White Mother’s Opinion on Touching Daughter’s Natural Hair

Je Ne Sais Quoi said:
I'm confused as to why some of you ladies don't understand what the deal is regarding this letter.

Anyway, I get it and understand.

Ps - the baby is adorable

PPS - the style looks a little too tight
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I know right?....... With her cute little nose, and her perfect eyebrows and a beautiful smile to boot..... too adorable I tell ya!:yep::grin:
 
ITA with the mom.
I feel like I need this letter for work. SMH
Despite wearing my natural hair on a near daily basis for the last 1.5 years, someone almost daily feels the need to come pat my hair or pull it. Most times its soaking wet from cowashing. A lot of the time I tell them it's the same hair as yesterday but in their head it's new everyday. I do not do fancy styles, just a wash and go.

It is quite annoying that people just feel comfortable enough to strike up a convo then commence to grabbing my hair uninvited.

I don't touch anyone's hair without asking first and I ESPECIALLY don't touch my friends pregnant belly without asking first. Bodies are very personal IMO.
 
I'm black. Can I touch chocolate hair? I saw a little girl with the cutest afro puffs and I touched them because they were SO CUTE! I didn't paw or anything.

I've touched many vanilla ponytail done up all cute in my day as well.

I don't know... was I bad?
 
silenttullip said:
good point but at the same time my "rack" is private. The fact it's covered by clothes and illegal to have it uncovered in public shows that. If she wrapped her child's hair with a scarf not saying she should but that would knock out someone touching it just like with a "rack"
but like you I was told no one could play in my hair we looked at touching as kind of educational though, it was usually followed by questions and they walked away with new info
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To me there are no conditions on touching another person's body. Hair, arm, breasts, butt, keep your hands off.

Sometimes I wish that folks that feel it's okay to go around touching everyone else...would pull on some REALLY hood chick's weave and get their arse handed to them. I mean I would stand by and cackle all the while telling them "I TOLD you not to pull on her hair but nooo you just had to touch it!"
 
nikki2229 said:
ITA with the mom.
I feel like I need this letter for work. SMH
Despite wearing my natural hair on a near daily basis for the last 1.5 years, someone almost daily feels the need to come pat my hair or pull it. Most times its soaking wet from cowashing. A lot of the time I tell them it's the same hair as yesterday but in their head it's new everyday. I do not do fancy styles, just a wash and go.

It is quite annoying that people just feel comfortable enough to strike up a convo then commence to grabbing my hair uninvited.

I don't touch anyone's hair without asking first and I ESPECIALLY don't touch my friends pregnant belly without asking first. Bodies are very personal IMO.
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dont get me started. my hair is straight and when i come back from vacation EVERYONE is going to be tugging on my hair and they ask why do i keep it in a braided ponytail which i then put in a bun? cause im tired of everyone's grubby little fingers coming at my head.

although last week...i had that STICKY shea moisture souffle in my hair and the curls looked good but im evil *insert evil laughter* i let EVERYONE touch my hair that day cause it was sooo sticky i knew they'd have to wash their hands afterwards!!! muahahaaaa. the next day NO ONE pulled on my curls! i was like yes victory!
 
Sticky stuff in hair isn't a bad idea LOL
roflmao @ someone pulling peoples weave

empressri said:
dont get me started. my hair is straight and when i come back from vacation EVERYONE is going to be tugging on my hair and they ask why do i keep it in a braided ponytail which i then put in a bun? cause im tired of everyone's grubby little fingers coming at my head.

although last week...i had that STICKY shea moisture souffle in my hair and the curls looked good but im evil *insert evil laughter* i let EVERYONE touch my hair that day cause it was sooo sticky i knew they'd have to wash their hands afterwards!!! muahahaaaa. the next day NO ONE pulled on my curls! i was like yes victory!
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I like the letter and I agree with the mom. The very least folks can do is ask first.



empressri said:
dont get me started. my hair is straight and when i come back from vacation EVERYONE is going to be tugging on my hair and they ask why do i keep it in a braided ponytail which i then put in a bun? cause im tired of everyone's grubby little fingers coming at my head.
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THIS!! I used to wear my hair in a nice big afro puff about once every two months and I guess that was reason enough for folks at my job to stop what they were doing and come over and rake their fingers though my hair. Ugh.
 
