What is your love language?

[Urban]

I think we may have had a thread about this before, but people change, circumstances change ...

I have a person in my life who I'm struggling to love. It's a relative, so it's not someone I can just easily give up on. Before I do give up, I want to make sure that I've tried everything from my end.

I was on Oprah (not because of this situation ) watching some of her Life Class videos and came across a video where she talked about learning to love her mother. She said "I had to love her at her level." Then I came across a video of her stylist talking about how she changed her marriage by learning her and her husband's love languages. It was a light bulb moment for me. Perhaps this person and I are speaking completely different love languages. So I (re)did the test, I just now have to figure out what the other person's profile is because I know they won't take the test.

My love language is 'Acts of Service' at 11 followed by 'Words of Affirmation' at 9.

What is your love language and are you mindful of it and the love languages of others in your everyday life? You can take the test here.

 

[Lissa0821]

I actually love talking about this topic, since I read the book. My love language is giving and quality time. My SO is Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation, so it is a struggle sometimes to give him praise for stuff he should be doing anyway. But I can see his chest puff out when I do.

 

[Sosoothing]

Top 3 and my scores:

Quality time 8
Words of affirmation 8
Acts of service 8

 

[Urban]

I actually love talking about this topic, since I read the book. My love language is giving and quality time. My SO is Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation, so it a struggle sometimes to give him praise for stuff he should be doing anyway. But I can see his chest puff out when I do.

I'm still yet to read the book. I'll definitely be purchasing it now!

It's so interesting how we think of love as this 'one' thing, but it can manifest itself so differently. I'm the same profile as your SO and I like how you phrased that, praising someone for things they should be doing anyway . I never thought of it like that .

For some reason, I don't really like gifts! It came up and my lowest score. I'll accept them and appreciate them, but I prefer to buy my own things. I have a friend who almost harasses everyone for gifts when it's close to her birthday. She doesn't care what she gets, as long as she gets something gatdangit!

 

[LivingInPeace]

Mine is words of affirmation and physical touch. My husband's is acts of service and quality time.

 

[Jazzmommy]

My main language is words of affirmation.

 

[CaraWalker]

i already know that mine is physical affection.

 

[Urban]

And are you other ladies cognizant of the love language of your loved ones? Do you make a conscious effort to 'speak' their language?

 

[ladysaraii]

Mine is quality time. Words of affirmation and touch are tied for second. Service and gifts are tied for third.

 

[lux10023]

yes..once you figure this out with your partner life is so much easier
my dh is physical and acts of service--he doesnt need words of affirmation and etc he's a very action speaks louder than words type so i get it and make sure he is well taken care in his love language dept...

but i definietly need words of affirm and qt...and most importably all the physical affection....

we had this convo ions ago and are clr on what works...when he is not filing my love lang tank i let him know your tank is low brotha and you know what happens when a tank gets low or near E lmaooo

And are you other ladies cognizant of the love language of your loved ones? Do you make a conscious effort to 'speak' their language?

 

[BGT]

It's always been "receiving gifts" by a long shot.

 

[Lissa0821]

Urban I would check out your local thrift stores for a copy of the book. It is a good read and even better when you can get it for a $1 or $2.

 

[Urban]

yes..once you figure this out with your partner life is so much easier
my dh is physical and acts of service--he doesnt need words of affirmation and etc he's a very action speaks louder than words type so i get it and make sure he is well taken care in his love language dept...

but i definietly need words of affirm and qt...and most importably all the physical affection....

we had this convo ions ago and are clr on what works...when he is not filing my love lang tank i let him know your tank is low brotha and you know what happens when a tank gets low or near E lmaooo

Ugh! I love this. Open and honest communication. lol@ low tank

I've seem people who've been married for decades that have not/ cannot have this kind of conversation. It's interesting to think that it's literally a matter of a few sentences to make this clear to each other, but can keep people unhappy for a lifetime when they choose not to.

@Urban I would check out your local thrift stores for a copy of the book. It is a good read and even better when you can get it for a $1 or $2.

Good point! Thank you!

 

[hopeful]

My scores were:

8 -- Physical Touch
7 -- Acts of Service
6 -- Quality Time
5 -- Words of Affirmation
4 -- Receiving Gifts

I'm glad I took the test. Not sure I would have guessed that physical touch was #1 but it made sense when it described what that meant in more detail.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I've known for a while my primary love language is Quality Time at 11 followed by Physical Touch at 8 and then Acts of Service at 6.

 

[hopeful]

I'm still yet to read the book. I'll definitely be purchasing it now!

It's so interesting how we think of love as this 'one' thing, but it can manifest itself so differently. I'm the same profile as your SO and I like how you phrased that, praising someone for things they should be doing anyway . I never thought of it like that .

For some reason, I don't really like gifts! It came up and my lowest score. I'll accept them and appreciate them, but I prefer to buy my own things. I have a friend who almost harasses everyone for gifts when it's close to her birthday. She doesn't care what she gets, as long as she gets something gatdangit!

You know I am the same way. What I love are cards. Sweet, sentimental, thoughtful. And I'm good. I prefer buying my own stuff. One of my dd's I think is a gift's person. This is interesting.

 

[nerdography]

Receiving Gifts and physical touch is a close second. That explains why I always feel sad and lonely as a child, my family aren't gift givers or affectionate.

