Where to start?

[brg240]

Um so in the past I made a post about how I haven't been attracted to anyone in a long time and how I don't make eye contact with men.

I have actually been getting better with eye contact with men (and women.) Mostly older men but with younger men too. I'll even throw in what i feel is a nice (brilliant ) smile.

Anyway I've been doing some thinking about dating, as more than an abstract idea. I guess I'm a super late bloomer. I just never had an interest in dating, like ever :/ Actually, it was more than disinterest, I didn't want to date period. And when I got a bit older I was like well I'd rather have myself together.

(Though, I'm not sure if I should even be thinking about dating though as I can't seem to make nor maintain friendships. Maybe I should just work on that first? )

But I frankly have no idea how I go about this. I hear things come naturally but I'm not sure, I can be content with how things are and it causes me to stagnant sometimes. :/

So some questions:
Did you try to get yourself together before you started dating?
Do you date even if you aren't attracted to a person?
Is anyone else a late bloomer? I'm 23.
Do you see dating as a means to an end or something fun? Both?

Sorry if this post is really jumbled.

 

[Seraphina]

So some questions:
Did you try to get yourself together before you started dating?
Do you date even if you aren't attracted to a person?
Is anyone else a late bloomer? I'm 23.
Do you see dating as a means to an end or something fun? Both?

Sorry if this post is really jumbled.

1. I was hung up on sort-of perfecting myself before I started dating again a couple years ago. I'd had a tough few years because of health issues and kept putting it off until things got to a point that I was comfortable. This isn't a bad thing to consider and do to a certain extent, but there does come I time when you have to get over yourself (not you, specifically OP, in general) and just dive in. Otherwise you'll be waiting and waiting and waiting. Determine what's important that you have together first.

2. I used to date a man rather seriously that I was not sexually attracted to. I won't do it again. That's not to say you shouldn't give him a chance and be open-minded, but if after a few dates you can't even imagine kissing the dude, move on. I tortured myself for too long trying to force myself to be attracted to someone and I was miserable.

3. I was sorta a late bloomer...mainly because of circumstance. I had a lot going on as a teenager and early 20s so it just wasn't something I was in a position to actively pursue. That said, I've had 3 SOs in that timeframe, so IDK. My advice as far as this is concerned is to make sure you let go of your lack of past experience and look forward. Make sure you don't dwell on what was (or wasn't). It makes it impossible to enjoy and appreciate what you get to experience now.

4. Dating is a means to an end for me. It can be fun but I prefer to not be dating. I prefer to be in a relationship. I also have little experience dating. All of my SOs were friends of mine to begin with, so we didn't really date.

Last thing...the fact that you have trouble keeping friends could be a problem and I suggest you figure that out first. Not because I think it speaks volumes about you personality or anything like that. But, I've seen what happens when women with no friends get caught up in a relationship. This was the case for an old roommate. Her relationship was not particularly healthy because she was so dependent on him when it came to her social life and it made me sad for her.

 

[Windsy]

Did you try to get yourself together before you started dating? - when I was serious about settling down, I did make sure certain things were in order before I dated.

Do you date even if you aren't attracted to a person? - sure...I go and enjoy their company.

Do you see dating as a means to an end or something fun? Both? - Both.

 

[Katherina]

1. I was hung up on sort-of perfecting myself before I started dating again a couple years ago. I'd had a tough few years because of health issues and kept putting it off until things got to a point that I was comfortable. This isn't a bad thing to consider and do to a certain extent, but there does come I time when you have to get over yourself (not you, specifically OP, in general) and just dive in. Otherwise you'll be waiting and waiting and waiting. Determine what's important that you have together first.

2. I used to date a man rather seriously that I was not sexually attracted to. I won't do it again. That's not to say you shouldn't give him a chance and be open-minded, but if after a few dates you can't even imagine kissing the dude, move on. I tortured myself for too long trying to force myself to be attracted to someone and I was miserable.