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I think it is great that she is so protective of her daughter. But, I wonder if she thinks that it is mostly white people wanting to touch her daughter's hair because her daughter is rarely around black people. Most of the people who want to touch my hair are black not white. The only white people that wanted to touch my hair were my friends as a child. They were just kids they didn't plan out going on a racist hair touching spree. The kids touched all the white girls hair too. As a teenager I have only had black people touch my hair. I personally like when people touch my hair because it is usually followed by a compliment:) Maybe the little girl needs to be exposed to more people of other ethnicities.
 
Love the letter and if you don't mind someone touching your hair that's you!!!! Everyone doesn't feel like that!!!!! I agree with Empress and the mother stay out of my personal space esp if you havn't asked. If you touch me or my hair without permission I'll boop your @ss with my sock o batteries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:nono:
 
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I understand both points of view & do think it is inappropriate to touch a stranger's hair! My roommate actually had someone grab her natural hair in an elevator!!! WTF But for me, the sticky situation comes when it is the hair of someone you know...I don't feel like my friends need to ask to touch my hair, but I got in trouble for trying to touch a "friend's" hair recently...I have known this woman for 8 years & saw her after she moved back to town. We hugged & she was happy to see I went natural...her curls were gorgeous & I reached up to touch them. Big mistake! She did the matrix move & told me sternly "Nobody touches my hair! No one! Don't even try it!" :blush: I was completely startled and totally offended...I just didn't realize hair was that serious :nono: For a stranger, yes, but for someone you are friends with, it seems like that is a bit extreme! But maybe I just don't have as many physical boundaries as some ppl, I dunno. But it just seems like there is a better way to handle hair touching preferences :lol:
 
virtuenow said:
I feel the same way, hair is a beautiful thing, why not share it. This mom takes hair a little too serious. There are so many more things to be offended about in life; why give the kid a complex or a "hard" shell. I, however, don't mind if someone wants to touch my hair. In fact, I ask to touch other peoples hair sometimes too! I don't see the big deal.
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I guess it all depends on what this mother thinks their motives are for wanting to touch this little girl's hair. You have to wonder - why is it that these people are asking to touch this little girl's hair when she is most likely not the only black person that they've come in contact with? Why didn't they ask an adult black person that same question? Why the child? I would gather that the reason is because they know how demeaning it sounds and they also know that asking an AA adult would turn the situation into something that wouldn't end very well. :nono:​

The way I figure it, if they are so curious to find out what our hair feels like then they can take themselves into a wig store and find a human hair wig and find out. Hell, ask an AA friend if they are close enough (black men may be more accepting of this so find one of them). But unless it's a family member of mine, another black person or someone I am intimate with (and not necessarily in that order), I do not want anyone standing in front of me with their eyes all wide and their voice filled with awe and wonderment asking me if they could just "touch it". What if I walked up to them, stared at them in wonderment and asked if I could "just touch their skin?" Hell, let one of us try that and see if we don't end up under someone's jail!!!:lachen::lachen::lachen:​

So to me she's not taking it too seriously. She's simply trying to preserve the child's dignity and I can't fault her for that!​
 
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I hate when strangers touch my hair. I shouldn't have to put up with it just cuz they see nothing wrong with it. I agree with this lady. She probably made the article extra long because people seem really ignorant about the fact that some people just don't like strangers touching them. (The only problem with this article is that she's wasting her breath cuz it's never gonna sink in for some ppl.:ohwell:)

I've always hated strangers touching my hair. As a little kid I didn't know I could tell them to get the he11 off! I thought I was obligated to let them indulge in their curiosity.
 
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Her Daughter is a cutie!

And Mama is working it with those styles! I wouldnt want anyone touching my child's hair either.
 
My DD has let me know that she is NOT to go to school with her hair unbraided and "out" (she is always in frenchbraids or twists) because she is SICK of so many kids touching it all day. I'm pretty sure she means the white kids because the black kids KNOW what that kind of hair feels like. She also told me even the teachers do it. Funny, on the few occasions she has worn it straightened, she didn't mind them touching it. I guess she's feeling herself then.:rolleyes:
 
I was taught that no one should put their hands on you, unless you ok it. That goes for face, hair, everything.