 

[Lissa0821]

And are you other ladies cognizant of the love language of your loved ones? Do you make a conscious effort to 'speak' their language?

I think it is a temendous help to your relationship when you can figure out your partners love language and communicate to them. But it can be hard as well because 9 times out of 10, their love language is not naturally yours. So what they may value as expressions of your love for them, may not a really big deal to you to do. Also, if you can figure out how to express their love language, it can sometimes feel one sided if they don't make the effort to return the favor.

I do find figuring out someone love lanuage to be helpful in all relationships in life, from work to freinds to family.

 

[Britt]

Your Scores

• 7 Words of Affirmation
• 9 Quality Time
• 4 Receiving Gifts
• 9 Acts of Service
• 1 Physical Touch

----
Def sounds about right. The two highlighted are important to me in a relationship. I know my love language towards others is gift giving but it's not my main love language. Is that normal? I'll see things when I'm out and it will come to mind "ohhh so and so would like this", I'm always giving things out to others and I get enjoyment from it especially when they like it. I like to sometimes surprise others with little things. I also love quality time spent with people. I really enjoy it. A dinner/outing with a friend/loved one -- laughing, good convo and just enjoying ourselves --- priceless for me.

Re relationships, Acts of Service speak TRUEST for me. I cannot be with someone that is not helpful. The little things a SO does that helps me out speaks volumes to me, laziness or selfishness will upset me and could potentially cause problems. I'd rather have someone thoughtful and helpful that doesn't buy me as many gifts as opposed to someone always buying me something. Leaving all the housework for me or not helping me with our child (if we have one) or helping me out in ways that I need --- that will be a MAJOR PROBLEM.

 

[Britt]

And are you other ladies cognizant of the love language of your loved ones? Do you make a conscious effort to 'speak' their language?

Now that I look back at it, I'd have to say my ex SO would have prob like it if I affirmed him more and built him up more with my words.

 

[lux10023]

yes we are very open an honest only way you can be in a marriage.....i do the love tank or flower----men are interesting dh does the acts of service and gifts all the time so those have been covered and have been a given since day one....and he's beyond physical touch he got that perfected!

he's very affectionate and complimentary...but men sometimes slip into their own lil zone sometimes where their like i got her so we're good...she know i love her--umm no i dont--show me!---live it! breath it!


dont let ya love tank get low or your flower die---sometimes i"ll also say have you watered your flower today/lately ya flower is parched the soil is a bit dry--lmaoo

usually when I'm pmsing I'm in my feelings and need a lil more babying than usual... anyhow i think the love language conv is imperative to most rlp not only with a spouse

Ugh! I love this. Open and honest communication. lol@ low tank

I've seem people who've been married for decades that have not/ cannot have this kind of conversation. It's interesting to think that it's literally a matter of a few sentences to make this clear to each other, but can keep people unhappy for a lifetime when they choose not to.



Good point! Thank you!

 

[janiebaby]

Acts of service

 

[hopeful]

yes we are very open an honest only way you can be in a marriage.....i do the love tank or flower----men are interesting dh does the acts of service and gifts all the time so those have been covered and have been a given since day one....and he's beyond physical touch he got that perfected!

he's very affectionate and complimentary...but men sometimes slip into their own lil zone sometimes where their like i got her so we're good...she know i love her--umm no i dont--show me!---live it! breath it!


dont let ya love tank get low or your flower die---sometimes i"ll also say have you watered your flower today/lately ya flower is parched the soil is a bit dry--lmaoo

usually when I'm pmsing I'm in my feelings and need a lil more babying than usual... anyhow i think the love language conv is imperative to most rlp not only with a spouse

I absolutely love the bolded. Thank you for sharing this.

 

[lux10023]

no problem..

i gave him a whole soliloquy very early on in our courting stages-on how he has a very rare and precious exquisite flower that needs to be taken care of meticulously---
flowers/plants provide oxygen and life without oxygen yadda yadda

its not that dh isn't keen on how to take care of me but i realized with men--sometimes examples and symbols are better than actually telling them baby xyz men comprehend a bit different at times

anyhow it has worked lol and we're good...

ofcourse dh is his own flower--and he communicates with me in that way as well if I'm slippin---lol we are a trip


if I'm being rude to him or itchy he will ask me did i turn into a cactus..or damn my exquisite flower done went cactus on me...lol...


ladies we are all in this thing called rlp with the male species together---lmaoo

I absolutely love the bolded. Thank you for sharing this.

 

[Duchesse]

1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Physical Touch

So basically spend good time with me, speak positive words to me, then let's get it on! Lol..I require the same with my friendships (minus the touch).

I need to amp up my desire for acts of service and gift giving...I need some chores done and some bags bought...

 

[PittiPat]

9 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
9 Physical Touch
2 Acts of Service
1 Receiving Gifts


Words of Affirmation ... who knew?

 

[Southernbella.]

I did mine while back and my top 2 were words of affirmation and quality time. I agree with lux...once you know these things, it makes marriage easier. So much time gets wasted trying to guess what the other person wants.

 

[Akemi]

Physical Touch & Words of Affirmation.

My SO's are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.

 

[madamdot]

I love this book and always encourage people to read it and take the test.

Mine is physical affection and I never expected that to be the case.

 

[sky_blu]

Quality time for me. Words of affirmation for him.