What to know how guys think & why they do certain things???

[DKO]

Here is my holiday gift to all the single ladies out there. I'm going to share some male secrets that they do NOT want you to know. I have gotten all of this info from Dh and his friends (all are now married and some used to be players or cheaters so believe me - this is coming straight from the horses mouth). Hopefully this will clear up some of the misconceptions about men, dating and relationships. Here goes:

1. IT DOES NOT take long for a man to decide if he wants to marry you. All the men said the same thing. They know by the end of 1 year if they want to marry you or not. They laugh and said that women make themselves look desperate and are fooling themselves when they stick around especially if they told the women they are not ready for marriage.

Now to break down the whole well why is he still with me but won't buy me a ring etc... Or for those of you who have been in a relationship for 5,6,7, etc... years. He doesn't REALLY want to marry you but he is keeping you there until something better comes along. Now if nothing better comes along then he may decide to settle down. Even if you have children with him, he may have a side chick and is with you for the same reason.

2. If a man REALLY wants to be with you or marry you -- he will do whatever it takes to get you. Men LOVE the thrill of the chase. And a man that finds a quality women he feels he could settle down with will make the effort REGARDLESS of where he lives, what's going on his life, his finances etc... He will work to make it happen. All you have to do is let him take the lead. The serious guy will follow through and do what he says, work around your schedule and go out of his way for you.

3. A man WILL stay in a non-fulfilling relationship for a number of reasons.
- He's bored with you but you are always there so he figures why rock the boat and if something better comes along, he's gone & he may cheat on you here and there for excitement.
- You support him so he doesn't want to mess up his situation. He may have a chick on the side though.
- You look good but you have no substance so he can only deal with you for so long and then he's out. He may get tired of you after a while and is probably seeing other women.
- He feels all women represent drama anyway so he might as well stay in his current relationship (it's easier and he is comfortable with the situation) but he may dip out on the side here and there.
- You are cool but there is that 1 thing that he is not sure about (could be your finances, bad habit, weight, baby mama drama etc...) that keeps him from asking you for your hand in marriage. He'll stay around until something better comes along.

4. Men will tell you in more than one way that he isn't REALLY that into you. Here are examples: Men who don't make an effort to spend quality time with you. Doesn't involve you in all aspects of his life (one of the guys said he had a b-day party and didn't invite his 4 yr. girlfriend - hint hint). If he hangs with the boys more than with you. Doesn't follow through with what he says. Says upfront he's not trying to be in a relationship but will sleep with you. All of these things indicate that you are not a priority in his life. You are something to do when he doesn't have anything else to do.

5. Men are really simple. There are a few men who are scared of commitment for various reasons. But the majority of men at some point want to settle down with a women and get married. Once a man hits that point, he will make it known to you upfront that he is interested in a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage. If you are dating a man and 6 months rolls around with no mention of where the relationship is going - you are in one of those situations where he more than likely will not ask you to marry him.

6. They feel most women have low self-esteem and can pick up on it right away. The finest women they say have some of the lowest self-esteem. It's really a turnoff for men. They will date you or just sleep with you but won't be too serious about you. They want a confident women who likes who she is and can just be herself. The video looking chicks may get more attention at the club, but at the end of the day she isn't getting marriage proposals either.


Ladies, it's a man's job to chase you, court you and propose. All you have to do is decide if you want to marry him or not. Let the man do the work-don't make it soooo easy. If he REALLY likes you...he'll man up and accept the chase. I hope this information can help you make smart choices in who you choose to date in the future.

 

[DKO]

Just one more note.... there will be some behaviors/moves that men make that make NO sense to us . These occasions resort to the Men are from Mars Women are from Venus attitude and do not try to analyze. Just accept it's one of those men things and move on.

 

[discobiscuits]

this is all i needed to know *disclaimer - this is just to be funny*

 

[bimbabe]

I totally agree with your post Dance4days!
Thanks for sharing!

 

[amara11]

These are very true and I've also learned these points in the past few years as well. We as women make a lot of excuses for men's behavior when the truth is "He's just not that into you" . Move on and spend time with the guy who is.

