What's Wrong With Me?

[EricaJoyce]

The past few relationships I've been in have ended with the person telling me they just don't have any connection with me, that they don't love me, that I'm a really great girl and that the relationship is great but I'm just not the one. I brushed it off the first time, but given that this has been a reoccurring theme, I'm starting to wonder if there is something terribly wrong with me.

This recent breakup was particularly heartbreaking because I really love him and he told me he loved me too, but he later revealed that he said he loved me because he thought he should feel that way.

Just wondering if any of you have gone through this, or can maybe shed some light on what I may be doing wrong?

 

[LoveBeautyKisses]

Do u feel that you move too fast in a relationship?

Protective Stylin' on y'all.

 

[hopeful]

So sorry you are going through his. Have you had any relationships that don't end this way? I would definitely not assume anything is wrong with you. Haven't you felt that way about a guy before? Like they are nice and good-looking, etc., but no spark? Like they just aren't the one? It's not like they said you were strange or weird, and it's not like you can't get into a relationship. I can understand why you would feel frustrated and hurt though. Hopefully some of the ladies who have experienced this will have some words of wisdom for you. One thought they came to me is that sometimes really sweet, easy-going women experience this because they aren't enough of a challenge for the guy. Other than that I'm not sure what's going on.

 

[deltagyrl]

Hey.

Just because they didn't love you, doesn't mean that someone else won't...the RIGHT way.
Take some time to be alone and try to figure out what core beliefs you hold about yourself. It might surprise you how those core beliefs influenced your dating choices.

Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to feel unworthy of love.

 

[MKBeauty]

In a word:

Nothing.

 

[LoveisYou]

There's nothing wrong with you.

Could it be the kind of guys you're choosing?

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Nothings is wrong well from the surface anyway. Maybe it was for the best that they left you because maybe something is wrong with them. Do you know your worth and do you know who you are in the core? It is always easier to point the finger at self esp as women but you can't always think its you maybe it's them.

 

[God_Favor]

There is NOTHING wrong w/ you. Seems like you are just getting attached to the wrong guys. Are you sure you had feelings for them? Are you rushing into relationships in order to be in one??

 

[Evolving78]

it's you. if you keep hearing the same thing over and over again, it's you. now it could be your selection of men YOU choose to involve yourself in. how are you in the beginning of a relationship? do you give too much of yourself? i have a few friends that this happens to. the guy thinks they are great friends, but doesn't feel a connection. and they come off like this great girlfriend. but in fact, these women put themselves and all they have to offer on a platter. there is no challenge. they cook, the clean, they act like the best friend in the world, they watch sports, have great sex, etc... i mean, they do it all. and i am going to be straight up with you. the man really isn't attracted to them in the first place. he sees everything he wants in her, but he can't get past her looks or weight. so instead of making her his woman, she enters the friend zone.

what is making you such a great girl to these men is the question. was there really chemistry to begin with? and if a man isn't pursuing you, don't bring all of yourself to the table in the beginning. if you are a good woman, all of that will eventually shine through. oh and if you are jumping through hoops and putting on a great show, like some puppy in the window at the pet shop, that is a sign of insecurity.

just my opinion. i could be totally wrong.

 

[PhoenixRose360]

Nothing's wrong with you...kudos for looking deeper to change..because a lot of people don't. How's the connection to yourself and to your dad? Are you trying to be the "perfect" girlfriend and people please that you neglect yourself? Or don't let them see the real you...good, bad, sad, happy, mad, crampy..etc?

 

[PeaceFlow]

On one hand I thought there's a possibility they are not seeing the real you, therefore cannot connect.

On the other hand I suspect you may have been having "see how it goes" relationships. By this I mean you get into relationships with guys that haven't fallen for you already.

One thing I learned from my SO, who has a male perspective that I think some guys share, is that many men are not opposed to exclusive relationships with women who are not the one. Women that they don't necessarily see as their future wife/mother of their children, but as long as the woman is nice, attractive and they get on well, they are fine having a relationship without the forever part. Usually the woman acts cool like she is fine with "see how it goes" for quite some time, but then starts hinting at more serious stuff and they guy will eventually break it down that its not "that kind" of relationship. Assuming he hasn't changed his mind along the way. Worse guys will string the woman along and vaguely reciprocate.

My advice is to make sure a man is smitten and in love with you before you enter a relationship with them. My general rule is I wont have a relationship with a man who shows any sign of loving me less than I love myself. Even if I don't love him back yet

 

[Layluh]

OP Just take some time to be alone for AT LEAST a good year. Figure out yourself and what you want. This is what I did and was successful.

 

[EricaJoyce]

Thank you all for replying. I do feel that I possibly move into relationships too fast. To be honest, most of the relationships I have started with me being forced into it against my will. LOL. I start with having no feelings for people but just decide to give them a chance. This last one, I really did want the relationship, and he begged me to give him a second chance (there was some drama early on before we actually became a couple, and I was prepared to write him off.)

He did everything he possibly could to show me love. Flowers for no reason, taking me out, planning for our future. Just a couple days before we broke up, he told me that he was looking into getting a larger car, possibly an SUV, because his tiny sports car wouldn't work for us once we have children.

I did cook and clean, etc. But very rarely. I don't necessarily think I jumped through hoops but I did make some changes when he started talking about us getting married and having a family. I'm a flight attendant and before our relationship I worked a ton to make extra money, and I calmed down on a lot of that so that I could be home with him as much as possible.

The last few times this happened, I shrugged it off because I wasn't necessarily into the guys at all. This guy was different. None of the other ones put in much effort anyway, so I wasn't surprised when they broke it off.

I truly appreciate all of your responses. I'm going to take the advice above and just take time off from dating. I'm in no mood to date anyway. I am only rushing because I'm 30 now and I feel like time is slipping away... . Just the thought of any relationship with anyone of the male species makes me want to throw up!

 

[PeaceFlow]

He did everything he possibly could to show me love. Flowers for no reason, taking me out, planning for our future. Just a couple days before we broke up, he told me that he was looking into getting a larger car, possibly an SUV, because his tiny sports car wouldn't work for us once we have children.

What an ***.

Sorry you went through this I'm convinced this type have mental problems.

ETA: I think you should forget about the ones before. If you weren't into them then it sounds like a mutual lack of love/connection was going on. This last one had something wrong with him. Nothing to do with you.