What would YOU do?

[prettylady6464]

Okay everyone.

Hope you guys had a pleasant day today.

Here's my story:

I was in Office Depot today picking up a file cabinet to set up my home office. I met this dude. He's 42; I'll be 49 in a few days. I don't go for younger dudes, but I figure that I should open my mind to possibilities after being widowed for nearly three years. So, he approached me and I took his number. I called him a few minutes ago.

BIG MISTAKE!

This dude was drinking as we talked. How did I know? ...cause his speech started to slur. He started trying to say he had the right to drink....whatever. He has the right to do whatever he wants, but if you want a decent woman, in my opinion, you don't get drunk and can barely talk during the first phone conversation.

I lost patience and got honest with him. I told him that he'd probably not remember the conversation in the morning, and I went on to tell him that I don't date men who drink I told him I try to live a clean life and keep my body clean, so I'm not settling for anything less. I hung up.

My opinion is that a man who drinks too much upon initial contact with you is really worse than ya know. We all try to give our best first impression, so if this is his best I don't want to see the rest he has to offer

I was with one man for over 31 years and we were married for nearly 29 of those years, so I really don't know what has unfolded in the dating world over the past 30+ years; but. . .really?

Early in our phone conversation a few minutes ago, dude said that he is respectable and is a good man. Is this how men who call themselves, "Respectable", and, "Good" get down nowadays? Are we women putting up with stuff like this just to be considered as having a 'man' -- in this case I define 'man' loosely erplexed

Were you in this situation, how would you have responded?

 

[SmileyNY]

RUN!

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[PerfectlyFlawed]

RUN!

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+1 10 characters

 

[DarkJoy]

Girrrrlll... I was married for 20 years, single the last 3 for the first time in my life, be 40 in a cpl months..

And lemmme tell you--they can get worse! These fools out here in their 40s and early 50s are just...NOT the business.

As for this one, you know what you need to do!

 

[nlamr2013]

If your gut is telling you move on, move on.
Although he could have drank before you called and the effects didn't hit until later. Lol

 

[UmSumayyah]

Sounds off to me.

 

[lana]

I'm not certain if I missed a few posts, but prettylady6464, my heart goes out to you after reading that you were widowed and I wanted you to know that I'm very sorrry for your loss.

 

[LiftedUp]

He was getting drunk while he was on the phone with you? Run!

 

[lux10023]

i don't see an issue with having an evening drink as per the time you called him-but excessively drinking is an issue and being drunk during a first convo is very interesting
um no real advice since there is not to much to go off of...
but trust your gut!

 

[Evolving78]

you did the right thing. and continue to keep your eyes and ears opening getting back into the dating world. know what you want and stick to it. you can be open minded to trying different things, but stick to your core values. as long as you are not looking for Jesus to come and be your husband, i think you will be good.

 

[sounbeweavable]

Justifying/being defensive about getting sloppy/drunk in an inappropriate situation sounds like a likely case of alcoholism to me... and this is coming from someone who dated an alchy.

 

[perfectlyImperfect]

i think i would be more concerned if he had called me for the first time drunk. But im not really into the "drunk" thing. drinking sure.But drunk? thats not cute and if you have to justify it your carrying some guilt about it! just trust your gut op. if your life is clean and somone who drinks will interfere with that i would defintley lose the number

 

[Lucie]

Don't contact him any further.

 

[prettylady6464]

I'm not certain if I missed a few posts, but @prettylady6464, my heart goes out to you after reading that you were widowed and I wanted you to know that I'm very sorrry for your loss.

Thank you very much!

 

[prettylady6464]

Thanks everyone for chiming in. Yeah, had to not talk to him again.

He forgot the conversation and texted me yesterday. In the text I asked if he remembered the conversation from last night, and he didn't. He asked if there was anything significant that he should've remembered. . .ummm. . .ooooookay then. I dropped off the texting radar after he asked me that. If he was too drunk to remember the convo that's on him. I chose to not regurgitate a negative convo for which he chose to not value enough to maintain cognizance.

By the way, my mother was an alcoholic and when they are quite defensive when someone challenges their drinking, it's because they have been confronted with the possibility of being an alcoholic by so many people that they are tired of hearing the ugly truth about their situation. First red flag.

He forgot the conversation we had. . . so what was the point of wasting my breath and why would I waste energy with someone who doesn't remember things we've discussed erplexed Second red flag.

Why would you waste someone's time talking while drunk when you know you won't remember the conversation? Why devalue someone's time by wasting it this way? Placed little value on my time -third red flag.

Initially he said he had to return my call b/c he was busy. Called me back 10 minutes later. It was then that he was drinking. He didn't have to bother calling me back if he wanted to get drunk. It's not like I knew him really.

I guess I'm trying to figure people out lately. Like one of us posted here, men in their 40s and 50s are lacking something. It's no wonder cougars are becoming so popular. The 20- and 30-something year old sons are more mature than their fathers; smh @ the flip in script; wrong. . .just plain wrong

Y'all have a peaceful and safe weekend.