When you and your SO / FH moved in together....

Natasha009

Natasha009

New Member
Did you move to his place, him to yours, or did you get a new place?

I'm just curious. My sister and I share an apartment, and after I get married in September, my fiancee will be moving in with us, which some people think is odd. We both LOVE this apartment and I see no reason to make her move out of her home or have to find another roommate. If she's not married or shacking up in a few years when my fiancee and I buy a house, then she'll be coming with me there.:yep:
 
I've never lived with an SO/FH but I don't think him moving in with you and your sister is a good idea, unless your sister has some sort of disability and you are her caretaker. It doesn't sound very "grown-up" to me. I would prefer to start my new life with new my husband with just the two of us. Also, if I were your sister I wouldn't be happy being the "third wheel". I guess I fit in the "some people" category with this one...this situation indeed seem very "odd" to me. I'm curious to hear what others have to say, though.
 
My FH and I got a new place just the two of us. I like the idea that it starts fresh and that prevents either of us from feeling like we are infringing on the other's space when we have a space that we should be sharing. It's hard to move in with someone who already has a system and a layout for everything if you're used to doing things differently. It can feel like you have to make sure that you adjust to their way of doing things rather than compromising and figuring out what to do together.

The situation that you outlined wouldn't work for me, but to each their own. If it works for everyone involved, then that's great. At least you're being considerate of your sister. If all of you are aware of your needs and boundaries, that's a great start.
 
jwhitley6 said:
I've never lived with an SO/FH but I don't think him moving in with you and your sister is a good idea, unless your sister has some sort of disability and you are her caretaker. It doesn't sound very "grown-up" to me. I would prefer to start my new life with new my husband with just the two of us. Also, if I were your sister I wouldn't be happy being the "third wheel". I guess I fit in the "some people" category with this one...this situation indeed seem very "odd" to me. I'm curious to hear what others have to say, though.
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IIRC, this is indeed the case right? Well then, do what makes you feel comfortable, whatever makes you happy. If you are cool and happy with that arrangement, why do you care what other people think? Your life, your family... Their opinion doesn't matter.
 
Wouldn't it be better in the long run if you and your fiancee got your own apartment (in the same complex if possible)? You said you loved it. Well you'll learn love your new one too. As someone who lives with her sister, I can tell you right now I would eventually resent having her husband living with us. This situation is not gonna work for the long term.
 
I wouldn't trust another woman like that around my man all the time. Sister or not but that's just me :look:. Are you sure FH is okay with all of this?
 
I always advocate starting in a new place together. Even if both of us each owned our own homes, I would want us both to sell and buy something else for a fresh start.
 
He will be moving into my place and we're going to buy it together. My roommates will have moved onto other things by then. We all discussed a plan and time frame.

OP - I don't think that's a good idea either. If you're the one getting married why don't you move out and find a place with FH? Where has he been living all this time?
 
BellaLunie said:
I wouldn't trust another woman like that around my man all the time. Sister or not but that's just me :look:. Are you sure FH is okay with all of this?
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caribeandiva said:
I was thinking the same thing.
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Glad I wasn't the only one. Everyone else is up in here talking about personal space and I'm thinking, 'spose they move in and the sister realizes that she does not need not one inch of space from her BIL. This situation makes me flash back to the movie Soul Food. The cousin moved in with the couple and then moved in on their marriage.
 
caribeandiva said:
I was thinking the same thing.
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bellezanegra826 said:
Glad I wasn't the only one. Everyone else is up in here talking about personal space and I'm thinking, 'spose they move in and the sister realizes that she does not need not one inch of space from her BIL. This situation makes me flash back to the movie Soul Food. The cousin moved in with the couple and then moved in on their marriage.
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Idk what It is but it left me a little uncomfortable reading it. OP I think you and fh need a fresh start it's great that you have a great relationship with your sis but I think it's a bad idea.
 
Natasha009 said:
Did you move to his place, him to yours, or did you get a new place?

I'm just curious. My sister and I share an apartment, and after I get married in September, my fiancee will be moving in with us, which some people think is odd. We both LOVE this apartment and I see no reason to make her move out of her home or have to find another roommate. If she's not married or shacking up in a few years when my fiancee and I buy a house, then she'll be coming with me there.:yep:
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This is what DH and I did when we got married. He moved into our apartment that had 2 master suits. If you have a respectful, honorable family there is nothing to worry about (this situation lasted for 3 years). If you have a family with boundary issues then its going to be a hot mess.

If you can't trust your DH under any circumstances then he's not worth having. Actually had a convo with DH before we got married where we both agreed that if there is any suspicion of anything going on its time to walk away - We are too cerebral to do relationship drama.
 
