When "Friends" tell you how they really feel....

[TrustMeLove]

So yesterday, I was at my friends house who gives me singing and piano lessons. Another one of my friends was there and mentioned that friend 1 hair had grown since the summer time. I said yea mine has too lol. (I wasn't searching for compliments, but I knew mine had haha)

Than she says OH HECK YEA! Your hair has grown LEAPS AND BOUNDS. At first I thought oh wow thanks. But than she goes on to say..Yea cause you cut every drip of hair you had off. I mean you just cut it all off you had nothing left.

I was like WOW Tell me how you really feel. I didn't know what to say.

How do you react when your "friends" tell you how they really feel about your hair?

 

[CinnaMocha]

I say take it with a grain of salt...at least you have an idea to her thought process. As long as you know how well your hair has come, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks--regardles if you did a BC, are transitioning, texlaxed etc. People are always going to have something to say (when things may or may not go their way).

Just don't look to her again for reassurance or positive feedback as it relates to your hair (do you think their was a hint of jealousy somewhere in there or am I misunderstanding the situation?)

 

[lovelymissyoli]

A similar thing happened to me by a friend. The first time I transitioned in 2004 I wore a lot of perm rod sets that showed all of my new growth. Well in November of 2004 I broke down and relaxed after 7 months of transitioning. Anyways, I wore that same perm rod style again after relaxing and was really shocked by the comment made by my friend.

Her: “Wow your hair looks really cute. What did you do to it?”

Me: “It’s the same style I always wear.”

Her: “Yeah, but your hair usually looks really nappy and bushy. Now it looks better. What did you did you do to it this time?”

I’m pretty sure you know how the rest of the conversation went. Anyways, I’m still transitioning now and I proudly sport my “nappy and bushy” new growth through my strawsets, flexi-rod sets --- you name it!

I don't think you can change people's mindset. I just try to educate and go on about my way. Sooner or later my hair will speak for itself!

 

[Angelicus]

I been good friends with a yong lady since ninth grade. She had LONG waist length hair and I had short, brillo-pad hair. People made fun of me but she still hung with me She finally admitted to me that my other "friends" were calling me "Troll" behind my back because of my hair. I used to ask her for tips but she never told me anything, as if you had to be a Jedi to have long hair. "Maybe if you comb it, it will look better, Ankers," was her only advice. WOW! I combed, brushed and fried my hair daily, so I thought that what she said was kinda harsh.

Fast forward 10 years and the tables turned as far as hair is concered and now she asks me for advice... and I give it to her!

 

[TrustMeLove]

I don't know what the situation was. I don't think she meant it to come off as harsh, but I was like wow you're serious.

Well she is a pressed child. I don't know if its jealously of my hair, but maybe just my confidence that I can make major changes like that and still know I am it. lol


Yea I BC in June. For me every time someone makes a comment about my hair, it being short or nappy I just look at them and I don't say anything. Because I don't know whats appropriate to say or if saying anything at all will make a difference.

Thanks for your responses ladies.

 

[blueabyss333]

I must admit, I did what your friend did to you, to my closest friend. I was looking at some old pics of hers. This one in particular happened to be from 2004 (was Dec. 2005 at the time). I gasped at her ponytail and said, "Look at your ponytail. It's so long. Awww. When was this?" She replied that it was just last year. And I responded (to the likes of) Really when? Because I met you last year. Sometimes I put my foot in my mouth, and what I really was implying was- what happened? I didn't mean to do it in a scornful manner. I just meant that it was nice to see her with longer hair and why she didn't keep it at that length. But then I realized she's had one too many trims by her stylist. (I don't think it broke off b/c her hair looks healthy.)

 

[rmwms]

I believe people say thing without thinking sometimes. My best friend in life swear her hair is sOOOO much longer than mine...It is long but not that long. anyway she always make little remarks...like we were in the salon getting our hair set and the lady rolled our hair with the same size rollers.. do you know she said...to me..she rolled my hair with the same rollers like our hair is the same length..and she was pissed. I laughed to myself because I know she didn't mean it but I'm like oh my...that is an insult.

