What would you do if...

Confront him and make him tell her (before I did). Me and my mom are super close and I would not take his betrayal lightly.
 
When I found out my dad was cheating on my mom, it was no biggie for me.... in fact I was like Good for him... but thats cuz I knew my mom was cheating on him first ( I didnt think he knew) ... I was not living at home anymore but knew my mom cheated more than 1 time over the years

I stayed of their mess and when the finally broke up, they both came running to me with their side of the story

If the OP is a kid, I dont see how she could stay out of it... but if she is an adult staying at home, Id mind my biz and be there for the parent I felt needed my comfoort ( in the OPs case, seemingly the mother)
 
Tell her "I think Dad is cheating on you" and have her confront him. Give her your reasoning/ proof behind it. It's better for her to know and figure out what course of action she wants to take. Don't keep that type of secret from her. Think of how she would feel if she knew you knew and never said anything. You don't want you mom living ina fantasy world of "everything is great in my marriage". Yeah, it'll hurt her, but it'll hurt her more, if it goes on and she doesn't know untl something blows up. (EX: The other woman tells her, she sees them in the street, she finds out he has a kid, she catches a disease, etc.) I wish I had done that when I first suspected (so that things would not have gotten as far as they have), but I didn't.

PS: I live at home as well.
 
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I am 23. I just moved back hom a few months ago to save up money.

My dad cheated on her before but they made up and are supposed to be working things out. :rolleyes:
 
We're the same age! I had a feeling since I was about 16 that my dad was cheating, but never had "proof" (It was there, I just didn't want to see it because 'My dad would never do that") Well, it all finally came out about 2 years ago. Now I have a 4 year old half sister. I wish I had opened my mouth. Maybe it would not have gotten this far :ohwell:

Apparently your dad doesn't really care about working things out with your mother. If he did, he would stop the nonsense. He got caught once already and doesn't think enough of your mother or the family he made with her to stop doing it. Remember the saying 'Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." Nip this in the bud now. He'll be fine. If the other woman/ women are that important to him that he needs to keep running back, let them catch him when he falls. You need to think about your mother. She will need you.

Sophisticated1 said:
I am 23. I just moved back hom a few months ago to save up money.

My dad cheated on her before but they made up and are supposed to be working things out. :rolleyes:
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lizjoseph said:
We're the same age! I had a feeling since I was about 16 that my dad was cheating, but never had "proof" (It was there, I just didn't want to see it because 'My dad would never do that") Well, it all finally came out about 2 years ago. Now I have a 4 year old half sister. I wish I had opened my mouth. Maybe it would not have gotten this far :ohwell:

Apparently your dad doesn't really care about working things out with your mother. If he did, he would stop the nonsense. He got caught once already and doesn't think enough of your mother or the family he made with her to stop doing it. Remember the saying 'Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." Nip this in the bud now. He'll be fine. If the other woman/ women are that important to him that he needs to keep running back, let them catch him when he falls. You need to think about your mother. She will need you.
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see i never had a clue because all this cheating started going down as soon as i left my house for school...he seemed to be getting better but oh well....i know he cares for my sister and i ....but not enough for my mom

my only proof is a dating profile he as set up and a NEW email address...he has been contacting someone through the website but i dont know what has been said
 
Well, I had to deal with this growing up. I KNOW my mom knew so I just kept my mouth shut. They dragged on and on for 25years till my mom got tired and got her someone on the side. MY DAD HAD A FIT! Came home and hit my mom so hard it busted her eardrum! (1st and last time he hit her, even though they got back together for a short time after that) I also came out of it with a black eye too! I say, stay out of it. Your parents are grown, let them handle their business!
 
Of course your dad cares for you and your sis, because you are his fleash and blood. But the thing is he doesn't care enough for his marriage. Your mother needs to know this information and whatever proof you have to support it. She can then make the decision if she wants to

A.) Try to make it work again (Marriage counseling, going to church together, etc.)

