Who Doesn't Believe In Divorce?

[R4L]

it's not a unicorn, you can't believe in it or not....it EXISTS. You can choose not to get one, but don't deny it exists. People get divorced everyday.

thanks.

 

[smwrigh3]

I believe in divorce and it believes in me. Life is to short. If I wanna walk.... Im walking.

Of course its not ideal but I would never eliminate the option

 

[snillohsss]

I believe in divorce and it believes in me. Life is to short. If I wanna walk.... Im walking.

Of course its not ideal but I would never eliminate the option

THIS!!!!!

 

[TamedTresses]

I don't "believe" in divorce, but I understand that sometimes it is a viable option. Would I use it as a throw away option for every disagreement? Absolutely not. That being said, sometimes it is necessary. I would love to be married forever, but I refuse to stay in an unhealthy, unhappy marriage solely for the sake of saying that I am married.

Ultimately, having kids will not be the determining factor of whether or not I remain in an unhealthy marriage. Kids are smarter than they're often given credit for. They can sense the tension between parents and it will have an impact on them. It is actually more beneficial, and thus, more important to me for my kids to have normalcy than for them to exist in a dysfunctional two-parent household.

 

[Jas123]

I do. If he cheats or if he stops believing in God or if he becomes morbidly obese and wont change or if he is morbidly obese and stops washing his *** and can't get out the bed (not due to sickness or injury just laziness)....any of those and I am out.

Sent from my DROID3 using DROID3

this made me

 

[chicha]

I believe in divorce and it believes in me. Life is to short. If I wanna walk.... Im walking.

Of course its not ideal but I would never eliminate the option

(Loud clap) WA HA HA HA okay! Tell it chic!

I don't want one but don't test me. I'm no fool. And I ain't gonna be sitting up hurtin over your cheating. Trying to look over it. Scared for diseases. Wondering what the neighbors are sayin.

Nah son. You go your way. I go mines. And I can get over the hurt.

I can't be holding on and hurting for years. I don't know how the old chics did that.

 

[chicha]

Meh. I believe in divorce. Stuff changes. It is serious with or without children. With children, if the parents are unhappy (kids can sense that) I'd rather they just keep it civil, divorce, and live. the kids will be happier that way.

This is true. If only 1 person is trying to work it out, it's gonna be hell for the kids to. And it needs to divorce to give them and you some relief.

 

[JFemme]

I don't understand this idea of "believing" or "not believing" in divorce. Really, I don't.

I don't think most people get married saying, "Well, this will just be temporary. We can always get a divorce." Most people say it will be "forever" or something of that nature.

Divorce is something that happens for a variety of different reasons, some quite serious. And in many cases, neither person imagined how it would all play out when they were walking down the aisle. Additionally, you can believe in divorce or not...either way, it doesn't mean you will or won't be getting one in the future.

I have never been divorced and I "believe" in trying my best to make my marriage work. I can't imagine parting with my husband. But to say I generally don't believe in divorce? That's something I would have said at a much younger age and before I'd ever been married. I've seen a lot of stuff in my years. Sometimes divorce is the best thing for all involved.

THIS..

 

[Naveah2050]

I would only divorce someone if my life/family were in danger. Whether it means you tried to hurt me or you are sleeping with drug addicts/doing drugs, those are only the reasons I would divorce. I don't believe in it, but in some cases it is needed. I'm the kind who wants to be married to one person for life.

I think Colleen (sp) Rooney gets so much flack for staying with Wayne, but even though I despise cheating, I believe she did the right thing for her child by staying with wayne. He seemed pretty remorseful about the situation. Of course he will be paying for his actions for life. Im sure Colleen didn't want to give up her lifestyle either.

He cheated on her BEFORE they even got married or had kids, with prostitutes.....I guess by LHCF standards that probably doesnt count as they were not married....

 

[spelmanlocks]

I actually wish my parents divorced. They didn't like each other and argued every day all day. Tried to work it out and it didn't work. Miserable, just miserable. They were better when they were apart. When they separated me and my sis were so damn happy!

Same here. My parents marriage is and was always a mess. My mom said she is never leaving my dad no matter what though. I believe in divorce mainly because of them.

DH is against divorce however.

 

[Mis007]

I would only divorce someone if my life/family were in danger. Whether it means you tried to hurt me or you are sleeping with drug addicts/doing drugs, those are only the reasons I would divorce. I don't believe in it, but in some cases it is needed. I'm the kind who wants to be married to one person for life.