But on point 2- I have found that guys do feel a certain way about being financially sound and secure before taking on a wife and starting a family. I had a really earnest conversation with a few men (successful by society's standards) and we discussed the pressures both women and men have on them when we're at the cusp of the "marrying age".

We already know that women have pressure to be married before the clock runs out. Have a man before our eggs "expire" , etc. I wondered what pressures men have and they told me that there is a huge pressure to have their stuff together. They said that as a whole black men don't have the generational resources that others may have and as men, they have a constant and lingering fear of making the woman they love *struggle* or go through hard times on account of them not being settled.

Where their white counterparts may have a running start because of money passed down (be it a lot or a little), many of them are just learning the rules to the game. They were taught what a man is supposed to do and provide for a wife and family, and they take that pretty seriously. It's an issue of pride as well as an issue of fear of not living up to their definitions of manhood. Some even likened the pressure they feel to be settled and financially secure, to women's pressure to be married and have children.

They did say that this wouldn't stop them from being in a relationship- and if they loved a woman, they would definitely make sure to step up, be a man, and let her know his intentions in terms of their shared future. But it would just mean that instead of marrying sooner, they may wait a couple years before asking (even if they knew from day 1).

They may not ask as soon as they "know", especially if they do not feel ready to bear the responsibilities (financially) that they feel men should bear for their families. Now I did wonder "Isn't that what love and marriage is about? Building together, being there through thick and thin?" To which they said yes, but the pressure is still there- and it led into an even deeper discussion .

I find it to be a pretty interesting dynamic- and while I know it's anecdotal and not all men feel the same, I realize that some do indeed feel this pressure. But OP's point is still correct- this doesn't mean they don "know" she's the one and won't pursue her, it just means they may not get down on that knee as soon as they "know".

 

[ebonylocs]

Where their white counterparts may have a running start because of money passed down (be it a lot or a little), many of them are just learning the rules to the game.

Amara, interesting points. But I just wanted to comment that on LHCF the way people talk sometimes it's like all white guys are trust fund babies. When probably a good 90% of them have no "generational wealth" either.

 

[inthepink]

This is good information.

Too many times, I have been getting to know a guy when suddenly, he's too busy with work and doesn't have time. Hmmph. I bet he'd have time or make time if he was really into me. I know this so I wish men would stop lying!

 

[DKO]

This is good information.

Too many times, I have been getting to know a guy when suddenly, he's too busy with work and doesn't have time. Hmmph. I bet he'd have time or make time if he was really into me. I know this so I wish men would stop lying!

Again, one of those little issues that women will never understand. A man will say what he needs to say to keep a situation going (even if he knows he will never marry you) because it's a comfortable situation OR he is being financially supported. I ask Dh all the time because I can never understand it either - why lie, just be upfront and let the women decide. He just laughs and says it's a man thing. So just know a man will lie when needed; however, if he is REALLY into you and feeling you there will be no need for games.

As for you...date men but don't be so quick to open up. Let them do more of the talking so you can see if he is telling you bs or not. It won't take long to figure it out. If he is spitting game and isn't backing it up....then you know what to do. Decide if you feel like dealing with a man that more than likely isn't going to step up. If you are cool with it, then fine. If you are looking for more- -step.

 

[Dposh167]

thanks for this post op!


eta:

You are something to do when he doesn't have anything else to do.

this line right here is serious!^^

 

[Bunny77]

Again, one of those little issues that women will never understand. A man will say what he needs to say to keep a situation going (even if he knows he will never marry you) because it's a comfortable situation OR he is being financially supported. I ask Dh all the time because I can never understand it either - why lie, just be upfront and let the women decide. He just laughs and says it's a man thing. So just know a man will lie when needed; however, if he is REALLY into you and feeling you there will be no need for games.

You know, I'm totally in agreement here. I'm not even stressed about guys lying... heck, women do it too. To me, it's more important to know whether he's into you or not based on his behavior. If he's lying and making up reasons not to see you, seriously, don't even worry about it. Just move on and leave him alone. Stressing about men lying will only give you a coronary!

But on point 2- I have found that guys do feel a certain way about being financially sound and secure before taking on a wife and starting a family. I had a really earnest conversation with a few men (successful by society's standards) and we discussed the pressures both women and men have on them when we're at the cusp of the "marrying age".

