When you get married......

[Charlotte]

Question 1: When you get married do you expect your fiance/husband to have a home purchased and ready to move in?



Question 2: You have your own home and he is currently renting. What would be appropiate? For him to move into your home OR have him purchase a home for the two of you to move into?

I'm torn between the financial help of having everything split down the middle and wanting the "man to be the provider" and to get a home himself instead of moving into the home that I bought, furnished, etc. etc. !

 

[tatiana]

I own my home but if I got married and the man rents. He can come live with me and we buy another house within the first two years of marriage.

If he owns a home, it depends on where his house is, is house is good school district & low crime and if it is nice. I may move in with him or he move in with me. But I would still want us to buy a new home within the first two years of marriage.

I make more money than most men I meet so maybe that influence my decision. I would want a man that is very handy around the house.

Owning a home is a huge responsibility and it is very expensive for one person (man or woman) to do alone especially in the Northern Virginia area. I don't know. I know more men that foreclose on their house than women. Those men that foreclose had live-in girlfriends. Just depends on the situation.

 

[Charlotte]

Thanks, Tatiana..... but if they man moves in with everything all ready there........furniture, updated rooms, etc.... would you harbor any resentment towards him having everything handed to him or are you merely considering the financial aspect of the arrangement.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

This is a good question. I make sure this is something I know before hand. I see you are in the same area as I am. Because of this area, I ask guys certain question to find out where they are financially, and ownership wise. One of my question is are they from this area. Most of the guys I talk to aren't so I ask them how long, and normally we tend to get into ownership or renting.

Some of them rent if they aren't from around here, but majority of the ones from this area are owning or looking to own.

I have my own place, but it's being renovated, and it's taking forever. Anyways I would like the guy to have or be on the verge of having his own home.

when my home is finished, most likely my fam will be living there, mom, and brothers so they can save up their money. I wouldn't feel comfortable with us living there, cause I was not raised like that.

I move into his home, not the other way around. If we are getting married I'm sure we've taken care of what we need to do to get him and us on the right track to buying a home.

 

[tatiana]

In the beginning, I look at the financial aspect of it but I know I may have some resentment that he did something in MY house.

That is the reason I stress NEW HOUSE within the first two years of living together so you two have a fresh slate. New House, new furniture, new everything for both of yours NEW life otherwise it will just seem like he is sleeping in YOUR bed, watching YOUR tv, throwing his dirty clothes on YOUR carpet, eating off YOUR plates. Getting married mean no more your and his but ours. New House makes it more ours.

Besides I haven't met a guy, even ones with money, that have that much stuff in their home. So even if you met a guy that had his own home some of his rooms may be empty thus he still will watching YOUR tv, eating off YOUR plates, and putting HIS feet on YOUR furniture.

Most, if not all, the women (white and black) I know that own a house(s) and married a guy that own a house or rented ending up buying a new house within a few years of marriage. The guy would live in the woman's house first then new house.

women that get the guys with the house usually are not that financially independent to begin with.

 

[gone_fishing]

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm ooooooooops

 

[cutebajangirl]

In the beginning, I look at the financial aspect of it but I know I may have some resentment that he did something in MY house.

That is the reason I stress NEW HOUSE within the first two years of living together so you two have a fresh slate. New House, new furniture, new everything for both of yours NEW life otherwise it will just seem like he is sleeping in YOUR bed, watching YOUR tv, throwing his dirty clothes on YOUR carpet, eating off YOUR plates. Getting married mean no more your and his but ours. New House makes it more ours.

Besides I haven't met a guy, even ones with money, that have that much stuff in their home. So even if you met a guy that had his own home some of his rooms may be empty thus he still will watching YOUR tv, eating off YOUR plates, and putting HIS feet on YOUR furniture.

Most, if not all, the women (white and black) I know that own a house(s) and married a guy that own a house or rented ending up buying a new house within a few years of marriage. The guy would live in the woman's house first then new house.

[/b] women that get the guys with the house usually are not that financially independent to begin with. [/b]

I wonder how it works out that way.

 

[Farida]

Question 1: When you get married do you expect your fiance/husband to have a home purchased and ready to move in?

No. I expect that he plans that he and I will have a home as soon as it is financially feasible.


Question 2: You have your own home and he is currently renting. What would be appropiate? For him to move into your home OR have him purchase a home for the two of you to move into?
When you get married it becomes "our" home not "my" home. I would have him move in with me. You want to do what is financially the best choice for your new family. If you already have a home, that's a huge load off of your expenses. If you are worried about it being yours you can sign a pre-nup, but most states will let what was yours before marriage remain yours in the event of a divorce.

I'm torn between the financial help of having everything split down the middle and wanting the "man to be the provider" and to get a home himself instead of moving into the home that I bought, furnished, etc.
If he strikes you as the providing type of man then he will give you what you need in due time. Debt is no joke as I'm sure you know and you want to have as little of it as possible. If it becomes a real issue for you then down the road he can get his act together and buy another home to move in, when he can (both of you) can afford to. Otherwise don't get yourself into a money-bind over wanting a man to be a provider. Another option is to move in with him if it makes you feel better and then rent out your place to get some $$$.

