WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?
- Thread starter camilla
- Start date
MissLawyerLady
New Member
I won't tell you to leave your husband, but I dealt with a similar situation with my ex-husband and it didn't get any better no matter what I did. He would get better for a couple of months and then he'd really show out. No matter how much I complained it didn't change him. At some point, I chose to ignore it and act normal like it didn't phase me, but still no change. I even stayed out late a few times myself...so he could get a "taste of his own medicine", no difference.
This was just one of our problems, but ultimately his continual disrespect of me by repeatedly staying out all night weighed heavily in my decision not to follow him out of state when he got a new job last year.
Be encouraged, pray, and do what's best for you and your children.
This was just one of our problems, but ultimately his continual disrespect of me by repeatedly staying out all night weighed heavily in my decision not to follow him out of state when he got a new job last year.
Be encouraged, pray, and do what's best for you and your children.
phynestone
Well-Known Member
I think you know what you need to do. Get your paper straight, starting now.
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
You know what's going on in your marriage and only you can decide what's best for you & your family.
I never had to deal with this because DH is a homebody, espeically if I am out of town for work. Weird, I know. That is when I'd expect him to be hanging out with friends.
However, I dated a man who had a good friend who was always tagging along to hang out....while his wife & 3 kids were at home. I never understood why a married man with 3 kids (including a new infant). As far as I ever saw, that guy was NOT cheating. We'd hang out until 4 - 5 a.m. when the NYC clubs closed and then go out for breakfast at the Coffee Shop or someplace. The married guy typically did get home at 6 - 7 a.m. on Sats/Suns if he was hanging with us.
All you can really do is explain how much it upsets you that he's always out with friends when he could be home with his family. Since his mom was a rolling stone, maybe he thinks that it's normal?
I never had to deal with this because DH is a homebody, espeically if I am out of town for work. Weird, I know. That is when I'd expect him to be hanging out with friends.
However, I dated a man who had a good friend who was always tagging along to hang out....while his wife & 3 kids were at home. I never understood why a married man with 3 kids (including a new infant). As far as I ever saw, that guy was NOT cheating. We'd hang out until 4 - 5 a.m. when the NYC clubs closed and then go out for breakfast at the Coffee Shop or someplace. The married guy typically did get home at 6 - 7 a.m. on Sats/Suns if he was hanging with us.
All you can really do is explain how much it upsets you that he's always out with friends when he could be home with his family. Since his mom was a rolling stone, maybe he thinks that it's normal?
healthynhappy
New Member
I stand corrected in my assumption that he's cheating. NYC sounds like it has a lot going on at all hours of the night.
Either way, the fact that he'd rather be somewhere else instead of at home with his family says something.
OP - nobody can really tell you what to do. Based on other poster's comments, YOU will know when enough is enough.
spelmanlocks
Well-Known Member
Counseling is definitely in order, but its hard for a person to change ways like these in my experience. I won't say get a divorce, but perhaps you can get a legal separation and let him figure during this time what's most important to him, his marriage and family or his partying.
ETA: Oh and I don't believe that staying for the kids mess either. You can end up messing your kids up worse with that, and I'm speaking from experience.
ETA: Oh and I don't believe that staying for the kids mess either. You can end up messing your kids up worse with that, and I'm speaking from experience.
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camilla
Well-Known Member
Thank All of you ladies
for your help I am TRULY blessed to have so many responses 
we had a heart to heart last night of course after I told him that i would not need money for februarys rent because i was leaving. He pleaded and said that he could not picture coming home without his family being there and that he has been abandoned all his life. please do not leave him.I will be at my sisters house for a little while be cause i think he still needs a reality check. He agreed to go back to counseling and i pretty much told him that the ball is in my court and we could try BUT under my terms. He was mistaking my kindness for weakness and i am nobodys fool.
He has to learn to do things in moderation to go out sometimes BUT not every thurs-sat and I WILL NOT HAVE HIM WALKING IN AT ALL HOUR OF THE NIGHT
PERIOD
for your help I am TRULY blessed to have so many responses we had a heart to heart last night of course after I told him that i would not need money for februarys rent because i was leaving. He pleaded and said that he could not picture coming home without his family being there and that he has been abandoned all his life. please do not leave him.I will be at my sisters house for a little while be cause i think he still needs a reality check. He agreed to go back to counseling and i pretty much told him that the ball is in my court and we could try BUT under my terms. He was mistaking my kindness for weakness and i am nobodys fool.He has to learn to do things in moderation to go out sometimes BUT not every thurs-sat and I WILL NOT HAVE HIM WALKING IN AT ALL HOUR OF THE NIGHT
PERIOD 
msdeevee
Well-Known Member
Thank All of you ladies
He has to learn to do things in moderation to go out sometimes BUT not every thurs-sat and I WILL NOT HAVE HIM WALKING IN AT ALL HOUR OF THE NIGHT
Well, I'm glad you got some kind of consolation. I hate to be Debbie Downer, but....