We already know that women have pressure to be married before the clock runs out. Have a man before our eggs "expire" , etc. I wondered what pressures men have and they told me that there is a huge pressure to have their stuff together. They said that as a whole black men don't have the generational resources that others may have and as men, they have a constant and lingering fear of making the woman they love *struggle* or go through hard times on account of them not being settled.

Where their white counterparts may have a running start because of money passed down (be it a lot or a little), many of them are just learning the rules to the game. They were taught what a man is supposed to do and provide for a wife and family, and they take that pretty seriously. It's an issue of pride as well as an issue of fear of not living up to their definitions of manhood. Some even likened the pressure they feel to be settled and financially secure, to women's pressure to be married and have children.

They did say that this wouldn't stop them from being in a relationship- and if they loved a woman, they would definitely make sure to step up, be a man, and let her know his intentions in terms of their shared future. But it would just mean that instead of marrying sooner, they may wait a couple years before asking (even if they knew from day 1).

Hi Amara! While I know these guys were probably speaking from the heart and being honest, it's still messed up, in my opinion. Honestly, I'm tired of the "oh it's so hard to be a black man," thing... as a poster said, not all white men are hooked up either, but plenty of them will marry before all of their ducks are in a row financially.

Even among black folks, until these recent generations, no one had this idea that you had to wait until you were 100000% financially stable to get married. Folks often married when they were still in school or right out of school... they got a small house or apartment and THEN when things got better, they moved to a better house/better neighborhood, etc.

So, wherever this idea of extending a relationship until finances are great idea came from, it's messed up. A man could go on forever deciding that his finances "aren't right." But really, unless you are truly ballin', when are finances ever really great? I think when this idea came up, it was legit, but folks are truly running with it now to avoid commitment (or to push their boys away from commitment) and black folks are truly suffering because of it.

I know you're still in college, so it might make more sense for an early-20 something man to say this, but when dude is past 27 and still talking about not committing because his finances aren't great, he needs to GTFOOHWTBS, honestly.

And don't even try to be playin' that "po' black man" card either!!!

 

[DKO]

You know, I'm totally in agreement here. I'm not even stressed about guys lying... heck, women do it too. To me, it's more important to know whether he's into you or not based on his behavior. If he's lying and making up reasons not to see you, seriously, don't even worry about it. Just move on and leave him alone. Stressing about men lying will only give you a coronary!



Hi Amara! While I know these guys were probably speaking from the heart and being honest, it's still messed up, in my opinion. Honestly, I'm tired of the "oh it's so hard to be a black man," thing... as a poster said, not all white men are hooked up either, but plenty of them will marry before all of their ducks are in a row financially.

Even among black folks, until these recent generations, no one had this idea that you had to wait until you were 100000% financially stable to get married. Folks often married when they were still in school or right out of school... they got a small house or apartment and THEN when things got better, they moved to a better house/better neighborhood, etc.

So, wherever this idea of extending a relationship until finances are great idea came from, it's messed up. A man could go on forever deciding that his finances "aren't right." But really, unless you are truly ballin', when are finances ever really great? I think when this idea came up, it was legit, but folks are truly running with it now to avoid commitment (or to push their boys away from commitment) and black folks are truly suffering because of it.

I know you're still in college, so it might make more sense for an early-20 something man to say this, but when dude is past 27 and still talking about not committing because his finances aren't great, he needs to GTFOOHWTBS, honestly.

And don't even try to be playin' that "po' black man" card either!!!

AMEN!!!!! By age 30 he needs to have something going on and a plan of action he is ACTIVELY working on. Aylana Vanzant said it best, a man who has potential means he doesn't have it together now. Now if a man is serious about his and working on his plan that's one thing. But so many black men go on and on about what they are going to do but ain't doing nothing about it. When you meet those men, just know they are not ready and keep it moving.

 

[amara11]

You know, I'm totally in agreement here. I'm not even stressed about guys lying... heck, women do it too. To me, it's more important to know whether he's into you or not based on his behavior. If he's lying and making up reasons not to see you, seriously, don't even worry about it. Just move on and leave him alone. Stressing about men lying will only give you a coronary!



