What makes a woman stop having sex with her husband ?
- Thread starter Iammoney
- Start date
him disrespecting her outside of the bedroom
him being bad in bed
her having just using sex to lure him into marriage
children taking all her time and energy
him not helping with children
hormonal imbalances or medical side-effects
having recently had a baby
tired
stressed
(Just what I had heard...
)
him being bad in bed
her having just using sex to lure him into marriage
children taking all her time and energy
him not helping with children
hormonal imbalances or medical side-effects
having recently had a baby
tired
stressed
(Just what I had heard...
)
Sharpened
A fleck on His Sword
For the same reason they cheat: bored and wanting some excitement. Here is an excerpt from http://womensinfidelity.com/:
JFemme
Well-Known Member
I also believe that the "four horsemen" are hard at work in sexless unions..
---------------------------
Four Deadly Sins of Marriage
Dr. John Gottman of University of Washington, one of the foremost marriage researchers, claims he can predict with 90 percent accuracy if a couple will divorce. In his storied “love lab,” Gottman studies how couples interact, particularly how they communicate with each other in heated moments. After 30 years of research, he has pinpointed four behaviors that seem to invariably spell disaster in any marriage. He ominously refers to them as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Every couple needs to be vigilant and ensure none of the four gallop into their marriage and wreak irreversible havoc.
Horseman #1: Criticism
The most common horseman that emerges in long-term relationships is criticism. Frustrations, annoyances and resentment inevitably build up when couples live together — day in and day out. And criticism can be how these emotions manifest in the heat of an argument.
Note that criticism differs from complaining. Criticism focuses on the person. Complaining focuses on the behavior. This may seem like subtle nuance but research shows it is a distinction that makes a significant difference in the long term. For example, this is a critical statement: “You always drive around in circles. You are an awful driver with a terrible sense of direction.” These words are dripping with blame and accusation. They are a personal attack.
Unlike criticism, complaining has more to do with how the other person’s behavior makes you feel. Complaining usually begins with an “I” instead of “you”: “I get so frustrated when you are driving and don’t know where you are going.” See the difference? The second statement is a negative comment about something you wish were otherwise. So though “I” statements can seem awkward, they really help keep the carnage manageable during explosive moments.
Horseman #2: Contempt
You’re an idiot. You can’t do anything right. You make me sick. These contemptuous words have no place in any relationship you value. They are meant to explicitly humiliate or wound. They are toxic and indefensible. Period.
Contempt includes but is not limited to name-calling, hostility and sarcasm. Keep in mind that contempt can also be conveyed non-verbally. An excessively harsh tone or disgusted eye roll can escalate your garden-variety argument into WWIII in the blink of an eye. Avoid contempt in your arguments at all cost. It is the basest, most childish tactic to resort to in a fight. Strive to respect your wife even when you disagree or feel upset with her. Contempt is like a poison. It will single-handedly erode intimacy. It destroys a sense of security and mutual respect. It does real damage because it makes a partner feel belittled and unloved.
Horseman #3: Defensiveness
Criticism+Contempt=Defensiveness. Defensive statements become practically an involuntary reflex in homes where contempt and criticism are regular visitors. It is understandable. After all, who wouldn’t put up their guard in response to an accusatory, belittling spouse? Defensiveness is fundamentally a self-preserving tactic.
As understandable as this response can be, it is still hugely destructive. It builds walls. Rather than allow room for connectedness, the foundation for conflict resolution, it tends to breed emotional distance. Defensiveness blocks healing and forgiveness.
Horseman #4: Stonewalling
Because stonewalling is not explicitly aggressive, couples often underestimate its destructive potential. But it can be just as devastating to a relationship in its passiveness. It is, in effect, giving up. It is withdrawing emotionally. It is essentially closing the door to a resolution.
Stonewallers withdraw partly because they can feel overwhelmed with emotion. They may keep their faces expressionless, avoid eye contact, hold their posture rigid, avoid any signs of listening such as nodding or encouraging sounds. They radiate icy distance and disapproval to their partners.
The Secret to Fighting Fair
Now that you know the four horsemen, make a conscious effort to keep them in the stable before they trample your marriage. One of the best ways to do this is to make “repair attempts” during your next argument. According to Gottman, repair attempts are any words or actions that prevent a conflict from escalating out of control. As simple as it sounds, repair attempts keep a marriage from becoming negative, hostile and distant.
Repair attempts can be as basic as changing the topic, giving a compliment, apologizing or saying, “I’ve been cranky all day, can we start over?” It can be as simple as saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this” or cracking a joke to diffuse tension. Research even shows couples who touch during arguments also tend to show higher relationship satisfaction. Do whatever works for you when conflict rears its ugly head.
