I guess I came straight off the boat then cuz I "deal" or more accurately embrace my hair all the time.....
I don't think we can blame it on a eurocentric climate anymore when we chase the idea of straight hair relentlessly. At this point the pressure comes moreso from black folk then it does from anyone else. It was never the white kids in school calling me nappy or telling me I "needed" a perm, that was the black folk.
You know what's weird? Maybe that's why I have such a healthy image of my natural hair, and my hair in general regardless of what I do with it. I didn't have the pressure that people feel in their fundamental years of growth (as your developmental childhood years usually influence you). And when I was relaxed it was just to try out something new. Because I grew up in Germany from the age of five and stayed until I was thirteen and stayed natural the whole time without thinking twice about it.
I was told EVERYDAY how beautiful I was and my mom was often stopped on the street because some German person would comment on me (ironic because my mom had what some Black people seem to covet: light skin, and natural red hair, and my brother was light skin with hazel eyes and they never received the same praise that they do here in the U.S). The comments were never for my brother or my mom, they were always for me now that I think about it. Probably because my chocolate skin, dark eyes, and long natural hair stuck out to them. So anyways they always said how beautiful I was. And they'd say my hair was sooo pretty. It was a constant onslaught of compliments. And boy did I have savings. They were always giving me money, after asking my mom's permission, to buy candy and I just saved it instead. It was quite annoying how many times my checks were pinched, or they'd touch my hair. Now I look back on it affectionately because they were just embracing me, which is something I haven't felt upon moving back to the U.S
Only when I got back to the U.S did I get people telling me I was too dark, that I'd be prettier if I was lighter like my mom and brother, or that I needed to do something with my hair. In Germany the instantly identified that I was my mother's child by my features, here in the U.S black people would say this is your son...and you are? To which my mom would angrily reply "MY daughter" as if the complexion and hair meant I couldn't possibly be hers.
I thought their comments were idiotic to tell the truth. I decide to relax a couple years later out of curiosity. And now I'm back to natural. It's always been a choice for me, and not out of thinking that I'm somehow less, or more if I do one or the other. But the pressure for the black community on hair and on "other" issues such as color, etc, is really strong. Luckily I had a "time out" so to speak from it, so I always look at "this pressure" it like I'm staring at an alien. I just don't get it, nor do I think it has anything to do with me. Infact it perplexes me. I realize by reading books and hearing other people talk , WHY it's there, but it still perplexes me none the less that everyone feels the need to tell everyone else what they should be doing or decide who they are or their worth based on hair or other issues. I just let it roll off my back and move on.
Now on to the relaxer question...I'm natural now so I don't think it would matter. If I was relaxed, I wouldn't care either. I went from relaxed to natural with one buzz of the clippers and didn't think twice about it. I didn't have to "ease" into it or convince myself of my beauty because none of this counts anyways...it's just an illusion. Same with the whole weave thing, who cares? The inside is what matters.