WHY CAN'T I HAVE RELAXED HAIR? I'M THROUGH!

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

I swear you hold the board's record for transitions and BCs. I'm sorry you haven't been able to figure out something that works for you. It sounds like your hair is underprocessed. Have you thought about doing a corrective relaxer? Maybe you should wait 6-8 weeks or so and once you have some new growth try that.

amen: @ bolded)



Leave your hair alone for awhile. Really. Put it away, and leave it be. I'm sorry, but I'm not really sure you know what you want from your hair. Sit down and evaluate yourself, your lifestyle and your needs. Then make a decision and stick with it.

 

[jennboo]

Woman, just leave it alone, grow out all them damn chemicals. Get some braid extensions and leave them joints in for like a year...Or cornrow your hair and wear some wigs for a year.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Relaxing isn't for everyone. If your hair is very resistant to relaxers, then maybe it's just not right for you. It is possible for you to just texlax and rollerset to get a straight look. But if you want to relax bone straight, and your hair doesn't want to, then you may have to make a decision between keeping it on your head or getting your way. You may not be able to do both.

But I do agree with the other ladies, in that you should stop doing and start thinking a little more. Think about what is going to fit with your lifestyle and with the image that you have of yourself. And while you're thinking, just leave your hair alone to grow and retain. Don't relax it, but don't call it a transition either. Call it like...sabbatical.

And then once you've made a decision about what you want to do, then stick with it! Give yourself a few months to get used to your hair and to learn how to manage it and work with it. And know that you can have healthy and beautiful hair, whether you decide to keep it relaxed or to go natural again.
Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[grow]

i so feel for you DDTexlaxed!

i m sad for your frustration and know it's not easy finding out what our hair needs, but do not give up.

my best advice at this stage is to leave your hair alone.
stop worrying about the styling and just take care of the health of your hair.
with this summer heat, there's no need to get so caught up in styling.
personally, to keep me from feeling frustrated, i think of all of the great styles i'll wear next summer once i've achieved more length goals!
nuture your hair, pamper your hair and like you mentioned, do your research for your hair!

we're all here to support you and help you get on track, but the final decision is yours to take, so please be patient with yourself and take care of yourself (and your hair!).

 

[Anew]

Are you underprocessed? Were you going for bone straight?

What's your hair history? I saw that people mentioned transitioning, a BC and now relaxing, sorry I'm confused

 

[Junebug D]

I agree that you should get braids or get a wig for a while. And then if you still want, you can get a corrective and go straighter. My hair is relaxed bone straight and I'm not having splits or anything. Perhaps it's a moisture issue? My hair is battling this extra hot weather and is poofier and more dry than usual. Say no to cutting, whether BC or going natural again! Just ride it out for a while.

 

[jerseygurl]

I thought you were transitioning OP, in that case why would you be needing a relaxer? I think you might be trying to do too much to your hair, I agree with the posters who have suggested braiding or wigging it.

Good luck OP.

 

[JJamiah]

I agree with the others wig it up or PS until you relax a little or you might do something drastic like.........

 

[MissMusic]

I get what you are saying. I have a very thick coarse hair type, so my relaxed hair just acts and looks like straightened natural hair. What kind of relaxer are you using? I know for my hair type that plays a big role in how straight my hair gets, but it will always be coarse regardless. For our hair type its like you're d**ed if you do and d**ed if you don't.

If your hair is anything like mine, Your relaxed hair can get very straight, but it will not lay down without help because it is course. If I want straight flat hair without heat I do wet sets or ponytail rollersets, but if your hair type is anything like mine, relaxing it will not make it flat and straight.

 

[Poohbear]

You can't just wash relaxed hair and have it dry bone straight without heat. Even when I had relaxed hair, if I wanted it to look straight, I had to use blowdry it straight or rollerset it on magnetic rollers.

But yeah DDTexlaxed, you have gone back and forth from relaxing to natural. I agree with the other ladies about leaving your hair alone. I know it's hard to leave your hair alone when you see so many pictures of different women's hair and read about different techniques, but hang in there.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

It sounds as if the new growth is relaxing fine, its just that your previously relaxed hair is not as straight after a re-touch? I want to make sure I have that straight....