Remember, the more entrenched the negative patterns of behavior in your marriage become, the more difficult it becomes to break them. Don’t become a victim of these negative cycles. When two mature people can take ownership and be flexible, they will keep their marriage strong even though they may not always agree. As a Scottish proverb says, “Better bend than break.”
---------------------------
Four Deadly Sins of Marriage
Dr. John Gottman of University of Washington, one of the foremost marriage researchers, claims he can predict with 90 percent accuracy if a couple will divorce. In his storied “love lab,” Gottman studies how couples interact, particularly how they communicate with each other in heated moments. After 30 years of research, he has pinpointed four behaviors that seem to invariably spell disaster in any marriage. He ominously refers to them as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Every couple needs to be vigilant and ensure none of the four gallop into their marriage and wreak irreversible havoc.
Horseman #1: Criticism
The most common horseman that emerges in long-term relationships is criticism. Frustrations, annoyances and resentment inevitably build up when couples live together — day in and day out. And criticism can be how these emotions manifest in the heat of an argument.
Note that criticism differs from complaining. Criticism focuses on the person. Complaining focuses on the behavior. This may seem like subtle nuance but research shows it is a distinction that makes a significant difference in the long term. For example, this is a critical statement: “You always drive around in circles. You are an awful driver with a terrible sense of direction.” These words are dripping with blame and accusation. They are a personal attack.
Unlike criticism, complaining has more to do with how the other person’s behavior makes you feel. Complaining usually begins with an “I” instead of “you”: “I get so frustrated when you are driving and don’t know where you are going.” See the difference? The second statement is a negative comment about something you wish were otherwise. So though “I” statements can seem awkward, they really help keep the carnage manageable during explosive moments.
Horseman #2: Contempt
You’re an idiot. You can’t do anything right. You make me sick. These contemptuous words have no place in any relationship you value. They are meant to explicitly humiliate or wound. They are toxic and indefensible. Period.
Contempt includes but is not limited to name-calling, hostility and sarcasm. Keep in mind that contempt can also be conveyed non-verbally. An excessively harsh tone or disgusted eye roll can escalate your garden-variety argument into WWIII in the blink of an eye. Avoid contempt in your arguments at all cost. It is the basest, most childish tactic to resort to in a fight. Strive to respect your wife even when you disagree or feel upset with her. Contempt is like a poison. It will single-handedly erode intimacy. It destroys a sense of security and mutual respect. It does real damage because it makes a partner feel belittled and unloved.
Horseman #3: Defensiveness
Criticism+Contempt=Defensiveness. Defensive statements become practically an involuntary reflex in homes where contempt and criticism are regular visitors. It is understandable. After all, who wouldn’t put up their guard in response to an accusatory, belittling spouse? Defensiveness is fundamentally a self-preserving tactic.
As understandable as this response can be, it is still hugely destructive. It builds walls. Rather than allow room for connectedness, the foundation for conflict resolution, it tends to breed emotional distance. Defensiveness blocks healing and forgiveness.
Horseman #4: Stonewalling
Because stonewalling is not explicitly aggressive, couples often underestimate its destructive potential. But it can be just as devastating to a relationship in its passiveness. It is, in effect, giving up. It is withdrawing emotionally. It is essentially closing the door to a resolution.
Stonewallers withdraw partly because they can feel overwhelmed with emotion. They may keep their faces expressionless, avoid eye contact, hold their posture rigid, avoid any signs of listening such as nodding or encouraging sounds. They radiate icy distance and disapproval to their partners.
The Secret to Fighting Fair
Now that you know the four horsemen, make a conscious effort to keep them in the stable before they trample your marriage. One of the best ways to do this is to make “repair attempts” during your next argument. According to Gottman, repair attempts are any words or actions that prevent a conflict from escalating out of control. As simple as it sounds, repair attempts keep a marriage from becoming negative, hostile and distant.
Repair attempts can be as basic as changing the topic, giving a compliment, apologizing or saying, “I’ve been cranky all day, can we start over?” It can be as simple as saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this” or cracking a joke to diffuse tension. Research even shows couples who touch during arguments also tend to show higher relationship satisfaction. Do whatever works for you when conflict rears its ugly head.
Remember, the more entrenched the negative patterns of behavior in your marriage become, the more difficult it becomes to break them. Don’t become a victim of these negative cycles. When two mature people can take ownership and be flexible, they will keep their marriage strong even though they may not always agree. As a Scottish proverb says, “Better bend than break.”
yokoyokogirl
New Member
Calling you fat alone and in front of friends.