I have been married for a very long time and my DH dare not come dragging in the house at 6-7am . In my mind that is totally unacceptable for a married man.
What is he doing at the club all that time? who's he dancing with? who's he drinking with? how does he act when he's had a few?
In my mind something out of line and inappropriate has to be happening at some time or another.
I'm a Christian too but I don't feel that your being a Christian has anything to do with this. Your DH behavior is the reason that so many marriages fail. I don't think he has to sit at home with you all the time but going out so frequently and going to the club and all that stupidness is putting yourself in an environment that's ripe for temptaion. He's had a few drinks his inhibition is lowered and he sees some cute little chick that's looking for some attention.
Believe me they don't mind approaching men either wedding band and all.I hope your reality check works with him . He may have abandonment issues but he is abandoning you and your children with all this going out especially when you've told him you don't like it time and again. Every Thurs. -Saturday and then he's probably tired on Sunday so he rests , what about weekends and activities with you and the kids.
When he's out all night does he call home to check in and see if you and the kids are alright? Do your homework and make sure of what's really going on .
I don't believe in snooping but he has given you reason to find out exactly what's going on.
Ms_Delikate
Well-Known Member
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Cherrybabygryl
New Member
Hello eveyone,
My name is Ebony I am new to LHCF. My husband and I are going through the same thing in our marriage.He thinks there is nothing wrong with him staying out late.He tells me I am not his mother so stop trying to tell me what to do.He is 32 yrs old he has alot of growing up to do.The people he hangs with arent married or in serious relationships.
To top it off I went snooping in his phone he has a ton of girls numbers, inappropiate text mesages etc..
I suggested cousnseling he told me no I'm the one that need it.
Bottom line when you have tried everything you can do to make it better and its not working it is time to move on.
You are the one that is going to get stressed out.
Hope everything works out for the best.
My name is Ebony I am new to LHCF. My husband and I are going through the same thing in our marriage.He thinks there is nothing wrong with him staying out late.He tells me I am not his mother so stop trying to tell me what to do.He is 32 yrs old he has alot of growing up to do.The people he hangs with arent married or in serious relationships.
To top it off I went snooping in his phone he has a ton of girls numbers, inappropiate text mesages etc..
I suggested cousnseling he told me no I'm the one that need it.
Bottom line when you have tried everything you can do to make it better and its not working it is time to move on.
You are the one that is going to get stressed out.
Hope everything works out for the best.
Kerryann
Well-Known Member
Im sorry if i offend anyone but why does the man have to be cheating?
OP i am not married but respect is respect. If he cant understand then teach him a lesson start doing the same thing he is doing you dont have to go out you can go to a relative house and come home same time if not later lets see how he likes it
OP i am not married but respect is respect. If he cant understand then teach him a lesson start doing the same thing he is doing you dont have to go out you can go to a relative house and come home same time if not later lets see how he likes it
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
It's kind of hard to just "up and leave" when you have young children in the equation. If HE'S going out and coming home late and SHE wants to "teach him a lesson" by ALSO going out late in hopes that he'll come home and she won't be there and his mind will all be wondering...who's gonna keep the kids?
That responsibility lies on them BOTH, and not just her. This thread is from January...any updates, op?
As for the newest member post, WELCOME, EBONY. I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. The late is one thing...speculation and the like. But the SOLID evidence of chick's numbers, inappropriate texts...and not even wanting to seek counseling and putting it on YOU as if YOU have the problem? Yeah, that's no good. I pray you find peace in the decision you make...
Dee-Licious
Well-Known Member
what do you mean about inappropriate text messages?
if he doesn't want to work it out and go to couseling, what else can you do but leave?
Bachelorette
New Member
Arent these things usually traits seen before marriage?
zenith
New Member
i was thinking the same thing!!!
I don't understand how now this husband is out thursday-saturday and now wants to cry abadonment when OP wants to leave, clearly he is not missing his family when he is out ALL night 3 nights.
Sometimes us women put ourselves in situations where our men treat us as doormats.
My dad used to have those tendencies and my mom told him, "next time you roll in here at 7am will be the last time you see me and my kids". He sobered up quick. funny thing all those guys he was running with most of them ended up divorced and some died of AIDS.
DMJ's Mom
Well-Known Member
I think that the ladies are right so far. There is something fishy going on. I don't know any man that goes out EVERY thursday thru sunday let alone a married one. I think you just need to lay all your cards out on the table and tell him how you feel and that you are almost fed up with his actions. Even now every once in a blue I have to remind DH that he's not single anymore and help him see things from my eyes
