WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?

camilla

camilla

Well-Known Member
OK LADIES I AM A LITTLE NEW TO THIS MARRIAGE THING 5 YEARS:grin:

I WAS RAISED IN A CHRISTIAN FAMILY WHERE DIVORCE WAS NEVER TALKED ABOUT.

LET ME START OF BY SAYING THAT I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND I BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES ME ... BUT I THINK THAT THERE IS A VERY THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE:yep:

MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED FOR 26 YEARS BEFORE MY DAD PASSED MY FATHER SCHOOLED US ON THE MALE MENTALITY EARLY, IF WE NEEN ANYTHING COME TO HIM OF EARN IT OURSELVES DO NOT DEPEND ON A MAN FOR ANYTHING( FUNNY BECAUSE MY MOM WAS A STAY AT HOME MOM:look:) TOLD US THAT WE WERE BEAUTIFUL AND GAVE US ATTENTION SO WE WERE NEVER LOOKING FOR A MALE TO VALIDATE US

HIS MOM WAS A ROLLIN STONE WITH SEVERAL KIDS BY DIFFERENT MEN WHO DUMPED THEM ALL ON ONE MAN AND LEFT
HIS DAD WAS IN ANOTHER COUNTRY
I FEEL THAT HE HAS NEVER SEEN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP HE ASLO SAYS THAT HE TRYING BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER REALLY TAUGHT OR HAD AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT A FAMILY MAN SHOULD BE

WE WENT TO COUNSELING ONCE MY PASTOR IS WAS FINE BUT DID NOT TOUCH ON ALL ISSUES
ENOUGH RAMBLING HERE IS THE ISSUE
HE GOES OUT...ALOT MON -THUR HE IS HOME WE HAVE AN ACTIVE SEX LIFE AND YOU WOULD THINK HE IS THE PERFECT HUSBAND DURING THE WEEK CUDLE AND WATCH MOVIES COOKS ETC UNTIL THE WEEKEND I WORK FULL TIME AND DO A SEASONAL SECOND JOB TO HELP PAY STUDENT LOAN OFF
WE HAVE TWO KIDS 13 AND 2 AND A DAUGHTER WHO LIVES OUT THE COUNTRY FROM A PREVIOUS
WHEN I MET HIM THIS WAS NOT AN ISSUE HE LIVED IN ANOTHER STATE THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKES ABOUT HIM LAID BACK WENT OUT ABOUT TWICE A MONTH HARD WORKER WHEN HE MOVED HERE ALOT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY LIKE ABOUT 20 MIN AWAY
HE IS ALWAYS OUT EITHER IN THE CLUBS OR AT FRIENDS HOUSE PLAYING DOMINOES. I GO WITH HIM SOME TIMES BUT I EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT I CAN NOT GO OUT EVERY THU-SUN AND HE SHOULD NOT AS WELL THAT WE ARE PARENTS. MOST OF HIS FRIENDS AND BROTHERS ARE SINGLE AND DO NOT HAVE THE SAME RESPONIBILITIES THAT HE DOES THE ONES THAT ARE MARRIED ARE RIGHT OUT THERE WITH HIM WIVES AT HOME WITH YOUNG BABIES
LAST MONTH HE CARE IN AT 6AM I WAS ON FIRE:210:
THIS PAST WEEKEND HE WALKED IN THE HOUSE AT 8AM I AM READY TO WALK THERE IS NO REPECT I TALKED ABOUT HOW I WAS NOT HAVING IT
I AM READY TO WALK
 
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Have you told him directly that him staying out all night is putting a strain on your relationship? I know that seems like common sense, just asking have you said it to him point blank. If so, what did he say?
 
YES I TOLD HIM THAT IS IS DISREPECTFUL TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED AND HE TOLD ME THEY LEFT THE CLUB AT SIX SOME CLUB CLOSE THAT LATE THEN DROPPED OFF FRIENDS BUT HE IS SO CASUAL WITH IT I ALRO TOLD HIM THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SHUT THE CLUB DOWN I GO OUT OCCASIONALLY BUT I AM HOME BY AT LEAST 430 AM (DEPENDING) THEN HAD THE NERVE TO TRY TO GET SOME:redxgun2:
I AM SMATE ENOUGHT TO KNOW THAT IF YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS YOU WILL GET FLEAS
 
I hate to say this, but the only time a man walks in at 6am and 8am is when he's coming home from another woman's house. Don't no clubs stay open that long, and I'm sure his buddies don't stay up playing dominoes that long.

I am not one for telling anyone to walk out on a marriage, but as a Christian, you do have the right to leave if he is cheating on you.

But, personally, especially since children are involved, I would try to work on it before walking out.

It's difficult though if the other party isn't fessing up or acknowledging their wrong.

