What you think you are AFRICAN...Your own FAM Is hating!!

drjo91

drjo91

New Member
Yes like omg!!! I am the youngest of the family (17) and i take my hair care very very SERIOUSLY!!. Everytime i do something my mom always has something to say is like damn can you please mind your business. I don't tell her nothing when she relaxes because her hair is "so bad" and doesn't even have an inch of new growth. I tried warning her but hey nobody wants to take me seriously so i be like hey whatever "DO YOU". So i decided to transition to natural because i never liked getting relaxers, i always complained because it would start burning and i just can't take it anymore. So mmm my last relaxer was in january 19,2008 but i relaxed the front part cuz i got a weave for the summer, I was traveling to the dominican republic(where my parents are from) so i just couldn't go looking fu.cked up. So, my mother is telling the ENTIRE WORLD that now i want to walk around with "bad hair" and she even had the nerves to tell me if i think i was AFRICAN yes she went there!! I am like of course i am african can't you see i am black, and have nappy hair and so do you.....:wallbash: and SHE GOT MAD!! i am like oh well too bad. I found out that her and my sister were talking behind my back saying that i am no beauty and my that my bf is not going to like with my natural hair. So i told my bf, and showed him fotkis of naturals and he said it looks really really pretty. I have been told by people in fotki that i have a soft texture and my sister is always hating because her hair is more coarse and shes like no you don't blahblahblah...she was CLOSE TO APL!! but she doesn't take it seriously so now she went to the salon and cut her hair to NL(she is relaxed), she want her hair to be WL but how in the world...when she doesn't take care of t?....I had to let this out!!

Oh yeah my sister even had the nerves to tell me if i think i have good hair...
 
My mom pissed me off too when I told her I was cutting my hair (BC). I cried because I wanted her to be supportive and she wasnt. She puts on this ignorant TAIL act when she tells her friends that im natural.

Jesus, Im getting angry just thinking about the whole hair thing and her.

Anywho, she'll get used to it and eventually see how beautiful natural hair is.
 
Girl I hear u.. my mother told me my hair was going to fall out from co-washes! I guess the proof is going to be in the progress!!!!
 
Hopefully, she'll ease up once you complete your transitioning and begin to show beautiful results. My mom made comments after I did the bc last December, saying things like "You look like a boy" and "Your hair is disturbing". :blush: For that remark, she's getting a half-eaten candy cane for Christmas.

Four days ago, I flat-ironed my hair and flounced by her to "obviously" show my progress in only 10 months. Her mouth dropped. I smirked and continued flouncing :giggle:

Keep ya head up, 'cause their heads will rotate to check out your boo-tiful hair as you pass by.
 
Mothers and sisters aren't perfect.

I'm sure they care about you, but they are just ignorant. Be strong and don't let them get you down. Maybe you'll rub off on them one day!

When they see you with a beautiful head of natural hair, it'll challenge their beliefs.

:bighug:
 
Thanks!! Its just is really pisses me off how they harass me on a daily basis. I don't get on their hair business and my mom calls to DR just to tell people how i am walking around with "bad" hair. I told her to stop telling her damn family my business because its none of their damn business. I am so desperate to get to like APL or something, and i feel like is taking forever. I have told her to not say anything to me but if she sees me applying any small stuff to my hairrrrrrr she'll start talking and she won't shut up. She doesn't believe that i can grow my hair super long.....
Sigh...thank you ladies for your replies. I need some support!!! :(
 
Like I told you before, she is trying to rub off her insecurities on you. I can't complain to my daughter about her nappy hair if I'm the gene she got it from! LOL

Keep doing what your doing. Don't disrespect mami (I'm a mom of 3 and a grandma as well-we mean well but don't know everything) and when your hair is long the proof will be obvious.

I started transitioning when I was 35 and my mom gave me a hard time LOL mind you I'm a grown married woman with a college degree ahaha so just keep your chin up!
 
youre just gonna have to keep doing you and brush them off. you are still very young, so they are still gonna feel like they have the right to tell you about your hair.
 
smwrigh3 said:
Girl I hear u.. my mother told me my hair was going to fall out from co-washes! I guess the proof is going to be in the progress!!!!
Click to expand...

my mother said the same thing. she told me that my dh doesn't like it and that i should want to please him. mothers are a trip.
 