3. I was sorta a late bloomer...mainly because of circumstance. I had a lot going on as a teenager and early 20s so it just wasn't something I was in a position to actively pursue. That said, I've had 3 SOs in that timeframe, so IDK. My advice as far as this is concerned is to make sure you let go of your lack of past experience and look forward. Make sure you don't dwell on what was (or wasn't). It makes it impossible to enjoy and appreciate what you get to experience now.

4. Dating is a means to an end for me. It can be fun but I prefer to not be dating. I prefer to be in a relationship. I also have little experience dating. All of my SOs were friends of mine to begin with, so we didn't really date.

Last thing...the fact that you have trouble keeping friends could be a problem and I suggest you figure that out first. Not because I think it speaks volumes about you personality or anything like that. But, I've seen what happens when women with no friends get caught up in a relationship. This was the case for an old roommate. Her relationship was not particularly healthy because she was so dependent on him when it came to her social life and it made me sad for her.

Are u me? *peers in closely* Waayyy too similar

Yeah, so ditto to this entire post.

 

[RocStar]

Um so in the past I made a post about how I haven't been attracted to anyone in a long time and how I don't make eye contact with men.

I have actually been getting better with eye contact with men (and women.) Mostly older men but with younger men too. I'll even throw in what i feel is a nice (brilliant ) smile.

Anyway I've been doing some thinking about dating, as more than an abstract idea. I guess I'm a super late bloomer. I just never had an interest in dating, like ever :/ Actually, it was more than disinterest, I didn't want to date period. And when I got a bit older I was like well I'd rather have myself together.

(Though, I'm not sure if I should even be thinking about dating though as I can't seem to make nor maintain friendships. Maybe I should just work on that first? )

But I frankly have no idea how I go about this. I hear things come naturally but I'm not sure, I can be content with how things are and it causes me to stagnant sometimes. :/

So some questions:
Did you try to get yourself together before you started dating?
Do you date even if you aren't attracted to a person?
Is anyone else a late bloomer? I'm 23.
Do you see dating as a means to an end or something fun? Both?

Sorry if this post is really jumbled.

Awww, trust me...if you are 23 years old you are not a late bloomer. The way you were talking up thread, I thought you were in your 40's or something.

 

[MaryJane3000]

Did you try to get yourself together before you started dating?

Yea I tried,lol.

I never wanted to be thought of by my significant other as a liability or bring extra baggage into the relationship. I found tho that by doing things that I wanted to do and working on being the best me I could possibly be, I ended up attracting men to compliment that. I dont think you can ask God to bring you the perfect man if you're not working to be that perfect woman for him. It wouldn't be fair.

Do you date even if you aren't attracted to a person?

I have to have some sort of physical attraction, but when I first started dating after being in a long-term relationship I just dated whoever so I could get into the groove of things. Just dont get too caught up in that because that can be very time consuming and when you're juggling multiple people your whole life starts to revolve around your dates and nothing else. It's easy to loose balance.

Is anyone else a late bloomer? I'm 23.

What's an early bloomer? I started dating when I got to college.

Do you see dating as a means to an end or something fun? Both?

Both, I'm looking for a hubby but I think it's good to date a bit to figure out what you want and what you'll tolerate in a relationship. There's a lot more complexities to a relationship than you initally think. It's not just about someone being faithful or sneaky. Not everyone breaks up because someone cheats.

Good Luck!

 

[chickle]

I don't know if I am a late bloomer. I'm 21 and I date, but I have never been in a relationship. I am trying to get myself together mentally and physically (not for the purpose of dating, but b/c I am a perfectionist). I've dated guys I wasn't attracted to but it was b/c of my lack of self confidence. Whenever a good looking guy spoke to me I would put my head done or screw myself over b/c I did not think I was attractive enough (I was an ugly duckling ) Dating right now is something that is fun...I am no where near ready to date for marriage...I am kind of scared to even be committed to anybody and I run whenever anyone starts mentioning things like "where are we going with this" or "i want to take it a step further".