B.) Continue living with him and just turn a blind to the situation

C.) Get up a leave knowing that she didi give it a shot, even after he cheated the first time.

The least you can do is supply her with the info and let her make a decision as to how she wants to handle it.

Sophisticated1 said:
see i never had a clue because all this cheating started going down as soon as i left my house for school...he seemed to be getting better but oh well....i know he cares for my sister and i ....but not enough for my mom

my only proof is a dating profile he as set up and a NEW email address...he has been contacting someone through the website but i dont know what has been said
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yea im kinda worried...my sister and i are both studying to get into school right now....im doing the GRE for a PhD program...shes studying for the SATs and trying to get into college...i really dont want to hear the drama and screaming matches that would likely ensue....i wish their was a way to handle this so my sister can handle her business and get the heck out of there with minimal drama...i have friends that didnt handle divorce and fighting too well when they were in the midst of applying to college and SATs
 
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I hate to say it but, what makes you think she does not already know?

My dad cheated on my mom. I noticed it when i was 10 or 11, but didnt tell because I didnt know what to say. anyway by the time I was 11 or 12 they were divorced. When I finally talked to my mom about it she admitted that he had been doing it since I was 6!

Fast forward to step mom #1 he also cheated on her and guess what she knew. i have step mom #2 and guess what, he cheated on her as well (when he was in good health) and she knew.

Apparently he knows how to pick 'em. By that I mean women who might stand for it, though none do for long.

Anyway, my point is she probably knows already, if not she probably has good suspiscion she doesnt want to act on for a variety of reasons.

I wouldnt say anything. if you feel like you need to say something say it to your dad.
 
I can’t say for sure if I’d tell her myself, but if he wanted me to stay out of it, he’d better make sure that he kept me out of it (i.e. kept his business to himself). You can’t expect people to feign indifference after finding out about something like that.
 
My mother told me my father cheated on her not once but lots of times. I was a child she told me this when I was much older. She stayed until I was 11 because of me which I don't think is a good thing. My parents loved me like no one's business and I always knew this. I loved both my parents I know they are not perfect but they were great parents to me.

I doubt your mother is completely in the dark since you said they got back together and are trying to work it out. I'm still going to say don't get in the middle of it. You will hate it. You don't want to be in the middle of their mess. You don't want to go and choose sides.

You may not know the whole truth or circumstances in their marriage. Live your live and do the best you can. I know it'd hard to see your parents go through rough times but they need to work out their issues themselves.
 
My whole thing is that by not telling her, (even if she already knows or not) you are taking away her freedom of choice. (She should have a choice as to whether or not to stay in this relationship!!!) I could not stand to know that someone knew my SO or husband was cheatinng on me and didn't say anything! Would you? Would anny of you ladies prefer not to kow and just keep living in oblivion?

By not telling, it's as if you're taking your dad's side and are in on "his little secret". And if you go and tell and your mom says 'I already know", then that's great! At least you know your part is done. Yes, there will be arguments and it will be rocky, but that's something that your dad should have thought about before he started up again.
 
From personal experience as well, I feel that either way, she will be brought into the middle of this. Children are what parents use as their 'crutch" as well as "collatoral". Whether it's her that spills the beans, her dad who tells her, or the mother finding out on her own- both her and her sister will be in the middle of it because they still live at home. There is no way around it. :nono:

drasgrl said:
My mother told me my father cheated on her not once but lots of times. I was a child she told me this when I was much older. She stayed until I was 11 because of me which I don't think is a good thing. My parents loved me like no one's business and I always knew this. I loved both my parents I know they are not perfect but they were great parents to me.

I doubt your mother is completely in the dark since you said they got back together and are trying to work it out. I'm still going to say don't get in the middle of it. You will hate it. You don't want to be in the middle of their mess. You don't want to go and choose sides.