It could be a # of things: Maybe the new growth wasn't relaxed all the way, so as your hair grew, that hair got less and less straight since it wasn't permed BONE STRAIGHT from the beginning.

Hmm...At any rate, this may be a sign. This happened to my mom about age 48-49, so she transitioned to natural...okay she bc'd and got dreads, so of course now at age 55 her hair is grazing MBL...I'm not telling you to get dreads, but you may be a good candidate for natural....Now since it seems you like straight hair, you can look into being a straight natural and consider that route. As long as you are committed to the care (and it seems like you would be), you can have the best of both worlds....at any rate, you must make a decision.....


Hiding your hair in a cute weave or braids (as previously recommended) for a while can give you some time to think, and one less thing to stress over for a few weeks while you do research....As a natural, I do this myself from time to time while I look up natural styles, and tweak my regimen.

 

[MonPetite]

My hair is like this. I have to bleach and relax with a super left on for longer than the alotted time AND FLAT IRON to get bone straight hair (and yes, it still "swings" and is soft despite that abuse!).

However, at the slightest bit of protein...it waves back up.

Being natural or very texlaxed are my options, truly.

Recognizing one way or another my hair is going to keep a curl has helped tremendously.

I recently realized my hair grew the quickest and most easily when I blundered into being texlaxed a few years ago. I wore wash and goes daily with no fear of knots. Didn't need heat, didn't need constant protein, didn't need much other than water and conditioner and I could detangle with my fingers (and could skip doing it if I wanted) and wash daily which my scalp loves.

Your SN does say texlaxed...maybe fully embracing being texlaxed will give you the peace of mind about your hair you desire? I hope you find something soon, my dear. Bad hair days are the worst!

 

[LadyRaider]

My hair was like that too. I started my HHJ in Feb. of 2009. I relaxed at the end of April 2009 so I "wouldn't have to use heat." Well if I wanted it straight I had to use heat.

That's why I see no point in relaxing anymore.

 

[Curlybeauty]

That's how my hair is. My hair soaks up the relaxer when it is put on. When most people go back to smooth the relaxer in, my hair looks as if there was never any on. *shrugs*

I probably need to get a corrector as well but right now since it's hot outside, I'm loving the versatility and my faux naturale look. You probably hate it cause your hair is just in the in between stages right now.

Tuff it out and decide, before you have no hair on your head. It has only been three weeks.

 

[PuddingPop]

No. I'm venting and frustrated. What happens when you follow the rules of being relaxed and it just doesn't work for you? I think I have a lot of researching to do. I am just so frustrated because I'm tired of going back and forth. I will never BC again. If all else fails, It will be little chops every 4 months. Right now it is too short for roller sets. I think my hair is not fully relaxed and I need a corrective.

How long have you been relaxed ?

Is this your first relaxer after being natural for some time?

Im asking because if this is you first, second, or even third touch up after being natural your hair may not be completly straight for quite some time.

After being natural for a year + it took me a whole nother year of relaxing to get my hair a straight as I had worn ir prior. Many people think its a one shot deal when going from natural to relaxed but depending on your hair type, that's not the case. Its a process so just try giving it a little more time.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

DD you seem like a wonderful lady in need of some tough love so I'm gonna give it to you.

You've been a member since 2004 You could have made alot of progress by now. You can't let every little annoyance with your hair frustrate you to the point of doing drastic irreversible things to your hair each time like relaxers or big chops several times a year, every year and expect to make progress.

You will stay at your length forever if you keep vacillating back and forth like this. Choose to be relaxed or natural......when you have a frustrating day, use the search feature for tips tricks and advice and if you're really frustrated with your hair you can put your hair away in a long term PS and not have to think about it for a while. Stick it out even when its tough.

Ask yourself deep down how do I really want my hair to be? Relaxed or natural....make sure you're sure and STICK. WITH. IT. Going back and forth is stunting your retention.