I think Colleen (sp) Rooney gets so much flack for staying with Wayne, but even though I despise cheating, I believe she did the right thing for her child by staying with wayne. He seemed pretty remorseful about the situation. Of course he will be paying for his actions for life. Im sure Colleen didn't want to give up her lifestyle either.

And here's me thinking it was for his millions the reason why she stayed.

 

[Mis007]

Not really. People are who they are. Most of the time in a relationship, a woman ignores how the man really is and then starts hoping that he changes into the man she wants him to be over time which usually doesn't happen.[/QUOTE]


For emphasis.

 

[ambergirl]

Divorce is right up there with death of a loved one in terms of stress for most people. I don't think most people put themselves through that for light reasons.

But, I also don't think it's my place to judge what are and are not good reasons for someone else. If some woman wants to divorce her husband for not going to the gym, I'm thinking he's better off not being with such a shallow woman so maybe it's serving a purpose.

It also wouldn't' surrpise me if there were other reasons. Relationships are complicated so I don't assume I know what's really going on based on what I'm seeing or what folks are saying.

 

[ladysaraii]

I am currently engaged, and my fiance and I have talked about how we feel about divorce and for us, divorce is not an option.
He says all the time "there is no out" so I guess for us,THIS IS IT!
(But neither of us has a crystal ball, so who knows what the future holds!)

Question:
What happens if you are married to someone who develops a gambling addiction and they constantly squander the finances?
Blow through your kids' college funds and all your savings?
Get a second mortgage on the house to support their habit?
Max out the credit cards?

If you all have been to counseling about the gambling and they still don't stop and it goes on for years and years, getting progressively worse, is there ever a point where divorce in an option in cases like these?
Or do you separate with no intention to divorce?

What about changing faiths?
I don't mean switching denominations, but changing who/what/how they worship?
What if your spouse quits the faith that you two currently practice and instead joins a cult?

Extreme, I know, but not impossible. Just curious to know where you all stand in these scenarios.

I know what I would do in both instances.....be back later with my answers.

Minx

ETA: Sorry to hijack your thread, Pook!

I think those are divorcable scenarios, especially the gambling

I'm sorry I refuse to live in fear that I'm going to lose everything b/c this perosn has a problem. And to be honest, i see it as a form of abuse.

There is counseling and ways to hide your money. No, I wouldn't want to live like that but, unless he is mistreating me, we can work through a gambling problem.


What will separating do? Probably make them gamble even more. When you really care about someone you're there for them. I know it's draining and it's hard, well like is hard at times. Often times when we think we can't handle anymore, we prove how strong we are.

If things didn't change and our family was in danger (like losing our home, car, etc. etc.) yes, I would have to separate.

I'm not interested in being a martyr and losing everything in the process. i would try to help them in the beginning, but after a certain point, I'm out. b/c the truth is, you cant change them, they have to stop. And yes you can hide money, but I truly determined person can find money even when you think there is none to be found

 

[Windsy]

It's not an option for me so I use that as a means when choosing a mate and choosing the right circumstances under which to get married.

 

[emerald06]

Do spouses ever change for the better, or change together, as a couple? Or is change inherently bad in a relationship?

They do. You just don't hear about those people so much. Can't advertise how good you have it or the vultures will come.

Change is a part of life. Either do the changing or let change happen to you. I prefer the former. I expect DH and I to keep changing and growing as we continue to build our lives together. I don't think this always means rainbows and sunshine either. Change is damn hard sometimes, but you work with it and you can come through it.

I'm only speaking on my situation. I'm not talking about issues of abuse, violence, extreme disrespect, extreme irresponsibility, etc. I'm not in that situation so I would feel out of place saying what I would do if I were.

 

[Naveah2050]

I think those are divorcable scenarios, especially the gambling

I'm sorry I refuse to live in fear that I'm going to lose everything b/c this perosn has a problem. And to be honest, i see it as a form of abuse.



I'm not interested in being a martyr and losing everything in the process. i would try to help them in the beginning, but after a certain point, I'm out. b/c the truth is, you cant change them, they have to stop. And yes you can hide money, but I truly determined person can find money even when you think there is none to be found

Me too.....its not just a matter of the money, its the betrayal and lack of trust that comes with it, i mean having to hide money from my own husband? what kind of examples would this even set for my kids. I would ask him to seek help and/or change or lose me. I certainly would not enable him by playing games with him and hiding money etc.