Wow drjo, Jan 19, 2008 is the same exact day I had my last relaxer. I am sad to hear that your fam isn't supportive, but the proof will be shown in your beautiful hair growth. :grin: I understand where you're comming from. I told my mom she was like, "Go for it! You sould have stop relaxing your hair along time ago."(My mom rocked a huge afro in the '70s) But my younger sister thinks I'm crazy, my co-workers think the same. :look:
 
All my friends think the frequent co-washes are crazy, and they all asking me "girl you think you are white?" lol, but my mom is natural, so she keeps telling me that the relaxer is going to break off all my hair, lol. But I am down to 3 touch ups a year, sounds almost like an addiction.
But girl, they just will not understand, wait till your hair is longer and still healthy, they will not be able to speak,
 
Girl, don't listen to them! Still be respectful because that's your mother, but I would just honestly tell her "Let's just agree to disagree. We'll just see how it all turns out" but I agree that your family is being cruel and I would be very upset, too.
 
You said that your are Dominican. I have a a dominican friend and I know that they have some issues with this whole "good" and "bad" hair.

Do what you do and they'll wish they listened to you when they see your beautiful hair.
 
me-T said:
chile, i dont even know where to begin.
Click to expand...


Mother and especially sisters are not perfect. We all make mistakes and question things we are not knowledgeable about. When I told my mother i was thinking about going natural she said Angela Davis natural? I said no Lisa B (My name) Natural. She had to laugh and then she said something I was not even aware of. Your sister hasnt relaxed her hair in like 5 years.
Even as blood sisters we don't always share the good stuff. You are not alone in your journey.

Please do yourself a favor stay secure in your decision until it does not work for you!!! Know in your heart that you are making the right choice and visualize it each day while you are moisturizing and massaging your scalp.

The day will come, it may already have but we can be too obstructed by others opinions to notice. I have braids in during my transition and told my braider that I've been washing my braid and she said Do you think you think your white now? I looked at her like she was crazy and said No!! Do you think my texture is the best it been in years, soft and no knots in the new growth she said Yes!! That why, I told her you need to check out the LHCF!!!
I turned around got my hair done and left content to continue my journey.

To me that why its happy hair growing: Being grateful of the knowledge and support we have and knowing that we have the power and the choice to make it happen on or own.

HHG
 
first and foremost, respect your mother and try not to let anger and frustration take hold. Second, just do you! I'm pretty sure if you ignore your mother and let the hair speak for itself.. then eventually she'll hush up. Keep your chin up!
 
SoAnxious12 said:
first and foremost, respect your mother and try not to let anger and frustration take hold. Second, just do you! I'm pretty sure if you ignore your mother and let the hair speak for itself.. then eventually she'll hush up. Keep your chin up!
Click to expand...


I agree and watch that language young lady.

Don't let it get to you. Don't mind their comments. Do you and they will see the error of their ways. My mother is natural and uses heat and yet looks at me sideways about my regimen. I have given her advice about no heat and DC even purchased products for her. But the advice goes on deaf ears and the products end up in a basket in the the bathroom.

I gave up. She has not seen my hair out in 1.5 year. Its always in twists and in buns. Last April she saw my fotki cause my lil sis showed it to her. Her jaw dropped.

Fast forward yesterday. I see my mother rocking a curly style in an updo. It started to rain I asked her if she needed an umbrella, she said (with a smile) "No I don't use heat anymore and Im not afraid of the rain" then proceeds to tell me how she moisturizes and seals with JBCO and her hair is the best its ever been. Showing me her length. I just smirked and kept it moving. I guess she realized I was right. I guess DD was not crazy after all.
 
Wow, that's hard. It's difficult enough to deal with hair transitions, but it's harder without support. My mom & sister are pretty supportive, but my roommate calls me "hair obsessed" and rolls her eyes when I wash my hair 2-3x a week because she doesn't believe that most black girls can grow their hair long, natural or relaxed.