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
Yup.him disrespecting her outside of the bedroom
him being bad in bed
her having just using sex to lure him into marriage
children taking all her time and energy
him not helping with children
hormonal imbalances or medical side-effects
having recently had a baby
tired
stressed
(Just what I had heard...
I was just about to say that it could be anything because it depends on the woman.
honeycomb719
New Member
him disrespecting her outside of the bedroom
him being bad in bed
her having just using sex to lure him into marriage
children taking all her time and energy
him not helping with children
hormonal imbalances or medical side-effects
having recently had a baby
tired
stressed
(Just what I had heard...
I can relate to the bolded
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
Maybe she's cheating
Bunny77
New Member
Bachelorette
New Member
Lmao I was waiting for someone to mention that
Bachelorette
New Member
Co-worker has the same type of bf however unlike you, they're still together/got back together after a week. i dont even care to hear her woes anymore after that
LadyPaniolo
New Member
I'm glad to see folks being understanding and open minded so far in this thread.
I've seen other threads on LHCF about sexless marriages and some of the posters on here think a woman who doesn't want to have sex with her husband is like the lowest form of life and deserves to be beaten on the head with a bat or something.
erplexed
I always wonder if those women doth protest too much. :scratchch do those women feel like sex is a miserable chore but they don't have husbands who they feel safe enough with to refuse? I mean, I love chocolate cake but I don't go screaming like a psycho if someone wants to turn it down on a regular basis.
I've seen other threads on LHCF about sexless marriages and some of the posters on here think a woman who doesn't want to have sex with her husband is like the lowest form of life and deserves to be beaten on the head with a bat or something.
erplexedI always wonder if those women doth protest too much. :scratchch do those women feel like sex is a miserable chore but they don't have husbands who they feel safe enough with to refuse? I mean, I love chocolate cake but I don't go screaming like a psycho if someone wants to turn it down on a regular basis.
Bachelorette
New Member
I've seen other threads on LHCF about sexless marriages and some of the posters on here think a woman who doesn't want to have sex with her husband is like the lowest form of life and deserves to be beaten on the head with a bat or something.
.
Well its not exactly something to be proud of.
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-symptoms
Vaginismus--Tyra had a show on it, and there were women that were not even able to consummate their marriage because of these condition. It even hurt for them to insert something as small as a Q-tip or tampon in the vagina--pretty sad.
Vaginismus--Tyra had a show on it, and there were women that were not even able to consummate their marriage because of these condition. It even hurt for them to insert something as small as a Q-tip or tampon in the vagina--pretty sad.
SUPER SWEET
Well-Known Member
No longer attracted physically
Turned off by his smell
Realized he is a lousy lover
A mother in law that controls him
His addiction to porn
Turned off by his smell
Realized he is a lousy lover
A mother in law that controls him
His addiction to porn
Last edited:
Makenzie
Well-Known Member
Teach him.
deltadreamland
Well-Known Member
A thought from my previous marriage:
You can't tell me I'm getting fat and need to go to the gym (was a size 10) then turn around and want sex from me that night.
You can't tell me I'm getting fat and need to go to the gym (was a size 10) then turn around and want sex from me that night.
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
Many people live in sexless marriages and adapt a lifestyle where they are more like roommates than lovers. It usually starts with the woman because men are wired to want it regardless of the circumstances. There are numerous reasons why a woman may not want to have sex with her husband. Unless they get counseling, its probably the beginning of the end. My personal experience has been that when I lose interest in sex, I'm gradually losing interest in the relationship. That's just the first physical manifestation. Its the writing on the wall.
yokoyokogirl
New Member
Butterfly08
New Member
he's sucking her very soul dry...
(that's what I've heard, fo real...)
Girl..............
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
If a woman doesn't want to have sex with her husband, it's most likely because of one of three things:
1) Emotional Issues (stress, abuse, connection, etc)
2) Physical Issues (hormones, aroma, ability, exhaustion, etc)
3) Relationship Issues (he's an arse/she's a witch, etc)
The exact flavor of the issue will vary from woman to woman, couple to couple, and time to time.
1) Emotional Issues (stress, abuse, connection, etc)
2) Physical Issues (hormones, aroma, ability, exhaustion, etc)
3) Relationship Issues (he's an arse/she's a witch, etc)
The exact flavor of the issue will vary from woman to woman, couple to couple, and time to time.
Mis007
New Member
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