 

[Cichelle]

I actually wish my parents divorced. They didn't like each other and argued every day all day. Tried to work it out and it didn't work. Miserable, just miserable. They were better when they were apart. When they separated me and my sis were so damn happy!

My mom believed in working it out and it killed her. Literally. My dad stressed her out so bad she got stress inducing health problems. Worried about him.

I never plan on divorcing DH, but if need be, shooooooot....I'll be throwing him papers so fast. DH believes in working things out. I do too, but sometimes talking and counseling just doesn't work. But now that I have my DD, I'll make it work as much as I can.

I, too, wanted my mother and step-father to divorce. After he tried to murder me in front of her when I was a kid...that would have been a good time for her to call a lawyer. But hey, some people don't "believe" in divorce...

 

[Guitarhero]

I think folks mistakenly believe that staying with a cheating, abusive spouse is better for the kids' welfare than breaking off the marriage. There's either poverty of finances or poverty of relationship. Even if he is not abusive, kids are being taught that cheating is a value of sorts. Staying while being cheated on is teaching children to accept this type of behavior when they marry or enter any kind of relationship. Securing a good relationship with the "right" guy in the beginning is not guarantee that there will never be horrible behavior pushing a divorce. The best of people can make the worst of decisions that bring horrid results and do irreparable harm. You do not have a guarantee....tis life.

 

[moda]

I, too, wanted my mother and step-father to divorce. After he tried to murder me in front of her when I was a kid...that would have been a good time for her to call a lawyer. But hey, some people don't "believe" in divorce...

I am so sorry you had to experience this She should have divorced him before it even got that far.

I think folks mistakenly believe that staying with a cheating, abusive spouse is better for the kids' welfare than breaking off the marriage. There's either poverty of finances or poverty of relationship. Even if he is not abusive, kids are being taught that cheating is a value of sorts. Staying while being cheated on is teaching children to accept this type of behavior when they marry or enter any kind of relationship. Securing a good relationship with the "right" guy in the beginning is not guarantee that there will never be horrible behavior pushing a divorce. The best of people can make the worst of decisions that bring horrid results and do irreparable harm. You do not have a guarantee....tis life.

I cannot say that I would stay with my husband if he cheated, but I could say my kids would not have to know about it. Why should the kids be told about a cheating spouse? What does that accomplish?

 

[JeterCrazed]

Put it this way.... Anything that would make me want to divorce him would make me want to kill him first. Trying to rape/murder/maim my child will cause me to....death do us part. Let's just say, a divorce won't be necessary. Send a coroner and a police car. Each of us is going with each of them. #basement

ETA: If he's gay, I'll spare him.

Sent from my HTC Inspire™

 

[Guitarhero]

I cannot say that I would stay with my husband if he cheated, but I could say my kids would not have to know about it. Why should the kids be told about a cheating spouse? What does that accomplish?

Kids aren't stupid, they will someday know the whole truth and piece it together themselves with common sense. There is no "shame" in this society anymore, anything goes. Now, according to my post, I reiterate that I do not suggest women/men stay with a horrible spouse. If the person leaves or kicks the other out of the home, the children will know and they will ask. Why not be truthful with control of the emotions? Depends upon the kid and the level of fairy dust the family has lived under for years. You could paint fairytales of butterfly dust stories but they will intuitively know, the older they get.

Sometimes, truth is necessary to uphold values and instill them in kids..."don't do xyz or this is what can happen." Perhaps this is the BM's problem? Nobody is requiring them to be responsible. Women are supposed to cover the truth, stay with a jerk "for the sake of the kids," suck it all up, put on a happy face and live life as though nothing is wrong after baking a cake for everybody. That's not teaching your kids how to live morally. If they know about criminals going to jail, they will eventually now what adultery is and how it ruins families. Remember the Scarlett Letter? Let a woman cheat...she's whore who doesn't love her children and is a horrible mother. Let a man cheat and "he still loves the children but just not mommy, and he's still a good father."