 

[jasmin]

I been good friends with a yong lady since ninth grade. She had LONG waist length hair and I had short, brillo-pad hair. People made fun of me but she still hung with me She finally admitted to me that my other "friends" were calling me "Troll" behind my back because of my hair. I used to ask her for tips but she never told me anything, as if you had to be a Jedi to have long hair. "Maybe if you comb it, it will look better, Ankers," was her only advice. WOW! I combed, brushed and fried my hair daily, so I thought that what she said was kinda harsh.

Fast forward 10 years and the tables turned as far as hair is concered and now she asks me for advice... and I give it to her!

You are so sweet because knowing me I would have told her to comb it.

 

[sharee]

This is sad. I was going to a community function and this police car pulls up next to me. In it was this guy I used to go to college with anyway, he stops the patrol car and says to me is that your real %$#@ hair??!!! Before I could answer, he had jumped out the car and had his hands all up in my hair checking for tracks!!! When he doesn't find any, he starts to ramble off some names and starts cursing!!! I am really frightened at this point and I guess he could see it on my face so he said, one of the reasons I didn't like you is becuase at a concert this summer I overheard you saying that you had stopped wearing weaves but a few of your friends and sorors said that you were a lying &^%$ and that your hair was only about an inch long! I believed them because they had pointed out that the hair by the scalp was different than the hair at the ends!!! Mind you I was transitioning at the time...anyway, I was pissed at both him and my "friends." I just said oh and walked away.....sorry so long but not until this board has taught me about haircare have I seen so many "salty" people.

 

[TrustMeLove]

Oh my goodness Sharee! I would have ran. lol Not walked away but jetted. That fool is crazy. I could not imagine a man telling me he didn't like me because of a weave or some foolishness. Is he gay? Why was he checking up on you like that? Wow and your sorors were hating forreal.

I've seen many "salty" people since I started taking care of myself better. People hate to see you have confidence and just doing your own thing. It threatens them. Sadly.

 

[sharee]

Oh my goodness Sharee! I would have ran. lol Not walked away but jetted. That fool is crazy. I could not imagine a man telling me he didn't like me because of a weave or some foolishness. Is he gay? Why was he checking up on you like that? Wow and your sorors were hating forreal.

I've seen many "salty" people since I started taking care of myself better. People hate to see you have confidence and just doing your own thing. It threatens them. Sadly.

I was so freaked out!!! I have never had anything like that happen. He was patroling the area and happened to see me at this event. I was in such shock..I had to just walk away it was a very scary psychotic episode. He was pissed!!!

Anyway, you just have to ingore the negative. I can not believe some of the experiences women go through around and about hair. Who knew?

 

[jasmin]

Wow Sharee...that's really a reason not to like someone. What is wrong with these people. Man it's really hard to find some good friends.

 

[ChasingBliss]

This is sad. I was going to a community function and this police car pulls up next to me. In it was this guy I used to go to college with anyway, he stops the patrol car and says to me is that your real %$#@ hair??!!! Before I could answer, he had jumped out the car and had his hands all up in my hair checking for tracks!!! When he doesn't find any, he starts to ramble off some names and starts cursing!!! I am really frightened at this point and I guess he could see it on my face so he said, one of the reasons I didn't like you is becuase at a concert this summer I overheard you saying that you had stopped wearing weaves but a few of your friends and sorors said that you were a lying &^%$ and that your hair was only about an inch long! I believed them because they had pointed out that the hair by the scalp was different than the hair at the ends!!! Mind you I was transitioning at the time...anyway, I was pissed at both him and my "friends." I just said oh and walked away.....sorry so long but not until this board has taught me about haircare have I seen so many "salty" people.

Wow, what a strange conversation for a man to have. He told you all that?Then proceeded to show you how he paid attention to the details of what your so called friends were saying about you...That is so gay, lol... I'd walk away from his behind too.