What do I say to this dude that I don't want?

[Optimus_Prime]

I have a friend from school who decided to make a declaration of love on the last day of finals. He started rambling on: "I've never met anyone like you," "I think about you all the time," "my feelings just kept growing stronger"
He said all of this in the subway within earshot of all these strangers. It embarrassed the sh!t out of me and first I wanted to say , but he wouldn't shut up, and he wouldn't get on his train when it came (we take different lines and his came first). Thank God mine eventually came and I got on. He looked all sad that I was going home (like I should just stand in the crowded *** subway uncomfortably listening to him all night) and I wanted to say
Anywho, he gave me a cute swiss watch earlier that day and at first I didn't want to take it (I gave him a christmas card and a cupcake last week, but I give everyone baked goods and a card). I took the watch eventually, said thanks and put it in my school bag. I'm not giving it back, either. I'm just that kind of girl *kanyeshrug*
So what do I say so that things don't become too uncomfortable between us, while still making it clear the I HAVE NO INTEREST, WHATSOEVER, IN DATING HIM. EVER.

 

[varaneka]

hmmm

tell himmmmm that you're sorry he got the wrong idea but you just don't feel the same way

try to be nice about it bc I've met some psycho ppl who tried to act like I invited their advances and they'd stand outside my workplace till I got off trying to figure out where I lived smh

or you could say you're not interested in men lol

 

[awhyley]

GIVE BACK THE WATCH!!! He's gonna think there's hope if you're accepting his gifts; so don't.
You're gonna have to give him the "Let's just be friends" speech and it may just be best if you do it in a semi-private/public place.

 

[kandake]

I think you should give the watch back. And when you do it, explain that you can't accept the gift... yada yada... you don't want to give the wrong impression... yada yada... you appreciate his friendship and hope you can remain friends....

 

[Optimus_Prime]

GIVE BACK THE WATCH!!! He's gonna think there's hope if you're accepting his gifts; so don't.
You're gonna have to give him the "Let's just be friends" speech and it may just be best if you do it in a semi-private/public place.

I think you should give the watch back. And when you do it, explain that you can't accept the gift... yada yada... you don't want to give the wrong impression... yada yada... you appreciate his friendship and hope you can remain friends....

But I'm sayin', though. The watch is cute...

and it's mine now

I think I'll take creolesugar's advice and send a text message that says I only like him as a friend, no hard feelings.

 

[kandake]

^^^^ I would be pissed if someone text me something like that. But I guess its a sign of the times. I hope his feelings aren't too hurt

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

accepting this gift isn't right when you don't like him...and to send via a text...its just rude...when he spoke of his feelings at that time you should've stated yours or at least go back the next day and let him know I thought about all the information you told me...however I have come to the conclusion that I do not feel the same...Its not right for me to accept your gift if I am not feeling the same about you...however feel free to keep the cupcake!

 

[Oasis]

Personally, I'd let him know I wasn't interested and enjoy my cute lil Swiss watch.

Ol boy didn't say you should only accept if you had feelings for him and whatnot. He knew there was a chance he'd be rejected/denied and he still gave it to you.

I bet next time he'll wait until he's 100% the girl is into him before giving fancy gifts. This is a lesson he needs to learn.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

^^^^ I would be pissed if someone text me something like that. But I guess its a sign of the times. I hope his feelings aren't too hurt

So do I, but his feelings are not my responsibility. I included in the text that I hope that we remain friends, although not romantic ones.

accepting this gift isn't right when you don't like him...and to send via a text...its just rude
...when he spoke of his feelings at that time you should've stated yours I don't have any feelings for him. I would have answered promptly but we were standing on a crowded nyc subway platform complete with crazy, singing panhandler.or at least go back the next day School eh done!and let him know I thought about all the information you told me...however I have come to the conclusion that I do not feel the same...Its not right for me to accept your gift if I am not feeling the same about you...however feel free to keep the cupcake!

He decided to pour his "heart" out so to speak, hours after the watch was given.

Personally, I'd let him know I wasn't interested and enjoy my cute lil Swiss watch. I already opened the packaging. He can't get a refund, and he can't wear it himself (it has a pink face with little diamontique-y things.)

Ol boy didn't say you should only accept if you had feelings for him and whatnot. He knew there was a chance he'd be rejected/denied and he still gave it to you.

I bet next time he'll wait until he's 100% the girl is into him before giving fancy gifts. This is a lesson he needs to learn.

That's the thing. I gave NO such impression. We hang out usually along w/ two other guys from our very small department. Worst comes to worst, I'll say there's no chance cause I'z homosexyall.

 

[Eritreladiee]

If I wanted to send a clear message that I wasn't interested, I'd return the watch. I'd let him know that I considered the feelings he expressed and concluded that it wouldn't make sense to accept such a gift. No need for an awkward speech, because the message should've been sent with that gesture.

If the watch is really that cute, you could always purchase it yourself. A swatch isn't high-end and retails quite reasonably.

Anyways, if you're adamant about keeping it, at least make sure to enjoy it because karma's a *****.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

The only reason why I say let him know that you are returning the gift is to find out what was the impression that he gave you the gift "UNDER"...I mean more often times than not he is going to let you keep the gift but at least you were making it clear that you don't feell the same...

Here's the double standard in my book about how "Women" do men...He spoke of his feelings to you and he was even doing it in front of people and look at the risk he took just to show you he liked you (whether it was going to work or not...)...you have to admire his will...and then you sent him a TEXT...of all things to do...instead of picking up the phone and calling him or waiting for the next time to see him.....JMO...the right thing to have done was told him verbally because texting is impersonal and insensitive...whether female/male...it doesn not matter. There's a right way of doing things...we treat others how we want to be treated...no if ands or buts about it...I would say take people feelings into consideration especially if its a hang out friend thats really cool and not worth having uncomfortable feelings with because you truly enjoy their company...

