suspect to me. Not to him though, he trusts her.

She disappeared in early July also- and didn't call him for about a week. When she finally called she said she was mad because he flew down to her home state to visit her without asking her the best time for her. SMH!!!! She has two children, one autistic so life is busy for her and she wanted to plan out a vacation. He did so because she hadn't confirmed a date with him and had pulled away, so he went down anyway hoping that she'd come around remembering the travel dates. Through FB convo and posts she found out he was in her state and called him right away. They saw each other and all was well in the world again.

So this the second time she's been ghost.

The letter was asking what he had done and said if it had to do with his likes on FB that he's sorry. He said he only has eyes for her and that whatever she's going through, he'll always be there for her. It wasn't long but just mainly wanting her to know he's there...

Anything else, just ask- he's so confused. He'll say that he's OK but that's all he talks about. Poor guy.
 
Fine 4s said:
Their history: they worked together about 10 years ago, flirted, messed around but no sex. She then moved to another state and they lost touch.

They reconnected on FB about 3 months ago and picked up where they left off talking heavy this time. He let me read the emails between them and my initial feeling was that she was trying to prove to him that she had changed and that she was immature back then and that's why she had just disappeared in the past. My opinion is that if folks are real they don't have to sell it, it shows so it was suspect to me. Not to him though, he trusts her.

She disappeared in early July also- and didn't call him for about a week. When she finally called she said she was mad because he flew down to her home state to visit her without asking her the best time for her. SMH!!!! She has two children, one autistic so life is busy for her and she wanted to plan out a vacation. He did so because she hadn't confirmed a date with him and had pulled away, so he went down anyway hoping that she'd come around remembering the travel dates. Through FB convo and posts she found out he was in her state and called him right away. They saw each other and all was well in the world again.

So this the second time she's been ghost.

The letter was asking what he had done and said if it had to do with his likes on FB that he's sorry. He said he only has eyes for her and that whatever she's going through, he'll always be there for her. It wasn't long but just mainly wanting her to know he's there...

Anything else, just ask- he's so confused. He'll say that he's OK but that's all he talks about. Poor guy.
Click to expand...

Fine 4s:

Oh, this is the second time? If I were him, I'd let her go despite my loving her. She sounds like she has baggage or things to work through, and her not communicating with him kills the possibility of a healthy relationship. Communication is VERY important.

Let her go; two disappearances is more than enough. Him staying will only enable her. Speaking from personal experience as a former enable-ee.
 
I think she has someone else that lives in the state because the first time was a insufficient reason to just stop communicating. She probably had plans with someone else. She probably just wanted the attention that he used to give her when they worked together and she sees that he is getting too serious. So rather tell him she is showing him that she is not serious about him. I am sorry for your friend but he will be better off leaving her alone. I 'm curious does he have children?
 
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He has no children.
But why would she tell him she loves him and he's her king if all that isn't how she feels? She went as far as having her girl who marries people talk to him, her mom spoke to him.

I get the obvious reasons but how can he be THAT wrong about her? We're almost 40!
 
Op your friend needs to get a clue and take the hint....she is not interested and him actin so needy and desperate is further pushing her away. This chick is playing with him and has no regard for his feelings...she most probably has someone else and he is just an ego booster for when things go bad between her and the main dude. Sorry to be harsh but she will just use and abuse him he needs to leave her be especially if she has done this to him before.
 
She lives far far away (a few states in between).

When they last spoke 2 weeks ago, he asked her if she was OK, she said no she wasn't but didn't want to talk about it. Also, there's been activity on FB and he received confirmation the she read the long email (he sent it through FB chat) that the message was read. She also removed all the flower pics that he used to post on her wall. They spoke about a subliminal posting she made on her wall in the past. Last week he saw a posting (it was a pic) that said something like "I would date you but a fictional character already has my heart." When he saw that, he also took it as a jab to him knowing that she's posted subliminal message to him in the past.

There is one thing though. She used to date someone that she had to file a restraining order against and I remember saying that dude had sent her a text saying something that scared her. So, who knows maybe her ignoring him has something to do with the stalker?

As I mentioned upthread, she's pulled away before but just not for this length of time.
 
The only time I've pulled away from a guy is when either:

1) I wasn't THAT into him (this is usually the MAIN reason)
2) There were some red flags about him that made me have second thoughts
3) He was moving WAY too fast for me imo....which inevitably was due to point #1
4) OR...I was too afraid of getting hurt (very rare for me though)

So....bottom line, I think the main reason why I would pull away from a guy is because I'm really not that into him or not interested in him at all. :nono: I know it may sound cliche, but if I'm REALLY into a guy....all of the other "extra" stuff (ie. fear of getting hurt, he's moving "too fast", he has some faults, etc.) almost becomes a non-issue really. :look:

If you really think about it, you can put up with a LOT of stuff when you're REALLY into a guy. So...Idk, I would probably say that maybe these women just aren't that into them I guess. :ohwell:
 
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