What would you do if...
- Thread starter Lucia
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Lucia
Well-Known Member
What if they're dating a in playing the field and not committed to anyone, and isn't it until your married your single true.
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
Dude, stop trying to find justification! Single till married would give an excuse for every dating/engaged person to step out without consequence. If this is your situation, if it's weighing so hard on you, either
1. End YOUR relationship and pursue the "perfection" (80/20 rule coming into play, anyone?) If THEY ARE SINGLE. If they are with someone, even if you end your relationship, leave it alone!
2. Realize you/they with someone and keep it moving. Those are your two options.
If you choose 3, see both men behind each other's backs, that's just trife. If he's seeing someone and willingly takes up with you while STILL being with that person, expect like reward. Tie up loose ends before going on to a new level.
Bunny77
New Member
PeanutButterandHoney
New Member
So, once he gets with you, its okay for him to date other people..
You know, since yall aren't married?
Use empathy here
caltron
Well-Known Member
Do you mean someone who is dating around but hasn't committed to anyone (and both parties know they aren't committed yet)??
Lucia
Well-Known Member
ZeeOl'Lady said:
If were committed then no, but if were just getting to know each other, before any commitment has been made, then were both free to see and talk to whomever.
Yes that's what I mean, isn't that playing the field or being single, until you actually commit to being exclusive or get engaged you're free to see who's out there and then choose IMO.
I don't count talking "dating" to automatically mean commitment, you're just getting to know someone. If dating means they're automatically committed then doesn't that pretty much make everybody off limits then ?
PeanutButterandHoney
New Member
Sounds like you already have your mind made up.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
You can't help when you actually meet people, If I or they were committed or serious with someone we were "dating" then this would not even be a question. I agree with the bolded.
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Bunny77
New Member
Okay, so maybe I'm misunderstanding.
Either you or the guy are dating other people, but you aren't exclusive with said other person. So now you've met and you're thinking you want to get together? Is that right?
The main thing is that EVERYBODY in this situation needs to be clear as to where they stand with each other. This is where I'm confused. If all parties are clear that they're just dating and that no one is tied to anyone else, then what's the problem? Unless some folks in the picture DO have the impression that they're in a committed relationship, which is the impression that I'm getting.
No matter the deal though, my rules are that I'm not going after any man regardless of whether he fits my characteristics or not... now if he wants to go after me, he's welcome to, and I'll consider it as long as I'm free AND he's free as well.
If the above paragraph doesn't apply, then leave this alone. Yeah, you can't help when you meet someone, but that doesn't mean you're necessarily supposed to be with them either.
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
You can't help when you meet people, but you can help what you do when your relationship status and that of the other person is not single. If you are in a committed relationship, as is he, then do not pass go (unless you break things off...and in that case, if your perfect image isn't what you imagined it to be, don't go crawling back.
Gambling and losing it all is a risk you'll be taking)If you're just "dating" around and the current is aware that you're still playing the field (and the same is sure with the other guy in question) then I see nothing wrong with it. The level of commitment on both sides goes a long way!
Lucia
Well-Known Member
You can't help when you meet people, but you can help what you do when your relationship status and that of the other person is not single. If you are in a committed relationship, as is he, then do not pass go (unless you break things off...and in that case, if your perfect image isn't what you imagined it to be, don't go crawling back.
If you're just "dating" around and the current is aware that you're still playing the field (and the same is sure with the other guy in question) then I see nothing wrong with it. The level of commitment on both sides goes a long way!
Yeah I know the 80/20 rule, I just haven't made a big statement of it, he knows I'm single and I have male friends and I've left it at that. Until someone decides to commit I'm not taking anything to the next level (ie: no intimacy, no sessin)
snillohsss
New Member
The first thing on your list should have been the requirement that he is single.
If you pursue someone who is clearly spending his time with another woman dating/committed/married, he will surely do it to you if you two become a couple.
Don't set yourself up for failure. Men watch us more than we think. Believe me when I say that if you pursue him, you will prove to him that you are a doormat.
Let him know your interested, and move on. If it is meant to be, he will come to you....SINGLE.
If you pursue someone who is clearly spending his time with another woman dating/committed/married, he will surely do it to you if you two become a couple.
