What does he want from me?

[Ayesha81]

Hey ladies

I ended a 4 month relationship due to the fact that this guy was verbally abusive. I am nice to people that I like, (now I know not to be too nice) and he basically took that for granted. So he would talk to me anyway, he never had anything good to say about me. He put me down any chance that he could get for no reason. It was really bad, to this day, it has negative effects on me. I guess he thought I would always be around to put up with him.

So l told him some heated words that put him to shame, and I know he never expected that coming from me. He got so quiet and sounded like a crybaby. He was saying what is everybody going to think when they know what I said to him and how Im lucky he didnt tell his sister (like Im supposed to be scared)the thing is they dont know the ass he really is. A few months later he starts texting me and emailing me all these positive, sweet messages. Everybody knows him as this quiet and genuine guy who is usually in the house and doesn't date much. So I didn't feel that I would have to have my guards up with him. But why did he act like such an ******* with me. Now I am confused, cause he was never nice to me before. He always made it seem like I needed him more than he needs me. So what does he want? And should I reply? Im also having this guilt trip because of the mean things I said to him. Thanks ladies.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

He's playing mind games.

Abuse is like a cycle. The abuser starts off nice, then he slowly progresses to abuse and you don't realize how you got there, when you realize you are being abused you call it off or attempt to call it off. The abuser apologizes or starts acting nice again, causing doubts in your mind. Then the cycle starts again when you get back with the abuser.

 

[winterinatl]

RUN!!

It's a trick!

Don't call him to see what he wants. He wants another chance, he doesn't deserve it. He won't change, he showed you just how he was, period. And I am certain b/c of the fact he used scare tactics to try and get you to feel badly ...talking about how was his family going to feel about you after they found out what you said to him...who cares!! He is manipulative and working his magic please please don't go back there.

Please do not ever let a man put you down, ever. :Rose:

 

[Bint Yusef]

I agree with the other ladies. Do not respond to his communication. You should want no parts of anybody who could ever treat you like that and it wasnt like it was a mistake, he was constantly being a jerk to you. He showed you his true colors already. When somebody shows you who they really are BELIEVE THEM.

 

[MsWhite]

Don't be bothered with him or answer his calls or text. You should never let anyone put you down. Or treat you for less of the woman you are. Always date a man who will treat you better than you treat yourself and if he can't do that then it time for you to move on. Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse when you look at the pyscological effects it can have on a person. You could do a lot better and never let the quiet ones fool you.

 

[Mahalialee4]

Yeah...and he is not concerned about "what his family and YOUR FAMILY" think when they know how HE TREATED YOU! He is one of those "latent abusers"...you know, like the church types that beat behind closed doors while they put on this "nice guy front" in the public. He knows he cannot get you back with any of the nasty words so he is using the same SWEET TACTICS he is using on the people who think so great of him cause they do not know the other side...to suck you in....and then TRUST ME, he will PUNISH YOU if you go back for having the nerve to ever walk away from him. sooner or later he will make you pay. Also, if you go back, if will provide the credibility HE NEEDS to discredit anything you have said or will say about him if you go back, as in "AFTER ALL IF HE WAS SO BAD, WHY DID YOU GO BACK?"and guess what he will say if you go back, stuff happens and you tell people, he did this before and I went back and now he did this to me...He will tell them and you that you are "CRAZY", that you are stalking him after he broke up with you because you are unstable , and you begged him to take you back blah blah blah.....

So you have had a little taste of what he is like, it is your decision to go back for more and have him eat you for lunch! Really sorry to hear what happened to you and that you are going through the same confusion anyone who has been abused goes through. Like the other poster said....it is part of the cycle pattern of an ABUSER! bonjour

 

[frizzy]

Please let him be the last guy you take up with, again. He doesn't mean you any good. Who knows, he might want to "pay you back" for making him look and feel like a fool. You can do much better!

 

[caribeandiva]

Yeah...and he is not concerned about "what his family and YOUR FAMILY" think when they know how HE TREATED YOU! He is one of those "latent abusers"...you know, like the church types that beat behind closed doors while they put on this "nice guy front" in the public. He knows he cannot get you back with any of the nasty words so he is using the same SWEET TACTICS he is using on the people who think so great of him cause they do not know the other side...to suck you in....and then TRUST ME, he will PUNISH YOU if you go back for having the nerve to ever walk away from him. sooner or later he will make you pay. Also, if you go back, if will provide the credibility HE NEEDS to discredit anything you have said or will say about him if you go back, as in "AFTER ALL IF HE WAS SO BAD, WHY DID YOU GO BACK?"and guess what he will say if you go back, stuff happens and you tell people, he did this before and I went back and now he did this to me...He will tell them and you that you are "CRAZY", that you are stalking him after he broke up with you because you are unstable , and you begged him to take you back blah blah blah.....

So you have had a little taste of what he is like, it is your decision to go back for more and have him eat you for lunch! Really sorry to hear what happened to you and that you are going through the same confusion anyone who has been abused goes through. Like the other poster said....it is part of the cycle pattern of an ABUSER! bonjour

i agree with everything she said. Leave him alone. Change your number if you have to.

 

[JFemme]

He's playing mind games.

Abuse is like a cycle. The abuser starts off nice, then he slowly progresses to abuse and you don't realize how you got there, when you realize you are being abused you call it off or attempt to call it off. The abuser apologizes or starts acting nice again, causing doubts in your mind. Then the cycle starts again when you get back with the abuser.

ditto^^^^^^^
please stop all communication with this fellow. stat.

 

[CandiceC]

I agree with the other ladies. He's trying to reel you back in. Please don't return his calls.