When both are virgins, divorce rate is only 2%

[Supergirl]

Okay Blackdiamond--You're preachin' too!!! Go 'head girl

 

[felicia]

[ QUOTE ]
vevster said:
I would love to know how old Felicia, Bree and their respective boyfriends are.

It is beautiful if you meet someone early in life and can go that route but most don't.

[/ QUOTE ]

i'm 22 and he's 23.

 

[aribell]

Bumping because I've always suspected this to be the case...

 

[LovelyNaps26]

interesting. i know several grown women (me included) who are virgins. but i wouldn't hold my breath waiting for a virgin man. i love my bf and didn't have virginity as a requirement. if it happens great. if not, he should be someone who respects your decision to remain celibate until marriage. i would also recommend that he made the decision to be celibate prior to meeting the young lady.

 

[Guitarhero]

I've also heard this for quite a few years and I think it's based upon not having anybody else to compare sexually to. Also, couples who are both virgins at marriage tend to be religious and frown upon divorce. Doesn't mean their relationship isn't in trouble, they just might have more staying power through commitment.

 

[Guitarhero]

. we women have made this game of conquest easier for them. In the 70's during the so called love generation, people toted the statement "make love not war".


Believe me I have had my share of bad relationships and I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I think if women started holding back sex as an "honored priviledge" rather than as a "gotta do it urge", men would spend more time nurturing the relationship in terms of emotions, commonalities and spiritual connections. These are foundations on which strong relationships are built. Don't sell yourselves short ladies. You do not need a man, you want one. But in the wanting, do not loose yourselves.

It's actually the 60's and beyond. Vietnam war, Civil Rights Movement etc., the 60's. It finally ended in the early 70's.

But, to the bolded, part of me believes this and the other part believes that they'd nurture the "marrying" kind but get their sexual release with loose women on the side, like they've always done. There's still this pressure of expectation of purity for women ... that doesn't apply to men, in many/most cases.

 

[silenttullip]

I know one reason is the fear of sharing yourself with someone else for some virgins just feels odd. Some virgins can't imagine someone else touching or um "sharing" that special time so whether they're happy or not they just stick with their first out of comfort.

 

[ebonylocs]

In addition to the getting to know each other without sex clouding the issue, and feeling like you belong completely to each other because you are each other's "firsts", I think there are some "correlation but not causation" factors as well.

I.e. those who remain virgins until marriage are also likely to belong to religious and cultural communities that, in addition to valuing chastity until marriage, discourage or prohibit divorce. So that community is the source of the moral suasion both to remain a virgin until marriage and to stay married.

 

[rafikichick92]

In addition to the getting to know each other without sex clouding the issue, and feeling like you belong completely to each other because you are each other's "firsts", I think there are some "correlation but not causation" factors as well.

I.e. those who remain virgins until marriage are also likely to belong to religious and cultural communities that, in addition to valuing chastity until marriage, discourage or prohibit divorce. So that community is the source of the moral suasion both to remain a virgin until marriage and to stay married.

I don't know if that's necessarily the case because within some religious communities, especially Protestants, the divorce rate inside the community is equal to that of the general population. I do agree that there are some hidden correlation factors at play here. It would be interesting to do a study on these kinds of people and see what turns up. I do think that it has more to do with the fact that virgins tend to marry younger (correlation). I've always held to the idea that when you remove those who marry young due to pregnancy, religious pressure relating to sex, or other wacky external factors, younger marrieds do as well as or better than "normal"-aged marrieds. This could explain that (through correlation).

 

[Twinspired]

I think people whose values and beliefs led them to wait also are led to stay married because of those values and beliefs.

