What Would You Do If A Young Family Member Asked You......

[honeybuni84]

She turned down another aunt's offer (who has no kids, 5 bedrooms, and offered to pay for a day nurse for the baby) because they butt heads.

You dont but heads with someone who offers this.... I am just saying

i wouldnt do it.. It sounds like trouble particularly since she doesnt want to stay with other more reasonable options. I understand wanting to help, but counsel her to stay with mom or aunt.

 

[Kerryann]

How about you tell her hell no go stay with her mother she needs to man up and take care of business by getting a job and staying out of her mommas hairs

 

[Lady Esquire]

She wanted to go stay with her grandmother b/c her grandmother didnt have any initial rules and guidelines for her like you and your hubby did.

She didn't want to go to school, doesn't want to work either. That's why she chose granny. Strings attached means she has to do what a grown adult needs to do. Work and/or go to school.

It aint right but maybe this is an indication of why her hubby is fed up with her. She aint about nothing?

In her defense, before the pregnancy she was in her 2nd or 3rd year of college. She had a part time job and shared an apartment with some class mates. She was a typical college person with a plan. When she had gotten pregnant, she handled the entire thing with such maturity. She moved in with him, transferred to the university in his town, and went to school up until late in her 2nd trimester.

But out of nowhere, 4 weeks after giving birth, he decides he is in love with someone else. And that is when DH and I were involved. At first we were ok with it, because she has always been so responsible.

For weeks now, I have known there was something off about this whole thing. They were in love one minute, and then he's kicking her out the next? Turns out, he got some other chick pregnant. So, as she was moving out, this new girl was moving in. This devestating news may be the reason why my neice is acting kinda off. She wants to go vegetate after all this: brand new baby, failed marriage of less than a year, and now this. Maybe I am making excuses for her, but at least it puts some of this crap into perspective.

 

[TayMac]

For weeks now, I have known there was something off about this whole thing. They were in love one minute, and then he's kicking her out the next? Turns out, he got some other chick pregnant. So, as she was moving out, this new girl was moving in. This devestating news may be the reason why my neice is acting kinda off. She wants to go vegetate after all this: brand new baby, failed marriage of less than a year, and now this. Maybe I am making excuses for her, but at least it puts some of this crap into perspective.[/QUOTE]


I'm quite sure she IS devastated..a brand new baby and her husband has committed the ultimate deception (IMO). I hope she doesn't go into a depression. You can be supportive of her without opening up your home.

At some point she will need a (loving but firm) kick in the butt to get going again or else she will wallow in self pity and be on a downward spiral. Not good for her or newborn. Her husband is trifling, plain trifling and immature.

 

[firecracker]

After making plans and talking on the phone with her for hours on end, she called here and decided to go live with her grandmother, DH's mother. DH, although releived, asked her what was the reasoning behind living with a woman in her 60s, who lives in small one bedroom condo. She replied, "I need a peaceful environment where there are no strings attached."

We dodged a bullet. Good luck to her.

uh errah so dat lil momma don't wanna be on no time constraints nor obligations to make real decisions. Po chile

ETA after hearing about the other gurl preggo and moving in. OHHHHHH Helz to the nawl. Why the hell is she leaving and tha ho moved in? She is the wife. He pucked up! Who the hell in the family has gone over there to ask this sorry MF about providing for his 4 week old child and wife? He ain't gotta want her but his sorry arse has to provide for her which means no transitional housing provided by others!

 

[Kurlee]

In her defense, before the pregnancy she was in her 2nd or 3rd year of college. She had a part time job and shared an apartment with some class mates. She was a typical college person with a plan. When she had gotten pregnant, she handled the entire thing with such maturity. She moved in with him, transferred to the university in his town, and went to school up until late in her 2nd trimester.

But out of nowhere, 4 weeks after giving birth, he decides he is in love with someone else. And that is when DH and I were involved. At first we were ok with it, because she has always been so responsible.

For weeks now, I have known there was something off about this whole thing. They were in love one minute, and then he's kicking her out the next? Turns out, he got some other chick pregnant. So, as she was moving out, this new girl was moving in. This devestating news may be the reason why my neice is acting kinda off. She wants to go vegetate after all this: brand new baby, failed marriage of less than a year, and now this. Maybe I am making excuses for her, but at least it puts some of this crap into perspective.