Sounds like a bad idea to me personally. A newly married couple needs their space, especially if this is you and FH's first time living together and that's gonna be hard with your sister living there. And then as others stated, she may be your sister but you shouldn't have any other woman living in your house like that. Could be a recipe for disaster, I've heard too many stories and you just never know.
 
spelmanlocks said:
Sounds like a bad idea to me personally. A newly married couple needs their space, especially if this is you and FH's first time living together and that's gonna be hard with your sister living there. And then as others stated, she may be your sister but you shouldn't have any other woman living in your house like that. Could be a recipe for disaster, I've heard too many stories and you just never know.
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ITA... My mom told me the same thing when we discussed who was going to move where.
 
You guys need to get your own place. Your sister would feel as territorial of the space as you would and your new DH is the outsider, I see all sorts of problems. Besides it would be nice to start a place that's just the two of you together
 
My FH and I both owned our own homes and we did not plan to move in with each other until after the wedding, but my sister needed to move out of the place she was sharing with her (ex) boyfriend so I offered her my place and moved in with FH. This happened exactly a year before our wedding. It all worked out. With my sister paying me rent we were able to save more for the wedding.

I personally would not want to be married and living with my sister, not because I don't trust her or my husband, but being a newlywed I would want to have the freedom to do whatever, whenever, and wherever, if u know what I mean.
 
I can understand why your friends think it's odd, because it is indeed a bit odd.

I could see it happen if your sister was under 18 or disabled as someone said earlier in the thread. But otherwise I have learned that there really can't be more than two grown people in one home. There's a reason why grown children move out. Arguments start and won't finish until the third wheel has moved out.

If she's very independent it might work. But if the three of you are going to sit down and have dinner every night and watch tv together etc. I don't see how that would work in the long run. You can't be three people in a marriage. (In the Western world, at least...)
 
I wouldn't want to be living with my man and ANYBODY else, sister, friend, parents, whatever. I'm grown. I need my space. And my privacy. Don't ya'll wanna walk around naked? :blondboob Getting dressed just to go to the bathroom or make that sandwich 'afterwards' is not the business. What if you just wanna chill on the couch and watch tv home alone? How comfortable can you be handling 'married business' with somebody in the next room? Do you really want her in on all your arguments and private discussions? (Trust she WILL be listening). I couldn't do it. If she is in fact disabled then scratch everything I just said.
 
sprungonhairboards said:
I wouldn't want to be living with my man and ANYBODY else, sister, friend, parents, whatever. I'm grown. I need my space. And my privacy. Don't ya'll wanna walk around naked? :blondboob Getting dressed just to go to the bathroom or make that sandwich 'afterwards' is not the business. What if you just wanna chill on the couch and watch tv home alone? How comfortable can you be handling 'married business' with somebody in the next room? Do you really want her in on all your arguments and private discussions? (Trust she WILL be listening). I couldn't do it. If she is in fact disabled then scratch everything I just said.
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SO has two dogs and i dont even feel right having sex when they are in the next room...let alone another individual :nono:
 
totally depends what you and FH think and the type of respect you have in your family.... Not everyone comes from trifiling insecure upbringings and can live communally with mutal respect of others and boundries
 
Newlyweds need to be newlyweds. That usually means space to get used to eachother, disagree, have lots of loud coloring sessions, and just be...without worrying about infringing on a third party's personal space.

But that's just my opinion. Some couples don't need that much privacy I guess.
 
I agree with the majority here, I think that as newlyweds you guys will definitely benefit from having your own space. Aside from the fact of your sister being disabled (not too clear on that one-is she or isn't she?) I would not advise it...just my 2 cents.
 
I think as a new couple that time together for you and your FH/DH to develop and create your own living habits in your own space is healthy and necessary. Maybe it'll work if you've been married for several years and something happened to your sister and she had to stay with you temporarily, but definitely not as newlyweds. Your relationship is VERY fragile during the first few years, so you need to allow yourselves to find your "groove". Alot of people don't consider how necessary/important it is for you to learn each other in such an environment after getting married. Your newlywed years are the years where you build your foundation, and it won't be solid with your sister tagging along.

As for me, hubby bought the house a couple of years prior to us getting married, so I just moved in.
 
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Living with family is usually a massive cause of stress for couples. Just don't do it. I don't care how great your family is. Living with people is just a different ball game.
 
With you being straight edge and all, don't you think you'll want your space to "experience new things"?

What does FH think about this?

I thought you were already living with him when your ex came to visit.
 
we moved into a fresh new place together. I always believe that it's best to start from a fresh slate unless one has a house or condo. but even then i've seen some people sell their property and get one fresh just to make the other party feel more comfortable.

my friend is living in her hubbys' apt and it's small she has no identity their, so they bought a house they will be moving in this fall. it's just always best to start new together I mean from a marriage stand, i've never been into living w/a bf or one living w/me.
 
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