I don't really think it's about sex.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

Quote
I don't think she is saying that being a V guarantees a happy marriage. I think she is saying that there is unnecessary pain that comes with giving yourself (sexually) to a man that is not your husband and I agree with that. That's not to say that a husband won't disappoint or break your heart too--but a man that is not in a covenant with you definitely has NO obligation to you.
Unquote

That is precisely what I mean Supergirl. And men are made a lot differently then women (both physically, mentally and emotionally). Sex for most of them is a conquest rather than a sharing of their heart. And unfortunately (please don't beat me over the head ladies) we women have made this game of conquest easier for them. In the 70's during the so called love generation, people toted the statement "make love not war". It was the men of that generation who were screaming the loudest. And the men today are counting on the vulnerability, loneliness and insecurities of women so they can continue to have multiple sex partners. Ladies, I know we have urges, but we are not animals. And even when animals go into heat, it is for one purpose - to procreate.
Believe me I have had my share of bad relationships and I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I think if women started holding back sex as an "honored priviledge" rather than as a "gotta do it urge", men would spend more time nurturing the relationship in terms of emotions, commonalities and spiritual connections. These are foundations on which strong relationships are built. Don't sell yourselves short ladies. You do not need a man, you want one. But in the wanting, do not loose yourselves.

I agree 100 percent! Women these days don't realize that abstinence is a form of feminism. I've had guys tell me that I'll never find a good Christian man of standard in this day and time. I think it was a mind game they were playing with me so I would give it up. It didn't work though! Lol!

 

[ebonylocs]

I don't know if that's necessarily the case because within some religious communities, especially Protestants, the divorce rate inside the community is equal to that of the general population. I do agree that there are some hidden correlation factors at play here.

rafikichick92: But notice I didn't say "any religious community". I said: "religious and cultural communities THAT, in addition to valuing chastity until marriage, discourage or prohibit divorce." I am referring specifically and exclusively to religious and cultural communities that have those characteristics.
I wouldn't count Protestanism as one of those communities. Modern mainstream protestantism doesn't actively promote and value chastity in the way that say Catholicism, Orthodox Judaism or Islam do, neither does it really stigmatize divorce. So I doubt you would find many Protestants in the group of people that this thread is about (virgins until marriage who don't get divorced.)

I think people whose values and beliefs led them to wait also are led to stay married because of those values and beliefs.

Exactly my point. The same values and beliefs that lead one to remain a virgin until marriage are the same ones that make one stay married. (Or at least are related to them.)

 

[rafikichick92]

@rafikichick92: But notice I didn't say "any religious community". I said: "religious and cultural communities THAT, in addition to valuing chastity until marriage, discourage or prohibit divorce." I am referring specifically and exclusively to religious and cultural communities that have those characteristics.
I wouldn't count Protestanism as one of those communities. Modern mainstream protestantism doesn't actively promote and value chastity in the way that say Catholicism, Orthodox Judaism or Islam do, neither does it really stigmatize divorce. So I doubt you would find many Protestants in the group of people that this thread is about (virgins until marriage who don't get divorced.)


Exactly my point. The same values and beliefs that lead one to remain a virgin until marriage are the same ones that make one stay married. (Or at least are related to them.)

Fair enough; we'll have to agree to disagree. I still think that there is more to this than social conditioning, although I acknowledge that it is a factor, merely because people are not static in their religion or ideologies over the years.

 

[Eluv]

Well that's to be expected when that pool is very low to start with.


sent from my HTC Evo using Long Hair Care Forum app

 

[Farida]

How about the fact that conservative people (not necessarily a political term) tend to be very conservative about their ideas of love, marriage, family, roles and divorce? Causation is not causality. It may be that people who are virgins tend to be more conservative in general rather than virginity being the reason why their marriage worked.

Just a thought.

 

[aribell]

How about the fact that conservative people (not necessarily a political term) tend to be very conservative about their ideas of love, marriage, family, roles and divorce? Causation is not causality. It may be that people who are virgins tend to be more conservative in general rather than virginity being the reason why their marriage worked.

Just a thought.

I think the thread identifies a clear correlation and leaves room for people to give their understanding of why that correlation exists. Divorce among "evangelical" Christians who would hold conservative views about marriage and family regarding what is "ideal" still have a significant divorce rate--many times higher than 2%.

I think that the process of being intentional about waiting for marriage to have sex, at the least, puts the person's spouse in a singular and unique position in that person's life in at least that particular respect. I think that it is the intentionality that is required to maintain virginity while in a relationship that ends up not only being indicative of a fairly different understanding of marriage and love, but also itself helps to reinforce those deliberately chosen values. Nothing is guaranteed, though.

 

[Guitarhero]

Maybe sexual behavior is a semi-indicator of commitment level and ability.