 

[tiara76]

i have had issues like this for years and I have been weary of taking gifts from guys from time to time, however as I have gotten older I have learned to communicate myself much better to guys and if a guy gives me a gift I will take it

the last guy who was so into me I let him know that I didn't have feelings for him that way and that there was no attraction levels...he called one day and said he had a few gifts for me and wanted to bring them by....at first i was gonna tell him no, but I told him to bring them by...when he came they were really nice and i told him i appreciated them....i also explained to him that nice gestures and gifts can make people feel "good", however they don't necessarily generate attraction or feelings of wanting to be with somebody...I told him I appreciated the gifts and they did make me feel good because I like gifts, however they didn't change the way I felt about him...even if his intentions were to try to sway me or get me to be into him...being direct and honest with him about how i felt and breaking down motives and intentions behind gift giving he was cool.....I told him if he is feeling me then he can express those feelings...if he wants to give me gifts he can do that too.....do it without expectations....were cool now

people do appreciate honesty and he thanked me for allowing him to express his feelings and not make him feel rejected....said it made him more confident in himself

 

[Optimus_Prime]

If I wanted to send a clear message that I wasn't interested, I'd return the watch. I'd let him know that I considered the feelings he expressed and concluded that it wouldn't make sense to accept such a gift. No need for an awkward speech, because the message should've been sent with that gesture.

If the watch is really that cute, you could always purchase it yourself.But, I won't. A swatch isn't high-end and retails quite reasonably.Exactly, but I think I said swiss watch, and you said swatch?

Anyways, if you're adamant about keeping it, at least make sure to enjoy it because karma's a *****.

Are you two relatives or otherwise acquainted? Seriously?

Really?

The only reason why I say let him know that you are returning the gift is to find out what was the impression that he gave you the gift "UNDER"...I mean more often times than not he is going to let you keep the gift but at least you were making it clear that you don't feell the same...

Here's the double standard in my book about how "Women" do men...He spoke of his feelings to you and he was even doing it in front of people and look at the risk he took just to show you he liked you (whether it was going to work or not...)...you have to admire his will Not really. I guess I'm just not of the "give a guy a chance" "A+ for effort" "men are visual creatures and delicate flowers" school of thought

...and then you sent him a TEXT...of all things to do...instead of picking up the phone and calling him or waiting for the next time to see him
we have spoken on the phone maybe 25 minutes total in two years. We have exchanged maybe 6-8 texts in that time. Almost all of them academic, as in:
did you do homework#5 for Prof such n' such.
Not yet.
Me neither, or I did parts 1, 2, 4, but I couldn't get part 3.
Again, I have to wonder at the courtesies that I supposedly owe this young man......JMO...the right thing to have done was told him verbally because texting is impersonal and insensitive...whether female/male...it doesn not matter. There's a right way of doing things...we treat others how we want to be treated
Maybe that's the thing. I wouldn't do any of that stuff especially with someone who shows no romantic interest in me. I guess WE as women are given books like "he's just not that into you," but men I guess men shouldn't have to worry about such considerations. I'm an old world chauvinist in a way, so I would only go out with a guy that asked me out first (and to whom I was mutually attracted)....no if ands or buts about it...I would say take people feelings into consideration especially if its a hang out friend thats really cool and not worth having uncomfortable feelings with because you truly enjoy their company...

Truth is, I can get along with most guys, but I prefer my female hang out friends, because black women are my favorite/natural peer group. They're in different departments, but we did schedule our classes for the upcoming semester so that we could do gen ed, and math minor stuff together. I've even discussed that with my guy friends from my dept where I am the only black woman (i.e. how much I miss my (girl)friends while we couldn't be in the same classes).

i have had issues like this for years and I have been weary of taking gifts from guys from time to time, however as I have gotten older I have learned to communicate myself much better to guys and if a guy gives me a gift I will take it

the last guy who was so into me I let him know that I didn't have feelings for him that way and that there was no attraction levels...he called one day and said he had a few gifts for me and wanted to bring them by....at first i was gonna tell him no, but I told him to bring them by...when he came they were really nice and i told him i appreciated them....i also explained to him that nice gestures and gifts can make people feel "good", however they don't necessarily generate attraction or feelings of wanting to be with somebody...I told him I appreciated the gifts and they did make me feel good because I like gifts, however they didn't change the way I felt about him...even if his intentions were to try to sway me or get me to be into him...being direct and honest with him about how i felt and breaking down motives and intentions behind gift giving he was cool.....I told him if he is feeling me then he can express those feelings...if he wants to give me gifts he can do that too.....do it without expectations....were cool now

people do appreciate honesty and he thanked me for allowing him to express his feelings and not make him feel rejected....said it made him more confident in himself

I agree.
Thank you for your reponse.

 

[princessnad]

I say tell him in person but keep the gift. It is a GIFT afterall.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

keeping the gift is kinda trife and immature. and to be quite honest...all of the drama, discomfort, and everything that follows with keeping the gift...just know that you brought it on yourself by not being a woman about it and returning it. but i wish you luck!

 

[princessnad]

keeping the gift is kinda trife and immature. and to be quite honest...all of the drama, discomfort, and everything that follows with keeping the gift...just know that you brought it on yourself by not being a woman about it and returning it. but i wish you luck!

I don't see how it's trife/ immature to accept a gift when she gave him and other people gifts too. He just gave a better gift.

 

[OhmyKimB]

I have a customer like that he won't leave me alone. He gave me a card declaring his love for me.... I dunno how to make him go away. I tried to be nice but that's part of my job. I'm leaving but I'm still worried about being in my work area from time to time. I mean how many times do you turn someone down or ingore them before they get the message?