Why Are Men Miserable

movingforward13

movingforward13

I do what I want...
When you move on?

I have done everything possible to diffuse and avoid drama with my ex. But now it just seems like he is finding ANYTHING to start a fight with.

I got this email yesterday.... (I banned him from texting or calling me unless it is an emergency)

Him: I like to be able to talk to my son without your boyfriend sitting there watching my son's every move. Son was talking a lot about cuddling last time and now my eye brows are raised.

Me: Yesterday, Lee was trying to get seconds of the dinner I cooked, so he was on the way to the kitchen. He didn't realize you were speaking to son, nor does he want to interrupt your time with son. He actually came back into my room to wait until you both were done out of respect for you.

That said- let's not make this contentious. I am happy to address any questions or concerns you may have without accusing or inflammatory remarks.
Having a child in a divorced family means we both will have other romantic relationships and move on with our lives. Our concern should be that son is healthy, happy and loved by ALL parties.

Him: What about the cuddling issue? I don't believe a six year old should know anything about cuddling

Me: I ask son to cuddle with me every night before he goes to bed. It calms him down so he can sleep in his own room and not run into my room at night. Lee doesn't have any inappropriate physical contact with son.

Him: I will pick son up at 11:30 after his tutoring on Saturday.

Me: OK

Him: Make sure he has sneakers. I'm going to take him for a run. He is out of shape for his age.

Me: (no response)
*Son is bordering being underweight and has a ball of energy. Is he expecting our son to run 5 miles per day?
 
I'm assuming this is the same ex from the previous thread you made about the souvenir. He sounds crazy, girl. I don't even know what to say at this point. It seems like he's determined to spend the rest of his life torturing you for no reason. Honestly, I would get the courts involved to layout custody and visiting guidelines as a preemptive strike. He is already making accusations of sexual misconduct. What is next?
 
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Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I'm assuming this is the same ex from the previous thread you made about the souvenir. He sounds crazy, girl. I don't even know what to say at this point. It seems like he's determined to spend the rest of his life torturing you for no reason. Honestly, I would get the courts involved to layout custody and visiting guidelines as a preemptive strike. He is already making accusations of sexual misconduct. What is next?
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Yes that is him and that is exactly what I am worried about. We already have custody and visitation established but he has threatened to take custody from me.

That said- I am more concerned about him bringing up false accusations- that is the only reason why I responded with that first lengthy email- just in case this EVER goes to court, I have evidence showing me trying to diffuse the situation or clear up misunderstandings.

And yes- I don't get the torture thing. He is supposedly more happier now that we are no longer together. He found himself a doctor and proposed to her- shouldn't he be busy planning a wedding. I don't bother him, I don't bother her. I simply got a divorce, dropped it and moved on.... It is almost 5 years later- like what is the problem.

IronButterfly said:
Because you feed into it. It would have been real easy to just ignore him or block him from emailing you. In fact, all communication that doesn't deal directly with the well being of your son can be cut off.
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Yes I get that. This is the first email that I responded to like this in a long while. He regularly emails (2-3 times a month) me about our son with some accusing rant or angry response. I generally don't respond.

I learned from DivorceCare not to feed into it any more- which is why he is banned to only email me now about our son. When he does send emails about our son, I generally ignore if it doesn't have a question.

I can't block him- he can raise that issue in court saying I am not communicating with him regarding our son. The emails above were regarding the "well being" of our son.
 
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He's mad that you're happy and moved on, men like him have a hard time understanding how you're able to get over them so anything he can do to effect you emotionally he will try his hand at.

I didn't have a child with my ex but I went through something similar for months afterwards, I went silently into the night after we broke up and he did and said whatever he could to get a rise out of me.

I think you're handling it the best way that you can.
 
Yes, he is definitely jealous and seeing that he is losing more control over you and your son. He feels like the man when he is controlling someone, hence the make sure he has on tennis shoes. And he couldn't help passive aggressively insulting you by insinuating it's your fault the son isn't in good enough shape. Just making up anything to get under your skin. Your son is just fine and you know it and so does he. Again, he is just showing his controlling ways. A nice reminder of why you left him:).

He is just salty and it's his problem. You are doing a good job handling his petty behind. Keep up the good job and moving on with your life. You deserve to be happy and cared for and your son deserves to see his mom happy and cared for as well.
 