I hear you. She is still a baby! I look back at myself at 19 and I have grown so much since then and it wasn't that long ago. I really DO not feel she is grown enough to be able to just "deal". She still needs support, guidance and love. Despite whether she made bad choices, she is still young enough to bounce back and do well. She can only do that with love and support. People need to help each other more. This girl just got a heavy blow and with a new baby and all that drama she is going to need a lot of help to want to keep going. Watch her, so that she does not fall into post-partum + my husband betrayed me depression. I would hold onto that girl and pick her up before she falls even if it meant I had to help her literally put one step in front of the other until she recovers.

 

[ThickHair]

In her defense, before the pregnancy she was in her 2nd or 3rd year of college. She had a part time job and shared an apartment with some class mates. She was a typical college person with a plan. When she had gotten pregnant, she handled the entire thing with such maturity. She moved in with him, transferred to the university in his town, and went to school up until late in her 2nd trimester.

But out of nowhere, 4 weeks after giving birth, he decides he is in love with someone else. And that is when DH and I were involved. At first we were ok with it, because she has always been so responsible.

For weeks now, I have known there was something off about this whole thing. They were in love one minute, and then he's kicking her out the next? Turns out, he got some other chick pregnant. So, as she was moving out, this new girl was moving in. This devestating news may be the reason why my neice is acting kinda off. She wants to go vegetate after all this: brand new baby, failed marriage of less than a year, and now this. Maybe I am making excuses for her, but at least it puts some of this crap into perspective.

Even after all of the above, she still doesn't have the right to pick and chose, she is homeless and in a bind. With respect given, she still sounds ungrateful.

 

[Lady Esquire]

You've all made valid points.

She now lives with her grandmother. My door is open to her though... if that arrangement doesn't work out, as long as she agrees to go to school, and keep a job. Her grandmother has the time to devote to her and the baby, without too many demands. I just hope she doesn't waste time. Without gainful employment, benefits, etc...even granny will get tired. And more importantly, I hope this gives her the urgency to get her career going and a means to provide for the baby on her own.

 

[DragonPearl]

In her defense, before the pregnancy she was in her 2nd or 3rd year of college. She had a part time job and shared an apartment with some class mates. She was a typical college person with a plan. When she had gotten pregnant, she handled the entire thing with such maturity. She moved in with him, transferred to the university in his town, and went to school up until late in her 2nd trimester.

But out of nowhere, 4 weeks after giving birth, he decides he is in love with someone else. And that is when DH and I were involved. At first we were ok with it, because she has always been so responsible.

For weeks now, I have known there was something off about this whole thing. They were in love one minute, and then he's kicking her out the next? Turns out, he got some other chick pregnant. So, as she was moving out, this new girl was moving in. This devestating news may be the reason why my neice is acting kinda off. She wants to go vegetate after all this: brand new baby, failed marriage of less than a year, and now this. Maybe I am making excuses for her, but at least it puts some of this crap into perspective.

I don't think you're making excuses for her. She is going through a lot, and she is so young, only 19. She has rewired her life around this man and now he has kicked her to the curb. That must be devastating. She probably just wants to vegetate and have a place where she can cry from morning to night.

However, I feel that we're missing something. How the H E double hockey stick can a husband kick his wife out of the house with a 4 week old baby? She needs to know her rights as a wife and mother and even as a tenant, you can't just kick someone out legally if they've been living there. And if she can't go back and kick him out, then she must waste no time and file for alimony and child support from him. She is going to need some time before she is mentally and emotionally strong enough to go back to school or get a job, she also needs to care for her baby.

 

[DragonPearl]

uh errah so dat lil momma don't wanna be on no time constraints nor obligations to make real decisions. Po chile

ETA after hearing about the other gurl preggo and moving in. OHHHHHH Helz to the nawl. Why the hell is she leaving and tha ho moved in? She is the wife. He pucked up! Who the hell in the family has gone over there to ask this sorry MF about providing for his 4 week old child and wife? He ain't gotta want her but his sorry arse has to provide for her which means no transitional housing provided by others!

