TinyBlu
Well-Known Member
...if someone you are starting to befriend was being talked about behind her back?
My job has a "communal" lunch setting, and naturally, the women of color tend to sit together. Today, the woman with whom I'm developing what I think is a nice friendship wasn't at lunch, and the conversation became about her, and I was just uncomfortable.
My friend had attempted to organize a game night for "the sistas". Her goal was for us to be able to kick back and have some fun with some drinks outside the workplace. I thought it was a good idea since I haven't been at the organization long. My friend asked one of our coworkers if she would mind hosting the event at her new home and the coworker agreed. These women RSVP'ed yes, but as the event date approached, several ladies backed out and everyone agreed to postpone the event.
I didn't know until today that the other ladies backed out because they didn't really want to go to the event in the first place. Even the person that agreed to host the event said that she never really wanted to do it. From that point the conversation just became about why my friend only invited the black women and how she was jealous of the coworker's new home... blah, blah, blah.
I was dumbfounded and ashamed that I said NOTHING to these women about how they should have been honest with my friend from the beginning about their concerns. I eventually just made an excuse to leave the table, but I feel horrible that I didn't stand up and say something. Furthermore, I don't know what to do from this point.
I am guilty by association in this matter whether I participated in the dialogue or not, but should I tell my friend about what happened? Is that snitching?
Is ignorance bliss for my friend, or should I let her know that these ladies are not being genuine?
or should I just stay out of it and hope that my friend will eventually see these ladies' true colors?
I would really like to see black women get along better, but maybe it's just none of my business...
My job has a "communal" lunch setting, and naturally, the women of color tend to sit together. Today, the woman with whom I'm developing what I think is a nice friendship wasn't at lunch, and the conversation became about her, and I was just uncomfortable.
My friend had attempted to organize a game night for "the sistas". Her goal was for us to be able to kick back and have some fun with some drinks outside the workplace. I thought it was a good idea since I haven't been at the organization long. My friend asked one of our coworkers if she would mind hosting the event at her new home and the coworker agreed. These women RSVP'ed yes, but as the event date approached, several ladies backed out and everyone agreed to postpone the event.
I didn't know until today that the other ladies backed out because they didn't really want to go to the event in the first place. Even the person that agreed to host the event said that she never really wanted to do it. From that point the conversation just became about why my friend only invited the black women and how she was jealous of the coworker's new home... blah, blah, blah.
I was dumbfounded and ashamed that I said NOTHING to these women about how they should have been honest with my friend from the beginning about their concerns. I eventually just made an excuse to leave the table, but I feel horrible that I didn't stand up and say something. Furthermore, I don't know what to do from this point.
I am guilty by association in this matter whether I participated in the dialogue or not, but should I tell my friend about what happened? Is that snitching?
Is ignorance bliss for my friend, or should I let her know that these ladies are not being genuine?
or should I just stay out of it and hope that my friend will eventually see these ladies' true colors?
I would really like to see black women get along better, but maybe it's just none of my business...