You may not know the whole truth or circumstances in their marriage. Live your live and do the best you can. I know it'd hard to see your parents go through rough times but they need to work out their issues themselves.
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I'd be happy. She is a poor excuse for a woman and he could do so much better than her. FYI, they are divorced so this would never happen anyway. :spinning:
 
lizjoseph said:
My whole thing is that by not telling her, (even if she already knows or not) you are taking away her freedom of choice. (She should have a choice as to whether or not to stay in this relationship!!!)

By not telling, it's as if you're taking your dad's side and are in on "his little secret". And if you go and tell and your mom says 'I already know", then that's great! At least you know your part is done. Yes, there will be arguments and it will be rocky, but that's something that your dad should have thought about before he started up again.
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ITA - especially with the bolded. I also think it depends on the relationship you have with each parent. I have come to realize that not everyone has the same type of relationship with their mother as I do. She's my ride or die and has always been so I am COMPLETELY loyal to her!!!!! End of dicussion.
 
I'm with Liz 100% but I'd investigate and get more facts before I told mom. I'd be putting a stealth keylogger on the computer and seeing what he was typing - but that's just me. :look:
 
Thanks for having my back Adequate and Poetist!

Also,I agree with Adequate and should have mentioned this earlier. Get a little more information before you tell. (Also, is there anyway at all you can break in and see what these emails say?) You want to have your facts straight/ all your ducks in a row...... then you tell her. A keylogger is not a bad idea....

adequate said:
I'm with Liz 100% but I'd investigate and get more facts before I told mom. I'd be putting a stealth keylogger on the computer and seeing what he was typing - but that's just me. :look:
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adequate said:
I'm with Liz 100% but I'd investigate and get more facts before I told mom. I'd be putting a stealth keylogger on the computer and seeing what he was typing - but that's just me. :look:
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WoW!!! :spinning:

But @ Sophisticated1 you're really the only person who can call it. I would hate for you and your sis to have a bad living environment, but this is gonna be bothering you in the back of your head whether you tell him or not.

I know you don't wanna get in the middle of it, but you kinda already are. I think you should tell your dad that you know and if he doesn't tell your mom then you will. Give him a time window and everything. I wouldn't do anything more than that though.... I have friends who were forced to play the middle man in their parents marital problems at well. It sucked so bad for them. You don't have to be anymore involved than you already are though... don't let them drag you into their drama anymore than they already have.
 
I will try this. I am so mad at my dad for putting me in this position.
I think my parents grew apart and that is ok. but Gees can you hold of on all the drama until we either get out of the house or get divorced as quickly and painlessly as possible...I feel like the only reason my dad hasnt asked for divorce is financial reasons. :wallbash:
 
I acted like the woman he and my mother raised me to be.

When it was my turn, I gave my dad until the end of that day to tell my mother or I would.

And then I told my sister to prepare her for what was coming.

Most parents raise their children not to lie and not to hurt people. So it should come as no surprise when their children choose not to lie and not to hurt people. Especially when "people" is their other parent.

I'll be Daddy's Girl until the day I leave this earth. But I could not help him disrespect my mother.
 
lizjoseph said:
My whole thing is that by not telling her, (even if she already knows or not) you are taking away her freedom of choice. (She should have a choice as to whether or not to stay in this relationship!!!) I could not stand to know that someone knew my SO or husband was cheatinng on me and didn't say anything! Would you? Would anny of you ladies prefer not to kow and just keep living in oblivion?

By not telling, it's as if you're taking your dad's side and are in on "his little secret". And if you go and tell and your mom says 'I already know", then that's great! At least you know your part is done. Yes, there will be arguments and it will be rocky, but that's something that your dad should have thought about before he started up again.
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I agree a million percent!
 
I wish you all the best. Like I said it will be hard, there will be arguing, you will want to curl up and cry, and sometimes (if you do tell, which I strongly suggest you do) you will wish you didn't...but realize - THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Your father brought this on himself! You can also take the advice of the other ladies here and tell him that he has until such and such date to tell her or else you will. I wish you all the best of luck. And remember we are here for you. :bighug:
Please let us know how things go.


Sophisticated1 said:
I let my little sister know. I guess we will sort this out.
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