Just keep your head up and your progress will prove you right.
 
Two stories to make you understand that your parents and siblings opinions have nothing to do with you. I worked with a woman who was very against natural hair, she thought it was ugly. Years later she changed her tune and cut her hair into a short fro. And my best friend who always talked about the relaxer cycle was the only cycle to be in and felt that natural hair was unprofessional, is now thinking of giving up the relaxer cycle because her hair is getting resistant to the relaxer even though she has always been meticulous about the care of her hair. Her hair line was wearing thin and the back of her hair got damaged. You have to do what works for you and not for others. I think the thing with dry coarse Afro hair is that finding the right moisture balance is very often the culprit of dry, poofy and shrunken hair which leads to terrible hairstyles. I am African myself by the way and when I started to wear my hair naturally in 1993, the products were just not on the market so some of my natural hairstyles actually looked terrible even my Dad told me so. I could not lie to myself my hairstyles as the Americans say looked whacked. But now, after much trial and error, texturising, relaxing, and braid extensions, cutting out the chemicals, I was able to find the products and the techniques that brought out my hair texture in a nice way. And now, I get many compliments on my hairstyles and many of my friends want to go natural as a result and it makes me feel good. I used to look at other naturals and be envious about why they were able to wear their hair in certain styles now, I am the one other naturals are staring at and asking advice. Again, its all about products and techniques and you have to find what works for you and master it and stick to it.

Best,
Almond Eyes
 
I first had this problem with members of my family when I went natural back in 1994. I transitioned from Feb 93-Jan 94. EVERYONE in my family hated my hair. My mother asked me why did you cut off your beautiful hair (I always had hair towards bsl). It was a challenge to learn how to take care of my natural hair without wearing braid extensions or dreadlocs. You ladies are so lucky to have LHCF! No hairstylist wanted to TOUCH my hair if I didn't get it pressed or wear braids. I am convinced they didn;t know what to do with natural black 4a-3b hair.

Long story, do you. It shouldn't matter what people think. I know when the people you love don't support your decisions it may hurt but you just have to trust your decisions and keep it moving.
 
I'm sorry to hear this. My mom actually supported me, walked me to the barbar's shop and everything, to get a cut after a graduated HS. Now my daddy, he didn't like it, and he made me feel like the ugliest person in the world (he didn't mean to, but he did). So...I got even MORE cut off, and he hasn't said jack-sh!t to me since about hair, only to complement.

YOU be in control of YOUR HAIR. Don't let others bring you down about your choices. I assume you'll be grown pretty soon (graduating HS), so since it's your mom's house, be respectful, but firm. In fact, tell her how she hurts your feelings. Then if that doesn't work, plan your exit strategy outta her house.

I'm really glad to see your BF supports you! Good luck, girlie!
 
Hey drjo, peace to you.

When I first became natural my mom had a lot to say and most of her comments were very negative. My mom was relaxed during that time. I have been natural for five years now and my mom has not relaxed her hair in four years. She is now contemplating wearing her own hair in its natural texture. Recently she wore her hair semi-flat ironed-which was a major change from my mothers usual hair style.

My mom experienced stares from the black people at her job, they were shocked at this sem-flat ironed hair style. In their eyes her hair was too nappy. I think it was at this point that my mom understood and finally got it.

Even your worst critics are secretly yours biggest fans so be patient, stay confident and don't let them get you down.
 
Maybe your mother is having an issue with pride. Maybe she sees nappy hair as a "black" thing, since she is a different culture. I don't know. Please don't let her and your sister steer you clear for what you want to do with your hair. I wish you much success! Hey, maybe you may inspire them to transition!
 
Last edited:
Longdayinthepark said:
I agree and watch that language young lady.

Don't let it get to you. Don't mind their comments. Do you and they will see the error of their ways. My mother is natural and uses heat and yet looks at me sideways about my regimen. I have given her advice about no heat and DC even purchased products for her. But the advice goes on deaf ears and the products end up in a basket in the the bathroom.

I gave up. She has not seen my hair out in 1.5 year. Its always in twists and in buns. Last April she saw my fotki cause my lil sis showed it to her. Her jaw dropped.