Hi Amara! While I know these guys were probably speaking from the heart and being honest, it's still messed up, in my opinion. Honestly, I'm tired of the "oh it's so hard to be a black man," thing... as a poster said, not all white men are hooked up either, but plenty of them will marry before all of their ducks are in a row financially.

Even among black folks, until these recent generations, no one had this idea that you had to wait until you were 100000% financially stable to get married. Folks often married when they were still in school or right out of school... they got a small house or apartment and THEN when things got better, they moved to a better house/better neighborhood, etc.

So, wherever this idea of extending a relationship until finances are great idea came from, it's messed up. A man could go on forever deciding that his finances "aren't right." But really, unless you are truly ballin', when are finances ever really great? I think when this idea came up, it was legit, but folks are truly running with it now to avoid commitment (or to push their boys away from commitment) and black folks are truly suffering because of it.

I know you're still in college, so it might make more sense for an early-20 something man to say this, but when dude is past 27 and still talking about not committing because his finances aren't great, he needs to GTFOOHWTBS, honestly.

And don't even try to be playin' that "po' black man" card either!!!

Hey Bunny! Lol, no I'm done with college ('07)- I'm in med school now. But trust me Bunny we are >>>>here<<<<.

The whole conversation came up because it seemed like women in my age bracket were often "ready to go down the alter" much quicker than their male counterparts in the same bracket 23-29 or so. This was cited as the biggest reason. (And I'm mainly referring to men who were in grad school and beyond.) The ones in grad school were even less willing to make that step because they essentially had nothing. Trust me, the women in the group dissected that argument to pieces and it really was an enlightening discussion. I just tried to take it at face value. None of the guys were running the poor black man stance really because all of them have far surpassed statistical expectations anyway, so they didn't play that one (it would've been pretty BoLdFaCe ridiculous for them to even try that one..)

I really do hear you though - but I don't think what they're saying is an excuse or cop out to commitment.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

i think timing has a lot to do with it among those other issues that where mentioned. I have went on several dates and hung around with a few guys, and they said they met the right girl a long time ago but just wasn't ready at the time to fully commit (had nothing to do with finances either ), and to some extent they regret it. All of these men where referring to when they where in their mid to late 20s. Can't force urself to stick around with someone if ur not ready, when that other person is. Oh well. I cant blame them for it, because I have commitment issues to some extent as well. Im not making up excuses for anyone, and men who treat women like garbage has nothing to do with what I mentioned. Im speaking of genuinely nice guys who just werent ready *shrugs*

 

[BillsBackerz67]

You know, I'm totally in agreement here. I'm not even stressed about guys lying... heck, women do it too. To me, it's more important to know whether he's into you or not based on his behavior. If he's lying and making up reasons not to see you, seriously, don't even worry about it. Just move on and leave him alone. Stressing about men lying will only give you a coronary!



Hi Amara! While I know these guys were probably speaking from the heart and being honest, it's still messed up, in my opinion. Honestly, I'm tired of the "oh it's so hard to be a black man," thing... as a poster said, not all white men are hooked up either, but plenty of them will marry before all of their ducks are in a row financially.

Even among black folks, until these recent generations, no one had this idea that you had to wait until you were 100000% financially stable to get married. Folks often married when they were still in school or right out of school... they got a small house or apartment and THEN when things got better, they moved to a better house/better neighborhood, etc.

So, wherever this idea of extending a relationship until finances are great idea came from, it's messed up. A man could go on forever deciding that his finances "aren't right." But really, unless you are truly ballin', when are finances ever really great? I think when this idea came up, it was legit, but folks are truly running with it now to avoid commitment (or to push their boys away from commitment) and black folks are truly suffering because of it.

I know you're still in college, so it might make more sense for an early-20 something man to say this, but when dude is past 27 and still talking about not committing because his finances aren't great, he needs to GTFOOHWTBS, honestly.

And don't even try to be playin' that "po' black man" card either!!!

And thats what it all boils down to. My uncle FINALLY got married at the age of 47 (his wife is my age) and 3 of his other friends where all married in their early 40s. True most white men are not weathy but most white guys I know of or who are married tied the knot once they reached age 30 or there after. Also on my squad most of the girls that are engaged now are engaged to men younger than 30...and ONLY one black girl out of all the black women on the squad these past 10 years has gotten married. Eventhough I do date IR, it would be great to find a Black male interested in getting married in a few years who is my age or older but thats slim to none around these parts. I do like Older men, but once the guy is past 40, its not happening.