He has to admit his wrongdoing first before you even begin trying to fix things.

Have you asked him if he's cheating?
 
UH OH! I posted a thread similar to this a few months ago. DH stayed out all night, which is uncharacteristic of him. I turned into she-hulk and told him if he didn't respect me as his wife, he'll learn to respect me as his ex. So far so good. Lay it on the line sweety no matter what "story" he tell you. You have the right to lay down the law about being respected.

ETA: KEEP YOUR EARS AND EYES OPEN BUT JUST B/C HE WAS OUT LATE DOESN'T MEAN HE'S DEFINITELY CHEATING, DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, INVESTIGATE.
 
healthynhappy said:
I hate to say this, but the only time a man walks in at 6am and 8am is when he's coming home from another woman's house. Don't no clubs stay open that long, and I'm sure his buddies don't stay up playing dominoes that long.

I am not one for telling anyone to walk out on a marriage, but as a Christian, you do have the right to leave if he is cheating on you.

But, personally, especially since children are involved, I would try to work on it before walking out.

It's difficult though if the other party isn't fessing up or acknowledging their wrong.

He has to admit his wrongdoing first before you even begin trying to fix things.

Have you asked him if he's cheating?
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YES AND I DO NOT THINK THAT ANY MAN WOULD ADMIT IT UNLESS HE IS CAUGHT. I AM NOT TAKING UP FOR HIM THERE IS THAT POSSIBILITY BUT I HAVE BEEN OUT WITH HIM AT A CLUB UNTIL SIX AM BEFORE I AM A CHRISTION AND WHILE I THINK ABOUT MY KIDS I ALSO THINK THAT I WOULD BE A UNHEALTHY ENVIORNMENT FOR THEM TO SEE ME GO OFF ALL THE TIME:wallbash: AND I DO NOT WANT MY BOYS TO THINK THAT THIS IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR I AM NOT EVEN SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED ANYMORE SO MY 13 YO KNOWS THAT SOMETHING IS UP I CAN NOT PRETEND
 
I second what Healthynhappy said. I'm not married but it sounds like cheating and where do is friends live? Timuktu? That he's taking 2 hours to drive them home? That 6am and 8am thing is not cool. Please ask him and if he says he's not well idk what else to tell you except find out for yourself what's really going on if you feel comfy doing that. You owe it to yourself amd children to find out because this is a time where there are so many diseases going around that if he's double dipping he could possibly give you one and who knows if it's gonna temporary or permanent? Also find out if he's happy with you. Men do strange things when they don't express their feelings.
 
Girl I don't know I would try and talk to him......and see if he's cheating......one lady is right, no clubs stay open that long, and yall have children he shouldn't be out that late, what if something happen.....if I was you and if I had the money....I would get a private detective.....only if you feel like he's not tellin you the truth......he should atleast man up and tell you the truth....if he is cheating then he's putting your health in danger with STDS and AIDS.......so you really need to talk to him.....seriously.....
 
I dealt with this in my first marrige. My ex-husband went out alot and not just on the weekends, leaving me at home with the baby all the time. I expressed my concerns and it was like talking to a brick wall, he continued to do it. I couldn't take it anymore, I took my baby girl and I left. He ended up cheating while we were separated and I tried to forgive him and work it out for the sake of our daughter. So I laid down the law and let him come back home. He was good for about 3 months and guess what...he starting hanging out all night again. I left for good that time and got a divorce. There comes a time when you have to do what's best for you and your child. I was miserable when I was with my ex and my daughter would see that I was miserable. I decided that I would much rather for my daughter to see me alone and happy than with a man and unhappy, plus I did not want her to think that her father's behavior was acceptable.
 
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camilla said:
YES AND I DO NOT THINK THAT ANY MAN WOULD ADMIT IT UNLESS HE IS CAUGHT. I AM NOT TAKING UP FOR HIM THERE IS THAT POSSIBILITY BUT I HAVE BEEN OUT WITH HIM AT A CLUB UNTIL SIX AM BEFORE I AM A CHRISTION AND WHILE I THINK ABOUT MY KIDS I ALSO THINK THAT I WOULD BE A UNHEALTHY ENVIORNMENT FOR THEM TO SEE ME GO OFF ALL THE TIME:wallbash: AND I DO NOT WANT MY BOYS TO THINK THAT THIS IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR I AM NOT EVEN SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED ANYMORE SO MY 13 YO KNOWS THAT SOMETHING IS UP I CAN NOT PRETEND
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I truely hope that you find a solution to this situation. I really don't know what else to do except ehug you.:bighug:
 
Girl you have our support....BUT DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO BASED ON YOUR DECISIONS, don't let none of us interfer with that.......I try to stay of out marriage folks business, I lost a close friend that way.....I mean I know you don't know us, but we are your internet family!!!!!
 