Fast forward yesterday. I see my mother rocking a curly style in an updo. It started to rain I asked her if she needed an umbrella, she said (with a smile) "No I don't use heat anymore and Im not afraid of the rain" then proceeds to tell me how she moisturizes and seals with JBCO and her hair is the best its ever been. Showing me her length. I just smirked and kept it moving. I guess she realized I was right. I guess DD was not crazy after all.
Click to expand...


I don't think she was telling her mother to shut up but was saying that her mother says shut up when she is talking about her hair or washing it.
 
I sure know what you mean and heard it before the pelo malo saying which pisses me off. My mother was really harsh when I first did the bc and every other time too. Its a shock and especially for dominicans I know that its an issue just as for many other black woman from other cultures. Im not a natural natzi but I sure understand where youre coming from. Just ignore them once you grow your hair, trust me you'll get the cono mira su cabello tan largo and probably pressure you into pressing your hair. At the end of the day , do what makes you happy and dont get discouraged . They overreact simply because first the texture and second the lenght or the other way around. If they talk behind your back just ignore it . Beauty is about confidence!!!!


Big HUG
 
My grandmother wouldn't come out and say it but I know she had her doubts. Now when she sees how long my hair grew to be, she knows I'm doing something right. In fact she's nervous that when I go to the salon (eventually) they'll mess up my progress. Mind you, this is from someone who used to pay for me to get my hair done every 2 weeks when I was in college!

Also, my happiness and self-confidence grew as a result of my acceptance of me...all of me, hair and all. I believe that when folks see others consistently happy and loving them self, folks will either keep their opinions to themselves or have no choice but to love you too and admire you for it!

They will come around...
 
almond eyes said:
Two stories to make you understand that your parents and siblings opinions have nothing to do with you. I worked with a woman who was very against natural hair, she thought it was ugly. Years later she changed her tune and cut her hair into a short fro. And my best friend who always talked about the relaxer cycle was the only cycle to be in and felt that natural hair was unprofessional, is now thinking of giving up the relaxer cycle because her hair is getting resistant to the relaxer even though she has always been meticulous about the care of her hair. Her hair line was wearing thin and the back of her hair got damaged. You have to do what works for you and not for others. I think the thing with dry coarse Afro hair is that finding the right moisture balance is very often the culprit of dry, poofy and shrunken hair which leads to terrible hairstyles. I am African myself by the way and when I started to wear my hair naturally in 1993, the products were just not on the market so some of my natural hairstyles actually looked terrible even my Dad told me so. I could not lie to myself my hairstyles as the Americans say looked whacked. But now, after much trial and error, texturising, relaxing, and braid extensions, cutting out the chemicals, I was able to find the products and the techniques that brought out my hair texture in a nice way. And now, I get many compliments on my hairstyles and many of my friends want to go natural as a result and it makes me feel good. I used to look at other naturals and be envious about why they were able to wear their hair in certain styles now, I am the one other naturals are staring at and asking advice. Again, its all about products and techniques and you have to find what works for you and master it and stick to it.

Best,
Almond Eyes
Click to expand...

Well AE, what products did you use...spill it!!!
 
Well my best friend totally believes i cant grow my hair long b/c we both tried for so long - probably the whole 11 years we've been friends. she knows i've tried alot of things and nothings worked, so she doesnt believe this website is any different - kinda like 'just another diet plan'. i really really want to prove her wrong. I try to wear my hair in buns or with a phony pony when i see her until my reveal at MBL or WL (i think i can, i think i can). When i told her i was going natural, she swore it was easy for me b/c i have 'good hair' and her hair is coarser. She didnt really 'diss' me so to speak but she came straight at me with disbelief, not an ounce of support - it hurt and shes supposed to be my best friend. My family doesnt bother me too much about my hair. My mom and sis really dont know the difference between my relaxed and natural hair - its all the same to them - i can get it curly both relaxed and natural and straight both relaxed and natural - all you need is the right products. But anyways - thats why we have this board - our safe haven for support - pple like us that understand our frustration and help us remember why we're doing it all in the first place. POWER TO THE HAIR GROWING PPLE! lol
 
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