What do you say to someone who's in an open relationship...

[zzirvingj]

...who seems to be doing themself an injustice by being in one?

I say that because I recently had a person admit to me that they were in one, but at the same time they basically stated they wouldn't be in one if they could find a good partner that would actually commit. Hearing this makes me sad for the person

I feel as if they could be missing out spending time and emotions on a person that doesn't want the same thing(s) they want. Considering that this person doesn't have children (he already does though) and is supposedly marriage-minded, I feel like time is not to be wasted.

 

[BackToMyRoots]

You can't want more for a person than they want for themselves.

 

[Prudent1]

Sounds like they are settling... Like they are in that 'love the one you're with' mindset. It is often disguised as 'open', FWB, etc. Some ppl really are disengaged in the relationship arena but for most it is settling IMO.

"You can't want more for a person than they want for themselves."
^^^ So true...erplexed

 

[dlewis]

I don't say anything. Alot of women around here believe having a piece of man is better than having no man at all. Unless that person comes to me and expresses a desire for something different I keep my mouth shut. I've learned you can do all the talking and encouraging in the world and the person will continue to do just what they've been gdoing until they decide to change.

 

[chelseatiara]

i ask them what is an open relationship. no explanation has really given me any reason to not give them the side eye.

 

[ThickHair]

...who seems to be doing themself an injustice by being in one?

I say that because I recently had a person admit to me that they were in one, but at the same time they basically stated they wouldn't be in one if they could find a good partner that would actually commit. Hearing this makes me sad for the person

What you have described is not an open relationship. The situation you have described is one person it letting the other person cheat.

I am not in an open relationship but the following is how I interpret it to mean. 2 people agree to see other folks while still maintaining their relationship with one another. They BOTH want to be with other people and each other. They have an understanding and they RESPECT each other's feelings and it isn't flaunted out in the open. It is more like a partnership.

The person you know, wants a monogamous relationship and it settling.

BTW I am not down for an open relationship for myself but it it WORKS for other's then hey. It is not working for the person you know.

 

[zzirvingj]

What you have described is not an open relationship. The situation you have described is one person it letting the other person cheat.

I am not in an open relationship but the following is how I interpret it to mean. 2 people agree to see other folks while still maintaining their relationship with one another. They BOTH want to be with other people and each other. They have an understanding and they RESPECT each other's feelings and it isn't flaunted out in the open. It is more like a partnership.

The person you know, wants a monogamous relationship and it settling.

BTW I am not down for an open relationship for myself but it it WORKS for other's then hey. It is not working for the person you know.

I agree with the bolded.

 

[pisceschica]

They chose that life. People only treat you how you allow them. No one has to accept behavior like this in a relationship. I don't feel sorry for people who continue to stay in a relationship when they know their spouse is a habitual cheater. I definitely wouldn't feel sorry for someone who chooses an open relationship just to keep the other person around.

It seems like people would rather be in a miserable unfulfilling relationship just to say they have someone instead of being happy on their own and having the patience to wait for someone that will treat them in a way that is more acceptable to them.

 

[aribell]

If they said that they wouldn't be in an open relationship if they could find someone that would actually commit, I'd probably say that all the time that they're spending with someone that they know isn't what they want could be invested in getting out there and finding someone that does want what they want.

 

[abcd09]

They chose that life. People only treat you how you allow them. No one has to accept behavior like this in a relationship. I don't feel sorry for people who continue to stay in a relationship when they know their spouse is a habitual cheater. I definitely wouldn't feel sorry for someone who chooses an open relationship just to keep the other person around.

It seems like people would rather be in a miserable unfulfilling relationship just to say they have someone instead of being happy on their own and having the patience to wait for someone that will treat them in a way that is more acceptable to them.

People will treat you how they want to treat you.

I feel bad more the person because they have some self esteem issues, and it never works to belittle or judge a person with low self esteem. A little empathy never hurt anyone. Maybe if you explain to them that they have different needs, and get to their feelings about who they are and what they think about themselves and not just the relationship alone, it may open their minds to something.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

there are a lot of people in open relationships...some just don't know that their in one lolol...

 

[ebonylocs]

there are a lot of people in open relationships...some just don't know that their in one lolol...

You can't "not know" that you are in an open relationship. The definition of an open relationship is that both parties agree that they will both see other people.

What you've described is cheating.

 

[pisceschica]

People will treat you how they want to treat you.

I feel bad more the person because they have some self esteem issues, and it never works to belittle or judge a person with low self esteem. A little empathy never hurt anyone. Maybe if you explain to them that they have different needs, and get to their feelings about who they are and what they think about themselves and not just the relationship alone, it may open their minds to something.

To an extent, if they care about you they may change especially if you behave in a way that lets them know you are serious. People are capable of changing their behavior.

I mean if you let a guy walk all over you then he will. But if you let him know you're not going to stand for it anymore he may change his behavior or the relationship will be terminated by you.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

You can't "not know" that you are in an open relationship. The definition of an open relationship is that both parties agree that they will both see other people.

What you've described is cheating.

i know the definition of an open relationship. i don't need you to clarify what i said. like i said before and i'll say it again, most people don't know that their in one....

you got ur opinion, i got mines.

 

[texasqt]

What do you say to someone who's in an open relationship -

"Well, who else are you dating?" That's what I would say or ask.

If it's open then both people need to be "dating" and not just one person dating while the other is waiting. I had to look at Monique (comedian/actress/host) sideways when she professed to the world that she was in an open marriage. Ok, so we now know he's out dating whomever, what about her? Who is she dating if it's "open"? If she isn't dating then it isn't open and she's given him/her permission to cheat while she sits and hope he doesn't find anyone better and leave. It's only open if it's open on both ends.

AND you don't start out in a commitment relationship and then decide you want it open. A man who asks for that is basically saying I'm breaking up with you but I want to keep you around in case this other chick doesn't work out.

Encourage her to date others and gently remind her that an open relationship is not and probably never will be a committed relationship.

 

[Minx]

In the situation you described?

You smile and politely say (with love), "Raise your standards" and/or "Get a backbone."

Minx

 

[Zuleika]

i know the definition of an open relationship. i don't need you to clarify what i said. like i said before and i'll say it again, most people don't know that their in one....

you got ur opinion, i got mines.

 

[daydreem2876]

I agree with dlewis... Sometimes you have to let grown folks be grown. You can't tell/suggest/encourage them to do what they don't want to do.