I don't know where folks hands have been, so please do not touch me unless it is pre-approved. I will teach my kids the same.
 
Personally, I don't mind hair touching. I'm not mad at mom though because I do think it's rude to walk up and start touching people all willy nilly. You should at least ask first. And getting offended when someone tells you "no" is just stupid.
 
I saw this site once (via a link on LHCF). I think she makes valid points about self-worth and inappropriate touching. She's a person, not a thing.

I was a nanny for a curly-haired little girl and I HATED when people would touch her hair. Do. Not. Touch. Turned me into a lioness. I'm the same way about my niece. We stress that no one should touch them without their permission and we give them a spiel on what to do if unwanted touching occurs. In this case, are we to say, "That didn't count."

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
I have to continually go over this with my DD, especially when it's sleepover time. They are all very curious about her hair. Yes, she the only brown baby in her class. Her response to touching is no, and she is comfortable with that.
 
empressri said:
I was taught when I was little don't let anyone touch you and don't let anyone play in your hair!

I agree with everything this mother said. Pregnant bellies too, yes they are just so cute and you want to pat them, but how would you feel if someone came up to you and said "Hey nice rack!" and patted your breasts?

Hair is no different. You are still invading my personal space by touching ANY part of me.
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^^ITA
I think the whole point of her letter was this:
Do not invade my daughters personal space without permission.
She doesn't have an issue with curiosity, but she does have an issue with disrespect. It is very disrespectful of someone to feel as though they can put their hands on you without your consent or say so.

I'll give u an example. this year at my high school graduation we had our caps and gowns on. I was sitting behind a girl who had her tassel on the wrong side, and it was bugging me, After debating with myself for a while i finally decided to just move the darn thing. The girl turned back and looked at me and I explained that she had her tassel on the wrong side. She said "Thank you, but next time can you please just tell me instead of touching me?" At first i was a little surprised and somewhat offended, then I realized that it wasn't personal, she just didn't want to be touched by someone she didn't know without her permission.

Everyone has their own little bubble. It's better to respect it than to play with it as if it's not there, because one day u will get smacked. :nono:
 
I agree with this author. Don't pet me...don't touch me without my permission. I have even had people touch my hair while I was air drying and then get upset because their hand was wet. People aren't obligated to satisfy someone's curiosity.

ETA: I was also raised to not let people touch my hair without my permission.
 
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Totally feeling this. This mother has the right to set boundaries for her child. What is ok to some is not ok to all. A couple of months ago I was sporting a braidout at work. A coworker, who I know doesn't wash her hands when she goes to the restroom, touched my hair. I politely told her that I do not like people touching my hair without permission and to not do it again. Of course I had to wash my hair when I got home :( I don't mind my friends/family touching my hair. However, random people cannot. I don't know their hygiene habits or motives and I am not trying to take chances.
 
I agree with the mother because it may not be a big deal to others. You never know what response you may get if you touch people without asking, even if it is their hair. I how protective she is of her daughter. She should be. You never know, one day it could be her hair and the next time who knows. It's a lot going on in the world today.
 
I guess that's the nice version of what I teach my kids! Babygirl is almost 2 and says very cleary " THREE FEET PLEASE"

It seems natural that white folks wanna touch my children's hair AND skin. It is quite unique and certainly different from what they are used to everyday. I always wonder how come I am not curious about THEM!! ?? Why is it that I have absolutely ZERO desire to touch and paw at them...?

Kudos to the vanilla mom who wrote the letter. I hope it works for her and that folks have time to read before touching LOL!
 
empressri said:
dont get me started. my hair is straight and when i come back from vacation EVERYONE is going to be tugging on my hair and they ask why do i keep it in a braided ponytail which i then put in a bun? cause im tired of everyone's grubby little fingers coming at my head.

although last week...i had that STICKY shea moisture souffle in my hair and the curls looked good but im evil *insert evil laughter* i let EVERYONE touch my hair that day cause it was sooo sticky i knew they'd have to wash their hands afterwards!!! muahahaaaa. the next day NO ONE pulled on my curls! i was like yes victory!
Click to expand...
:lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
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