White Mother’s Opinion on Touching Daughter’s Natural Hair

[nzeee]

I LOVE that she already has a string of pearls on!!!

i picked up on that too, loved it

liked the tone of the letter. didn't have issues w/ the length cuz it's really just instructional it's not like she's going to hand it out to people.

i didn't like the vanilla chocolate thing tho. it's like specific references to race are somehow taboo or potentially offensive. a little weird. hope she doesn't call her daughter chocolate to her face

 

[*C00KIE*]

i picked up on that too, loved it

liked the tone of the letter. didn't have issues w/ the length cuz it's really just instructional it's not like she's going to hand it out to people.

i didn't like the vanilla chocolate thing tho. it's like specific references to race are somehow taboo or potentially offensive. a little weird. hope she doesn't call her daughter chocolate to her face

Seriously. I wouldn't mind being called chocolate, although, I am closer to peanut butter if we want to get into specifics. Its not like when she gets older she is not going to realize that she is "chocolate," i believe she needs to teach her child early, on what "outside" people would see her as verses it hit her like a ton of bricks when she gets older or in elementary school. Not everything, is considered offensive/racist, unless that is all what you know and grew up with. Am I being unsensitive??

 

[HauteHippie]

Seriously. I wouldn't mind being called chocolate...

Not everything, is considered offensive/racist, unless that is all what you know and grew up with. Am I being unsensitive??

I don't think you're being insensitive. It doesn't bother me at all since it's for or about kids. I don't think race/ethnicity are "taboo," but there are lots of kiddie names for things, we just happen to be talking about race now.

As for adults, I haaaaaaaate when an adult calls me any sort of food, especially if the adult is a man.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2

 

[keepithealthy]

I was taught when I was little don't let anyone touch you and don't let anyone play in your hair!

I agree with everything this mother said. Pregnant bellies too, yes they are just so cute and you want to pat them, but how would you feel if someone came up to you and said "Hey nice rack!" and patted your breasts?

Hair is no different. You are still invading my personal space by touching ANY part of me.

My mom taught me the same thing. lol. As an adult I don't mind people touching my hair, as long as they ask.

 

[Embyra]

i picked up on that too, loved it

liked the tone of the letter. didn't have issues w/ the length cuz it's really just instructional it's not like she's going to hand it out to people.

i didn't like the vanilla chocolate thing tho. it's like specific references to race are somehow taboo or potentially offensive. a little weird. hope she doesn't call her daughter chocolate to her face

I HATE that chocolate vanilla crap it makes my skin crawl one white man called me his chocolate queen GAG VOMIT KILL ME NOW




I did however really like the article not sure what this obession people have to touch/pet another persons hair

 

[Stormy]

You go Vanilla Mom! I like how well written the letter is. The mother clearly and concisely pointed out what's wrong with it. Wow... I didn't know white people acted like this. I mean I've encountered one or two who would ooh and ahh and I think one may have touched my natural hair once in surprise that it's so soft, but I've never been around a group of them acting like this. So, I guess it's different in that kind of predominately white environment. People acting like she's an object.

Anyway, that little girl is so cute! I think her mom is off to a great start in instilling self-esteem in her too!

 

[Bnster]

I went onto the mother's website and she really educated herself on hair care. Good for her and especially loving her daughter so much to make a difference in her life and the one part is in AA hair care.
I too don't like the chocolate vanilla thing, but who am I to take offense. The mom is not doing so to be hateful. Two thumbs up for the mom and other mom's like her!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Seriously. I wouldn't mind being called chocolate, although, I am closer to peanut butter if we want to get into specifics. Its not like when she gets older she is not going to realize that she is "chocolate," i believe she needs to teach her child early, on what "outside" people would see her as verses it hit her like a ton of bricks when she gets older or in elementary school. Not everything, is considered offensive/racist, unless that is all what you know and grew up with. Am I being unsensitive??