 

[amara11]

Amara, interesting points. But I just wanted to comment that on LHCF the way people talk sometimes it's like all white guys are trust fund babies. When probably a good 90% of them have no "generational wealth" either.

AMEN!!!!! By age 30 he needs to have something going on and a plan of action he is ACTIVELY working on. Aylana Vanzant said it best, a man who has potential means he doesn't have it together now. Now if a man is serious about his and working on his plan that's one thing. But so many black men go on and on about what they are going to do but ain't doing nothing about it. When you meet those men, just know they are not ready and keep it moving.

These men are by far not doing "nothing". They're actually quite smart and, are active about building their futures and creating a reasonable head start for their future families. They have stuff going on, they were either out of college/grad/med/law/business or about to finish, or had finished and had just started their careers. Preparing for a wife and a family is something they're doing while they look for a compatible mate, however once they meet her and make their intentions clear- they may not ask after month 2. That's all they're saying.

I get that it's annoying when men make excuses that are ridiculous, invalid or unreasonable, but not every black man is a no good bum making excuses and playing the lame card.

 

[amara11]

i think timing has a lot to do with it among those other issues that where mentioned. I have went on several dates and hung around with a few guys, and they said they met the right girl a long time ago but just wasn't ready at the time to fully commit (had nothing to do with finances either ), and to some extent they regret it. All of these men where referring to when they where in their mid to late 20s. Can't force urself to stick around with someone if ur not ready, when that other person is. Oh well. I cant blame them for it, because I have commitment issues to some extent as well. Im not making up excuses for anyone, and men who treat women like garbage has nothing to do with what I mentioned. Im speaking of genuinely nice guys who just werent ready *shrugs*

This is exactly what I'm talking about as well. Thanks for mentioning that .
In your example the guys weren't ready to commit (which doesn't make them bad ppl either, as long as they're not trickin women or playing games with people's emotions). In my example they had pre-defined expectations of what a man was supposed to be for his family, and didn't want to move forward until they felt they met those expectations (to a certain degree).

I don't think either should be villified. I know black women can stick around wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to long, but another thing I've noticed is that some can write dudes off way too quickly as well (and I'm not referring to the loser dudes who are misogynists and players either).

 

[BillsBackerz67]

These men are by far not doing "nothing". They're actually quite smart and, are active about building their futures and creating a reasonable head start for their future families. They have stuff going on, they were either out of college/grad/med/law/business or about to finish, or had finished and had just started their careers. Preparing for a wife and a family is something they're doing while they look for a compatible mate, however once they meet her and make their intentions clear- they may not ask after month 2. That's all they're saying.

I get that it's annoying when men make excuses that are ridiculous, invalid or unreasonable, but not every black man is a no good bum making excuses and playing the lame card.

Not trying to make generalizations but I find that the higher a BM goes up the career ladder the longer it takes for him to settle down, and vice versa for the white guy. They will propose in the mid-way between med school or law school if they love the girl that much.

One of the last BM's I dated was really excited about getting his residency in dental school, the subject of family and marriage came up and he said that he didnt want to get married or have a family until he worked a few years, and started several maxo-facial surgery practices. So that's about a good 15 years (on average) depending on if he stays on top of his game. If I was willing to wait that long, I would be waiting until I was 40 to walk down the aisle provided that he was "the one"

 

[phynestone]

I like this thread.

Keep 'em coming.

 

[amara11]

Not trying to make generalizations but I find that the higher a BM goes up the career ladder the longer it takes for him to settle down, and vice versa for the white guy. They will propose in the mid-way between med school or law school if they love the girl that much.

One of the last BM's I dated was really excited about getting his residency in dental school, the subject of family and marriage came up and he said that he didnt want to get married or have a family until he worked a few years, and started several maxo-facial surgery practices. So that's about a good 15 years (on average) depending on if he stays on top of his game. If I was willing to wait that long, I would be waiting until I was 40 to walk down the aisle provided that he was "the one"

15 years? That's an "Well, okay playa thanks for the drinks. Bye".