Don't set yourself up for failure. Men watch us more than we think. Believe me when I say that if you pursue him, you will prove to him that you are a doormat.
Let him know your interested, and move on. If it is meant to be, he will come to you....SINGLE.
caltron
Well-Known Member
I think this is o.k. to see this guy then. The only thing to be careful of is whether he is telling you the truth or not.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I'm confused. It sounds to me like he has a girlfriend and you are trying to justify pursuing him. I'm sure his girlfriend doesn't think that they are just "dating." How long has he been with her?
IMO you should KIM. It makes no sense to pursue a man who is involved in any way, shape, or form.
ETA: If he was really just dating around or playing the field then there wouldn't be a need for you to have started this thread, would there? It would already be understood that he wasn't "attached." :scratchch
IMO you should KIM. It makes no sense to pursue a man who is involved in any way, shape, or form.
ETA: If he was really just dating around or playing the field then there wouldn't be a need for you to have started this thread, would there? It would already be understood that he wasn't "attached." :scratchch
tiara76
New Member
pretty much what gabulldawg said
where is the issue of timing coming from....if you both feeling each other and are sparks and nobody is committed to anybody else....why is timing off??? seems like this would be a great time to meet somebody and what would be the hinderance to moving forward if both parties are on board?
what exactly is the issue in this case?
where is the issue of timing coming from....if you both feeling each other and are sparks and nobody is committed to anybody else....why is timing off??? seems like this would be a great time to meet somebody and what would be the hinderance to moving forward if both parties are on board?
what exactly is the issue in this case?
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
I'm not sure that I understand the issue. I am all for dating a few men at the same time with the understanding that there is no exclusivity and no intimacy without a commitment.
If you are just dating someone and he is just dating someone, then I see no problem with adding him as a man that you are dating.
DH and I dated for a bit, with no commitment. I made it clear that until we were exclusive, I presumed that he was dating others and I would be dating others. He was fully aware that I was dating other men (not intimate) although he was not dating anyone else since he had done his "serial dating" before we met.
When he asked to be exclusive, that was it for the other guys.
If you are just dating someone and he is just dating someone, then I see no problem with adding him as a man that you are dating.
DH and I dated for a bit, with no commitment. I made it clear that until we were exclusive, I presumed that he was dating others and I would be dating others. He was fully aware that I was dating other men (not intimate) although he was not dating anyone else since he had done his "serial dating" before we met.
When he asked to be exclusive, that was it for the other guys.
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
Ya know! I'm sure the trife team will come in here and tell her to just go for it! 
Lucia
Well-Known Member
WellI didn't want to post too many details on here, so here's the thing were both in different cities right now we have met in person, talked and IM'd. He's on FB, and he has pics of diff women he's friends with all over his FB, from school, work etc...but his Ex's pic is still on there, that's really what's bugging me. I know he can't unlive his life so I asked him outright tonight and he stated he's single, I already knew he had no kids. So I guess I'm just trippin over all the women friends he has on FB, which I shouldn't be cause were not on that level yet. I'm not going to assume he's lying just cause he's not here but if it turns out he's lying I'll KIM. thanks for the responses
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acooks143
Member
All I read was your first post and I can tell you DONT DO IT...I was in a situation like this with an ex and I knew exactly what I shouldnt do but I was already in too deep with feelings and went ahead and pursued the relationship he eventually broke it off with his ex to be with me but at the end of the day he is and was a CHEAT...You will never trust him after the fact so dont bother. This was the worst kind of pain all because I was selfish and couldnt see past what I wanted at the time. Men like that are always looking for something better so dont think the games will end with you. I dont care if you look like Halle berry and had all of her money..It all lye within the charachter of the person you are dealing with. So with all that being said if he did it to her he will do it to you-There is no nicer way to put it.Listen to someone who has been in the situation
Sorry for all my spelling errors I am in a rush and need to log off!
Sorry for all my spelling errors I am in a rush and need to log off!
caltron
Well-Known Member
I don't think having a lot of online friends is enough of a reason to trip at this point. Keeping the ex as a friend might be troubling--or not. His interaction with online female friends only makes a difference AFTER you all are a committed couple. Once you are couple, I'd expect to see all the female friends deleted except for family and maybe coworkers.
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