I'm sorry if that was harsh but its the truth.

 

[Bnster]

DDT there is so much great information in here to determine if it applies to you,

humidity;
under processed;
roller setting yes to your length (see comment from Knt1229);
misconception that relaxer mean bone straight all the time; (very true)
relaxer not for everyone hair texture;
technique, practices and products;
too much different processing on your hair (texlax, BC, natural, relax...);
leave hair alone from chemicals - braid, wig it, ...;
less styling and more hair care leave that for next year the styling;
evaluate your hair, lifestyle, and image you want to project;

Then to stick to it.


While you determine your course of action, you want your hair to look decent and remain healthy. I guess first decide how you are going to wear it. If as is and you really can't roller set it, I was thinking why not treat it as you were natural /texlax awkward length stage. Moisture your hair and seal, gently pull your hair back with a band until it grows more to do some type of styling WnG. I would forget trying to make it look straight for a while.

Since you need to take care of it whether as is or in braids, weaves, extension, wash etc, technique, practices and products need to be determine. So the million dollars question what does your hair needs? What should your regimen be? I guess with more input from you we can help you on a possible reggie with the styling you decided on and other reggies as it gets to the next stage.

PS. If you go to a salon down the road, unless YOU determine it is damage do not let them cut your hair or you will be starting back at square one and frustration galore. Get some length so you can do something else with your hair and motivate you on wards.

 

[HappilyLiberal]

Because you keep going back-and-forth and doing a BC, your hair has not retained any length. As a result your hair is extremely short. A month of new growth looks a lot different on someone who is shorter than ear length than it does on someone who is shoulder length and beyond. This, in turn creates challenges when you try to style your hair with what appears to be a mountain of new growth. I've been there. My solution was just to wait it out until my hair grew out more. Most folks (i.e. not those exposed to a healthy hair forum) would just relax once a month to take care of that problem--thereby creating other problems for their hair.

I think you should try the Crown-and-Glory method for a year (or two). This will allow you to gain some length without getting frustrated with your lack of styling options. Then after a year (or two) whether or not your choose to remain relaxed or cut the relaxed ends off and go natural, you will have enough length to style and you won't be so frustrated.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Six years.

You have been on this board for SIX YEARS, and you are STILL frustrated?

I am sorry, but until you decide once and for all what you want for your hair and for yourself, it will be SIXTY years before your frustration is alleviated.

Honestly? You need to protective style and leave your hair alone for a MINIMUM of a year. Seriously. Just put it up until you have six good inches of new growth, THEN figure something else out. I wish you the best, but your decision making needs to get in order before your hair does. God bless.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

DDT, you're such a sweet lady - I hate to hear that you still aren't happy w/your hair after all these changes.

Please do what most have suggested and get cute braided styles that will give you time to grow your hair out to a more workable length. Leave a couple weeks between each braid install and maybe wear it straight for a week (professional flat iron job) and then DC the mess out of it for a week before the next install.

We all want the best for you *hugs an kisses*

ETA: After thinking about it, it would probably make more sense to DC several times the first week after the braids, and then wear it flatironed the second week.

 

[Lynnerie]

Hey DDT,

I know what its like to be indecisive when it comes to hair. At one point I was going back and forth with declaring my transition and then going back to a relaxer and all it took was looking at someone's pics in their siggy.

I didn't know what I wanted to do but once I BC'd there was no turning back. When I got frustrated during my early days as a natural I took a break from LHCF because I would get so tempted looking at straight hair. I went to other boards that were dedicated to natural hair but now that I'm firm with my decision I can look at relaxed heads and appreciate the style but not let it affect the way I feel about my hair.

Because your hair is short right now its difficult to style it without using heat you should get braids and leave your hair alone for at least a year.
Try the crown and glory method and allow your hair to grow out for real. Visit the other forums on this site to take your mind off hair.

Also, a lot of us protective style on this site even though someone's siggy may have their hair down and straight and thats what you want. Its just a picture they probably have some braids or their hair in a bun!