I advocate waiting within reason (if the intention is there, and is real)--yes there are boo boo the fool men who pretend they have intent but don't-- I'm not talking about the lame ducks and losers- nor am I talking about the "maybe, baby" dudes (the ones who say, "I may be ready in xx yrs ).

I think the reason I'm a little more lax on the waiting part (right now) is because I'm not ready to be married either. While I want a relationship that is headed in that direction- if I met him tomorrow and he asked in February. I'd have to say not yet. Does that make me shady? I know I'm not playing games and making excuses, but I have my own solid reasons for not wanting to be married yet. Why can't he be the one and we be right for each other, but not rush down the alter? Just thinking things through out loud .

 

[BillsBackerz67]

15 years? That's an "Well, okay playa thanks for the drinks. Bye".

I advocate waiting within reason (if the intention is there, and is real)--yes there are boo boo the fool men who pretend they have intent but don't-- I'm not talking about the lame ducks and losers- nor am I talking about the "maybe, baby" dudes (the ones who say, "I may be ready in xx yrs ).

I think the reason I'm a little more lax on the waiting part (right now) is because I'm not ready to be married either. While I want a relationship that is headed in that direction- if I met him tomorrow and he asked in February. I'd have to say not yet. Does that make me shady? I know I'm not playing games and making excuses, but I have my own solid reasons for not wanting to be married yet. Why can't he be the one and we be right for each other, but not rush down the alter? Just thinking things through out loud .

And of course we dont talk anymore He was home for the summer break but goes to school in Michigan. I appreciate and admire his drive but damn homey that long? Even after he graduates with his general DDS he has something to offer. He has little to no student debt because he is an AA male and his tuition was basically paid for by the Univeristy. so even if he has to take a job at Aspen Dental at first making a measily 95K thats enough dough for the time being. I was like whats wrong with not wanting to meet a girl then? She can help support you (mainly emotionally... I heard its very draining) when you go back to school for surgery

 

[amara11]

And of course we dont talk anymore He was home for the summer break but goes to school in Michigan. I appreciate and admire his drive but damn homey that long? Even after he graduates with his general DDS he has something to offer. He has little to no student debt because he is an AA male and his tuition was basically paid for by the Univeristy. so even if he has to take a job at Aspen Dental at first making a measily 95K thats enough dough for the time being. I was like whats wrong with not wanting to meet a girl then? She can help support you (mainly emotionally... I heard its very draining) when you go back to school for surgery

Right! I don't blame you. Homeboy was definitely on some other stuff.

 

[noemi]

OP, thanks for posting this.

I've been hearing these same things from men in my family and trusted friends. I could add some more tidbits to that list. That advice has always, always, always been correct.

 

[gn1g]

good thread .

 

[Kalani]

And of course we dont talk anymore He was home for the summer break but goes to school in Michigan. I appreciate and admire his drive but damn homey that long? Even after he graduates with his general DDS he has something to offer. He has little to no student debt because he is an AA male and his tuition was basically paid for by the Univeristy. so even if he has to take a job at Aspen Dental at first making a measily 95K thats enough dough for the time being. I was like whats wrong with not wanting to meet a girl then? She can help support you (mainly emotionally... I heard its very draining) when you go back to school for surgery

What?!! Making that kind of money AND no student debt? Puleeze!! Yeah, he is definitely just making excuses to stretch out his bachelordom as long as possible.

Another thing with this finances reasoning. Okay, I could see if maybe dude was planning on being the sole provider of the family, but nowadays a lot of women have their own careers as well to supplement the income. A couple of my friends got married right after college but together are able to make it work (financially) and still live quite comfortably.

 

[Bunny77]

This is exactly what I'm talking about as well. Thanks for mentioning that .
In your example the guys weren't ready to commit (which doesn't make them bad ppl either, as long as they're not trickin women or playing games with people's emotions). In my example they had pre-defined expectations of what a man was supposed to be for his family, and didn't want to move forward until they felt they met those expectations (to a certain degree).

I don't think either should be villified. I know black women can stick around wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to long, but another thing I've noticed is that some can write dudes off way too quickly as well (and I'm not referring to the loser dudes who are misogynists and players either).