I have some friends that go through this. Their husband goes out alot, or rather on the weekends. I don't mind the going out part but yeah coming in at 6am and 8am is like a no-no. I'm not in the habit of telling grown folks what to do--because really it's useless. He should know what is right and what is not. He should know to come home at a respectable time.
 
THANK YOU LADIES I am in prayer but I AM JUST TIRED i found out i have a heart condition yesterday and i have to take care of myself and my kids i have no more energy to give to this relationship right now pray for me please
 
Do what you gotta do, leave for ahwhile. Meaning, you there, but just ignore the crapt out of him. If you can leave and stay with friends or family for awhile try that too. Or you can leave the child with him, and stay out all night yourself.....Give him a taste of his own medicine. But if you don't do anything he go keep doing it. I hate to see you like this, but you have to get him back and teach him a lesson, or he will steady, make you miserable. Do what you gotta do, but make sure you feel good about it at the end. Or else, you need to leave, or you go lose yourself.
 
The Princess said:
Do what you gotta do, leave for ahwhile. Meaning, you there, but just ignore the crapt out of him. If you can leave and stay with friends or family for awhile try that too. Or you can leave the child with him, and stay out all night yourself.....Give him a taste of his own medicine. But if you don't do anything he go keep doing it. I hate to see you like this, but you have to get him back and teach him a lesson, or he will steady, make you miserable. Do what you gotta do, but make sure you feel good about it at the end. Or else, you need to leave, or you go lose yourself.
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I HAVE DONE THAT TOO HE THOUGHT HE WAS GOING OUT ONE NIGHT DRESSED AND ALL WENT INTO THE BATHROOM I LET THE KIDS IN AND WAS OUT
ALL NIGHT YOU KNOW HE BLEW UP MY PHONE ALL NIGHT I WALKED IN THE NEXT DAY GOT READY FOR CHURCH AND BOUNCED AGAIN HE WAS GOOD AFTER THAT .... FOR A MINUTE THEN BACK TO OLD BEHAVIOR
 
No offense but have you tried non-Christian counselling?

I only recommend this because SOME pastoral counseling is done by someone who isn't licensed and trained, and SOME pastors just chalk it down to "pray on it."

My opinion may not be popular, but if in all other respects he is a good father and husband, and you can't stop him from going out, I would stay just for the kids. I think the kids will suffer less in a home where their dad goes out every weekend than being shuffled back and forth between spouses. Weigh your options.
 
camilla said:
I HAVE DONE THAT TOO HE THOUGHT HE WAS GOING OUT ONE NIGHT DRESSED AND ALL WENT INTO THE BATHROOM I LET THE KIDS IN AND WAS OUT
ALL NIGHT YOU KNOW HE BLEW UP MY PHONE ALL NIGHT I WALKED IN THE NEXT DAY GOT READY FOR CHURCH AND BOUNCED AGAIN HE WAS GOOD AFTER THAT .... FOR A MINUTE THEN BACK TO OLD BEHAVIOR
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Are you sure you're not married to my ex? LOL :bighug:
 
vivmaiko said:
No offense but have you tried non-Christian counselling?

I only recommend this because SOME pastoral counseling is done by someone who isn't licensed and trained, and SOME pastors just chalk it down to "pray on it."

My opinion may not be popular, but if in all other respects he is a good father and husband, and you can't stop him from going out, I would stay just for the kids. I think the kids will suffer less in a home where their dad goes out every weekend than being shuffled back and forth between spouses. Weigh your options.
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MY PASTOR IS VERY GOOD we only went once so i dont think we got a chance to touch everything BUT i would NEVER STAY FOR MY KIDS bc imo i think that kids can tell when there parent in depressed or not happy and i am not happy its like the relationship is draining me i am not my usual self
and i know that we need out own time outside of the relationship BUT every weekend is EXTREME why not do somthing with the boys one weekend then go out the next? it is all about balance
 
He's probably not even cheating, but that's still disrespectful and highly irresponsible.

Oh and in NYC, clubs do stay open that long.
 
Non Christian counseling sounds like a god idea becasue there are many pastors that aren't licensed and aren' t able to give the advice of an educatd professional who went to school to help individuals deal with these type of problems. Fro example. If I were feelig suicidal I would not go to a pastor I would go to a therapist who has been educated to handle people like me if I were suicidal. soemtimes I find that pastors can be a bit biased when giving advise.
 
Camilla,

Wow! My heart is heavy for you right now. I'm not sure where to begin. Send me a PM w/ your telephone number, I'd like to talk with you.

TonicaG
 
I hear when people say they stay for the kids, but at the same time, it will wear her down and she will not be able to be a strong mother, cause she tripping out on him and she won't be able to give her full time to the kids. Girl, I hope you be okay.
 
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