 

[Janet']

I'm sorry that you are so frustrated...the worse thing you can do is make a decision out of frustration...Hide your hair and give yourself time to research, meditate, whatever you need to do to make a decision that is going to be right for you...HHG...

 

[Chevelure618]

I think you need a little more length because sometimes with short hair there is not enough weight to the hair and it makes it that much more frustrating. My NG looks "straighter" as my hair gets longer.

Deep condition honey....just deep condition. What relaxer did you use again?

If you must have bone straight, the strongest one I know of is Revlon REalistic...the old-fashioned stand-by of bonestriaght lye relaxers.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I just found out what I did. The ayervedic products I am using! My hair has grown about a half inch! It's all new growth! I relaxed 2 weeks before I went to Las Vegas. It just occurred to me that the jheri juice, ceremides, and ayervedic products are making my hair sprout like a weed! I just brought the small satin rollers that should fit my hair. I am 4 weeks post relaxer today. It never occurred to me that my hair looks like this several weeks post relaxer. I never stay relaxed for long, so I forgot. I have basicaclly been prepooing with coconut oil and ayervedic oils for half and hour. Washing w. Joico K pak poo/conditioner, and DCing with ORS mayo. After I finish I just air dry and flat iron. I am taking everyone's advice under consideration, especially learning some patience as far as my hair goes. I used Silk Elements no lye relaxer. I think that relaxer is not the best for me. I've tried lye relaxers in the past, but they never get my hair strait. I honestly haven't had a bone strait relaxer since my mom's technique of relaxing my hair completely each retouch. I guess I better start researching better styling method. Please be patient with me! I am equating being relaxed with having strait hair. I don't do well with braids and extensions. I will be continuing my relaxed journey with a goal for more education. 6 years on the board does not mean I should know everything. I've still got a lot to learn and I'm not too proud to admit it.

 

[NIN4eva]

DDTexlaxed, are you taking dietary supplements as well? I don't think any kind of products you use on your hair or scalp externally will make your hair grow faster. I'm pretty sure you need to take supplements internally for faster hair growth.

 

[hopeful]

(((hugs))) again DDTexlaxed. I would also suggest you be careful with the k-pak & the ORS mayo. K-pak is a reconstructor and the ORS is protein I believe. Too much of both can make your hair dry and brittle so just be careful. I know both are good products but you know you can have too much of a good thing...

I would suggest adding in a really moisturizing con into the mix.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

(((hugs))) again DDTexlaxed. I would also suggest you be careful with the k-pak & the ORS mayo. K-pak is a reconstructor and the ORS is protein I believe. Too much of both can make your hair dry and brittle so just be careful. I know both are good products but you know you can have too much of a good thing...

I would suggest adding in a really moisturizing con into the mix.

I've been using the joico K pak poo/conditioner, not the reconstructor. Do you have any suggestions on a good moisturizing conditioner? I truly appreciate your input! It's just that Joico is working so great with my hair and scalp.

 

[sqzbly1908]

I've been using the joico K pak poo/conditioner, not the reconstructor. Do you have any suggestions on a good moisturizing conditioner? I truly appreciate your input! It's just that Joico is working so great with my hair and scalp.

If you don't mind me jumping in...Here are a few moisturizing DC's you could use

L'oreal Mega Moisture (green top - find it at Sally's) has Sunflower Oil (Ceramides) - great slip
Alter Ego Garlic - (I know that it is recommended for shedding but it makes my hair feel divine)
L'occitane Repairing - even though it states (repairing - it doesn't have any protein and again makes your hair feel great)
Nexxus Humectress - Old Standby ....never go wrong with this one...
Keracara Humecto - another good one...

 

[Geminigirl]

Are you gonna BC again?

Dang your so darn blunt.... but I like it, sometimes.

 

[Missjae09]

How many times have you relaxed your virgin hair? Many people find that when they relax virgin hair it does not come out silky straight after the first application of relaxer. However, you want to be careful not to over process your hair while trying to get those silky locs, because the only remedy for over processed hair it to cut it.

I hope this helps and I hope you find your way on your journey to have the head of hair that you dream of!