I call my daughter chocolate and her white friends vanilla sometimes. i thought errybody did that

When i do that i only do it in a cute way to show her that both are flavors of the world, one not better than the other. just different.

 

[Xavier]

I am impressed. She has done a lot of research!

From her Blog:
Ever heard the terms "3a" or "4b" in reference to hair type? Knowing what hair type your child has is the first step in developing a hair-care routine. The type of hair determines both how you moisturize as well as which tools you use to detangle and style the hair. Very often your child will have more than one hair type. For example, Boo has mostly 4a hair, except for the area where her bald spot once was, which is 4b. Then, at the very front and sides of her hair, she has mostly 3b. When I buy products for Boo's hair I usually shop for the most dry hair type (4a) and then water down my product if necessary for the other types. I'm cheap that way and it helps my products last longer.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I doubt the woman has been inherently a "no-touchie" person but has come to this conclusion after several encounters with people with the wrong kinds of attitudes. Especially being a vanilla mother to a chocolate daughter.

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

 

[anewday]

Love it! When I was a little girl I hated people in my hair, but I thought I had to let them discuss my hair and what to do with it. Oh now that I think if it... I do remember spending the nigh over some white girls hair and how uncomfortable I felt when they wanted to play in my hair. Yes, that mother was right on the money ...DO NOT TOUCH MY BABYS HAIR

 

[Shadiyah]

Interesting... My "vanilla" (lol)mama is the opposite she loves telling people how soft and fluffy my hair is... She's proud of it and appreciates the beauty of it and wants to share it with everyone... "feel how soft my baby's hair is!"... Guess people have different opinions... I dont mind people touching my hair but I'm grown :/

I think because what I gathered from this letter is that she has white friends who never been around black people thought that just because they knew her they could use her baby as a doll. I really see where she is coming from.

 

[R4L]

to me it's an issue of personal space. While I don't mind someone I know touching my hair, I don't want random people touching it.

 

[havilland]

i agree wtih this mother's perspective and while everyone is different and entitled to their opinions, i wish my mother wrote this letter to my school when i was shipped off to private school and was the only "chocolate" child in my class....

it was awful for me. and i did feel like i was on display like an animal at a zoo. i hated being "petted". i didn't feel complimented AT ALL.....when kids and teachers wanted to touch my hair all the time,.....rub all in my roots, without asking most of the time....and then remarked about how my hair wasn't "nappy" or was soft, much to their surprise....asking me questions about my genetic background or styling methods....like i was some foreign object instead of a PERSON just like them.

most of their hair was VERY different than mine and i NEVER felt the need to pet it or touch it or ask questions about it.

i grew up VERY OFFENDED by this practice of petting hair by others and still am...and at the time it did affect my sense of self. luckily my parents raised me to have self esteem so the effects were not lasting.

 

[Southern Belle]

I'm not quite sure why she thinks people touching her daughter's hair will cause a loss of dignity. I didn't see in the article where her daughter told her she was uncomfortable with people touching/admiring her hair.

Why does she automatically assume that people think of the little girl as an animal? Something about her attitude seems "off" to me. But, I'm pro-hair touching, so...lol

People commented and touched my hair all the time as a kid and I loved it - I thought my hair was pretty cool and touching it (even without permission) was fine with me (and my mother). People touch my DDs hair, too. My girls don't care and neither do I. It's hair, you can wash it.

It's only natural to want to touch awesome hair!

I've never minded hair touching either - or even my pregnant belly for that matter, but I digress.

HOWEVER............. I can understand why she felt it was necessary. I can tell you that white parents that adopt black children are FIERCELY protective of them. There's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that we outsiders will never be privy to. These parents have endured the stares, whispers, and subtle slights to their children - sometimes even from their own families.

The hardest I've ever seen my bestie cry was when one of her neighbors reported her for "running an illegal daycare without a license" right after she adopted my godchildren from Swaziland. Because those black children certainly couldn't belong to that white woman. It would have been funny if she weren't so heartbroken.

So if she seems extra with it - it's probably because somebody took her there.