If the nuclear family is open about it the reasons for the split (depends upon how you present it and how much detail), hopefully, that kid will grow up with a sense of purpose regarding family life i.e., to protect it. Euphemisms and covering up don't take away the sense that something is horribly wrong. Too many people are let off the hook and do not realize that cheating on the spouse is cheating on the kids, too. The family is a unit. There is no such thing as "mommy/daddy still loves you equally as before, they just don't love the other." If people loved their spouses, they would realize that cheating on them is taking away love of the child in the deeper sense. Imagine, while they were cheating, they took away quality time from everybody. People have no sense of shame and everything is up for grabs these days. We blame the other for all trouble rather than looking inwardly and confessing our own personal faults. Shrugs. Live like a fool, put yourself up to face shame. Deflecting doesn't remove it.

 

[kandake]

I thought I didn't. Until I was forced to get one due to cheating. But it took me a year and half after separating to actually go through with it.

I drafted the papers and did everything pro se but I went to the extent of listing his name as the petitioner because I didn't want to be the one listed as getting the divorce. My reasoning was crazy.

 

[moda]

Being brought up to keep children out of "grown folks business" is what makes me feel a child has no need to know the specifics. A child can be taught right and wrong without going into specific situations IMO. I have young children so I cannot imagine sitting them down to say why daddy had to leave, to me that would be totally unnecessary and I am not sure my mind would change if they were older. It's not about covering it up. I just don't see the benefit of involving the children in all of the specifics.

 

[Misshairdiva]

I think that the majority of women who say they " dont believe in divorce" have never been abused, or habitually cheated on. I had a nice wedding only four years ago infront of all of my family and friends. NO ONE could have told me at that time that my husband would fly back overseas and be with his girlfriend and continue the relationship for five years. Ofcourse now that he is home he says he doesn't want a divorce and that he has changed. What I learned from all this is BELEIVE WHAT PEOPLE ARE. I wanted to be in denial, "not MY husband" no way!!! Not a man who has Bible study at his job and goes to church with me and prays with me. NO WAY!!! But, I now accept the fact that yes, my husband the name on prayed with me, went to church with me who I "thought' was my lifetime partner was a serial cheater who spent every penny that our household had for the last five years. Can I get over that?? NO. Somethings are not recoverable and I think this is one of them. Like a poster said earlier divorce is a very deep and painful process. People just dont get a divorce because of bs, usually its something serious. Four years ago did I "believe" in divorce? NO. But then again, I didn't think that I would be cheated on either...

 

[carcajada]

Being brought up to keep children out of "grown folks business" is what makes me feel a child has no need to know the specifics. A child can be taught right and wrong without going into specific situations IMO. I have young children so I cannot imagine sitting them down to say why daddy had to leave, to me that would be totally unnecessary and I am not sure my mind would change if they were older. It's not about covering it up. I just don't see the benefit of involving the children in all of the specifics.

Ita. The kids need to be kids.

As for the thread, divorce is always an option. A viable option. Yes sir.

 

[ambergirl]

I think that the majority of women who say they " dont believe in divorce" have never been abused, or habitually cheated on. I had a nice wedding only four years ago infront of all of my family and friends. NO ONE could have told me at that time that my husband would fly back overseas and be with his girlfriend and continue the relationship for five years. Ofcourse now that he is home he says he doesn't want a divorce and that he has changed. What I learned from all this is BELEIVE WHAT PEOPLE ARE. I wanted to be in denial, "not MY husband" no way!!! Not a man who has Bible study at his job and goes to church with me and prays with me. NO WAY!!! But, I now accept the fact that yes, my husband the name on prayed with me, went to church with me who I "thought' was my lifetime partner was a serial cheater who spent every penny that our household had for the last five years. Can I get over that?? NO. Somethings are not recoverable and I think this is one of them. Like a poster said earlier divorce is a very deep and painful process. People just dont get a divorce because of bs, usually its something serious. Four years ago did I "believe" in divorce? NO. But then again, I didn't think that I would be cheated on either...

Thanks so much for sharing your story and sorry you had to deal with that.

 

[JeterCrazed]

I think people should work things out unless there are abuse (sexual, physical, or emotional) problems.

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

Does everyone believe in sexual abuse in marriage?

 

[TamedTresses]

I'm not sure why some women say 'suck it up and deal with it', but it couldn't be me. I am not going to lead a life of misery for anyone else's sake. No, sir!

 

[Truth]

um, if he's DL and clean.. divorce...DL and positive I'll be a widow Abusive..I'll be a widow .. Cheats..divorce ...harms my child or any child for that matter...Again, i'll be a widow... Other then that.. nah, aint no divorce happening.