When You're Just Not Into Him...

[Syrah]

He's "cute" and respectful and has good conversation. He likes to call you up with reservations at different restaurants (or the $3 taco spot). He's up for art exhibits at the museum and dj breaks at the local lounge. And he's polite and thoughtful.

But you're just not into him.

Sitting across the table from him or cuddled up on the couch is more like being with an old friend than someone with whom you share physical, spiritual or sexual chemistry.

You're just not into him.

Here's the question: is it wrong to keep him around for a little while because he's fun to be around, and aside from the fact that you're "Just not into him" (ha!), it works?

 

[ThickHair]

Would you want that done to you?

If you tell him the truth, but not string him along, I have no problem, but some people aren't honest. I am not attacking you.

 

[Son26]

I was honest with him. He got angry and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm cool with that.

Be honest with him.

 

[Ms Red]

Like Son26, I was honest, too. And he was mad at me. It worked out well though, because in not 'having him around,' the free time and energy opened me up to meeting someone who I *am* into.

 

[lux10023]

in my past exps--being honest allows you to meet the person who you ARE INTO and allows him to move on and have that same chance to meet someone who maybe into him

sometimes keeping ppl around is more headache in the long run--then politely being honest and open about you true feelings

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I've done it, and it is fun.

 

[Browndilocks]

I think ultimately it's wrong to keep him around because you run the chance of his feelings getting deeper for you while yours dont budge. In my own experience, when you're really just not into a guy and you allow him to keep coming around, you wind up resenting him in one way or another.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

as long as he is aware of how you feel about him and not under false hopes, then i dont see the problem. but if he has no clue then ur being foul. Im pretty sure you wouldnt want a man doing that to you.

 

[Syrah]

It's not that far along.

I like the fact that he's not pushy and touchy feely. He's not always dropping hints about going home with him, and isn't always dropping sexual innuendos into a conversation about fettucini alfredo's or whether or not I eat hot dogs.

So I can't imagine that there'd be feelings LIKE THAT just yet.

But IT's just not there...

But I like going out and having fun with him.

Some of my friends say "go for it - have fun until he makes his intentions clear" and others are like "its wrong to continue hanging out with someone that you're not feeling" and I'm wondering where that comes from. A girl can only spend time with a guy that she's trying to develop a relationship with??

 

[Syrah]

Would you want that done to you?

If you tell him the truth, but not string him along, I have no problem, but some people aren't honest. I am not attacking you.

No attacks taken.

We talked a little about what I'm looking for, on a light level (again, we just met), and I was honest about my short term plans (I'll be moving from the west coast to the east coast in August for business school), my history (I'm about 6 months out of a long term relationship), my expectations (I am just looking to meet different people, date etc) and my "social" situation (I am dating other people, as is he).

And he did the same.

 

[Theo]

I don't know. It depends on what you're looking for. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with it because I'm not planning on settling down soon and fun is all I'm looking for. But if you're looking for your future hubby to find you you might not want to have a dead weight hanging around your neck.

Its still early so who knows? You very weel just might develop feelings for him.

 

[Paradox]

He's "cute" and respectful and has good conversation. He likes to call you up with reservations at different restaurants (or the $3 taco spot). He's up for art exhibits at the museum and dj breaks at the local lounge. And he's polite and thoughtful.

But you're just not into him.

Sitting across the table from him or cuddled up on the couch is more like being with an old friend than someone with whom you share physical, spiritual or sexual chemistry.

You're just not into him.

Here's the question: is it wrong to keep him around for a little while because he's fun to be around, and aside from the fact that you're "Just not into him" (ha!), it works?

I think more practical.
If a guy has the personality and the others quality I like men to happen.
I will make it work.
Fact: Dr. Phil and his wife didn't hit it off great on their first date.

 

[LookingandListening]

Ha! I'm still being talked about for that one.(Too many mutual friends) I did enjoy his compnay though--more than I thought I did before we stopped seeing eachother.

 

[aqualung]

If his job is recession proof, then stay.
Stay your @$$ RIGHT there.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

If his job is recession proof, then stay.
Stay your @$$ RIGHT there.

I think it depends on whether you could ever see yourself liking him. I had an ex that I was like erplexed with in the beginning and I kept everything platonic and breezy...but he grew on me and I was madly in love with him during our relationship.

So, I say if you *know* he's not someone you would ever consider getting serious with, then be honest and respectful as you would prefer others to be with you. However, if you think it's possible for you to build something with him, then I say give it some time and see if the chemistry develops...sometimes it takes a little longer for the spark to be lit but I've found that those lights burn the longest.

P.S. My phone is on if you want to share the details of this situation.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Oh jeez...a certain person Im talking to now. I tell him all the time that im not feeling him, and how we will never be together, and he STILL will do anything in the world for me. Sometimes I just do not get it

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Oh jeez...a certain person Im talking to now. I tell him all the time that im not feeling him, and how we will never be together, and he STILL will do anything in the world for me. Sometimes I just do not get it

Your dismissal of him is what pulls him in.

If women could remain poker faced with the dudes we were crazy about JUST for a little while, we could get so much further. Oftentimes, they act out because they know we are like a giddy 7 year old inside whenever they come around. Their identity is often attached to accomplishment (i.e. career, income) so persuading us and winning us is seen as a feat. When it's too easy, they get bored. When it seems impossible, they get motivated and aroused.

Men are such simple yet peculiar creatures.

 

[FluffyRed]

I think it depends on whether you could ever see yourself liking him. I had an ex that I was like erplexed with in the beginning and I kept everything platonic and breezy...but he grew on me and I was madly in love with him during our relationship.
However, if you think it's possible for you to build something with him, then I say give it some time and see if the chemistry develops...sometimes it takes a little longer for the spark to be lit but I've found that those lights burn the longest.

I'm in this process right now!!! Trying to let the spark be lit. But the dude is a little annoying, because he's always trying to get me to "come over." Maybe if i could get him to stop taking me out to dinner... He needs to color his own danged book for a while, cuz this is not my problem! Plus, the crayon may be little! I did a preliminary search!!!

Your dismissal of him is what pulls him in.

If women could remain poker faced with the dudes we were crazy about JUST for a little while, we could get so much further. Oftentimes, they act out because they know we are like a giddy 7 year old inside whenever they come around.

 

[Syrah]

I think it depends on whether you could ever see yourself liking him. I had an ex that I was like erplexed with in the beginning and I kept everything platonic and breezy...but he grew on me and I was madly in love with him during our relationship.

So, I say if you *know* he's not someone you would ever consider getting serious with, then be honest and respectful as you would prefer others to be with you. However, if you think it's possible for you to build something with him, then I say give it some time and see if the chemistry develops...sometimes it takes a little longer for the spark to be lit but I've found that those lights burn the longest.

P.S. My phone is on if you want to share the details of this situation.

I've always considered myself someone easily turned on, easily turned off (not in the sexual sense) but in that it doesn't take much to pique my curiosity, or have me decide I'm no longer interested. And for me, curiosity is what usually leads to attraction.

...so when the curiosity isn't there, I'm left to my own devices and imagination.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I'm in this process right now!!! Trying to let the spark be lit. But the dude is a little annoying, because he's always trying to get me to "come over." Maybe if i could get him to stop taking me out to dinner... He needs to color his own danged book for a while, cuz this is not my problem! Plus, the crayon may be little! I did a preliminary search!!!

As Doris Langley Moore so eloquently put it, a woman's fortress should crumble very reluctantly and very slowly.

When women move at their own pace, they can have a man eating out of their palm.

 

[Odontyouwish]

I'm mean....I say "you're a hot mess/ugly/etc"