Men want you to beg for them and be miserable without them. When they realize you're getting along just fine, it triggers a nasty type of bitterness within them and they try to be vindictive for no reason at all.

This mother-like figure in my life once told me "Women live in the moment and men live in regret." I totally believe that.
 
I don't understand when men behave like this especially since he's already with someone. He has to be a special kind of miserable to want to upset and disrupt your life even though he's engaged and supposedly happier without you. You handled this very well in my opinion.
 
Browndilocks said:
Men want you to beg for them and be miserable without them. When they realize you're getting along just fine, it triggers a nasty type of bitterness within them and they try to be vindictive for no reason at all.

This mother-like figure in my life once told me "Women live in the moment and men live in regret." I totally believe that.
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"Women live in the moment and men live in regret."

That's deep. I'm going to have to meditate on this statement.
 
hopeful said:
Yes, he is definitely jealous and seeing that he is losing more control over you and your son. He feels like the man when he is controlling someone, hence the make sure he has on tennis shoes. And he couldn't help passive aggressively insulting you by insinuating it's your fault the son isn't in good enough shape. Just making up anything to get under your skin. Your son is just fine and you know it and so does he. Again, he is just showing his controlling ways. A nice reminder of why you left him:).
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All of this. Like I really say here and asked- is it me?

I remember when I was with him. He use to talk about how his uncle has two women that fight over him. When the uncle got mad at one, he would go to the other and vice versa. My ex was entertained by it.

I am starting to think I busted his bubble. He probably wanted that same situation- wanted me to fight over him and do over the top stuff that bitter women do so he can tell his uncle "stories" about the crazy women fighting over him. Stroke his own ego. When I just accepted the situation and filed for divorce- that threw a wrench in his plans.

Reminds me of Ciara and Future.
 
IronButterfly said:
Not it wasn't. It was about "cuddling". Topics pertaining to son include school, medical, health/well-being, especially if you want said dude out of one's life.
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I understand what you are saying but OP knows this question re cuddling is him trying to start a paper trail re his concerns about his son's safety and well-being. When abusive or manipulative men realize they can't get to you, they go for the children. He has threatened to take her son from her in the past. He doesn't want the son. He wants to hurt her. She was merely covering herself. He will likely not bring the issue up anymore because her response was very reasonable and makes it appear that she cares about his concerns (when in fact she doesn't).

But I do believe if he persists along this questioning she should ignore him moving forward.
 
Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I agree with most sentiments in this thread. I would be so angry dealing with this for this long, son or no son. Are there any men in your family that can talk some sense into him? I'd have to cut off contact...
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Unfortunately, you have to assume that your child's father is going to become petty as hayle once you part ways. I've seen it too many times to believe otherwise. The instances that is NOT the case are the exception, and you should thank God that your ex is not that guy.
 
Any chance the new woman is planting seeds about this crap?

I remember when my parents split his new woman would say things about my mother not taking care of me 'properly'.
 
biznesswmn said:
Any chance the new woman is planting seeds about this crap?

I remember when my parents split his new woman would say things about my mother not taking care of me 'properly'.
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It is probably his mother rather than the fiancé.
It honestly could be anything.
All won't be right in his world until I am alone and bitter so the stories about his "crazy ex" can be true.
 
hopeful said:
"Women live in the moment and men live in regret."

That's deep. I'm going to have to meditate on this statement.
Click to expand...

She told me that years ago, when I was completely heart broken over an *** who didn't even deserve to be in my presence. She said "You see how you're all upset and crying? You're in the moment. You're going to get over this and later you'll be much happier without him. He on the other hand will later regret his actions because men live in regret." Sure enough years later dude was reaching out talking bout "I'm sorry" and I was like :huh: :peace:

I remember when my BFF was divorcing, people were asking her why wasn't she crying or sad. Her response was "I mourned for my marriage while I was married. I'm done now." Years later, her ex is crying a river.
 
Browndilocks said:
She told me that years ago, when I was completely heart broken over an *** who didn't even deserve to be in my presence. She said "You see how you're all upset and crying? You're in the moment. You're going to get over this and later you'll be much happier without him. He on the other hand will later regret his actions because men live in regret." Sure enough years later dude was reaching out talking bout "I'm sorry" and I was like :huh: :peace:

I remember when my BFF was divorcing, people were asking her why wasn't she crying or sad. Her response was "I mourned for my marriage while I was married. I'm done now." Years later, her ex is crying a river.
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I get it now and the EXACT same thing happened to me. I went thru the crying being in the moment and sure enough when I was done and had even moved out of state this ninja tracks me down- I had my number listed under my initial and the most common last name ever. He called full of regret and apologizies.
 
