When is the right time to relax?

[larry3344]

Hey ladies,

I was a lurker for like ever when I finally subscribed I didn't spend as much time as I thought. Anyway I thought this is the perfect time to contribute. I have a friend who relaxes and we were talking about having children and taking care of their hair (now I did my BC at the end of August). She tells me that she was relaxed at the age of 3 and I tell her that is way too young to relax hair and then she say she will do the same for her kids. At this point I am in state of shock and I ask why. She tells me that nobody wants to have nappy nappy hair. I was annoyed but being that she was my friend I just replied: "Well that's the hair growing out of their heads!" I know many of you women have had similar experiences but I didn't grow up this way and the mentality took me by surprise. I remember I had to beg for a relaxer at age 6, now I wish my mother had not given it to me. Hence this whole journey of BCing that I see most women go through on this forum. She even tells me that she does not know how to deal with her natural texture and I am just thinking to myself well if only you had not gotten a relaxer so early. Then she tells me that my hair would be so nice if I texturize it. Now I take pride in my crown and for her to tell me that is such a slap in the face. I even asked her what's wrong with the way it is now. I know these type of stories have been told so many times. This is so new to me, it's very different reading about these situations than actually encoutering them. I never hated my hair I just wanted the relaxer so I wouldn't have to get my hair done 'cause I hated combing it! So what do you guys think when is the right time to relax?

 

[ChocalateDiva]

Ok, I'll bite. It is a personal choice for a parent to make. I just hope that it is not done out of laziness.

Some ppl just dont know any better. Like mama use to say "when you know BETTER, you do Better".

 

[Firefly]

First of all, age 3 is way too early to be putting chemicals in your childs hair. I had my first relaxer at age 11 and even that age was too early. Most professional stylist in my area wouldn't do it until at least the age of 13. Anyway, maybe you should talk to her about the kind of message that she'll unknowingly pass on to her children. It's like telling them that there is something wrong with the hair they were born with so mommy has to fix it. If she learns to properly take care of the natural hair and pass that on to them, then when her children are old enough to make an educated decision for themselves they can decide if they want to alter the natural hair. At least that would give them a healthy head start (scalp, hair health and self esteem). This is just my opinion and what I wish had happened for myself. My brother has 4 beautiful children, all with natural hair and 2 of them have different hair types altogether. Their hair is incredibly beautiful and by the time the girls are in high school it will probably be MBL to WL (we're talking 2 of them with z patterned hair). Natural hair is Beautiful and it doesn't have to look like a European's hair to be Beautiful!!!!

 

[hopeful]

 

[discobiscuits]

the right time to relax is when you want to or are ready to. me, i'm a natural hair pusha but everythang ain't fo errybody.

 

[LaidBak]

I don't have kids. But I really think 3 is too young. My Mom relaxed me at 8 yrs old. I kinda wish I could have kept my natural hair. But in the 70s there was nothing out on the market to really promote healthy kinky hair. I suppose it was just easier for her.

 

[MCMLXXII]

Then she tells me that my hair would be so nice if I texturize it. Now I take pride in my crown and for her to tell me that is such a slap in the face. I even asked her what's wrong with the way it is now.

Being natural, I've had to develop thicker skin. When I transitioned from relaxed to natural hair, I received a lot of "push back" from my friends but I learned not to care what other people thought about my hair. It helps to have a support system which LHCF offers as well as Natural Meet-up groups.

As long as YOU love YOUR hair, all the negative comments can fall by the wayside.

 

[drasgrl]

Three? SMDH. At three most kids don't even have a lot of hair to relax. My first relaxer was at 16. I didn't get another one until I was in my early 20's. If I had a daughter I'd leave it up to her after she started to take care of her own hair when she's around 16 as well. I started taking care of my own hair at about 12 but I would press once a week.