Thanks for your earlier explanation Amara!

One point where we might disagree though is that while I don't think said men should be vilified for waiting, I'm kinda like this about them too.

There are too many good black women out here who want to be with black men but are being forced to wait longer than they should be because some dudes come up with these really unrealistic timelines about when they want to settle down. While it's their right to make those decisions, I don't think it really helps our community as a whole to have all of these single 30-something bachelors running around "establishing" themselves, and single 30-something black women who want to be married missing out on some of their best reproductive years or times in which they are ready to start focusing on marriage and family.

Although love can find you at any age, this waiting until you're darn near 40 stuff ain't the business, and really, I think there's a lot of selfishness and immaturity involved when men make these decisions to wait for no particularly good reason besides them just not being ready to take on a responsibility that typically is a part of true manhood.

 

[Bunny77]

15 years? That's an "Well, okay playa thanks for the drinks. Bye".

I advocate waiting within reason (if the intention is there, and is real)--yes there are boo boo the fool men who pretend they have intent but don't-- I'm not talking about the lame ducks and losers- nor am I talking about the "maybe, baby" dudes (the ones who say, "I may be ready in xx yrs ).

I think the reason I'm a little more lax on the waiting part (right now) is because I'm not ready to be married either. While I want a relationship that is headed in that direction- if I met him tomorrow and he asked in February. I'd have to say not yet. Does that make me shady? I know I'm not playing games and making excuses, but I have my own solid reasons for not wanting to be married yet. Why can't he be the one and we be right for each other, but not rush down the alter? Just thinking things through out loud .

I do think that age makes a difference. I probably wouldn't have wanted to get married all that quickly either at a certain point, but at the age I'm at now, I feel a lot differently.

Not saying I gotta marry someone three months after I meet him , but if I hear him talking about how he has to do this, that and the other before he'll be ready to commit, that kinda lets me know that I need to move on...

 

[BillsBackerz67]

What?!! Making that kind of money AND no student debt? Puleeze!! Yeah, he is definitely just making excuses to stretch out his bachelordom as long as possible.

Another thing with this finances reasoning. Okay, I could see if maybe dude was planning on being the sole provider of the family, but nowadays a lot of women have their own careers as well to supplement the income. A couple of my friends got married right after college but together are able to make it work (financially) and still live quite comfortably.

Girl yes. Plus if he moves back to NY he is eligible for a regents scholarship that will pay for his continuing education in the healthcare field provided that he stays in NYS for a period of time after his schooling is completly done. And Im 99% sure he would receive that scholarship because I have yet to meet or stumble across an AA dentist here in Western New York..in fact there are only 2 in Buffaloerplexed


The doctor I used to work for complained about not making enough money at Apsen dental. She only made about $475 a day She said it was a lot of work but it helped build her patient base for when she opened her own practice. i was like shoot if I could make that in a week for now I would be golden He said he wanted to be the sole provider...But ummm I think thats quite doable with that Aspen Salary.

 

[Bunny77]

Girl yes. Plus if he moves back to NY he is eligible for a regents scholarship that will pay for his continuing education in the healthcare field provided that he stays in NYS for a period of time after his schooling is completly done. And Im 99% sure he would receive that scholarship because I have yet to meet or stumble across an AA dentist here in Western New York..in fact there are only 2 in Buffaloerplexed


The doctor I used to work for complained about not making enough money at Apsen dental. She only made about $475 a day She said it was a lot of work but it helped build her patient base for when she opened her own practice. i was like shoot if I could make that in a week for now I would be golden He said he wanted to be the sole provider...But ummm I think thats quite doable with that Aspen Salary.

$95K in Western New York is PLENTY to be a sole provider!!!!

Excuses, excuses!

 

[BillsBackerz67]

$95K in Western New York is PLENTY to be a sole provider!!!!

Excuses, excuses!

Girl who are you tellin! and he was generally speaking because he and I both knew that nothing could become of us anyhow so why not lay all of your thoughts on the tableHe was pretty tipsy so the truth serum worked!

 

[Spongie Bloom]

i think us as women we need to stop overanalysing and trying to make excuses and just realise the bullsh!t, if you constantly feel sidelined in your own relationship then its time to go