 

[MizAvalon]

I would want us to start fresh and have a new home together. No one is moving into my current place and I'm not really interested in moving into someone else's. When I get serious with someone, I will be moving up and out and we will build together.

I would only make an exception if he had a beautiful home in an area that I could be comfortable living in. He would also have to be willing to let me make changes if I wanted to.

 

[glam-]

You know, I had a similar discussion with a male friend. He felt that a couple should get a new place when they get married and that a marriage is a new start. He said that even if the guy had a nice place, he needed to sell it and get something else when he got married because other women had been there, etc and I guess he wouldn't want them rolling up on his wife or trying to drop by and stuff (if they didn't know that the situation had changed)

 

[reallynow]

When I got married DH owned house and I owned a condo. I was convinced that we needed to sell both and buy a new house for that "fresh start". What ended up happening was different. His house needed to be renovated/upgraded from an 80's renovation, so I moved into "his" house. It is working out well, we made the house ours during the course of the renovation. We are looking to buy another house now and I do think I will see it more of truly ours than the house we live in now, but it is not a big deal for us.

It is all about what you are comfortable with. If I was a home owner and DH was not I think I would try to move quickly into a home that we bought together because I know me and the word "mine" would slip out a few times too many.

 

[*KP*]

Question 1: When you get married do you expect your fiance/husband to have a home purchased and ready to move in?

Not really, I like the idea of us getting something together

Question 2: You have your own home and he is currently renting. What would be appropiate? For him to move into your home OR have him purchase a home for the two of you to move into?

I agree with the poster above about the word "mine" slipping out one time too many though, so I would say move in with me as it makes more sense financially and start looking for a new home together.

I'm torn between the financial help of having everything split down the middle and wanting the "man to be the provider" and to get a home himself instead of moving into the home that I bought, furnished, etc.

I'm the same, I wouldn't mind being a kept woman in theory but I doubt if I could do it. But I like to think marriage is about making it work together. If one earns more than the other, the "split down the middle" just doesn't work.

A male friend once told me that he wouldn't feel comfortable with his wife earning more than him and he didn't propose until he could move her into his house and not the other way around. More often than not, if there is a problem, it is likely to be a male pride problem. *i think*

 

[sunnydaze]

I would not feel comfortable with moving a man into my house, so we would most likely sell mine and buy something new...OR I reluctantly would move into his.

 

[Connie]

I'd want to start a new home together with my new husband, but I can't see myself selling my first ever house. I'd rent it out and try being a landlord for a while.

And if my prospective hubby wasn't in a position to buy a house, I'd need to know why before I even considered getting into a serious relationship with him.

 

[TwistedRoots]

I already know how I am and I would definetly be in the "eso es mia/ thats mine" mind frame. So we would definetly have to get something together. Actually I've been debating about that. I wanted to build a home this summer but I think I should hold off...I'll only be twenty-two and I'm single w/ no children...besides I knw I will never want to leave my home.erplexed

 

[tocktick]

Question 1: When you get married do you expect your fiance/husband to have a home purchased and ready to move in?

no. ideally, we would purchase a home together & both our names would be on the deeds.

Question 2: You have your own home and he is currently renting. What would be appropiate? For him to move into your home OR have him purchase a home for the two of you to move into?

it would be appropriate for me to rent that home out so i can get some income from that. then we would proceed to do my answer to question one. this all needs to be arranged before we say "i dos" because i do not want there to be any confusion about living arragements. since, no men will ever be moving into my home or even rented accommodation (unless his situation is extremely dire) he needs to have all that in place cus us living in two different homes when we are married would be a straihgt joke.

personally, i'm deeply against men moving into women's home for various reasons but these opinions have been formulated by watching what happens to the women who let their man move in. and not entirely because i have some traditional mindset. i've taken what some people have gone through a lesson to me and i dare not repeat their mistakes. i'm sorry but i have yet to see a situation where a woman lets her partner move work out.

I'm torn between the financial help of having everything split down the middle and wanting the "man to be the provider" and to get a home himself instead of moving into the home that I bought, furnished, etc. etc. !

once again, based on seeing other people go through ish i thoroughly believe that i could never be with a man who wanted to not be a provider. a common trait that i witnessed in men who moved in with their wife or SO was that they were lazy and not ambitious. often letting their woman take care of working a job (when they did next to nada) and then working at home (cooking etc). i think it makes many men think they've got it "made". not for me...

my answers are in bold.

 

[starfish]

Question 1: When you get married do you expect your fiance/husband to have a home purchased and ready to move in?

We will buy a home together and I will keep my home and rent it out and let someone else increase my equity. Oh, my home stays in my name only, as outlined in our pre-nup.

Question 2: You have your own home and he is currently renting. What would be appropiate? For him to move into your home OR have him purchase a home for the two of you to move into?

No, he cannot move in with me. I have my shyte together and he needs to have the same. I don't think I would respect him if he even asked.

I'm torn between the financial help of having everything split down the middle and wanting the "man to be the provider" and to get a home himself instead of moving into the home that I bought, furnished, etc. etc. !

My daddy always taught me that a man that wants to split everything down the middle wants a roommate, not a wife.