Why do people settle?

[QT]

I ask because I had a heated conversation w/ a good friend about male/ female settling for less than their potential. I told her curtain people settle for different reasons. Fear of being lonely, not being able to make it financially, staying together for the sake of their children, fear of not finding love again, their comfortable w/ that person. I went on and on.

Long story short she said she would never “Dumb” down for the sake of having someone in her life. No one should ever settle for less than they deserve.

We went on all night about this I just told her we all deserve to be happy and grow in our own life.

The question is: What makes us (people) settle for less than we deserve in our life, and how do you compensate in other areas to make up for this deficit?

 

[DarkHair]

Some people may say that I settled for my husband because he doesn't make six figures, or graduated from college. I am his wife because he makes me happy. I'd rather have him, than to have someone else that is abusive in any way, condesending, and not God-fearing.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Fear of being alone and not being able to find anyone else. I rather be alone than be with someone and miserable.

 

[doublejo]

Some people may say that I settled for my husband because he doesn't make six figures, or graduated from college. I am his wife because he makes me happy. I'd rather have him, than to have someone else that is abusive in any way, condesending, and not God-fearing.

Doesn't sound like you are settling to me, it sounds like you got exactly what you want.

 

[doublejo]

People settle because they have low self esteem. On the other hand, people worry that they are going to settle because they have too high self esteem.

 

[20Pearls_Girl]

People settle for the fear of being alone forever. To some, having a piece of a mate is better than having no mate at all.

 

[DarkHair]

Doesn't sound like you are settling to me, it sounds like you got exactly what you want.

Thank you doublejo. I am blessed to have him in my life. After all, I did pray for God to send me 'the one'.

 

[wonderstar]

Low self esteem.....didn't think I could do better due to all the emotional abuse
Fear of love again....was young and dumb, thank God I'm over that hump
Fear of bouncing from man to man.....he was my one and only

 

[sexyeyes3616]

NVM someone else posted something similar.

 

[DayStar]

never settle...EVER...

my coco puff is the man i have dreamed about...he wasnt my "ideal" physically ..or i should say my typical dude i would fall for...he was different...but very attractive....likes rock..rough...non-pretty boy....into harely davidson everything....i mean he was not what i imagined in my head.......and thats fine...but i cant get enough of him ..with his chocolate self

 

[amara11]

I think something else is key.

When ppl say they *settled* for some dude ($$, looks, job, etc) or they don't care if they *settled* b/c they'd rather have a God fearing, respectful loving man then a man who's unfaithful, abusive, etc --it kind of throws me for a loop.

Many women have automatically equated money, looks, etc with poorer character so the broke guy becomes the saint, and the handsome rich guy gets demonized. I don't think that's a fair equation, and this is not always true. There are just as many unscrupulous negroes that don't have a dime, and have faces only a mother could love.

I'm not talking about any situation in particular, but this is just something that I have noticed with women in general.

 

[tiara76]

I think something else is key.

When ppl say they *settled* for some dude ($$, looks, job, etc) or they don't care if they *settled* b/c they'd rather have a God fearing, respectful loving man then a man who's unfaithful, abusive, etc --it kind of throws me for a loop.

Many women have automatically equated money, looks, etc with poorer character so the broke guy becomes the saint, and the handsome rich guy gets demonized. I don't think that's a fair equation, and this is not always true. There are just as many unscrupulous negroes that don't have a dime, and have faces only a mother could love.

I'm not talking about any situation in particular, but this is just something that I have noticed with women in general.

I agree...I don't settling is about n e thing specific on the outside vs the feeling within from the person and situation you are in......I know plenty people who settled and are not in horrible situations as some would be who suffer from extreme low self esteem and other cases of self abuse where they allow themselves to be in destructive environments....., their life is okay, but they always feel like something is missing and it has nothing to do with physical appearance, status, race or n e thing else pertaining to the person they "settled" with....

I know alot of people gave brad pitt a hard time about ditching jennifer anniston, especially when he purposely collaborated with W magazine to do a cover and a spread with him and Jolie as a picture perfect family a few months later....but people rarely mention him talking about WHY he did it and chose that concept....

and he talked about the facade of marriage and happiness

"IN SHOTS THAT RANGE FROM BACKYARD FUN (RIGHT) TO BEDROOM GUNPLAY, PITT SAID HE WANTED TO SHOW THE MALAISE BEHIND A PERFECT MARRIAGE: "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG BECAUSE THE MARRIAGE IS EVERYTHING YOU SIGNED UP FOR."

Each shot was purposely shown to show no romance, but the image of a "happy" family....and how he wanted to talk about how everything seemed "perfect" to everybody else with him an anniston...it wasn't..and he didn't know exactly why, he just knew this wasn't it....

i think on top of other reasons mentioned....some people settle not knowing they are settling because they do everything on surface level...mark off checklists that are supposed to equate to the recipe of happiness...a certain job, certain person, certain roles....and then try to fit into the picture and wonder why things don't quite feel right when they get in it

 

[Mis007]

I think most people settle (settle being the operative word, as you should never settle for anything), is due to many factors. But I would site loneliness and starting a family as the main ones.​

 

[Vinyl]

It all boils down to fear.

 

[Vanity1]

It all boils down to fear.

I agree with this.

I think the older I get, the more I believe that people don't really "settle" according to how we see it, they sign up for what is a reflection of their own lives at the time.

I have experiences with many friends that I love dearly and I ask them why they chose so and so , because said man is either abusive, lazy, or whatever the case may be. They whine and cry, but at the end of the day they go home to and will fight the bat for that man. And that is when I realized what we think may be settling to us, might not be settling to the next person. Alot of people are afraid to do better because of whatever might be going on inside themselves.

I have learned to let those conversations go when it comes to friends and just listen to them, cause I feel like when you are ready for good to come in your life, whatever face that good is in, you will allow it.

Don't know if this is true but is just an opinion I have based off of a few experiences...

 

[MD_Lady]

I ask because I had a heated conversation w/ a good friend about male/ female settling for less than their potential. I told her curtain people settle for different reasons. Fear of being lonely, not being able to make it financially, staying together for the sake of their children, fear of not finding love again, their comfortable w/ that person. I went on and on.

Very true.

Long story short she said she would never “Dumb” down for the sake of having someone in her life. No one should ever settle for less than they deserve.

If that's her opinion (and her opinion does reflect the choices I've made in my life) that's cool too, but people have a right to make their own choices.

We went on all night about this I just told her we all deserve to be happy and grow in our own life.

Also true.

The question is: What makes us (people) settle for less than we deserve in our life, and how do you compensate in other areas to make up for this deficit?

On the bolded, I think you answered your own question perfectly and I couldn't have said it better myself. As for the compensation part, I can't speak on my own experience because I've never settled. From what I've seen in other people's experiences, it appeared they rationalized their choices more so than compensating for them.