He sounds very bitter and angry. He is too much to deal with. Has jealousy turned him like this or has this always been ?
 
God_Favor said:
He sounds very bitter and angry. He is too much to deal with. Has jealousy turned him like this or has this always been ?
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I have no idea what it is. It is like I am the enemy... but he cheated though. I swear- his life isn't going the way he thought it would and he is taking the anger out on me.
And no- he wasn't like this when we dated. He literally changed after he met her and cheated. When I divorced him, it was like he made me a demon to feel better about what he did to his family. I really don't know this man I now have to interact with. The man I fell in love with is dead.
 
Browndilocks said:
She told me that years ago, when I was completely heart broken over an *** who didn't even deserve to be in my presence. She said "You see how you're all upset and crying? You're in the moment. You're going to get over this and later you'll be much happier without him. He on the other hand will later regret his actions because men live in regret." Sure enough years later dude was reaching out talking bout "I'm sorry" and I was like :huh: :peace:

I remember when my BFF was divorcing, people were asking her why wasn't she crying or sad. Her response was "I mourned for my marriage while I was married. I'm done now." Years later, her ex is crying a river.
Click to expand...


Wow. I really wanted some insight about that statement, because I didn't fully understand it. I needed to read this, seriously.
 
Browndilocks said:
She told me that years ago, when I was completely heart broken over an *** who didn't even deserve to be in my presence. She said "You see how you're all upset and crying? You're in the moment. You're going to get over this and later you'll be much happier without him. He on the other hand will later regret his actions because men live in regret." Sure enough years later dude was reaching out talking bout "I'm sorry" and I was like :huh: :peace:

I remember when my BFF was divorcing, people were asking her why wasn't she crying or sad. Her response was "I mourned for my marriage while I was married. I'm done now." Years later, her ex is crying a river.
Click to expand...

Oh.my.God. I literally said these words to my ex husband. I mourned the marriage ending when we were still married. I could not believe that someone that I loved so much, and who seemed to worship me had flipped on me like that. He turned brand freaking new. My heart broke so badly.
When i was done,I knew that I was done. He was trying to stay close. I informed him that I didn't want to spend time with him anymore.
He's been obsessing over me ever since. Ugh! I don't hate him, But i ha e zero interest in being jn a relationship with him.
Time really does erase what you don't need to hold on to.
 
I wonder why that is??? This dynamic where they seem to come sniffin back around, sometimes years later... Do they really love or is this just them tryg to get their way?
Whats wrong w them o_O How come they cant figure out their crap?
 
Browndilocks said:
She told me that years ago, when I was completely heart broken over an *** who didn't even deserve to be in my presence. She said "You see how you're all upset and crying? You're in the moment. You're going to get over this and later you'll be much happier without him. He on the other hand will later regret his actions because men live in regret." Sure enough years later dude was reaching out talking bout "I'm sorry" and I was like :huh: :peace:

I remember when my BFF was divorcing, people were asking her why wasn't she crying or sad. Her response was "I mourned for my marriage while I was married. I'm done now." Years later, her ex is crying a river.
Click to expand...
You just preached a word! :flowers:
 
Browndilocks said:
She told me that years ago, when I was completely heart broken over an *** who didn't even deserve to be in my presence. She said "You see how you're all upset and crying? You're in the moment. You're going to get over this and later you'll be much happier without him. He on the other hand will later regret his actions because men live in regret." Sure enough years later dude was reaching out talking bout "I'm sorry" and I was like :huh: :peace:

I remember when my BFF was divorcing, people were asking her why wasn't she crying or sad. Her response was "I mourned for my marriage while I was married. I'm done now." Years later, her ex is crying a river.
Click to expand...
:amen:
I couldn't just "like" this right here...I "love" this....


My 'personal' explanation for this behavior... I think this is their (men) regret but more specifically their GUILT.... I make it a point to give 100% in any relationship that I am in...I am loving, respectful and so on... To ensure that I will have no regrets.., if/when it ends. These fellas/bums on the other hand probably treated their significant other's hearts like 'monkey meat' and their guilt will not let them rest and move on peacefully. Is that Karma?
 
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