I suspect she doesn't have a father, cause I know my dad would have gotten physical with any man for kicking his 19 year old daugther out of the house with a 4 week old baby.

 

[sky_blu]

Mmmh Im going to say NO. My sister "left" her BF/BF/ex-BF and now he's her current BF. I helped her "leave" him in the rain afterwork on a dangon Friday after she caught him cheating with a girl in her house when she was 9 months pregnant. Errrggghhh this just burns me up just thinking about it! She moved in with my mother and moved him in with her, oh yeah and theyre back together. Ugh! Getting more disgusted. SO Im going to say another NO.

 

[Kurlee]

I don't think you're making excuses for her. She is going through a lot, and she is so young, only 19. She has rewired her life around this man and now he has kicked her to the curb. That must be devastating. She probably just wants to vegetate and have a place where she can cry from morning to night.

However, I feel that we're missing something. How the H E double hockey stick can a husband kick his wife out of the house with a 4 week old baby? She needs to know her rights as a wife and mother and even as a tenant, you can't just kick someone out legally if they've been living there. And if she can't go back and kick him out, then she must waste no time and file for alimony and child support from him. She is going to need some time before she is mentally and emotionally strong enough to go back to school or get a job, she also needs to care for her baby.

To the bolded, she is definitely going to need a safe place to to do that. A low stress environment where she can just and go through the motions. That is probably why she turned down the aunt that she butts heads with, poor girl is prally holding it together by a string and just can't handle any additional stress

To the red, I totally agree. Someone knowledgeable in that area needs to guide her through that process, so she can know her rights and take care of herself and newborn.

To the green, she is definitely going to need some time before she gets a job and goes back to school. She is in no state to get through the rigors of university and is no emotional state to jump into some crappy job and shove her child in a daycare. Girl needs to get her mind right and be some place where she can just "be" for a while and try to refocus her energy on being a good mother, despite the drama.

I am praying for this girl because she is going to need a lot of love and non-judgemental support to get through this without losing herself.

 

[Lady Esquire]

I don't think you're making excuses for her. She is going through a lot, and she is so young, only 19. She has rewired her life around this man and now he has kicked her to the curb. That must be devastating. She probably just wants to vegetate and have a place where she can cry from morning to night.

However, I feel that we're missing something. How the H E double hockey stick can a husband kick his wife out of the house with a 4 week old baby? She needs to know her rights as a wife and mother and even as a tenant, you can't just kick someone out legally if they've been living there. And if she can't go back and kick him out, then she must waste no time and file for alimony and child support from him. She is going to need some time before she is mentally and emotionally strong enough to go back to school or get a job, she also needs to care for her baby.

You nailed it on the head with this post, DragonPearl. I asked the same thing. I was like there is no way I would ever leave a house for a man. She keeps saying that she moved in with him and its his apartment. Once you marry, it becomes our place. And once you cheat, then you can leave, not me and a newborn. But her entire family never even brought this up. I did and DH relayed the same sentiment, but it fell on deaf ears. Everyone was busy trying to score points for reasons that have nothing to do with her (family feuds being fought under the guise of helping her out). I am not her blood aunt and when she and I started building a strong relationship, her real aunts got super jealous. Despite that, I would still listen to her when all of this went down, but I still gave her my opinion in very small doses, to avoid drama from my inlaws.

DH was the one who was vocal and involved, saying all of these things: she should not leave her house for a man, and how the whole family should go up to her city together to pack his a$zzz out. But again, people were busy fighting thru their BS subtext.

I suspect she doesn't have a father, cause I know my dad would have gotten physical with any man for kicking his 19 year old daugther out of the house with a 4 week old baby.

I said the same thing. Her dad is from another country and was deported. When he was in the US, he was no one to mess with. If he were around for this garbage, he'd put this boy in check. In fact, she probably would have never gotten mixed up with trash like him in the first place. DH is the only male in her life, but the other women relatives are playing tug of war with her, to the point DH simply gave his opinion and watched from the sidelines after it got crazy with drama.

Like I said, she is with her grandmother now, DH's mom. Its a quiet environment and her grandmother will dote over her and the baby while she gains her strength.